Are you wondering whether your current relationship is built on true love or if you're stuck in a trauma bond? It's a question that plagues many of us. This episode dives deep into this common dilemma, helping you navigate the complexities of love.

Often, the struggle arises when you've invested a significant amount of time, money, and emotion into a relationship, yet something feels amiss. You oscillate between moments of happiness and despair, unsure if the ups and downs are part of a healthy love or a result of a trauma bond.

Let's break it down:

Attachment Styles: From birth, humans form attachments for survival, but not all are healthy. Trauma bonds stem from insecure attachments, where you change yourself to feel safe. True love, on the other hand, thrives on unconditional acceptance and safety. You are worthy just as you are, without needing to meet conditions.

Love or Need: In trauma bonds, love often becomes a means to fulfill your emotional needs, leading to tests and constant vigilance. Mature love emanates from a genuine feeling for your partner, not as a response to your own insecurities.

Hypervigilance: Trauma-bonded individuals are hyper-aware of their partner's actions, while those in mature love have a healthier balance, noticing disrespect but not obsessing over it.

Liberation or Control: Trauma bonds often lead to feeling controlled and suppressed, as you mold yourself to please your partner. In mature love, you're liberated and free to express yourself, communicate boundaries, and voice your needs.

Individuality vs. Unity: In a trauma bond, there's a constant push to merge into one unit, sacrificing your identity. Mature love embraces individuality and encourages growth outside the relationship, celebrating differences.

Reflect on these aspects and your own experiences. Are you expressing love selflessly, or is it a response to your emotional needs? Do you find yourself constantly testing your partner? How vigilant are you about your relationship? Do you feel liberated or controlled? And finally, does your relationship allow for individuality?

Understanding these distinctions can help you assess whether you're in true love or caught in a trauma bond. Remember, it's okay to seek support and guidance as you navigate this complex terrain.

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Specialising in relationships, attachment problems and trauma bonding, Dr Sarah is on a mission to help you end negative cycles, create a secure relationship template, improve communication, rebuild trust, and strengthen emotional intimacy. Stop self-sabotaging behaviours now and begin to self-actualise.

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