The Grapple

The dragon lords did gather.. authoritarian their intent 

Shitting out excuses.. as out Flanno went  

While the kings of men and women bask upon their thrones

Gazing afar to a land of mist, shadow, and royal bones

For it is in England the claim of supremacy shall be staked

A super duper investment.. as the turf underfoot doth quake..

*********************

Tis the winter of sporting discontent, and late is the hour of our grappling this week.

A new power is rising.. and it sure as shit isn't coming from head office of St George Illawarra. The dragons bosses have given a blueprint in masterful mismanagement and have got the whole thing all sides of arse up. Flanna-gone smells a bit like a festering Ennis, and the belatedly announced Young replacement has stopped short of an AI generated image of himself as the lord and saviour in his mission to have the fire breathers soaring once more. Where was the NRL on the North Korea style press conference anyway? No one knows.

England is in the crosshairs and reasonable efforts to restrict training contact to less than 100 minutes for men and 85 for women are rightly discussed as thresholds unlikely to already be widely met (and news that broke months ago for clubs) - another hat tip on actioning without action on that front.

Rugby league and rugby union are enemies according to many ex players and media voices, it's a rhetoric with the same amount of damage potential as the News Corp journos mission to unseat as many coaches as possible as quickly as they can. Lomax is forcing his way into wallaby conversations, but sure guys, let's talk about the insult to both codes that he and fellow code hoppers supposedly represent. And for the love of mercy, wont someone cough up and save Moana?

One of our heroes errantly fancies himself as a master tipper, the other confuses Super rugby franchises, but both speak with passion and insight that you're unlikely to have served up at the cheap buffets of mainstream press.

So sizzle away grapplers, your fearless weekly smackdown shows no signs of faltering, and the crosshairs will always find their mark.

Love. Live. Announce your coach. Grapple.

The QLD Reds wind back the clock

The Wahs deliver an ominous shock 

Gout and Lachy signal a golden era ahead..

And can Flanno put the doubters to bed?

Through the trials, tests and tribulations of life, through, natural disaster, acts of god and existential crisis, our heroes stand tall as bastians of high moral, high class, high culture and a smidge of toilet humour.The questions of who controls the news cycle, who controls the rule and does anyone control a raging bull are raised.Does our most valuable sporting franchise have a thin skin and should they just point to the scoreboard( or trophy) ? Is the best way to get a million dollars, to play like you're worth a million dollars? Crazy thought but maybe Drinky builds a case for it.

So many ambushes this year we can rename the NRL Pearl Harbour. Who does a job this week? One thing Rugby League teams have never been short of is access to hookers, but that's exactly where the Broncos find themselves. From an embarrassment of riches in the number 9 to an SOS going out to legendary rakes of years bygone.

Will Flanno reignite the Dragons to the glory of yesteryear, will the 2026 Tigers be too good at Campbeltown, will Zac continue to improve in Super Rugby and have our heroes really cracked the code of Existence. We are actually living in a simulation. Ergo, we continue taking the blue pill.....or do we dare with the red one......What would a Grappler do......Like it ..share it ..... subscribe to it... 

-WARNING: EPISODE CUT SLIGHTLY SHORT BY TECHNICAL MUMBO JUMBO WELL BEYOND THE FORCE POWERS OF OUR JEDI OPERATIVES-

The QLD Reds wind back the clock

The Wahs deliver an ominous shock

Gout and Lachy signal a golden era ahead..

And can Flanno put the doubters to bed?

Through the trials, tests and tribulations of life, through, natural disaster, acts of god and existential crisis, our heroes stand tall as bastians of high moral, high class, high culture and a smidge of toilet humour.

The questions of who controls the news cycle, who controls the rule and does anyone control a raging bull are raised.

Does our most valuable sporting franchise have a thin skin and should they just point to the scoreboard( or trophy) ?

Is the best way to get a million dollars, to play like you're worth a million dollars? Crazy thought but maybe Drinky builds a case for it.

So many ambushes this year we can rename the NRL Pearl Harbour.

Who does a job this week?

One thing Rugby League teams have never been short of is access to hookers, but that's exactly where the Broncos find themselves. From an embarrassment of riches in the number 9 to an SOS going out to legendary rakes of years bygone.

Will Flanno reignite the Dragons to the glory of yesteryear, will the 2026 Tigers be too good at Campbeltown, will Zac continue to improve in Super Rugby and have our heroes really cracked the code of Existence. We are actually living in a simulation.

Ergo, we continue taking the blue pill.....or do we dare with the red one......

What would a Grappler do......

Like it ..share it ..... subscribe to it...

