Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: East Texas Mom Serves Jello Shots At School Before Serving Time In Prison, Canadian Donkey Sanctuary Rocked By Portrayal Of Hard Working Animals In Commercial, Leicestershire Men Get Muddy In Easter Monday Tradition Of Bottle Kicking, A Jersey Mike’s Employee Solves A Lettuce Bowl Mystery With Help From Reddit, West Linn Oregon Citizens Hopes Dashed By Carbonated Water, Breaking News From Andy’s Phone About Man Exposing Himself In Car

Plus Today’s Headlines: Pope Francis’s Funeral To Be Held Saturday, Top 60 Minutes Producer Bill Owens Resigns Stating He Can’t Maintain Integrity Due To Recent Changes, Trump Musk and Vance To Pay Women To Remain Pregnant And Barefoot, Musk To Pull Out Of Doge To Focus On Failing Car Company, University Of Pennsylvania Researchers Develop Antiviral Chewing Gum, Full House Star Dave Coulier Has Beaten Stage 3 Cancer, and Andy Calls US Weekly Out For Misreporting Story On Christopher Schwarzenegger  

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:44 Headlines

15:32 Mom Serves Jello Shots

19:42 Donkey Sanctuary Upset

25:29 Bottle Kicking

27:57 Jersey Mike’s Lettuce Bowls

30:17 Sparkling Water Fail

33:00 Breaking News

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Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Three Legged Rescue Horse In Minnesota Named Lt. Dan Gets A New Lease On Life, American Teenagers Raise 1.5 Million For Racing Startup Featuring Live Jizz, Mr. Red Raspberry’s Humanitarianism Lives On In Tupelo Award Dinner,  Indian Teenagers Save Lives With Breakthrough Salt-Powered Refrigerator That Doesn’t Need Electricity, Chat GPT Wastes Vast Amounts Of Water And Energy On Polite Users

Plus Today’s Headlines: Pope Francis, Beloved Advocate For Equality And Peace, Passed At Age 88, President Donald Trump’s Approval Rating Has Tanked, RFK Announces Plan To Remove Artificial Food Dyes From Nation’s Food Supplies, Wild Chimps Like To Partay According To Footage Of Unique Behavior Around Fermented Fruits, George Clooney Makes Claim That He And Super Human Wife Amal Have Never Fought

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:26 Headlines

18:39 Lt. Dan Mini Horse

21:55 Sperm Racing

27:37 Mr. Red Raspberry 

30:56 Amazing Teen Invention

34:43 Please & Thank You ChatGPT

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Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Irish Goldfish Won At Fundraiser 20 Years Ago Possibly World’s Oldest, Colt Seman’s Airion Company Reinventing The Piss Trap For Female Fighter Pilots, Quicksand At Michigan Beach Makes Couple Official, Scottish Badminton Player Kirsty Gilmour Overturns Unfair Yellow Card Penalty Due To Her Menstrual Cycle, ‘Pot Heads’ Flock To This Year’s Le Creuchella To Score Discounted Le Crueset Ware, Spanish Woman Busted For Faking Muteness And Receiving Insurance Payouts

Plus Today’s Headlines: Pope Frances Tolerates Our Baby Boy JD Vance During Quick Easter Visit, When Easter Lands On 4/20 Stoners Don’t Miss The Opportunity To Praise and Bake,  Petey Hegseth Shared Highly Confidential Security Details In Second Signal Chat, Nasa’s Oldest Active Astronaut Don Pettit Turned 70 During Descent To Earth, Beijing Hosted First Half Marathon Including 21 Humanoid Robots, Elizabeth Hurley and Billy Ray Cyrus Go instagram Official In Bunny Ears

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

02:15 Headlines

09:47 Oldest Goldfish?

