The Unashamedly Human Podcast

Grandma's Emotional Baggage by Jacquie Forde

I’m writing to share an exciting and transformative shift in my business that I believe will resonate with many of you. After years of working closely with women at different stages of life, I’m focusing my work on menopause—a powerful and often misunderstood time of transition that affects far more than just our bodies. It’s a phase that impacts our mental health, relationships, sense of purpose, and even how we show up in the workplace.

Through my years of coaching, I’ve seen how menopause can create a perfect storm of burnout, stress, and emotional challenges—but I’ve also seen how it can be a time of renewal and growth, especially with the right support.

Why This Shift?

Menopause is a unique life stage that goes beyond the well-known physical symptoms. It’s a period of deep transformation, marked by changes in hormonal balance, emotional well-being, and for many women, a desire to redefine their life’s purpose.

However, this phase often brings to the surface old traumas—both personal and generational—and the pressures of workplace stress, particularly when you’re juggling professional responsibilities with family caregiving roles. Many women, especially those who take on the role of grandmothers or caregivers to their grandchildren, face additional emotional burdens that can lead to burnout.

Navigating Hormonal Transitions and Mental Health

Menopause is driven by major hormonal shifts, including changes in oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels, which can lead to:

Mood swings, anxiety, and depression.

Cognitive challenges like brain fog and memory issues.

Feelings of irritability or being emotionally overwhelmed.

These changes can impact every aspect of life—from your personal relationships to your professional performance. Without proper support, this emotional strain can lead to exhaustion, feelings of disconnection, and even a loss of self-confidence.

Burnout and Stress in the Workplace

For many women, menopause coincides with increased responsibilities at work. Juggling demanding professional roles while experiencing hormonal fluctuations can make it harder to concentrate, stay productive, or handle stress effectively. You might find yourself:

Struggling with brain fog or fatigue that makes tasks feel overwhelming.

Feeling emotionally reactive, leading to tension with colleagues or clients.

Battling imposter syndrome, questioning whether you’re able to perform at your previous level.

The mental load of menopause, compounded by professional and family responsibilities, often creates a breeding ground for burnout. You may feel like you’re constantly falling behind or trying to live up to an impossible standard—leading to a cycle of stress that can be difficult to break.

Healing Generational Trauma

In addition to the pressures of work and hormonal changes, menopause often brings to light unresolved trauma. For many women, the role of grandmother or primary caregiver to their grandchildren reignites patterns passed down through generations.

You might notice emotional wounds from your own upbringing resurfacing.

Old family dynamics may reappear, creating strain in your relationships with children or grandchildren.

The weight of caring for others while suppressing your own needs can perpetuate a cycle of self-sacrifice that has been inherited through generations.

Healing these generational traumas is essential—not just for your own well-being but for breaking the cycle for future generations. By addressing and working through these deep-rooted patterns, you can free yourself from the emotional burdens of the past and create healthier relationships moving forward.

Have you ever noticed how the words we use can subtly keep us trapped in our experiences, even when we think we’ve moved on? We often use language like “I’m stuck,” “I’ll never be free of this,” or “This pain is part of who I am.” Without realizing it, these words can reinforce the idea that we are defined by our trauma.

Trauma isn’t just a mental or emotional burden—it lives in the body, and sometimes, the very words we use keep us hypnotized by it. Healing requires not only addressing the body and mind, but also breaking free from the language patterns that hold us back.

The Unseen Impact: Trauma and the Language of Being "Stuck"

Let me introduce you to Clare. She came to me after years of traditional therapy, believing she had “processed” her trauma. But she constantly said things like, “I’m still carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders,” and sure enough, she physically felt that weight in her body—her shoulders were always tight and tense. Clare’s language kept reinforcing the idea that she was stuck in her trauma, and because of that, her body hadn’t let go of it.

Once we began somatic work, combined with addressing her language, Clare’s story started to shift. Instead of saying, “I can’t let this go,” we worked on language that acknowledged her resilience. Her body responded to this new story, and the tension in her shoulders slowly released. She finally felt a sense of lightness—both mentally and physically.

