TROJAN WAR: THE PODCAST

ODYSSEY: THE PODCAST - my 14 episode, 24 hour sequel to Trojan War: The Podcast - is now recorded and waiting for you. Subscribe through your usual podcast provider, or go to odysseythepodcast.com!

THE STORY: (40 minutes)  Zeus, King of the Gods, hosts a wedding.  An uninvited guest crashes, bringing an unwelcome gift.  In mere moments, all Hades breaks loose.  And the wheels of Western culture’s most awesome epic - the Trojan War - are set in motion.

THE COMMENTARY:  DID THE TROJAN WAR REALLY "HAPPEN"?  (9 minutes; begins at 40:00)  In this episode of post-story commentary I spend some time talking about how the Trojan War epic, though over three thousand years old, remains deeply embedded in contemporary culture. I note how we are all familiar with the names (Achilles, Helen of Troy, Hector), the images (The Trojan Horse), and the concepts (“the face that launched a thousand ships”; “beware of Greeks bearing gifts”; “his Achilles’ Heel”) that originate in this epic.  Then I review the “history” of the story:  from a war that may or may not have happened circa 1250 BCE, through five hundred years of post-war “oral tradition”, up to Homer’s written account – The Iliad - in 700 BCE, and on to the contributions of further storytellers, including the Roman poet Virgil in 19 BCE.  I confess to how wonderfully liberating it is for a storyteller like me to be free to sort through the myriad sources, stories and texts (many of which contradict each other), and then “glue them together” into one big, cohesive, entertaining plot.  I conclude the post-story commentary by definitively answering the burning question of whether the Trojan War ever really happened.

Hope you have fun.

Jeff

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THE STORY:  (54 minutes) A queen is visited by a terrifying nightmare. Priests discern what the nightmare means. And a king is faced with a soul-wrenching dilemma: “do I kill my child, or allow my city to burn?” And the king’s decision …? Well, you’ll have to listen in to see how that turns out.

THE COMMENTARY:  FATE VS. FREE WILL (16 minutes; begins at 54:00) In this episode of post-story commentary I explore the role of “Fate” in the Trojan War epic. I observe that most of us listening to this podcast (in the 21st century) like to believe that we have some sort of control or agency over our lives. We like to believe that we each have, to a large degree, freedom to choose how our lives will transpire – sort of like being the authors of our own “choose your own adventure” lives. I contrast this belief with the understanding of Bronze Age Greek culture (where our epic story takes place). These people did not believe in agency or free will (except in minor day to day questions, like “will I have fish or lamb for dinner this evening?”). But on the big questions of how one’s life – one’s “adventure” if you will – was going to unfold, well, the Bronze Age Greeks did not believe in free will. Rather, each person (and possibly even the Olympian gods too) was subject to an unavoidable fate or destiny. I cite the famous story of Oedipus to illustrate how this inexorable fate would have been understood by the characters in our story. And I conclude by exploring how the people that we are going to meet in this awesome epic still managed to find meaning, dignity and purpose in a universe governed by Fate.   I think you will find the conversation educational, but mostly just a lot of FUN!

Jeff

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THE STORY:  (38 minutes)  A miraculous child survives not only the homicidal raging of an angry demi-god, but also an icy immersion in a magic river and the venomous bite of a deadly snake. Then the child turns two, and his real adventures begin.

THE COMMENTARY:  THE ACHILLES STORIES THAT I DID NOT TELL YOU  (16 minutes; begins at 38:00) I begin this episode of post-story commentary by discussing the reasons for the popularity of “Achilles stories” in the Bronze Age and Classical Greek world. I then briefly review some of the "birth of Achilles" stories that I chose to leave out of my account of Achilles’ early life. Following that, I review one particular major point of difference between Achilles as I present him in my story, versus Achilles as Homer chooses to portray him in The Iliad. This leads to a discussion of what “Achilles stories” were actually available and known to Homer when he wrote his epic, circa 700 BCE..

Have fun!

Jeff

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THE STORY:  (30 minutes)  Hermes, the messenger god, locates a “highly qualified” judge for a beauty contest between three powerful, vain and vindictive goddesses.  One of the goddesses is cruising to what appears to be certain victory, until her competitors propose a “twist” on the contest rules.  And our judge – a boy you already know – is suddenly confronted with a choice:  political power, military glory, or some smokin' hot  …   But you'll have to tune in, if you want to find out exactly what happens. 

