According to the research of the Gottman Institute, nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable - meaning, there is no clear right or wrong resolution. After recently celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary, Dan and Becky Allender come together to talk about conflict, particularly within the context of marriage. Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitible - and it can look different in different seasons or settings.  You’ll hear Dan and Becky highlight two traps that are easy to fall into: conflict avoidance (don’t go there!) and indifferent compromise (just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it your way). You’ll also hear them talk through some of the keys of navigating moments of conflict: slowing down, naming the patterns, and caring for one another in the moment - even when there is no clear resolution.    

Unresolvable Conflict

The Allender Center Podcast features Dr. Dan Allender and his team engaging topics on healing and restoration through the unique intersection of theology and psychology. Through questions submitted by listeners, stories, interviews, and conversations, we engage the deep places of heartache and hope that are rarely addressed so candidly in our culture today. Join us to gain refreshing insight into understanding your story, handling relational struggles, recovering from trauma and abuse, and more. 

The mission of The Allender Center is to help people tell their stories with awareness and integrity, and to train them to listen to the stories of others with care, artistry, and skill so that they may foster redemption and healing in their lives. The Allender Center is a pioneering organization committed to boldly engaging the impact of trauma and abuse, providing healing and teaching to individuals, couples, and communities, and training professionals to listen and enter into stories in a way that facilitates transformation and hope. For information on all our programs and live events, visit theallendercenter.org

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Mental Health

Do you ever feel stuck in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions or negative thoughts? Dr. Alison Cook, therapist and host of "The Best of You" podcast, joins Rachael Clinton Chen to explore the intricacies of navigating emotions. Her latest book, I Shouldn’t Feel This Way, offers practical strategies and a transformative 3-step framework to navigate difficult emotions and find more clarity. Whether you’re grappling with past wounds, conflicting emotions, or seeking more connection with yourself and God, we hope this episode offers valuable insights and encouragement to support you on your journey towards emotional freedom.

“I Shouldn’t Feel This Way” with Dr. Alison Cook

In Romans, we’re encouraged to renew our minds, but what does that really mean? Can we just think our way to healing? Today, Dan and Rachael dive into the fascinating world of mind-body renewal.  They discuss how relying solely on our thoughts for healing has its limitations and propose a more holistic approach that considers the polyvagal system—a fascinating network that regulates our nervous system. Referencing Romans 12:2, they stress the importance of going beyond just thinking differently, recognizing the deep connection between our bodies, minds, and spirits. Dan explains the three stress states of the polyvagal system—ventral vagal, sympathetic activation, and dorsal vagal shutdown—and how disruptions can skew our perception of reality and impact our relationships. You’ll also discover some practical techniques to help regulate the polyvagal system and clear your mind. By the end of this episode, we hope you’ll gain a deeper understanding of renewal—one that embraces not only our thoughts but also our physical and spiritual well-being.  

Renewing the Mind

In our fourth and final episode of conversations with Narrative Focused Trauma Care alumni, we have the privilege of speaking with Rev. Mike Boland about the profound influence of his training and work in NFTC on both his personal life and ministry. In the shadow of childhood abuse, Mike found himself trapped in what he describes as a perpetual "Groundhog Day" cycle. While he managed to get by, true healing remained elusive. However, the cycle was disrupted when he became a parent, prompting him to seek help to address his past traumas and strive to become the kind of parent he aspired to be. This pivotal disruption led him to work with a skilled therapist who introduced him to the work of the Allender Center. Though his journey towards healing was tumultuous and marked with anger, Mike pressed on with courage. His desire for growth led him to participate in a Men’s Recovery Week and eventually complete Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level III training, ultimately becoming a Facilitator with the Allender Center. We hope that this four-part series of candid conversations has inspired you and sparked your imagination regarding the possibilities of healing, both for yourself and others. Our aim has been to offer you a glimpse into the profound impact of embracing the life-changing experience of Narrative Focused Trauma Care. Learn more about NFTC training at theallendercenter.org/trainings  Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse, including childhood sexual abuse, and is intended for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.  

Narrative Focused Trauma Care with Mike Boland

Today, Dan and Rachael are chatting with Petra Malekzadeh, who is the Narrative Focused Trauma Care Facilitator Training Coordinator at the Allender Center, as well as an Instructor and Advisor. She also led a thriving story group ministry at her church for several years before joining us. You’ll hear about what drew her to the work of the Allender Center and, in particular, the work that she has done to understand the role of shame and step into a more fullness.  We invite you to chat with Petra at our upcoming NFTC Level I Coffee Hour on May 8. If you have questions about NFTC training, how the program works, and how it can benefit your work, Petra is the perfect person to connect with. Sign up for this free coffee hour at theallendercenter.org/events. This is the third of our 4-part series where we’re inviting you to join us in listening to real stories from those who've gone through Narrative Focused Trauma Care training with the Allender Center. Through candid conversations with these remarkable individuals, our goal is to give you a glimpse into the profound impact of saying yes to this life-changing experience.  Learn more about NFTC training at theallendercenter.org/trainings   

Narrative Focused Trauma Care with Petra Malekzadeh

After leading a marriage ministry in a large church and successfully launching their children into the world, Mark and Michelle Hollingsworth found themselves facing the unexpected collapse of their 24-year marriage. In the aftermath, they began a quest to find healing and more understanding. As they searched for support in their church and friend community but still felt very alone. Mark said, “People didn’t know what to do with us.” So as they navigated their own healing process, they also had the courage to imagine how they could support others experiencing similar heartbreak, creating spaces for healing that they themselves had struggled to find. Inspired by Michelle's experience at a Story Workshop, the couple pursued Narrative Focused Trauma Care (NFTC) training together. Both Mark and Michelle completed NFTC Level II training with the Allender Center, and they now offer coaching and story groups for other couples through The Soul Reserve. Michelle says, “We just want people to know that we can be really good people that are really broken - and we can fight for each other's goodness” This is the second of our 4-part series where we’re inviting you to join us in listening to real stories from those who've gone through Narrative Focused Trauma Care training with the Allender Center. Through candid conversations with these remarkable individuals, our goal is to give you a glimpse into the profound impact of saying yes to this life-changing experience.  

Unresolvable Conflict

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