13:42 A New Piss-Trap

16:30 Quicksand Meet Cute

21:15 Aunt Flow Badminton

24:00 Le Creuchella

28:09 Woman Fakes Muteness

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Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Pennsylvania County Commissioner Stripped Of Duties After Drinking Half A Bottle Of Vodka And Crashing County Car Before Showing Up Late To Meeting, Two Real Pro Burglars Tunnel Through 2 Walls To Steal 10 Million From LA Jewelry Store, Very Good Boy Sharwood Earns World Record For Donating The Most Dog Blood, Other Very Very Good Boy Buford Saves Boy’s Life In Modern Miracle, Largest Polar Bear Dip Recorded In Czech Republic  

Plus Today’s Headlines: 2 Deceased And 6 Injured In Florida State Shooting By Sheriff's Son, Minnesota First Lady Gwen Walz Slams RFK Jr. Over Autism Comments, Trump Attacks Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Claiming He Has Authority To ‘Get Rid Of Him’, White House Makes Controversial Choice To Use 30,000 Real Eggs In White House Egg Roll Amidst Price Hike And Supply Issues, Clueless No More - Producers At Peacock Finally Bringing Back Clueless As Series With Alicia Silverstone Reprising Role As Cher 

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:24 Headlines

08:23 Naughty County Commissioner

11:31 LA Jewel Heist

16:10 Dog Donates Blood

19:45 Dog Is A True Hero

23:18 Polar Plunge Record

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Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Florida Woman Arrested After Buying And Selling Human Bones, Boston Residents Solve Mystery Cause Of Chronic Broken Side Mirrors, NY Authorities Send Search Drones After Beaver Escapes Zoo, T-shirt and Lawnmower Rentals Gaining Traction, Pasadena High School Student Discovers 5 Million Potential New Astronomical Objects With Newly Developed AI Algorithm, Antibiotic-Resistant Gonorrhea May Meet Its Match With New Pill Tested Only On White Men So Far

Plus Today’s Headlines: Astronomers Detect Possible Sign Of Life 2.1 Million Years Of Travel Away, US Judge Finds Probably Cause To Hold Trump Officials In Contempt Over Deportations, Puerto Rico Experiencing Another Island-Wide Power Outage, Top National Institute Of Health Nutrition Researcher Dr. Kevin Hall Departs Citing Censorship Under RFJ Jr., New Study Finds Intense Workouts Within Four Hours Of Bedtime Lead To Poorer Sleep, Colossal Squid Filmed In Ocean For First Time, Fyre Fest 2 Already Postponed After Tickets Sold 

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:23 Headlines

18:25 We Got Bones

22:01 Pesky Pecker

24:19 Beaver On The Run

27:13 T-Shirts For Rent

33:02 Space Smarty Pants

35:56 Gone Gonorrhea Gone

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Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Little Vegas Chapel To Offer Star Wars Themed Wedding Packages For Ceremonies On May 4th, Michigan Town Residents Pitch In A Helping Hand For ‘Book Brigade’ Transporting Books To New Store Location, Unhoused Man Wins $1Million Scratcher Ticket At Buddy’s Liquor Store In San Luis Obispo California, ZwitterCo Introduces New Very Cool FDA Compliant Anti-Fouling Membranes For Whey Processing,   In Swiss Alps Event

Plus Today’s Headlines: JD Vance Fumbles Ohio State Football Trophy At Whitehouse And Breaks It, Barack Obama Comes Out In Support Of Harvard After Trump Administration Cuts Off $2Billion Of Federal Grants, AOC Faces Ridiculous Blowback From Republicans Who Are Outraged That She Had A So Called “Accent” During Idaho Rally, James Brolin Reveals Secret To 30 Year Marriage With Barbara Streisand Is Their Mattress, and Melinda Gates Turns 60 And Has Advice For Women

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

02:51 Headlines

17:57 Book Brigade

20:08 Unhoused Man Wins $1Million

23:58 ZwitterCo Brings It

27:05 Oyvind Kirkhus

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Today’s Headlines: A 5.2 Magnitude Earthquake Rattled So Cal And Scared The Bejesus Out Of Our Family, Both Terrible Men Leading El Salvador and US Refuse To Return Wrongly Deported Man To The US,Harvard says it will not ‘yield’ to Trump demands regarding DEI programs putting $9B of Federal Funding in peril, SNL issues rare apology to Aimee Lou Wood following mean-spirited White Lotus sketch, And The Gals From The First All Female Crewed Bezos Launch Are Back From Space!

Plus Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Arkansas Family Sues After Finding Hidden Camera In Scottsdale Airbnb,  Study Shows That Anxiety Drugs Found In Rivers Make Salmon Take More Risks, Wisconsin Town Takes To The Skies To Convince Red Lobster To Open A Restaurant, New Device By OneCourt Helps Visually Impaired and Blind Sports Fans Enjoy The Game Through Touch, Elizabeth’s Instincts Confirmed In New Study Showing That Human Brain Might Start Eating Itself During Strenuous Exercise Endurance, And Happy National Glazed Spiral Ham Day!

