Ian is “dead.” Or kidnapped. Or at a pegging convention. So naturally we call the KKK to ask how they keep their sheets so white, call the Black Panthers because Stroke found out he’s 1% black, and then pivot into Steak & Blowjob Day marketing strategy. 

Meanwhile, Michael Jordan is trending for touching a kid at the Daytona 500, scientists are tracking farts with Smart Underwear, Viagra might save your heart, and a Swiss church installed hologram AI Jesus for confessions. 

Also: sex toy parties, cooter festivals, frozen tortoises, and the worst Valentine’s Day movie ever made. 

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