The Parent Hope Podcast

The holidays can bring out our best—and our most anxious—selves. Therapist and author Dr. Kathleen Smith (True to You; Everything Isn’t Terrible) will join Jenny Brown to discuss staying kind and self-defined when those predictable family tensions rise.

How can parents handle sensing disapproval, differing values, and “helpful” relatives without losing themselves—or their sense of humor? Dr. Smith draws on family systems thinking to share examples of managing one's own anxiety, showing up with more emotional maturity in front of our kids, and staying connected without falling into people-pleasing.

Indeed, you can respect your family and stay true to yourself this holiday season.

Quote:

To live a life that is truer to you, it’s useful to understand the ways you lose self—the capacity to think and act as an individual—in a relationship system. Maybe you like to keep your relationships light and superficial, using distance to avoid any tension. Maybe you end up overfunctioning, directing everyone so you feel steady. Perhaps you’ve been quick to triangle other people into conflict, unsure of your own thinking.

Smith, Dr Kathleen. True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself (p. 150). 

Books: 

https://kathleensmithwrites.com/books/true-to-you/

https://kathleensmithwrites.com/books/everything-isnt-terrible/

Newsletter – over 11,000 subscribers https://theanxiousoverachiever.substack.com/

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Grandparenting can be a gift—or a point of tension—depending on how generational differences are navigated. In this episode, Jenny Brown speaks with two special guests, Selden Illick and her daughter-in-law Alison Illick, about the subtle and powerful dynamics between grandparents, parents, and children. Drawing on Bowen family systems theory, they explore how patterns of anxiety, closeness, and loyalty ripple through three generations, and what differentiation looks like as adult children step into parenthood while their parents become grandparents.

Listeners will hear real stories of family life and discover how understanding family systems theory can help shift well-meaning interference into meaningful support, so that the presence of grandparents strengthens, rather than strains, the family system. Parents will gain practical insight into setting boundaries, preserving their authority, and fostering healthier connections with grandparents while reducing tension at home.

Selden Dunbar Illick founded the Princeton Family Center in 1987 based on Murray Bowen’s natural systems theory and is now Trustee Emerita of its educational branch. She has served on the Florida Family Research Network board and is active in the New England Study of Bowen Theory. Formerly in private practice in New Jersey and Florida (1983–2004), she now consults in Massachusetts, helping people apply Bowen theory to family, work, and social systems. A frequent presenter on the impact of unresolved childhood patterns, she recently contributed a chapter on emotional attachments and chronic illness in Death and Chronic Illness in the Family: Bowen Family Theory Perspectives.

Alison Illick lives in New Haven, Connecticut with her husband, Christopher, and their four sons. A former New York City public school teacher with degrees from Columbia University, she later supported her husband’s medical practice in various roles. In recent years, she has studied Bowen theory at the Princeton Family Center for Education and the Bowen Center in Washington, DC. Alison finds the framework a valuable way to understand family and work systems and focuses on managing herself within them—an interest first sparked in college and later encouraged by her mother-in-law, Selden.

Links

Selden as a previous guest on our podcast

https://parenthopeproject.com.au/podcasts/grandparenting-relationships/

The Princeton Family Center, New Jersey

https://www.princetonfamilycenter.org/

Selden speaking on relevant topics

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=921333534908389

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(02) 9904 5600

As parents, our worries can quietly slip onto our children’s shoulders.
But what if there’s another way?

This Mental Health Month (in our State: NSW), the Parent Hope Podcast explores how parents can support children’s well-being by first steadying themselves. Jenny Brown, founder and director of the Parent Hope Project, and Lauren Errington, executive Director of The Family Systems Institute, draw on Bowen Family Systems Theory to unpack how parental worry - often inflamed by mental health messaging - can be projected onto kids and how parents can step out of those cycles.

We’ll look at:
* The 3 steps of projection: scanning, labelling, treating
* How social messages about children’s mental health fuel worry
* The difference between internalised worry and externalised conflict
* Practical steps for leading with clarity instead of guilt

Join us this Mental Health Month to discover how shifting from worry to hope can free both you and your child to grow with resilience.