The words we choose matter. They hypnotize us into believing that trauma defines us, that healing is out of reach, or that we’re “broken.” When we change our language and address how trauma is stored in the body, we open the door to real, lasting healing.

Do you ever feel like no matter what you try—therapy, mindfulness, or even self-help books—there’s still a part of you that feels stuck? Maybe you’ve worked through a lot of your trauma mentally, but it’s like your body or emotions haven’t caught up. You’re not alone.

Many of my clients come to me after years of traditional therapy, feeling frustrated that they still carry the weight of their past. They describe it like this:

“I’ve done the work, but I’m still stuck in old patterns.”

“I understand my trauma, but my body still feels tense all the time.”

“I’m constantly anxious or on edge, even though I know there’s no real threat.”

“I’ve been in therapy for years, but nothing seems to fully shift.”

These are the common pain points I hear from clients who’ve done a lot of mental work but are still struggling emotionally or physically. If you relate to any of these, it’s important to know that this isn’t your fault—and there’s a way forward that addresses both your mind and your body.

The Real Issue: Trauma Lives in Your Body, Not Just Your Mind

Many people get stuck because traditional talking therapy only addresses part of the equation. It helps you process trauma on an intellectual level, but trauma isn’t just stored in the mind—it lives in your body and nervous system. That’s why, even after years of talking, you can still feel anxious, tense, or overwhelmed.

Let me share some examples of how my clients found relief once they started working with me.

Clare’s Story: Letting Go of "Carrying the Weight of the World"

Clare came to me with constant neck and shoulder tension. She had processed her childhood trauma in therapy and understood why she felt the way she did, but her body still felt burdened. She often said, “I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.”

In our sessions, we used somatic work to address how her body was holding onto trauma. Together, we explored her language patterns and began to shift her internal story from “I’m carrying everything” to “I can let this go.” As we worked through breathwork and gentle movement, Clare’s physical tension started to release. Her shoulders became lighter, and for the first time in years, she felt free in her body.

Imagine your body as a highly advanced storage system—not just for memories, but for emotions, stress, and yes, trauma. Your muscles, fascia, and nervous system are quietly holding onto a mental archive of everything you've experienced—whether you remember it or not. And here’s the kicker: your conscious mind might not even know it.

Let’s dig in.

The Science of Stored Trauma

You know how out of nowhere, your neck locks up like it’s trying to make a point or your shoulders suddenly feel like they’re carrying bags of bricks? Sure, we could blame bad posture or too much time at a desk. But more often than not, these aches and pains are physical manifestations of stored, unprocessed trauma—both the obvious kind (like accidents or loss) and the more subtle kind (chronic stress, neglect, etc.).

When we encounter trauma or stress, our body activates the fight, flight, or freeze response through the autonomic nervous system. This releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Ideally, once the threat has passed, our body returns to baseline, and the energy is discharged. But if the trauma isn’t processed, the nervous system doesn’t fully reset. Instead, the body stores that unresolved energy, like pausing in the middle of a movie but never pressing play again. Over time, this "frozen" energy gets locked into our tissues, manifesting as muscle tension, chronic pain, or even digestive issues.

But what if I told you trauma doesn’t just live in the body? Understanding how our thoughts and emotions interact with these physical symptoms can bring a whole new dimension to healing.

When life gets hard there is a tendency to contract, to hold our breath and freeze. As a family we are experiencing a difficult time with one of my daughters husbands abandoning her and their two wee babies in the most callous and selfish way possible. This audio is about the importance of softening into the hardness of life with all of its twists and turns and bloody blind summits.

I love dreaming and especially when there is a beautiful message from one of my deceased relatives helping me navigate life. Listen in to find out more and subscribe to enjoy more.

How Can I Learn More ?

Come join me in my next exploration of the Principles beginning on October 30th 2023.

In a world bustling with various belief systems and spiritual paths, the concept of non religious spirituality might seem like a paradoxical enigma.

However, the fusion of The Three Principles with a non religious approach offers a transformative journey that can bring about authentic change and profound growth to everyone’s life.

Exploring The Principles was designed to solve and clear up the most common Myths and Misunderstandings that people bump up against about The Principles and other spiritual teachings.

