Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

The Friendship Guilt Spiral


Listen Later

Recently, I left a text message from a friend unanswered for ten days.

It’s not something I’m proud of. All I needed to do was respond to this friend, but the more time that passed, the more it felt like a bigger response was needed.

For ten days, I woke up, knowing I needed to respond to this text message, feeling worse and worse. Then, yesterday, I told myself, if there is one thing I do today, it is respond to this text message, because I can’t carry this guilt on my shoulders anymore.

Today’s episode is about the phenomenon of the friendship guilt spiral. It happens when we don’t act in the way we think we should act, and it turns into an enormous weight we carry. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do have some tips for dealing with it.

Most important is to remember that we are all human, and friendship guilt spirals happen! Give yourself some grace. Your friend will probably understand.


In this episode you’ll hear about:

  • The friendship guilt spiral: when we don’t act the way we think we should to a friend which results in escalating feelings of guilt 
  • Special occasion fails – for example, when I tried to make up for missing my friend’s wedding by planning a celebration, which never materialized
  • Pressure to be the "perfect friend" and the guilt that comes with not meeting those expectations
  • How acknowledging and addressing the guilt (and also starting small!) can keep it from escalating out of control


Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually TakesBy Alex Alexander

  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9

4.9

55 ratings


More shows like Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

View all
The One You Feed by Eric Zimmer

The One You Feed

2,511 Listeners

Happier with Gretchen Rubin by Gretchen Rubin / The Onward Project

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

12,910 Listeners

10% Happier with Dan Harris by 10% Happier

10% Happier with Dan Harris

12,642 Listeners

Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast by Clutterbug

Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast

2,010 Listeners

The Lazy Genius Podcast by Kendra, The Lazy Genius

The Lazy Genius Podcast

6,518 Listeners

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel by Esther Perel Global Media

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

14,934 Listeners

Oprah's Super Soul by Oprah

Oprah's Super Soul

31,919 Listeners

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee by Dr Rangan Chatterjee: GP & Author

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

3,746 Listeners

On Purpose with Jay Shetty by iHeartPodcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

26,953 Listeners

Let's Get Dressed by Liv Perez

Let's Get Dressed

279 Listeners

Friend Forward by Danielle Bayard Jackson -- Female Friendship Expert

Friend Forward

265 Listeners

IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson by Higher Ground

IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson

12,954 Listeners

We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle and Audacy

We Can Do Hard Things

41,400 Listeners

The Mel Robbins Podcast by Mel Robbins

The Mel Robbins Podcast

19,532 Listeners

Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari by Dear Media

Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari

3,422 Listeners