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:54 Headlines

13:41 AirBnB Creeps

17:44 Fish On Drugs

20:46 C’mon Red Lobster

24:21 New Device Helps Blind Sports Fans

25:32 Marathon Brains Eat Themselves

27:55 National Glazed Spiral Ham Day

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Today’s Headlines: Arsonist In Custody After Setting Pennsylvania Governor’s Home On Fire, Bernie Sanders And AOC Draw Over 36K Crowd To Los Angeles Rally, Trump’s Health Optimal As He Wins All The Victories In Health And Golf According To Totally Impartial Doctor, Yo Gabba Gabba! Deliver Coachella’s Best Set, and Rory Mcllroy Claims Career Grand Slam With US Masters Win

Plus Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: Large groups including 25 children rescued from Arizona Trail Exposed To Scorching Temperatures, Michigan Amish Community So Quick To Repair Damage From Tornados Data Couldn’t Be Collected, Scientists Find Evidence of sjladkj;asdjf;lajkdsj ;fljas;dfkajsd;fkja, Badass Rat Who Sniffed Out Record Number of Tuberculosis Cases In Tanzania Gets To Retire In Style, Ancient Ruins Of A Water Palace Emerge In Devastating Myanmar Earthquake, and Nobody’s News’s Controversial But Adorable New Publicist Reported Doing A Great Job At Church According To His Mommy

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:47 Headlines

08:23 Arizona Hikers Rescued

11:32 Amish Rebuild 

15:17 Universal Conformal Invariance

18:50 Carolina Sniffs Out TB

21:35 Myanmar Water Palace

24:04 Welcome Vancouver Listeners

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Today’s Headlines: Accredited Doctor And Scientist (j/k) RFK Jr Claims US Will Know Cause Of Autism ‘Epidemic’ by September, UK Government developing ‘murder prediction’ tool to help identify people likely to kill, Weezer Bassist Scott Shriner Plans To Play Coachella This Weekend Despite Wife Having Been Shot And Arrested By Police Due To Her Interference With An Unrelated Police Manhunt In Her Neighborhood, NatGeo Debuting New Full Scale Model Of The Titanic In Its Show ‘Titanic: The Digital Resurrection’,  and SNL To Debut British Version Of The Comedy Juggernaut

Plus Today’s Soft-Hitting stories: The GOAT Andy Rosen’s Birthday Is Tomorrow!, Indiana Has A Dog Problem According To The USPS Which Cites 67 Dog Bites Or Attacks Against Its Carriers In 2025 So Far, Canadian Students Held Captive In Apartment For One Week By Angry Canadian Geese, 106 Year Old Woman Challenging Airlines Inability To Recognize Ages Above 100, Louisville Kentucky Restaurant Owner Floods Own Restaurant To Minimize Damage From Rising Dirty Flood Waters, and VIP Field Correspondents Mary And Mal Give Heartwarming Update Of A New Church Connection And Favorite Boise Idaho Eatery

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Chapters:

00:00 Intro

01:20 Headlines

14:18 Andy's Birthday

16:26 Control Your Dogs Indiana

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Soft-Hitting stories: Nasa Offering 3 Mill To Anyone Who Will Help Clean Up Their Human Mess, Hollywood Reporter Releases List Of 20 Sexiest TV Shows Of All Time, Army Reinstating Horse Drawn Caissons For Funerals At Arlington National Cemetery Despite Dark History, Man Urinates On Senior Corporate Executive On Yet Another Air India Flight, Uber Releases Annual Lost And Found Index

Plus Today’s Headlines: Stock Market Rebounds In Big Gains After Most Trump Tariffs Paused For 90 Days, White House Press Secretary Becomes Less Attractive When She States That She Won’t Respond To Journalists Who Include Pronouns In Their Email Signatures, King Charles And Queen Camilla Meet Pope At 20th Wedding Anniversary Celebration, Former First Lady Michelle Obama Snuffs Out Rumors About Her Marriage, and Lebron James Makes History As Mattel’s Newest Ken Doll

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Check out our other show, Nobody’s Listening, Right?

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

03:34 Headlines

12:22 Nasa Poop Problem

18:12 Sexiest TV Shows Of All Time

20:25 Horses Return To Arlington Cemetery

25:14 Air India Urine Problem

30:20 Uber Lost Items List

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