Jenny Brown bio link: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/about-us/

Lauren Errington bio https://www.thefsi.com.au/about/our-team/lauren-errington/

Find a Parent Hope Clinician

https://parenthopeproject.com.au/find-a-parent-coach/

Lauren and Jenny’s recent article: Bowen family systems theory and practice: Illustration and critique revisited

May 2024

Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy (ANZJFT) 45(1)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/381014808_Bowen_family_systems_theory_and_practice_Illustration_and_critique_revisited

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In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Briony Scott, renowned educator and advocate for young people, to unpack the growing tendency to pathologise normal teenage emotions. Are we too quick to label sadness as depression or worry as anxiety? Briony explores how this rush to intervene can sometimes do more harm than good—and what parents can do instead to raise emotionally resilient children. From navigating girlhood emotions to tackling toxic masculinity , this episode is an essential conversation for every parent raising teens today.

Links

https://www.linkedin.com/in/brionys/?originalSubdomain=au

SMH article

https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/briony-scott-the-surprising-sex-talk-sydney-s-most-respected-principal-gives-her-students-20241114-p5kqpd.html

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(02) 9904 5600

This episode explores how parents can become confident, empowered partners in their child’s education. Through insights from an educator and head of student wellbeing, we unpack the real challenges both parents and teachers face when trying to connect—and what helps bridge the gap. You'll hear practical strategies for building trust, improving communication, and creating a shared sense of purpose between home and school as part of a broader commitment to student wellbeing.

Jenny Brown in conversation with Lisa Chalmers : Director of Health & Wellbeing at Barker College. 

Lisa Chalmers is the Director of Health & Wellbeing at Barker College. Lisa’s role involves cultivating a whole-school approach to student and staff wellbeing, fostering a holistic, supportive and healthy School environment. Developing and implementing comprehensive health and wellbeing programs that cater to the diverse needs of students, staff, and the broader school community and serve to enable excellence, an environment where students and staff thrive, and families are engaged to work in partnership with the School. 

See Barker’s Parent Institute, which is for any parent, not just those in their school community. All are welcome.

Parent Institute - The Barker Institute

Home - The Barker Institute

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(02) 9904 5600

How do you help teens to raise their own awareness to the impacts of their screen addictions and to motivate them to stop doing it if they're refusing or denying that the phone's the problem?

In this follow up episode (see Episode 5), Vicki Wilkins and Jenny Brown respond to questions sent in at the end of a recent webinar.

They offer practical advice, urging listeners to consider a shift from reactivity to presence - focussing on setting digital boundaries, rooted in values and not panic.

If you're a parent, teacher or caregiver, this short episode will help round out the session from earlier this month, offering wisdom and healthier digital habits, through relationship-first leadership.

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(02) 9904 5600

In this timely episode, facilitator Vicki Wilkins interviews Dr. Jenny Brown — founder of the Parent Hope Project — to explore how parents and educators can reclaim calm, confident leadership amidst the chaos of the digital age.

Rather than focusing on fear-based data that leaves parents feeling overwhelmed or caught in  rigid control efforts, Dr. Brown offers a refreshing perspective: real influence starts with self-management, not child-management. Through insights and practical examples from Differentiation-Based Parenting, she guides listeners in considering a  shift from reactivity to presence—learning how to set digital boundaries rooted in values, not panic.

Listeners will learn:

• Why awareness, reality, and agency build clarity more than fear.
• How to act from the “I position” to model emotional maturity.
• Why starting where your family actually is creates more meaningful change.
• How to reclaim leadership even if you feel "late to the game."
• The critical role of consistency, curiosity, and connection—at home and in classrooms.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this episode offers grounded wisdom for nurturing healthier digital habits through relationship-first leadership.

