The lads kick off with their favourite internet cesspit—Nextdoor—where NIMBYs reign supreme, complaining about everything from faint giggles to morally questionable pub patrons. This sets Luke off on a raging rant about a recent article exposing how noise complaints are slowly strangling London’s nightlife.

And just when you think they’ve had enough internet for one day, they dive headfirst into the wild world of online conspiracy theorists and have no choice but to marvel at their sheer lunacy—because apparently, the madness knows no bounds.

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Luke reimagines Glastonbury, wondering why they’ve never done a live show there—until the conversation spirals into a full-blown business plan for a festival burger van. Speaking of food, Pete shares the tale of a very moist ostrich fillet he unearthed from the depths of his fridge, before revealing his wild lunch—trust us, you’ll never guess what he ate!

Plus, of course, the lads can’t resist taking a swing at yet more Trump absurdity...

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The lads kick things off with a deep dive into the world of shameless grifters, debating why right-wing outrage merchants always seem to dominate online algorithms. Is Andrew Tate just projecting? And why is Ben Shapiro so obsessed with Barbie?

Plus, Pete recounts his bizarre late-night encounter in a Soho public toilet… because, let’s be honest, it’s always Pete that finds himself in these situations, isn’t it?

Tell us your wildest public toilet stories by emailing at [email protected] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy.

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Should the lads start wearing makeup? Luke thinks he always looks sickly on camera, while Pete suggests a few injections might do the trick. If that fails, he’s considering tattooing his hairline instead.

Elsewhere, Pete lays out his very specific travel MO: dawdling, dinner, and—most importantly—an ungodly hotel bathroom session upon arrival. Then, Luke adits he's surprised Pete's never late, but when he is, it's because he’s had a full-blown menty-b. Speaking of which, Luke nearly had one himself after losing his 20-year-old wallet for the first time in his life.

And if that wasn’t enough, Pete geeks out over transacoustic guitars, and the lads debate whether Luke could pull off a moustache...Spoiler: he’s not convinced.

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The lads dive into Trump’s latest inauguration, debating whether keeping it indoors was a strategic move to dodge an embarrassingly small crowd, while applauding Michelle Obama for swerving the whole thing entirely and setting a new standard in #NotMyProblem energy. Then, they lay out their own presidential plans—starting with an executive order to ban raspberry yoghurts nationwide.

Elsewhere, Pete’s voice machine impression of Luke’s child leaves Luke thoroughly creeped out, there’s another mad documentary recommendation, and after a woodworm fiasco, Pete’s officially done with the whole “owning a house” thing.

Plus, a cautionary tale about why you should never wear a beret in Glasgow...

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Pete’s buzzing about his latest gadget obsession, which Luke says is just filling “a hole in his soul.” Meanwhile, Luke takes a nostalgic dive into 'Big Break', the 90s snooker-based TV gem featuring awkward catchphrases, deadpan co-hosts, and a young Ronnie O’Sullivan’s debut. Then, the chat veers into a debate on archiving lost media and Pete’s dad’s illegal but oddly impressive DVD stash.

Plus, Luke also recommends a gripping BBC documentary on the 7/7 bombings, sparking a conversation on resilience, forgotten history, and the remarkable stories of triumph that emerge in the face of tragedy.

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Have you ever written a diss track about someone? What about someone who’s in the same band as you and is then forced to play that song every night for years on end? It’s happened to Fleetwood Mac, and it could soon happen to us…

We spend half of today's show getting distracted by the 1989 BRIT Awards, wonder what films scare children and get through a few (awful) battery submissions. Not as many as we’d like, because Pete needed a wee throughout. 

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With a particular story dominating Pete’s consciousness this week, there’s only one place we could start: penis enlargement surgery. Happy Monday!

Elsewhere, Pete’s sporting a new haircut courtesy of a random shopkeeper, we put the music world to rights and a listener has documented the *exact* moment they realised they weren’t young anymore. Anyone else heard of Bloc Party?

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Today, the lads dive into the perplexing world of rattan furniture: What is it made of? Why is it so expensive? And why was Luke’s cat, Jasper, so obsessed with it? Pete then shares a story about his dad randomly bringing home a snooker table and a bag of balls, sparking a debate about the most inconvenient gifts (spoiler: Luke once sent someone a box of crickets).

Elsewhere, Pete declares that the true meaning of life is enjoying the art of antagonising friends and colleagues. Plus, he opens up about his ultra-cautious approach to proposing—it’s a yes-or-nothing policy for this self-proclaimed worrisome little chap.

What's the most annoying gift you've ever received? Tell us at [email protected]

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It’s a chaotic start to the week as Pete confesses to accidentally installing a secret camera in an Airbnb, while Luke can’t resist another dig at Jake Humphrey’s “sexy chat.”

Elsewhere, Pete considers taking wrestling classes as his January fitness fix and reveals some questionable dessert choices - dog cake and Baileys-flavoured squirty cream, anyone?

Plus, a listener’s bizarre Airbnb tale and a fiery debate: are rivalries just plain silly? It’s everything you didn’t know you needed.

Got any wilder Airbnb stories? Email us at [email protected]

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