THE COMMENTARY:  (14 minutes; begins at 30:00)  I begin the post-story commentary by acknowledging some of the “time line inconsistencies” inherent in this episode.  Has it really taken Zeus eighteen years to find a judge for a beauty contest?  I explore some of possible solutions to the time line problem, including: “look the other way and pretend it isn’t there”, and “employ Einstein’s theory of relativity to reason the problem away".  Eventually I give up and simply acknowledge that timeline problems are endemic to stories grounded in the oral tradition, or to stories penned by multiple authors working without central editorial oversight.  I note that timeline inconsistencies are not unique to Greek epic, and cite by way of example the creation stories (both of them) in the book of Genesis.

I then turn to a discussion of The Judgment of Paris as a favourite subject of visual artists, from the time of Classical Greece to the present.   I muse about why this work has been so consistently popular with artists, and decide it must be because: a) everybody already knows the story, and b) the artist gets to paint three really hot women in the nude (the women in the nude that is, though I suppose nudity might have been the artist's aspirational outcome too?).  I then spend some time “deconstructing” Rubens’ famous  The Judgment of Paris painting (check out the RELATED IMAGES below).  I note that the three Olympian goddesses are traditionally depicted in art accompanied by certain “props”, that offer viewers the necessary clues to figuring out who is who.  Athena:  a helmet, a shield with a monster’s head, and an owl to represent her wisdom.  Hera:  a peacock.  And Aphrodite:  accompanied by her son Eros – the “Valentine’s Day boy” if you will, complete with bow and quiver of “erotic arrows”.  In any Judgement of Paris painting, I note, Aphrodite will always be the goddess in the most flagrantly sexual pose, as befits her status as goddess of lust and sexual passion.

Finally I conclude the post story commentary by relating the story of my teenage son’s response - “on first looking into Rubens’ Judgement”.  My son found the goddesses in the painting shockingly “Rubenesque”, which led the two of us –father and son – into a long winded discussion (more of a lecture by father actually) on the culturally implicated and temporally transient nature of female beauty.  And that’s where I wrapped things up.  To test your skills in “goddess identification” check out Raphael’s “Judgement of Paris” painting, posted below.  Have Fun.

Jeff

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THE STORY:  (30 minutes)  The transition from shepherd to Crown Prince of Troy isn’t easy, but with some help from Aphrodite (and from the royal harem), Paris manages to settle in to Troy quite nicely.  A road trip to the the Greek kingdom of Sparta follows, during which Paris discovers that Aphrodite keeps all of her promises.

THE COMMENTARY:  DID SPARTA REALLY THROW BABIES OFF OF CLIFFS?  (14 minutes; begins at 30:00)  I spend the entire post-story commentary of this episode talking about Sparta. Most of us, when we hear the word “Sparta”, immediately conjure up the image of bad-ass Spartan warriors, and the recent Hollywood blockbuster “The 300”.   I note that this particular Sparta – the Sparta of popular consciousness – existed circa 480 B.C.E.; whereas the Sparta of the Trojan War existed circa 1250 B.C.E.  After a quick review of the social and military practices of the 480 B.C.E. Sparta – killing unfit babies; raising boys in military barracks; murderous initiation rites into manhood; selective breeding and eugenics programs – I explore the historical veracity of this picture of Sparta.  I note that our most reliable and authoritative source was Plutarch, writing circa 100 A.C.E., a full 500 years after 480 B.C.E.  I note that Plutarch relied for his account of Sparta almost exclusively on oral history, supplemented by the incomplete accounts of Herodotus and Thucydides.   I remind listeners that “tales grow with the telling”, especially over 500 years.  And I note that Plutarch, like all historians, had his own agenda for presenting the picture of Sparta that he did.  I conclude by reviewing some recent archeological “finds” concerning all those babies thrown off of cliffs, and by noting some recent historical views on the million-strong Persian army that Sparta defeated at the Battle of Thermopylae.

