We had been talking for at least half an hour.  I was discussing some thoughts about her marriage problems as she was trying to figure out what to do.  I noted where the problems started and how she might start repairing.

Fact is, that is why people are on my website, listen to my podcast, grab my System, or seek me out.  They want a loving, connected relationship and right now, it has problems they can’t quite solve.  But they know something has to change, or they are headed for deeper problems and even divorce.  So, I work hard to show a way forward.

I was pretty open with my concerns about therapy with this caller.  She had heard my podcasts on the subject and knew I had major reservations.  (Statistics are pretty clear on this topic.)

Which is why I was a bit surprised when she asked, “So, could you recommend a therapist?"

Okay, admittedly, I was not overly surprised.  I get the same request on a regular basis.  That, in spite of my clear discussions about marriage therapy issues, problems, and limitations.  (And yes, I was trained as a marriage therapist.  Yes, I have lots of therapist friends.  Yes, I am even married to one.  And yes, I still have concerns.)

I guess I was more surprised because we had, even just five minutes earlier, discussed my concerns.  Yet, here we were.  Looking for a therapist.

“Therapist or Bust,” it would seem!

Did I recommend a therapist?  Nope.  Because I don’t do that.  For several reasons.  I discuss my concerns and reasons on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  I look at why we default to a method that has pretty poor outcome results.  I look at some basic problems with the therapy approach, and discuss when therapy does make sense.  Avoid the traps and you are well ahead of the game!

Listen in below.

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