You just can't get anything right today. You've tried to burgle a restaurant and all you've gotten to show for it is the tip jar and a load of cops coming your way. What should you do next?

A) Take your boyfriend for a naked walk on a leash in West Virginia.

B) Make some gummy bear bratwurst.

C) Try some relaxing, traditional Chinese 'fire therapy'.

Don't worry, if you can't decide just listen to this weeks episode. We cover all of the above. Enjoy!

You are having trouble getting along with your spouse. What should you do?

A) Call the cops and then passive-aggressively carve a watermelon.

B) Put a plastic bag on your head and rob a gas station.

C) Pay a six foot three inch tall 280 pound woman to sit on you.

Hint: it's all of the above.

What do you do if you aren't satisfied with your love life?

A) Get drunk and join the TSA

B) Get busy with a lead pipe

C) Make a sad spreadsheet and email it to the entire internet

D) All of the above

Hint: This week, it's all of the above. Special co-host Al Fein. Enjoy the show!

It's hard to hide in the crowd. The NSA, Google, and Facebook all know who we are. Costumes rarely work and face masks make you stand out. What are you going to do? 

A) Gain 400 pounds and drive around without a seat belt?

B) Dye your hair orange and cover your face with sharpie?

C) Listen to the Podcast of Billionaires... (Nobody does that...)

Enjoy the show!

This week's Podcast of Billionaires answers some powerful questions:

How far are you willing to go for a salad?

Why did your parents name you Crystal Metheny?

The ice cream man didn't give you sprinkles; should you call 911?

Find out the answers to all this and more. Enjoy!

Which is worse: dressing up like a gorilla and getting shot by a zookeeper, or getting your rear end handed to you in a fight with an 82 year old woman with a golf club. Find out on this week’s episode. Enjoy!

The fast food restaurant doesn't have a fresh cinnamon bun to sell you. What should you do?

A) Buy a hot apple pie instead.

B) Show some self control and skip the treat.

C) Scream at employees, threaten to shoot up the place, and get arrested.

(Hint: It's always C...)

Enjoy this "Tasty Treat" Edition of the Podcast of Billionaires.

We've been doing this show for two whole years now, and we've learned many things. Naked people in public make bad decisions. It's possible for an accountant to out wrestle a crocodile. When you are hiding (nude) in the bushes at a Burger King parking lot, the excuses you give the police probably aren't going to be very good. All this and more on this week's show... Enjoy!

So you finally graduated from the Connecticut Academy of Vehicular Theft. What do you do?

A) Move to Florida

B) Steal a Honda Civic

C) Crash into an Alligator

D) Confess your crimes to police...

(Hint: It's all of the above.)

Find out more about this guy, the pitchfork wielding Waffle House burglar and more on this week's episode. Enjoy!

Mom. This episode is for you. We learn about a mother who attacks a random guy with a microwaved corndog. We also review a bunch of gifts for moms. Including the taco necklace, a chocolate Jesus, some "mop slippers" and more. (For those listeners without moms, we also included a story about a crack smoking machete fighter.)

Enjoy the show!