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Website-https://parenthopeproject.com.au/

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[email protected]

(02) 9904 5600

Bridging the Gap: Parents Relating Positively to their Child’s  Mental Health Service

In this episode, Jenny Brown and Dr Annemaree Bickerton explore how parents can effectively engage with mental health clinicians supporting their children. We discuss what parents can expect in terms of involvement, the different types of involvement that empower parents as key contributors to their child’s recovery, and how shared information builds trust. The episode also addresses the challenges parents may face, such as feeling intimidated by expert authority, and offers practical tips on how to ask for meaningful collaboration. Finally, we touch on the limitations of the medical model in mental health care and why a more relational, inclusive approach benefits families.

Dr Bickerton is the co-developer of the training: STAYING CONNECTED WHEN EMOTIONS RUN HIGH.

Listen to a previous episode with Dr Annemaree https://parenthopeproject.com.au/podcasts/staying-connected-when-emotions-run-high/

And read this blog: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/time-to-de-medicalise-childrens-mental-health-2023/

For professional training, go to:
https://parenthopeproject.com.au/training-for-professionals/

Train to use the Parent Hope Manualised Program, a research-based clinical intervention for those working with parents, families and in children’s mental health. Support overwhelmed parents to address their own self-regulation, to support their children’s wellbeing.

The manualised program provides a map for parents to discover ways they can change their part in dynamics to support their young person’s development of self-regulation, balanced relationship connection and independence.

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[email protected]

(02) 9904 5600

In this episode, we explore a modern parenting paradox: how to be a supportive parent without overdoing it. Joining us again is researcher and family systems therapist Phil Kelver from Kansas, USA, sharing insights from his 20-year study of 50 families.

Together, we unpack his fascinating research about the effects of over-investing in our children, how parents can spot the subtle signs of doing too much, and what it takes to find a healthier balance in today's high-pressure parenting culture.

A thoughtful, eye-opening conversation for anyone navigating the fine line between care and control.

We explore:

What the data reveals about over-investment and its impact on both kids and parents

Subtle signs that you might be overdoing it—and how to spot them in your daily life

Practical insights to help you stay engaged without becoming enmeshed

The real-world pressures making it hard for parents to step back, and how to navigate them with confidence

Whether you’re a parent, educator, or just curious about the changing dynamics of modern family life, this episode offers thoughtful reflection and guidance on finding that elusive middle ground.

Tune in for a conversation that’s honest, research-informed, and full of takeaways to help you parent with clarity—not anxiety.

Phillip Klever has conducted a remarkable 20-year study of 50 couples and their multigenerational families and has written 7 peer-reviewed journal articles about the study. 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/phillip-klever-8b360927/

Research

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Phillip-Klever

Key article

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2009.00120.x

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(02) 9904 5600

Discovering that your child is self-harming is understandably fear- inducing for any parent. Drawing on Bowen family systems theory, PHP invites parents to consider first how they are responding when safety fears are raised – rather than focusing on the details of the self-harm and diagnoses.

In this podcast Jenny Brown interviews leading Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Dr Annemaree Bickerton about parenting when a child is self-harming. They cover some of these questions:

What are the different ways parents might respond to a child’s cutting?

How can we make sense of young people’s self-harm? 

What do you think it helps for parents to be aware of?

How can parents contribute to a child's safety without removing their child’s agency?

What are your thoughts on helpful parent and young person conversations about suicide risks?

Previous podcast with Annemaree Bickerton:

https://parenthopeproject.com.au/podcasts/staying-connected-when-emotions-run-high/

To watch the video mentioned – This is an excellent resource!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_B61YifyrM

To read about the safety first model 

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/anzf.1055

for more papers: https://www.researchgate.net/scientific-contributions/Annemaree-Bickerton-28411169

Dr Bickerton is the co-developer of the training: STAYING CONNECTED WHEN EMOTIONS RUN HIGH.

Upcoming Workshops:

https://www.islhd.health.nsw.gov.au/services-clinics/family-and-carer-mental-health-program-0/staying-connected-when-emotions-run-high

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Website-https://parenthopeproject.com.au/

Contact us:

[email protected]

(02) 9904 5600