The Way You Show Up

This Mental State Hurts You AND Your Marriage


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Learn more about the Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://marriagehelper.com/couples-workshop/

You are such an idiot.

That is what I said to myself. Out loud. For days.

Over a pair of AirPods.

I left the case on my bumper, drove off, and lost them. Second time I've lost a case. The first time I mailed it away in an Amazon return box.

And I spent the next week beating myself up about it.

Here's the problem with that. The things you think don't stay in your head. They move to your heart. They come out of your mouth. And when you think badly about yourself, you start thinking badly about everyone around you.

What you think about is what you keep thinking about. So make it good.

In this episode, I talk about how to break the negative self-talk spiral and actually move forward instead of ruminating.

Then we get into your questions.

How do you show a reluctant spouse you're a safe place when the only contact you have is sporadic texts about money? Short answer, you can't manufacture the opportunity. But you can be a good steward of the ones you get.

Are kids really resilient after divorce? They are. But they shouldn't have to be. I get honest about why so many people repeat that line, and what the research actually says about kids growing up in high conflict co-parenting.

And what do you do when your spouse says he's leaving so the kids won't have to watch a bad marriage? Fix the marriage. That is the model your kids need. Two people going through something hard and figuring out how to repair it.

In Study Scripture With Me, I'm in 1 Samuel 28. Saul goes to a medium at Endor because God stopped answering him. David asks for the ephod and waits. Two men asking God the same kind of question. One wanting permission, one wanting direction.

If God agrees with everything you want to do, it might be worth asking who you're actually listening to.

Then we close with the hot seat. Ten words or less. Including one piece of advice I've given for years that I've had to correct.


I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Thursday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

đź”— Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com

🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

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The Way You Show UpBy Kimberly Beam Holmes, PhD

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