The Mother of it All

Feminist writers Tracy Clark-Flory and Amanda Montei join Sarah and Miranda for Part 2 of our discussion on relationships between men and women (listen to Part 1 here). We talk about the post-election landscape of gender relations — including the rise in both misogynistic rhetoric interest in boycotting men. Is this a gender war or a war on women? Is feminism responsible for the young male Trump voter? What do men and women owe each other, and what do we do with the men in our lives?

Links:

* Sophie Kemp on Gen Z Men (LA Review of Books)

* Jia Tolentino on the Gender Wars (The New Yorker)

* The Warrior Mamas Who Elected Trump: Why Tradwife Ideology Continues To Matter (via In Pursuit of Clean Countertops)

* Blue Marriage and The Terror of Divorce by Anne Helen Petersen

* A feminist utopianism : Sophie Lewis argues against the 'fatalism' of both 4B and heteropessimism, and calls for a collective movement built on solidarity. (via TCF Emails )

* It’s not the economy. It’s the misogyny. (via Mad Woman)

* The “Your Body My Choice” movement

In Part 1 of our jam-packed conversation with feminist writers Tracy Clark-Flory and Amanda Montei, Sarah and Miranda attempt to unpack why this has been such a big year for examining sex in hetero-marriage, the specter of patriarchy haunting all of our marital beds, and whether or not good sex is possible anymore in a hetero-marriage.

Links:

* Amanda Montei’s “Can a Sexless Marriage Be a Happy One? Can a Sexless Marriage Be a Happy One?” in the New York Times Magazine

* Liars by Sarah Manguso

* All Fours by Miranda July

* Tracy on The Endless Repetition of Heterosexuality

* Want by Gillian Anderson

* Anne Hathaway’s The Idea Of You

* Nicole Kidman’s Babygirl

* Ester Perel

* Tracy Clark-Flory’s fabulous newsletter, TCF Emails and her book, Want Me.

* Amanda Montei’s fabulous newsletter, Mad Woman, and her book, Touched Out.

Culture Recs:

* Lisa Taddeo’s Three Women and the related television series

* Brian Jordan Alvarez

Writer Janet Manley joins us to break down her recent piece, “Pity the Dadfluencers: Their content is for men, but their audience is all women.” We dig into all of our favorite -isms: sexism, feminism, social media-ism (just roll with it), parasocial relationships, plus Wild Robot, Nightbitch, and what the heck you’re supposed to do with all those baby teeth.

Links:

* Chelsea Conaboy on The Wild Robot

* Arnold of the Ducks

* KAFKA'S BABY Janet’s newsletter

* The Real Sarah Miller by Sarah Miller

* Laurie Stone’s Everything is Personal

* Attachments by Lucas Mann, and our interview with Lucas

* Drawing Links by Edith Zimmerman

* Looking at Picture Books by Mac Barnett and Jon Klassen

* Loved and Missed by Susie Boyt

Sarah and Miranda are checking in the morning after the election on what’s going through our minds, how we’re thinking about motherhood and our kids, and whether it’s too soon to do silver linings. With a special appearance from Nellie, three-year-old witch.

Links:

* Amanda Montei

says “It’s not the economy, it’s misogyny.”

* Witch podcast on BBC

* Seven Year B***h is the today’s soundtrack

Miranda and Sarah are joined by actor and comedian Lauren Lapkus and actor and filmmaker Nora Fiffer to talk about their tender, hilarious new film, Another Happy Day. We discuss the isolation and absurdity of early motherhood, taking care of care-takers at work, and why Hollywood should be just as saturated with postpartum movies as it is with World War II movies.

Links:

* Another Happy Day on Amazon and Apple

* Is the Future of Movie Sets An Eight-Hour Work Day with Childcare?? in Variety

* All Fours by Miranda July

* The Creative Act by Rick Rubin

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Join us as we hash Halloween out. Do we believe in the Switch Witch? DIY costumes: Y/N? Should Halloween happen at school? Do we have to …

No one wants to think about school shootings. But nearly every day in our country, a gun is fired on a campus. Often, when that happens, entire student bodies are then traumatized by spending hours in lockdown. David Riedman of the K-12 school shooting database — an unparalleled collection of data about school shootings that has been used as a resource by publications like The Economist and New York Times, as well as organizations like the FBI— joins Sarah and Miranda to talk about the thing none of us want to talk about but that we absolutely must: American school’s gun violence problem.