Have fun,

Jeff

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THE STORY:  (37 minutes)   This episode has it all!  A kinky story about an amorous swan, a disturbing story about a butchered horse, a cautionary story about a foolish husband, and a too-familiar story about a corrupt politician.  And in the midst of all the stories, well, Helen of Sparta moves to Troy.

THE COMMENTARY:  HELEN OF TROY - DAMSEL IN DISTRESS or FEMME FATALE?  (26 minutes; begins at 37:00)   Helen of Troy is one of the most complex and enigmatic characters in all of fiction (or in all of fact - which just adds to the complexity!).  As you know, Helen left her life in Sparta to travel to the city of Troy with Paris.  But what caused Helen to leave?  Well, that continues to be the subject of considerable debate.  In this episode of post-story commentary I review five conflicting “takes” on Helen’s motivations.  I note that each culture down through the ages has ascribed to Helen motivations which are deeply reflective of that particular culture’s attitudes towards women, the family, and sexuality.  And I caution that each culture tends to create an explanation for Helen's actions that the culture "needs to hear".  The five “takes” on Helen that I discuss include:  Helen the Homewrecker; Helen the Damsel in Distress; Helen the Femme Fatale; Helen the Survivor; and Helen: Pawn of the Gods.  I make a case for each, then share with you the version of Helen I personally find most compelling.  And I invite you to disagree with me!    Have fun!   Jeff

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RELATED POEMS

LEDA AND THE SWAN, WB Yeats (best 14 sentence sonnet summary of the Trojan War Epic EVER!!!)PDF

HELEN OF TROY DOES COUNTERTOP DANCING, Margaret Atwood (one of my favourite poetic "takes" on Helen) PDF

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THE STORY:  (43 minutes)   Operation Trojan Storm needs the craft and cunning of Odysseus, Greece’s most clever man.  But Odysseus has mysteriously vanished.  Agamemnon puts his best man, Palamedes, on the case.  “Find Odysseus; bring him to me, one way or another”, Agamemnon commands.  But what Palamedes discovers when he finally locates Odysseus ….!  Tune in to the podcast to learn the whole, horrifying truth!

THE COMMENTARY:  GREEK PIRATES vs. TROJAN MERCHANTS (17 minutes; begins at 43:00)   I shamelessly spend this entire post-story commentary geeking-out on Greek naval technology and tactics.  First I paint a quick picture of sort of ships that Agamemnon was building in order to launch his amphibious invasion of Troy.  Then I review Greek naval tactics, explaining how Agamemnon’s fast, nimble and highly mobile  ships managed to terrorize the towns and cities of the Mediterranean world.  Then I explain how the Greeks of 1250 B.C.E. “looked outward” for economic opportunity:  how they proudly sacked, pillaged and raped their way through the Mediterranean with the help of their boats.  Then I turn to Troy – a Mediterranean power with no navy at all.  I explore the reason for this:  namely that the Trojans were merchants who had no need to venture outward for economic opportunity.  They simply sat safely behind their high walls and waited for the world’s wealth to come to them.  Finally I review  doubts expressed by contemporary historians concerning the actual size of Agamemnon’s invasion fleet:  were there really 1186 ships, as Homer claims?  Lots of fun!  Jeff

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THE STORY:  (49 minutes)   Agamemnon doesn’t dare launch his invasion of Troy until Achilles - Greece’s very own “weapon of mass destruction” – is part of the operation.  So Odysseus, the cleverest of the warlords, is dispatched to find the elusive Achilles.  Act One of today’s episode is a cleverly constructed mystery.  And Act Two?  Well, let’s just say that Act Two is more than a bit of a drag.

THE COMMENTARY: ACHILLES, THE OPERA!  (15 minutes; begins at 49:00)   Stories, myths and legends are like any other element of fashion; they wax and wane in popularity over the decades and centuries.  In this episode of post-story commentary I explore the “Achilles on Skyros” story.  The story, ancient enough that Homer makes passing mention of it in The Iliad (c. 700 B.C.E.) is a wonderfully light and inconsequential moment of candyfloss inside the massive story arc that is the Trojan War Epic.  And the story, as a consequence, has been largely ignored by artists.  Except for a hundred year span in the 18th century, when a total of twenty-seven complete operas were staged, all based on the candyfloss diversion that is “Achilles on Skyros”.  Then, just as suddenly as the story came into fashion, it fell out of fashion.  And almost no artists have shown interest in the story ever since.  In this episode I playfully explore what made “Achilles on Skyros” such a sensation for those hundred years, by creating and badly performing the libretto to “Jeff’s own version” of the opera.  Then I turn serious and explore how artists throughout history have always managed to mine, from the stories of the Trojan War Epic, the particular artistic gold that their culture requires.    Jeff

