Coming to terms with one’s sexuality is not easy. For our adolescent girls, this could be a time full of confusion and stress. As parents, how can we best understand and support our LGBTQ girls as they grapple with their sexualities and identities? Tune in to this episode as Dr. Tim Jordan offers his guidance.
I’m seeing more and more adolescent girls who are questioning their sexuality. Most of these girls feel confused, stressed & anxious because they aren’t sure what they are feeling & what it means long-term. Their parents and teachers often feel confused, some are angry, and are unsure of how to best support them.
Research has found that LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to experience stress and fear in school than their non-LGBTQ+ peers, resulting in bullying, verbal harassment, and physical assaults. It’s no wonder these kids experience more depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts than their non-LGBTQ peers.
My intention for this podcast is to give you some education about this issue, but mostly to offer you my observations about what I have seen & heard from girls in the past several years to help you better understand your daughters & their friends.
I clear up misconceptions about the many new labels that these girls come to them with, i.e. gender queer, bisexual, pansexual, gender-nonconforming, queer, transgender, or cisgender. I also discuss the use of different pronouns that girls prefer.
When a girl tells you they identify with one of these labels, I encourage you to always ask them what that means exactly for them; some are misinformed; confusing labels, better to describe feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
Most of the LGBTQ girls I work with are in questioning their sexuality; i.e. they are in the process of understanding and exploring their sexual orientation and/or gender identity and gender expression. Dr. Jordan describes many reasons why girls are undergoing this questioning process.
I tell girls to relax & take the pressure off, they don’t need to KNOW now, let life unfold more & their sexual orientation will become more obvious as they get into later teens & beyond.
Girls need safe spaces to talk about their feelings & thoughts; keeping secrets creates a lot of stress & anxiety, get caught in their heads ruminating worst-case scenarios; talking about it moves them from amygdala to verbal centers & PFC, reason supplants emotions. Secrets make girls feel alone, isolated, lead to fear and panic, depression, they think they are the only one.
Girls need their parents to be nonjudgmental, caring listeners; to be a sounding board, and to remain an influence in their lives.
Sometimes the girls are clear about who they are, have embraced it, but those around them haven’t & that mismatch is what causes them anxiety & stress & anger. We are all always becoming, never done growing or changing, okay to not be “there” yet, learn to embrace their growth & the uncertainty that comes with it.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For more information on terminology and resources for kids in the LGBTQ community, check out this site: © 2014 Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network www.glsen.org
Understanding LGBT kids article: https://youth.gov/youth-topics/lgbtq-youth/school-experiences

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