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Tom and Bert are out for the summer, so Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias are stepping in as your substitute Bears. In this unhinged takeover, they immediately derail the show with tales of cholesterol-fueled delusion, Nazi neighbors in Queens, circumcision conspiracies, radical acceptance, berberine powder, and why 4th of July is the real American holiday (sorry January 6).

The boys debate who’s the Bert and who’s the Tom in their pairing, accidentally rank the world’s races, and somehow end up talking about diabetes, Greek shame, and Japanese war crimes—all before diving into engagement stories, dad stress, and the magic of getting fat on purpose. Also, Bert checks in from his deathbed to interrupt and tells them to talk about Indian people. This episode is chaos in shorts. True summer vibes. No lessons, no structure—just greasy hot dogs, high blood pressure, and fat guy fun. It's going to be a wild summer!

2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 298

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Chapters

00:00:00 - Intro

00:02:00 - Who's The Tom & Who's The Bert?

00:08:23 - The Gay Family Man

00:13:56 - Bert's Request

00:21:43 - My War Criminal Neighbor

00:27:19 - Epstein Lists, Toothless Looks, & Fat Guy Speedballs

00:34:49 - We're Just Slowly Dying

00:45:19 - Fourth Of July

00:53:33 - Radical Acceptance

00:58:53 - Chrissy D's Favorite Holiday

01:05:11 - Wrap Up