So, you love your partner and you can see that what they're doing holds them back. Should you tell them what they're doing wrong? In this episode we will explore the impact of telling your partner what to change, the motivations involved, the best way to do it, and others ways to support your partner in their growth. 

In this episode we explore a specific kind of gaslighting that takes place when one partner is domineering and/or perfectionist. Whether the perfectionist partner intends to or not, they may leave their partner feeling like there is something defective about them. I call this moral gaslighting and it's both painful for the partner, and keeps the perfectionistic partner locked in a delusion of superiority.  Unlike classic gaslighting though, moral gaslighting may have a very different motivation, and understanding that motivation can help to improve the situation. 

Research indicates that as many as 70% of us experience imposter syndrome, the dread that you aren’t as good as others think you are, coupled with the certainty that they’ll discover the discrepancy and point you out with shame-shooting fingers. But we don't have to go through that. The solution is not proving to yourself that you're amazing after all, but building a foundation of basic self-respect and self-compassion that can withstand the inevitable pressure of pursuing your passions in life. 

Parenting for Type A, driven, ambitious, high-achieving and obsessive-compulsive parents requires a different approach than the one we usually bring to our lives. Rather than pushing it requires waiting, in addition to work it requires play, and rather than achievement it requires connection. And because we don't always come across as we think we do, our children may experience us as being more demanding than we actually are. Both Type A parents and their children will find this informative. Please join us for this research-based exploration of the perils and potentials of the obsessive-compulsive parent. 

If you've ever wanted to tell people or the world to shut up, back off, and quite pressuring you, you may have experienced Demand Resistance. This can be effective, but in some cases it might mean that you don't get your emotional needs met. Understanding what motivates you to protest, rebel or go on strike is an essential step in learning to use resistance skillfully. 

Take a moment to step back and look at the big picture of your life. Too often we lose track and lose our way, allowing defenses, habits, and behavioral avoidance to take us away from what's important. This may be most true of those with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder--whose intense drive can take them off course more quickly than other disorders. As even the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual says in its diagnostic criteria for OCPD, "Is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost." Take that same energy, plug it into honoring meaningful priorities, and you're on track to becoming a healthier compulsive.  

Letting go and giving up are near enemies: one is healthy while the other might try to look like it's healthy, but really isn't. Letting go frees us to pursue more fulfilling ways of living, while giving up causes depression. Join us for a discussion of the differences and how to come out on the better side. 

We're all equipped to hold on to the things that ground our lives and give them meaning. But that tool is too often enlisted in ways that do neither. Too often we hold onto rules, money and time in ways that make our minds crowded and noisy, and prevent us from letting in the things that really feel good. Join me in a discussion of psychological hoarding, the obsessive-compulsive tendency that runs in the background far more than we like to imagine. 

The effects of shame can be seen all around us--largely in people's attempts to avoid it. If not confronted directly, shame can lead us to either withdraw, or to compensate with achievement, virtue or perfectionism. None of which work. Join us for this exploration of one of the most destructive emotions we experience, and find a better way to handle it. 

The obsessive-compulsive personality can make you rigid, or it can be enlisted for healthy change. Fixed mindset can get you stuck while growth mindset can help you utilize its predilection for mastery. This episode lays bare the ongoing battle between the two and the unrecognized allegiance to fixed mindset. It also offers suggestions about how to make sure that growth mindset wins the fight.