The Root of Pornography Use | A Presentation by Sara Brewer

Sara Brewer is a certified life and faith-based coach, and a Latter-day Saint. She has helped hundreds of people quit porn through her coaching programs and helped thousands of people through her highly-rated podcast, Overcome Pornography for Good. In this podcast, Sara shares a presentation that is now part of the Liberating Saints Virtual Conference.

Links

Watch the video with 14-day access to the Core Leader Library, including the entire Liberating Saints Virtual Summit

SaraBrewer.com is now The Center for Overcoming Pornography

It Isn’t a Sin to Be Weak, by Wendy Ulrich

Worthiness is not Flawlessness, by Brad Wilcox

Helpful episodes from Sara’s podcast that focus on the stop, drop, and breathe technique: Episodes 66, 47, 21

TRANSCRIPT coming soon

Highlights

02:50 Introduction to Sara Brewer, a life coach for people that struggle with pornography use.

05:15 Sara helps both men and women with pornography.

06:15 Sara introduces her presentation and the main root causes.

07:20 The first root of pornography use is ESCAPE AND BUFFERING.

* Buffering is an action to escape negative emotion.

* People try to put on a "bandaid" solution on porn. They don’t deal with their emotions.

* People need to learn to sit with their emotions and focus on healing wounds.

14:00 Shame only makes porn use worse. A lot of members get into a shame cycle with porn use and it never ends.

16:10 The difference between guilt and shame. Holding onto guilt turns into shame.

17:00 It’s not either shame or justification. There are middle ground emotions that are going to be more useful in helping people quit.

18:00 It’s important to differentiate physiology and morality.

* We all have urges and sexual desires. This is physiology and part of being human.

* Morality comes from what we do with our desires.

20:10 Application for leaders. Be careful with punishment and adding to shame.

21:10 Leaders need to stop focusing on behavior but underlying emotions.

22:00 Using a filter is a good tool to use but it’s not a long-term solution for porn use and addiction.

25:30 Guilt should not be a motivator. It’s more of a signal that something doesn’t align with our values.

26:40 Root two is OVER DESIRE.

* Over desire is something that is learned and can be unlearned.

* It’s your brain and reward system working correctly.

* Avoiding urges isn’t going to solve the porn problem.

* Pavlov’s dog theory and what it teaches us about learning and unlearning behaviors.

32:00 Willpower doesn’t work. It’s like holding a beach ball under water. It wants to pop up. Allow the urges and emotions to pass through without getting the reward.

35:20 Sara’s technique to help people overcome over desire for porn. Stop, drop, and breathe.

38:20 Applications for leaders

* Stop telling people they will struggle with this forever.

* Avoid all or nothing thinking. Slip ups don’t mean you have to start over.

* Stop demonizing sexuality. It’s very normal to want sex and to have urges.