Therapist Uncensored Podcast

Self Compassion is an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism. 

It is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?   Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode.

Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert on Self Compassion.

Self Esteem vs Self Compassion

This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between self esteem and self compassion, and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend.

Finding the middle ground between constantly attending to your child versus letting them learn to self-soothe is a challenge that all parents must face. In this episode, Therapist Uncensored hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, break down the difference between “Attachment Parenting” and the science of actual Attachment theory.  They share key elements from research outcomes that surround many common misconceptions of applying the theory itself.

You’ll learn that the ideals setup by Dr.William and Martha Sears and Richard Ferber might not fully translate in today’s world of parenting and that the way you respond to your child’s needs is a determining factor in how secure they will be later in life.

Thank you to our sponsor!

 

Episode brought to you in part by Theranest, they help keep us on the air and being able to offset the costs of producing this show.  Please visit their website and check out their services, you have nothing to lose and produUtivity to gain!

We’ve arranged a deal to get 20%off your first 3 months to give you a chance to try it out.  We know you don’t want to spend your time billing, you want to spend your time across from people you care about – clients, friends, family,  your pets, whomever.  But not the computer. Let them help you.U

0:00-10:00

Introduction

Attachment Parenting is mostly associated with Sears & Sears

Modern research shows that providing children love, kindness and responsiveness results in a more well adjusted person

Attachment Theory: how a child learns that their primary caregiver can safely respond to them when they’re distressed

Attachment parenting by Sears and Sears asserts the importance of the three B’s: Breastfeeding, Baby Wearing, and Baby Sleeping

Attachment is a two-way process between parent and child

10:00-20:00

The three essentials for developing secure functioning

Children use their caregiver to regulate their body until they can do it on their own

Filling children up for exploration and being available for refueling rather than keeping children attached to you continuously

Responsiveness doesn’t have to be so strict and can be attuned to your family’s needs

Attunement builds secure attachment

Children are resilient and will bounce back so don’t feel you have to follow all the rules, make it work for the parent-child dyad. Focus on attunement rather than strict adherence to a technique.

20:00-30:00

Babies sleeping through the night is not necessarily a sign of secure attachment

Sleep training and Ferberizing is not necessarily allowing babies to “cry it out” but is a way of training them to sleep on their own.

Research indicates that babies should not be sleep trained prior to 6 months of age

Learning what your child’s cries mean helps you become attuned to them

Putting children to bed prior to falling asleep allows them to learn to sleep on their own

30:00-40:00

Studies have shown that parent and child’s cortisol levels are both elevated at the start of sleep training but, over time the caregiver’s goes down as the child expresses less distress yet the babies often stay elevated.

No shame parenting allows parents to respond to their children in a way that helps them grow

Children need to learn to get distressed and cry and to be soothed be loving caregivers

“Prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child”

Wrap up and outro

Resources

The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to U...

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout? 

It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency.  However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.  

But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.  

Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations.

Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly.

0:00-10:00

Introduction

General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner

Learning to talk about talking about sex

Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex

The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner

 

10:00-20:00

How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes

When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life?

How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground

Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication

Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages

 

20:00-30:00

The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies

Part of women’s fantasies is being desired

Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism

Avoiding arousal/desire censorship

 

30:00-40:00

How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources

Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting

Wrap up and outro

 

Resources

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show.

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin

 Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex:  Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz

 Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki

We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest!

Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice.

TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.

Do you use a to-do list as a way to justify the need to be busy rather then the other way around?  Idleness can breed discomfort and busyness seems to help to fill in the gap. Learn how conscious busyness and idleness can generate cognitive health and happiness, while unconscious busyness just adds to the stress trap.

As real therapists, we challenge you to not believe what you think.  Inquire. It’s healthy to question the stories you tell about yourself and the world… update your model.  Check out your story.  See if what you tell yourself is still true, or has ever been true. If it’s right there is no problem in questioning,  but if you are in a mental rut you wouldn’t know it unless you cache the map and look again.

In this episode we ask you, has being busy become an identity, a badge of honor, or is it simply a fear of being idle?  Perhaps an antidote to loneliness? A way to be needed?  A VIP?  Are you choosing your schedule or feel as if you are being handed it?  Is that true?  🙂

Dive deep into an exploration of how our relationship to busyness can distance us from ourselves and those around us.

Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss how a sense of urgency, a desire for a sense of importance, stress, and discomfort are all interrelated in dealing with idleness in your everyday lives. We’ll talk about how you can keep your mind engaged in moments of idleness and how you can make the most of your resting state by truly being idle or through purposeful activity.

0:00-10:00  Introduction Why do our minds want to be busy? How is being busy a culturally dictated status symbol? Choice and sense of urgency effect Purpose, busyness and stress

The psychological discomfort of idleness despite the natural, evolutionary desire to choose it

10:00-20:00  Choosing idleness as a primal need to conserve energy Natural aversion to idleness without purpose The appeal of mindfulness through its intent to bring you something Keeping your brain busy with new skills keeps it healthier in the long run (processing speed, episodic memory)

20:00-30:00Differentiating being full vs. being busy Importance vs. urgency Your brain is always working, even (or especially) in idle times How best to use your resting state

30:00-40:00Learn to be idle rather than occupy your idle time OR move and be active (purposeful l idleness vs. purposeful activity) Boredom and stimulation, meaning and purpose Wrap up and outro

 

Resources:

Being busy may be good for your brain!  Smithsonian Magazine.  

The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind 

The Busier the Better: Greater Busyness Is Associated with Better Cognition

 

We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest!

Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice.

TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.  They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service.  Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored.

Walk through the discovery experience of coming to understand yourself as transgender and see how this coming to know yourself relates to everyone, not just those who identify as non-binary. What's the difference between transgender and butch lesbian, sex, gender and sexual orientation, tomboy and trans... and what's the deal with the strange pronouns. Find out here.

"Security" at the border?  Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.  This podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young.  It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.  But it works both ways... Stress and fear that is ongoing also has the same persistent thumbprint as well.

As we continue our discussion of the relational sciences in everyday life, this episodes examines practical treatment ideas from a practitioner's playbook. Mirroring Hands is outlined and demonstrated in this episode.

All the single listeners (think Beyonce!) heads up.  Learn to use attachment science at work and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum.

Attachment science isn't just about relationships, it's decades of research on how we come to see ourselves and have unconscious expectations about the world. This conversation really highlights how to think about applying it in real life scenarios, sans therapy-speak.

Learn how tapping into the depth of wisdom your body holds can have a huge impact on your sense of self.   Body attunement + conscious reflection (left/right, top/bottom integration) are hallmark markers of secure functioning. Tap into your own body as a deep and abiding source of information and means of finding self-understanding and closer connection.

Mindfulness literally soothes our nervous system - straight up, super cool meditation. Try it and repeat.

Enjoy a straight shot of Kirtan Kriya Meditation from Kundalini Yoga Instructor and Therapist, Kelly Inselman. That's fancy for coolness and calm. Who doesn't want that? Dive right in and give yourself the gift of practicing along - we guarantee a more regulated nervous system moment. Money back guarantee. :)