The Helmistry Pod

In this episode, I share a frank, unfiltered discussion about my leaving Christianity and the colossal impact it’s had on my self-trust.   Check out the podcast show notes here.

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Inner child work is super important on your self-trust journey and your trauma healing journey as a whole. Because the version of you who learned you’re untrustworthy, not enough, broken, stupid, worthless, was your childhood self. So if you want to unlearn all the bullshit you were taught about who you are, you have to involve the version of you who learned it in the first place: your inner child. 

While this work is important for everyone, it’s absolutely vital for black women. But it’s hard because as black women we are more likely to be the breadwinners in our household and more likely to be single parents. And when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders it feels selfish to spend time on yourself. 

In this episode you’ll learn:

Why inner child work is hard for black women

The role parentification played in our childhood 

The role adultification bias played in our childhood

Two tips to engage your inner child 

The 3 ways you can work with me to connect with your inner child

Your action item for this week is to do this journal prompt: I feel the most childlike and carefree when I (fill in the blank) because (fill in the blank). Whatever your answer is, make time to do it at least once in the next week.

Find links and everything mentioned in this episode here.

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Rooting for you!

Today’s the last day of 2021 there are only a few hours left and we’ve been in a series called the 4 things you should leave in 2021. Let’s recap.

The first thing is thinking you’re not enough, the second thing is taking yourself too seriously, the third thing is skimping on self-care. If you haven’t listened to episodes 46, 47, and 48 you should check them out because the truth is, in order to start operating from a place of self-trust and self-compassion, there are some things you’re gonna have to stop doing. 

Today we’re gonna chat about the 4th and final thing you should leave in 2021 being afraid of the unknown.

In this episode you'll learn:

Why I never approached New Year’s with optimism growing up

Why you’re not really a control freak

Why the fear of the unknown is normal

The mindset shifts that helped me deal with fearing the unknown

What you should do instead of making resolutions

The action item for this week is: Instead of focusing on something you lack or something you want to improve, make a list of the things you do well and find ways to do more of those things next year.

Find links and everything mentioned in this episode here.

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Rooting for you!

In this episode, we’re gonna talk about the third thing you should leave in 2021, skimping on self-care. It’s no coincidence that those of us who grew up being treated like crap, think we deserve to feel like crap, so we treat ourselves like crap. Cue the Lion King - “It’s the circle of life.”

In this episode you'll learn:

Why we struggle with self-care

How self-care and self-trust are related

How perfectionism and people-pleasing impact self-care and self-trust

How to improve your self-care while honoring your nervous system

Why self-trust is vital for self-care

The action item for this week is

is to prioritize 10-15 minutes of self-care for the next week. It takes time to build a consistent self-care practice.

Find links and everything mentioned in this episode here.

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Rooting for you!

Today, we’re gonna talk about the second thing you should leave in 2021, taking yourself too seriously. Something that rings true for those of us raised by emotionally stunted parents is we weren’t allowed to be a kid when we were kids. Parents like ours treated us like adults and held us to adult standards. So behaving like the children we were, meant shame and anger from our parents.

In this episode you'll learn:

Why we take ourselves too seriously

The role perfectionism and unhappiness play

The three things that can help you stop taking yourself so seriously

Why engaging your inner child is essential

A new look at the generational cycle of trauma

The action item for this week is to schedule an inner child play date. Use this time to be carefree and silly.

Find links and everything mentioned in this episode here.

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Rooting for you!

If you’ve got 2022 on the brain, you’ll love the series I’m kicking off today where we’ll go over the 4 things you should leave in 2021. These things have kept you from stepping into your magic and showing up in the fullness of who you are.

In this episode, we're gonna talk about the first thing you should leave in 2021 - thinking you're not enough.

You'll learn:

The two main reasons we think we’re not enough

The affirmation that’s helped transform my relationship with myself

What asking if you’re enough really means

A new take on New Year’s resolutions

Why the path to self-trust is paved with self-love

The action item for this episode is the journal prompt: What decision have I been delaying for the “better” version of me to decide?

Find links and everything mentioned in this episode here.

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Rooting for you!

In today’s podcast episode, I share why you should ditch the naughty or nice list if you want to give your kids a magical, shame-free Christmas.

In this episode you’ll learn:

Why the naughty or nice list is manipulative as fuck.

The two things you need to stop doing if you’re ready to ditch the naughty or nice list.

A new way to approach the Elf on the Shelf.

What I think about good kids vs bad kids.

What being “good” and “nice” is really teaching our kids.

Find links and everything mentioned in this episode here. 

 

Free Holiday Workshop:

Ready to reclaim your holiday season? Join me at 10am on October 22, 2022 for a free 90-minute workshop - Actually Happy Holidays. You can sign up here.

 

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Rooting for you!

In today's episode, we're gonna talk about two reasons why your miss your shitty, toxic family after going no-contact - especially during the holidays. 

 

Free Holiday Workshop:

Ready to reclaim your holiday season? Join me at 10am on October 22, 2022 for a free 90-minute workshop - Actually Happy Holidays. You can sign up here.

 

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Rooting for you!

In this episode, we chat about the 4 tips I have for how to talk to your kids about your decision to go no-contact.

The blog post I mentioned in the episode can be found here.

Have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast? You can submit it here.

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Rooting for you!

In this bonus episode, I answer a question I got frequently after I talked about how to handle unwanted gifts sent by your no-contact family: “What do I do with gifts addressed to my kids?”

If you have that question too, take a listen to hear my thoughts. 

Have a question you’d like me to answer on the podcast? You can submit your question here.

Interested in having a Helm Your Holidays coaching session? You can learn more and schedule your session here.

Tune in next week where I’ll talk about how to talk to your kids about going no-contact.

Rooting for you!