In this heartfelt and practical conversation, Blake and Jamie dive deep into attachment science — exploring how our earliest relationships shape the way we connect, protect, and seek safety today. Drawing from both research and their own friendship, they unpack the four attachment styles — secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized — and describe them through vivid metaphors: the pasture, jungle, desert, and war zone.

They share personal stories of conflict and repair, offering a hopeful look at how awareness and compassion can help us move toward emotional safety. This episode is a guide to understanding your relational patterns and choosing connection over protection.

Takeaways

• Your attachment style isn’t a flaw — it’s an adaptive strategy that once kept you safe.

• Awareness is the first step, but healing happens in relationship.

• Secure attachment (“the pasture”) is built through safety, consistency, and repair.

• Avoidance, anxiety, and chaos are often just unhealed attempts to find connection.

• The goal isn’t perfection; it’s movement toward honesty, empathy, and safety.
  

Resources

• Embodied Faith by Jeff & Cyd Holsclaw – https://www.embodiedfaith.life/

• Dr. Curt Thompson – Author and speaker on attachment & spiritual formation https://curtthompsonmd.com/attachment-theory-i/

• Related Episodes:

• A Practical Guide to Engaging Your Emotions

• Suicide Prevention Month

• Emotions for Dummies (Like Us)

Learn more about Three Percent:

www.threepercentco.com

Instagram – @threepercent.co

Chapters

(00:00) Welcome & Why We’re Talking About Attachment

(04:15) What Is Attachment Science?

(09:40) How Our Childhood Shapes Our Style of Connection

(14:30) The War Zone – Disorganized/Ambivalent Attachment

(18:50) The Jungle – Anxious Attachment

(23:10 )The Desert – Avoidant Attachment

(28:00) The Pasture – Secure Attachment

(31:45) Blake’s Story: Growing Up Without Emotional Safety

(36:20) Jamie’s Story: Learning to Stay Present in Conflict

(40:30) How Attachment Shows Up in Our Friendship

(44:10) The Role of Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation

(48:00) Moving Toward the Pasture: Repair and Connection

(53:00) How Faith and Attachment Intersect

(57:00) Final Reflections & Encouragement for the Week

Keywords

attachment, attachment theory, secure attachment, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, disorganized attachment, emotional safety, friendship, faith, therapy, trauma healing, co-regulation, nervous system, parenting, relationships, vulnerability, holistic masculinity, Three Percent, mental health, emotional literacy, self-awareness, connection, neuroscience, grace, growth