Over 1,000 people from 50 countries and from all walks of life have taken this course which has deeply transformed their lives.

Prepare to embark on a captivating exploration that intertwines humour, information, and compelling insights to unveil how the Three Principles and non religious spirituality can be your guiding light to an improved and enriched existence.

Click here for more information-https://jacquieforde.com/guided-exploring-the-principles/

Not many people understand that the human mind has two main functions; a thinker and a prover.

Whatever the thinker thinks, the prover proves that thought to be true. So, if a person thinks they are stupid, their prover proves that thought to be true. If a person thinks they are clever, the prover will prove that to be true also.

Over time, the circumstances of your life come into line with whatever you have been thinking.

Sound far fetched?

Your life conditions are a result of what you have been thinking and feeling over time.

One of my clients, Isabelle was a 1st year university student when I met her for the first time. She was delightful, gregarious and incredibly intelligent both emotionally and intellectually but there was a dark secret she had kept hidden about herself for over 8 years.

Like many young women Isabelle fell prey to the idealistic standards of how she should look, what she should wear and how she should present herself to the world from a very early age. Her generation was the first to be fully exposed to smart media, social media and everything else the internet and streaming television can bring into your life. She was seduced by the beauty of models, clothes designers and her older peers and imagined them all having the most wonderful life because of how they looked and presented themselves to the world. In her adolescent thirteen year old mind Isabelle made a decision that this was the life she desired above everything else. She wanted to look, sound and be exactly the same as the images of the women surrounding her.

Utterly doable for a thirteen old right? Of course not. Her adolescent body was transforming as the hormonal changes that rage through our systems in our teenage years establish the next phase of our physicality, preparing us for motherhood. Her breasts grew far bigger than the models she adored, her tummy became rounded and wobbly. Her thighs and hips laid down fat deposits. You see puberty is a sequence of events in which physical changes occur, resulting in adult physical characteristics and the capacity to reproduce. Isabelle did not like what was happening to her and despised the changes that were unfolding in her body. Her body did not look like the women she admired. She became obsessed with staying slim..... Please view the rest of the blog at www.jacquieforde.com

A heartwarming podcast about a strange meeting on a bus in Edinburgh and the beauty of living an ordinary yet extraordinary life with an understanding of the Principles.

You can find subscribe to my youtube channel here: https://youtube.com/@jacquieforde5269?si=1n0oWjqKOvH2gse3

Subscribe to my podcast here: https://on.soundcloud.com/uL6TaDgwPhMHez1T6

Join my email list here : www.jacquieforde.com

Meet me on Instagram here: @jacquieforde_coach

Meet my guest:

I’m Debra Simmons, Head of happiness at Dare2bu!

Dare2bu is all about knowing ALL of who you truly are, both as a human and a spiritual being.

Finding the balance between the two and from there Consciously Creating your best unique life. A life that excites and lights you up. A life you amaze yourself with.

That pretty much describes my life.

I’ve been doing this work for over ten years now, I pride myself on walking my talk. I not only talk about this stuff I live it!

My story involves escaping from an abusive relationship, turning my life around, and helping my children find their happy place, in-spite of all they’ve been through, and building a (now successful) business.

All of this has given me a deep grounding in the best ways to help others who have dreams that simply never seem to quite work out, or after what seems like a spiritual awakening, they then find themselves back in the thick of what got them searching in the first place.

I LOVE what I do, I love the life I’ve created, and I LOVE playing with deepening my knowing of who I truly am and playing with what’s possible!

My latest ‘play project’ is The Field of Dreams. I’m buying a piece of land and building my dream home on that land. When I started this looked impossible, every day it moves a little closer to being a reality in form as well as in my heart.

I would love you to join me, to bring your dream and together create something beautiful.

Ways to connect…

My YouTube Channel; https://www.youtube.com/c/DebraSimmonstff

My Facebook Profile; https://www.facebook.com/debrasimmonsdare2bu

My website; https://deb.dare2bu.co.uk/

The Field of Dreams; https://deb.dare2bu.co.uk/fod