Our heroes emerge from a two week Easter hiatus like a pair of cracked Easter eggs being devoured by bears with headaches and largely vacant playing rosters; taking derisive aim at everything from tackles to whistles and showing about as much quarter as a late night truth social post.

On the brighter side of life, our pair of pythons go full Monty on expansion insight for the NRL, offering more takeaways (Grap and go's) than Southern Florida around how the game probably won't end up being broader than the map in Game of Thrones, and might just be approaching a very steep cliff. Does local infrastructure support another team in SEQ? Do players exist to support 20 teams? The brass are running evasive manoeuvres that might have even saved the Pentagon a few bucks on these queries, as the most devious of coaches slips away from the fire of a thousand Targaryen Dragons in the NRL ranks. 

AFL is summarised with far more relish than an overpriced brioche Angus beef burger on game day at the Gabba, as the lions gather in a less and less interested Adelaide and the suns look to prove their genuine mettle in the shadows of a terrifying Swan. Rugbys vague wording around the Giteau law makes a shadowy appearance, as does a wistful back and forth over the games Mount Rushmore across eras, which leads to another history channel style segment of the same name in rugby league.

If fox sports could get into its program in less than 3 minutes we'd all be happier, and it might also be a tidy earner for Matt Nable to begin voicing intro sequences to HBO programs, as he adds a bit of Donkey energy to the expression 'overly long package.'

While we're at it, have a think about the sporting events you'd go to over any other, and we might even see you there. It'll be far more positive, we assure you.

Welcome back heroes. Eat, pray, grapple.

Star players dropping like flies, why would you be a coach?
PVL reckons its all on the players, now the refs seem beyond reproach? 
The Queensland Teams are challenged to show some starch…
For two of their coaches we say “ beware the ides of March”.....

Et Tu Brute? Well No Jules, not really....and don't call us brutes.

Far from being brutes, our heroes this week show the slightest whiff of culture that isn't derived from The Simpsons, South Park, Marvel or Star Wars. Shakespeare in fact is the source of musing this week as the vultures circle the not yet deceased carcasses of several NRL coaches. But are they really in trouble? Or are their names simply being tossed up as conversation filler on punditry shows, led by materially compromised panellists, in need of slapping’s of putty to cram between ads and prolonged narrated montages?

Only time will tell but no death riding from the two pillars of integrity this week. 

In a turn up for the books, the show is led out of the barriers by Rugby and the absolute spectacle that is the 6 Nations. The seemingly long bow, bereft of any glimpses in the mirror, drawn by a former All Black great, and the enduring charge of Le Bleu.

The Rise of The Tillies runs a close second and arguments abound as accusations are cast like Redford in A River Runs through it  and rebutted  like a Rafa base line forehand at Roland Garros. 

Then the nitty gritty gets worked over like all the great franchises with sequels- 

 Xerri v Gus I,  Gordy v Reyno III, Gordy v Madge VII, Gordy v Broncos XXVI, Grapple v PVL CVII, and Grapple v the Refs MMCLXXXV.

When the 15th of March rolls around each year the 14th says "Beware the ides of The Grapple"

Sage advice 14.

Oh where, oh where could our heroes be?

Oh where, oh where could they be?

Scanning the fields and domes of sporting prowess

And sharing all that they see.

From Broncos besieged and coaches at ends to justify their means,

To grand designs and hastily issued fines, and a very rugby league looking Wallabies.

Oh where, you ask, could they turn their eyes, to view the truth of the world?

Channel 7 perhaps, for a current affairs style take, or Fox, for a bucket of hurl.

A national side bemoaning a draw as though a 10 nil defeat,

and a promise of riches for all in the stands, but noone watching TV.

From Vegas to Leicnhardt, Lang Park to Bathurst, and the HQ of the ARU

If it stinks and looks like a pile of terd, our heroes will label it poo.

To Grapple, is to live.

The changing of seasons is not lost on our courageous heroes this week.

As the spark of summer subsides, and the leaves begin to brown on the autumn trees, the often common bedfellows of Rugby League and Poetry  assume their natural and more favoured positions of front and centre in the cultural zeitgeist.

Both lionhearted champions wax hysterical on the court cases of Lomax. He really should have had Ivan represent him. 

Ryan Matterson seemingly had Ultron, The Entity and Hal 9000 pushing his wears to a southern counterpart, all unbeknownst to him. And just like Ethan Hunt he managed to put the back inot the submarine and tell the AI Bots a few words about sex and travel. 