Links:

* David’s Substack

* David’s Podcast

* Robin Cogan

* ​​https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/16/opinion/gabby-giffords-its-the-guns-its-always-the-guns.html

* Violence Prevention Project

* Everytown

What if we considered care to be a sacred practice? What if the everyday tasks of parenting were backtracked by the dramatic score of the British Baking Show? Elissa Strauss, author of When You Care: Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others joins Sarah and Miranda to mull over what it would mean to value care as a society and in our personal lives. We talk about trusting others with your children, why it’s so fraught to admit you like being a parent, alloparents, the Hero’s Journey, and kids singing Lean on Me. Plus, Elissa gives us some free couples therapy!

Links

* Elissa’s Book, When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others

* Elissa Strauss’s Substack, Made with Care

* Elissa’s Slate Piece: It’s a Weird Time to Be a Happy Mom

* Economist Nancy Folbre

* A Thousand and One Movie

* The Care Justice Movement

* Alloparenting 

* Rosalynn Carter

* Sarah Blaffer Hrdy

Culture Recs

* Young Sheldon

* The Golden Spoon

Author and editor Kaitlyn Teer (you may know her as the editor of Joanna Goddard’s Big Salad newsletter ) joins Sarah and Miranda to chat about how weirdly hard and wonderful it is to have hobbies as a mom, and the unique joy of being new (even bad!) at something. We get into such pressing questions as: What is “contaminated leisure time,” and how can we carve out ‘uncontaminated’ time to explore who we are beyond work and caregiving? If modern motherhood is defined by a sense of pressure to optimize our every decision, what does it mean to chase ‘beginners mind,’ uncertainty, and inefficient uses of time? Are our hobbies an expression of millennial economic dread, and an effort to detach our sense of self-regard from the capitalistic value systems that have left us in the lurch? Are we totally overthinking this? We also touch on: Kaitlyn’s amazing hair, Doggy Land, and Sarah’s recent swimming pool cannonball-ing achievements. Plus culture recs, moving as a mom (hard!), and more.

This episode is sponsored by Freeya, a marketplace for free stuff.

Links

* Anne Helen Petersen on quality leisure time vs. ‘contaminated leisure time’

* Follow Kaitlyn on Instagram

* Kaitlyn Teer on Mountain Biking In New Motherhood

* ‘Popsicles Can’t Fix This New Heat’, Kaitlyn Teer over at Electric Lit

* Big Salad, Joanna Goddard’s newsletter (edited by Kaitlyn!)

* Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

* The Home Place: Memoirs of a Colored Man’s Love Affair with Nature by J. Drew Lanham

* Better Living Through Birding: Notes from a Black Man in the Natural World By Christian Cooper

* Hike Clerb

* Family-oriented family (brene brown pod— sarah can you add?)

* Crayola Air-Dry Clay & how to make a clay flower frog

* Doggy Lands affirmations

* Madwoman by Chelsea Bieker 

* Skull King

Sarah and Miranda check in on Miranda’s daughter’s very first day of big kid school (even though she claims she’s “still little”), watch the just-dropped Nightbitch trailer in real time, discuss Sarah’s impending move after 15 years in the same apartment, and talk hetero-exceptionalism and Sarah Manguso’s “Liars,” family camp and “Get S**t Done Days.”

Links:

* Nightbitch Trailer

* Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst

* How to Manage Back to School Feelings by Sarah

* Liars by Sarah Manguso

* Tracy Clark-Flory

on hetero-exceptionalism

* Kathryn Jezer-Morton on affirmation culture in Brooding

* Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating the S**t Out of Each Other in the Onion

* Berenstain Bears Moving Day