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THE STORY: (45 minutes) In this horrifying episode Agamemnon, Commander in Chief of the Greek’s Operation Trojan Storm, is confronted with an existential question. How badly does he want to invade Troy, and who or what is he willing to sacrifice in order to realize his plans?

THE COMMENTARY: MURDER, INCEST, INFIDELITY & CANNIBALISM – AGAMEMNON’S INTERESTING FAMILY! (16 minutes; begins at 45:00) This deeply troubling episode is based on the story of the sacrifice of Iphigenia – Agamemnon’s teenage daughter. In the post-story commentary I explore how two different Athenian dramatists used the broad outlines of the well-known “Iphigenia story” to craft their own unique plays. I first look at Aeschylus’ Agamemnon (458 B.C.E.), and explain why I chose to follow his general plot outline in narrating my own account of the story. Then I turn to Euripides’ Iphigenia at Aulis (405 B.C.E.), seeking (and finding) a much happier and less horrifying account of the story I have just told. I leave you the listener to decide which of the two versions you find more compelling and believable – because of course, none of us will never know what really happened on that beach at Aulis. Finally I turn to a quick account of Agamemnon’s absolutely horrifying family: the House of Atreus. Starting with Agamemnon’s great grandfather, then down through the generations to Agamemnon himself, I recount a family predilection for murder, incest, infidelity and cannibalism. I discuss the Bronze Age belief that “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons” to account for the horrifying intergenerational curse of the House of Atreus. Because of my “no plot spoilers” promise, I conclude my review of the curse with Agamemnon himself, but promise listeners that in later episodes of Trojan War: The Podcast, Agamemnon’s descendants will carry on the proud family history of horrifying deeds.

Jeff

RELATED CONTENT

IPHIGENIA by Tennyson (PDF)

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THE STORY:  (53 minutes)   Agamemnon’s 100,000-strong army finally makes it to the beaches of Troy, and readies itself for one day of glorious, decisive, "winner-take-all" battle against Hector’s Trojan army.  But the Trojans appear to have other plans.  And it soon becomes clear that the Greek troops will not be making it home for Christmas – at least not for any Christmas in this decade.

THE COMMENTARY:  WEAPONS, ARMOUR & BATTLEFIELD REALITIES c. 1250 B.C.E.  (30 minutes; begins at 53:00)   Some episodes ago I spent the post-story commentary shamelessly geeking out on Greek vs. Trojan warships and naval tactics.  In this episode I turn my equally geeky attention to Bronze Age weapons, armour and military tactics.  But rather than contrasting Greeks vs. Trojans, I instead contrast “warlord heroes” vs “cannon-fodder grunts”.  First I discuss the “warlord heroes” as presented by Homer and his contemporaries:  heroes like Achilles, Ajax, Hector, Odysseus and Agamemnon.  I review the sort of armour that they wore, and the weapons that they would have most preferred.  Then I note the protein-rich diet, and the lifetime of professional training, that these warlord heroes would have benefitted from, and that made them seem so “larger than life” to the common foot soldiers on the battlefield.  Next I turn my attention to those common foot soldiers --the men who would have comprised the overwhelming majority of fighting forces on the plains of Troy.  I note that if there actually were 100,000 Greeks on the Trojan beach, then well over 99,500 of them are not beneficiaries of the “Homeric epic treatment” in Bronze Age accounts of this war.  I explain that these common foot soldiers would have been poorly fed, poorly trained, poorly armoured and poorly provisioned.  They would have gone into battle with what bits of armoured protection they could cobble together (often nothing but hardened leather), and for weapons would have utilized whatever was readily at hand.  Finally I turn to the horrifying realities of injury, mutilation and dying on a Bronze Age battlefield:  a battlefield with no anaesthetics, antibiotics or accurate understandings of surgical procedure.  Not a pretty picture.

Jeff

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