Discussed the knocking of centuries off many less balls, both on the sub continent and in Albion, the knocking of a certain coach who only 5 months ago broke a two decade premiership drought, the knocking out of a Melbourne front rower and the subsequent ban, the knocking of Bellamy putting Sua to fullback and the subsequent apology and retraction, the knocking of the vegas on field performance but the praising of all things off the field (aside from the final resting place of the games on Fox 2 in the USA Or was it Fox 8?), the knocking of the choice of apparel in the new Channel 7 Footy Show promo photos (and the duds wearing the apparel too) and the knocking of Australia's second best ever leggie. Get a grip Stu.

Joel tells Johnny he's gone too far and threatens to jump across the Mic, but that part was unfortunately lost to the cutting room floor.

All Grappling is done under the strict supervision of a Welsh wrestling coach. 

Life is enough of a Grapple these days. 

As we spiral headlong into a cultural collision course with Las Vegas and its Allegiant Stadium…curiously  dubbed the Death Star…. Our heroes lifelong quest to uncover the Sith, who are really running the NRL , is realised. And you’ll be shocked who Darth Jar Jar actually is. 

This explosive revelation is made all the more real when we exclusively reveal the lofty heights which Emperor Palpatine….cough.. I mean PVL believes the broadcast reach will be in PNG some 20 years in the futire!  We also can tell you the preferred play the ball speed for 2026….cue the 6 again sound FX.

We also dub Ivan and Nathan Cleary the Neo and Morphius of the NRL after cracking the Judiciary Matrix….. or are the Daniel Caffey and Jo Gallowy…. You decide, but the upshot is Nathan did not order the Code Red, and hence is free to play against the Donkeys Round 1.

Whilst League in America is our focus this week, Craig Tiley’s defection to Flushing Queens to join the Nanny named  Fran does not go unnoticed. For once the Sepo’s are looking Down Under to improve sports entertainment. Our two experts still need convincing he’ll have as big an impact as a suave English single dad, but only time will tell. (Oh Mr Sheffield!)

More movie quotes than IMDB, more silly voices than the Mrs Doubtfire outtakes and more cliches than you can poke a stick at.

Get busy Grappling or get busy dying 

As a new season sets in and the NRL sets its sights on a possible Friday night footy adventure into Sarajevo or Constantinople, our heroes emerge from the gloom with a belated but brazen return to the microphone for 2026.

An off season deemed not really worth coming back early for is swiped left quicker than an undesired Tinder approach, and the introspection sorely missing from the current sporting agenda is bombarded with the podcast equivalent of a barrage of unsolicited d**kpics. Our heroes have 3 main issues on their mind around the Why Brisbane Broncos: why have they always been fibbing about Payne Haas and coach Michael Maguire's friendship, why Brisbane media scribes are fibbing about his apparently stated desired longevity at the club, and- to quote the 90's cult classic Hot Shots2- why did we bring helium instead of air?

Moving the crosshairs onto NRL Hq, John Mannings attempt at an measured and un emotionally impacted take on State of Origin eligibility changes holds about as much credibility as Australia's T20 cricket squad, who don't escape a spray for combined ineptitude and failure to capitalise on its enormous talent pool. But, aka Mark Waugh, it's easy to throw stones at the setup when you're not a selector anymore. BY THE WAY ORIGIN, why don't you just say you want to see Kiwis and Tongans spending hard earned on $160 synthetic blue and maroon jerseys and talk less about your version of the games fabric? 

Shitty newscorp headlines claiming non existent beefs are cross examined with prejudice, as is the ABC Sport claim that Australia is the moguls capital of the world. In short- both are BS. But how good is winter sport when all of our would be cereal box heroes have their faces mostly covered by ski masks? 'Look honey, it's Jakarta Anthony.. oh wait no, shit, this is a home invasion!'

Six nations rugby adulation rounds out a romp worthy of several replays, with a sprinkle of some classic stories from our heroes alter ego existences as prolific (but never spared from the wrath of a withering director) actors. These idiots are just getting started baby. 

2026, the year of the Grapple. Look it up. 

As Summer descends and the Mercurio rises our heroes muse over the mere concept of a new world order. One where athletes can play for whomever they wish, where ever they wish and the threat of life long bans is a campfire horror story told by broken down old footballers to their wide eyed offspring. 

In this NWO, Les  Kiss is currently coaching the Wallabies and making the hard selection calls that this podcast alone endorses, the Broncos logo is just that and not some hundred million dollar statement on the ghost of Brisbane’s past, present and future and PVL wears a taylor made suit. 

When finally the day dream breaks and reality sets in we congratulate Big H and Len on their inclusion in the world VX, we break down the pitches down under and wax lyrical about an Aussie pace attack still 2 prongs short of a nightmare. 

A much needs semi hiatus awaits our battle weary righteous warriors. 

When it’s all done bar the shouting, the only thing left to do is Grapple.