Let’s talk about what all of us face as writers, all the time: disappointing reactions to our work. I'm talking about more than just rejections from agents or publishers. I mean ALL of it—the negative feedback from people who read our work as we’re writing it. The negative reviews that come in after it’s published. And yes, the rejections that come as we’re pitching it.
All over the internet, you'll find admonishments to aspiring authors and authors to have thick skin, reminders that rejection is part of the process. And it IS. Rejection and negative feedback are baked into the process at ALL stages of being writer, which is why, today, I wanted to do a deep dive into how to actually deal with it, psychologically.
Not “let it roll off” or “cultivate thick skin,” because honestly, those have never worked for me.
How do we handle all the disappointing responses to our work when we are thin-skinned writers who will always keep putting our work out there, because we love it, and we love the work and connecting with people and aren’t going to give up our dream?
THAT’S what I want to talk about today.
• Why "having thick skin" is overrated advice
• The difference between feedback that matters and feedback you can ignore
• How to tell if a critique actually has something legitimate in it (and what to do if it does)
• The cost of every creative choice
• The bigger reason we write books in the first place
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Happy writing! — Mary
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RESOURCES:
+ Learn my Four Notebooks Method & get your free template:
http://bit.ly/3wGmMTc
+ A Novel in 52 Prompts - A scene-by-scene blueprint for writing your novel:
https://www.thebookincubator.com/novel-in-52-prompts
+ Ready to write your dream book? Apply for The Book Incubator in just 5 minutes with no obligation to enroll and get my free 60-minute training HOW TO WRITE YOUR DREAM BOOK WITH A FULL-TIME JOB (AND A LIFE):
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Hi, I'm Mary!
I'm the author of the novels When You Read This (Indie Next Pick and “Best Book of 2019” by Good Housekeeping), Privilege (Today.com “Best Summer Read”), and Palm Beach (New York Post “Best Book of 2021” and “like a sandy beach, equal parts beautiful and uncomfortable” according to the Associated Press). My memoir, You Might Feel A Little Pressure, was released by Third Rail Press in 2025.
My books have been published in 13 countries, and I've written for the New York Times, The Atlantic, Slate, and more. I founded an MFA-alternative, The Book Incubator, which has now helped hundreds of writers finish their books over 12 months and continues supporting them through publication (yes, forever!).
When I’m not writing, I’m probably building a fort with my 7-year-old son Finn or bathing with an overpriced Lush bath bomb. I live in Dallas, where I spend my free time trying to domesticate a stubborn tabby and shamelessly watching reality TV.
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