The Great Man Within

#92: It's been quite a while since we've done an episode on the topic of sex.

So let's jump back into the arena with a discussion on the sources of sexual confidence.

Sexual Confidence means:

• Being ok with your sexuality
• Being able to ask for what you want in bed
• Being in control of your sexual impulses
• Understanding your partner's pleasure and how they experience sex

In this episode:

• One book on sexuality you need to read
• The concept of "sexual performance" and how that actually ruins performance
• Integrating the dark sides of our sexual desires to avoid shame and elevate arousal
• Why obstacles to fulfilling your sexual desires actually end up amplifying that very desire
• Why shame around your sexual desires – subtle and otherwise – is keeping you from your fullest sense of sexual confidence

Who is Ryan Thomas

• Ryan is a relationship and sex coach for men, that Bryan first met when he was running his sexual health company
• Ryan helps guys have epic sex by breaking through the emotional BS that fucks up your relationships and sex life
• He runs www.TheIntimateLifestyle.com

#91: "You see, God gave men both a brain and a penis…but only enough blood to run one at a time."

• Robin Williams

While this is hilarious – and there's certainly plenty of evidence to support this from parts of my life – it also serves to perpetuate an antiquated social narrative that hurts both men and women:

When it comes to sex, men have no agency and are dragged around by the whims of their dick.

I'm here to tell you that's bullshit.

There's incredible intelligence in the brain between your legs, if you're willing to listen.

Today, I share a deeply personal story from my sex life (gulp) where I didn't listen, and how it led me to an experience where I felt violated and sick to my stomach.

AND, how that experience taught me a newfound respect for my body, my boundaries and my sexual well-being.

-DQ

#90: I've already spoken to a number of men who have noticed an uptick – or an alarming increase – in their porn use as of late.

As we're diving deeper into quarantine, it's essential that you're aware of drift when it comes to your porn habits.

During times of isolation – or feelings of suffocation – it's natural to grab for the quick fix.

But we're in this for the long haul, fellas.

I want you coming out the other side stronger.

Not weakened and depleted.

This is an important conversation today, about maintaining intentionality with your porn habits during quarantine.

In this episode:

• Why you may be drawn to porn that makes you feel empty and shameful
• Why porn users report lower levels of satisfaction with their sex life, their sexual performance and their female partner's body
• How to short-circuit the potential to condition yourself to craving troubling porn habits/ porn categories

#89: For the foreseeable future, a good many of you relationshipped people will be cooped up at home, occupying a space that will likely feel smaller by the day…with your partner always around…likely wearing the same thing they have for the past 5 days.

How do you keep the sexual heat going in such an environment?

Good thing you asked – we've got the Queen, sex and intimacy coach Alexa Martinez, here to talk about how to keep the fire burning in the COVID era.

Now this episode is more geared to those living with your romantic partner, but I'm not one of those people and I got a lot of value out of this conversation including:

• The power of having a weekly Relationship Board Meeting, where you each state your desires, what intimacy and attention you need that week, and where your partner is in her menstrual cycle and what she needs from you during that time
• How to create space while cooped up so the passion has an opportunity to generate
• How to leverage a process Alexa and her partner Jordan call Sexploration, which are two hour time blocks to explore new realms of sexual connection, that may not involve oral or intercourse
• And finally, Alexa's recommended resources for sexual education – including a book, a Netflix documentary and an online course that'll sharpen your sexual skills while you're at home

• Alexa founded and runs The Kaleidoscope, a private, tightly curated sex-positive Facebook group of about 4,000 members. I've personally not found a more inclusive, educated and well run forum for any question or conversation you want to have about sex, sexuality and sexual health
• Alexa is a well-respected and influential voice in the sex positive community, she' been featured in the NY Times and she's a close personal Bryan and I

Resources

The Kaleidoscope Community on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thekaleidoscope

Alexa on Instagram: @ThatSexChick

Alexa's Recommendations:

KennethPlay.com – sex education blended with porn

Sex Explained on Netflix

Vagina by Naomi Wolf (book)

Follow Om Rupani on Facebook

#88: You are being called to make the change that you've been dreaming about.

Do not waste this wakeup call.

CURSED is the man with the ability to ration out his quiet desperation and subtle torment where he can endure it over the course of a lifetime…where very little changes.

FORTUNATE is the man who is shaken awake so completely and thoroughly that he has no choice but to make the change he's been dreaming about.

VICTORIOUS is the man who lives a life of his own design, courageously embarking on discovering and living The Great Man Within.

In this episode:

• Why you will emerge stronger from this global pandemic, so long as you don't ignore this wakeup call
• Why more and more men are awakening from drift
• A 90 second recap of the key concepts of each of the previous week's episodes

#87: Over the last two weeks, I've delivered webinars to about 500 people.

I've asked one question:

"What's the one word that best describes how you're feeling right now?"

About 8-9 responses out of 10 express a negative sentiment.

As a leader, your clients, colleagues and loved ones are looking to you to help guide them to higher ground.

To lead others to higher ground, you yourself must be there already – or at least en route.

Great leaders adapt to new, uncertain and crisis situations first.

Then they lead others to higher ground.

Today, we're using the Kubler-Ross model of "The Stages of Grief" to help bring clarity to where you – and your clients, colleagues and loved ones – are with respect to adapting to the new normal.

In this episode:

• Why – and how – Great Leaders adapt first
• Why denying the "new normal" will keep you stuck in a place of resistance and pain
• Understanding the 7 stages of grief – based on the Kubler-Ross Model
• Identifying where you are in the 7 stages (as well as those you lead)
• How releasing resistance will help you accelerate through the 7 stages, ultimately arriving in acceptance

#86: Yesterday we talked about how you must become the Chairman of your Board of Emotions.

Today, I'm giving you a powerful process that I used to heal what I once called an addiction.

That addiction consumed an essential part of my life force for a 20+ year period of my life.

This process helped me welcome my emotions (even the ugliest of them) and take the power back.

In this episode:

• A repeatable process for accessing and elevating your emotions
• Why you need to access and feel the parts of you that you try to avoid – anger, shame, guilt, fear, jealousy and doubt
• How to befriend even your ugliest of emotions and understand the root cause of why they exist (and persist)
• How to turn disempowering emotional states and feelings into powerful moments of growth and inner peace

#85: In my work with men, I've quickly learned that there's a whole host of emotions that men suppress, avoid or try to stomp out altogether:

• Anger
• Rage
• Fear
• Doubt
• Jealousy

They do this, because they don't trust themselves when these emotions are present.

So they suppress, avoid…or obliterate these emotions.

In the process, they inadvertently shut down their ability to feel the full range of positive emotions.

Joy, peace and fulfillment become increasingly elusive.

In today's episode, I share an empowering concept that I've used to help me welcome and learn from my full range of emotions:

A Board of Directors for Your Emotions (and You Are the Chairman)

#84: I see too many Good Will Huntings running around:

• Wildly intelligent men…
• Quick on the draw with opinions and criticism…
• Who never step into the arena to do the inner work.

As Brene Brown says:

"If you're not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback."

– Brene Brown

This is a call to the men who are in the arena, doing the inner work.

#83: As a man, you're probably great at pushing, performing, persevering…

…until you hit your limit…

…and disappear into a hot mess of booze, Netflix binging, over-eating and porn.

While I ain't here to deny anyone a good time, none of these temporary escapes truly refuel your tank to show up optimally.

If you want to be a Great Man and perform at your best, you need to take recovery seriously.

In this episode:

• Why elite athletes are shifting from focus on performance to recovery
• 4 questions to help you design your recovery strategy
• How I've designed my ideal recovery day