Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

Understanding the Impact of PDA "Persistent Drive for Autonomy" in Your Relationship-Toni Borneo

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During this episode, Toni Borneo, a late discovered Autistic who is also the host of the "Autistic at 40" podcast shares what she has learned about Persistent Drive for Autonomy (aka Pathological Demand Avoidance).

More specifically we address the following:

  • Learn how this is a heightened stress reaction to anything that is out of the person's control
  • There is a strong desire for autonomy over "what, when and how" and being addicted to finding ways to maintain control
  • Why your partner may say "no" often
  • Fight, flight, freeze response from threats or "perceived" threats
  • The impact of "internalized" PDA
  • Masked PDA and issues around trust
  • Shame around PDA and secretive or sneaky behavior
  • Creating a no-judgment zone
  • The impact on executive function skills
  • Your body may be in hyperarousal all the time
  • How to get your autonomy back through equalizing with acts that are safe, boundaried and not damaging to your relationship
  • Reframing requests and sharing declarative statements, rather than asking questions


    • You can follow Toni on IG @autistic_at_40_podcast

    You can also listen to her podcast "Autistic at 40" or learn more about her on-line free space at Autisthood.


    If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona has available you can check out her website . If you would like to buy the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or the Workbook click here.


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    Neurodiverse Love with Mona KayBy Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay
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