Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series - The Needs Formula is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

If everything we do is done to meet our needs, why do we often feel so depleted? The answer to this is the Needs Formula. Today we discuss what the Needs Formula is and how we can navigate through it in order to feel more nourished and resourced.

In this episode, we cover...

• Reminder: Everything we do, every second of every day is done to meet our needs
• What is the needs formula?
• We give examples of how anything we do both meets and needs and depletes them at the same time
• How understanding red-green spectrum can help you meet your needs better
• How the needs formula calculates your ROI (return on investment) on meeting your needs
• How in relationships, what works for one person might not work for both
• How sometimes getting what you want doesn’t mean getting what you need
• How finding out the way to meet your needs in a green spectrum way is like a map

Episode references:

The episode where we talk about the red-green spectrum is Episode 3 - I need to do WHAT?

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 69 - How to say no when you find it really hard is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Are you a “yes” person? A lot of us have been conditioned to say “yes” from a young age. But when we say “yes” to things either without checking in with ourselves or when we actually mean to say “no”, it compromises more needs than it meets. Today’s episode deals with reasons why we feel compelled to say “yes” and how to say “no”, even to yourself.

In this episode, we cover…

• Why we find it hard to say “no”
• Why we say “yes”, even when it doesn’t serve us
• How it might feel like we’re meeting multiple needs by saying “yes” but it actually compromises several more
• How we are conditioned to say “yes” from childhood
• How your subconscious influences the way you meet your needs
• How saying “yes” can become a habit
• How to say “no” to yourself and why it’s important
• How to know if something needs to be reconsidered
• How to be more mindful when replying to a request
• Why having free time doesn’t mean you’re available
• How your value need is linked to making the choice to say “no”
• What a placeholder response is
• Why getting used to saying “no” is like a pendulum
• How “no” is a complete sentence
• How needs change moment by moment and how that affects the decisions around saying “no”
• How to start practicing saying “no” in a safe space

Episode references:

Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility

Episode 30 - What happens when the Pride (Parade) comes AFTER a fall…

Episode 35 - Self worth Series: The link between self worth and self care

Other references:

U.K. Comedian Sarah Millican on saying “no” https://fb.watch/i8GPp5T8us/

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 68 - That’s not rambling, it’s meeting your needs is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Do you sometimes find yourself apologizing for ‘rambling’? Rambling is regarded as undesirable behavior and we often apologize for it. In reality it’s serving a very important purpose. Find out how “rambling” can be a great way of processing your emotion in today’s episode.

In this episode, we cover…

• Why you may think it’s “rambling”, but it’s really not
• How saying things out loud or in writing can help to process the experience
• What happens in the brain during emotional processing
• Why speaking for a long time is judged by our society
• How being more aware of your internal process can help identify and to communicate what you need
• The role of reciprocity when holding space for someone
• How you can turn an apology into gratitude for the person you’re processing with
• Why we need to process emotions as they come through
• How to set up a processing space with others
• How it’s ok to have different rules with different people
• How to try processing your emotions in different ways to find what works for you
• How your processing can be an example to others
• How “rambling” is viewed negatively, but it serves a valid purpose
• An invitation to reflect on things that you do that might be viewed as ‘negative’ and identify what needs they’re meeting

Episode references:

The anger, judgment and carrots episode is Episode 33 - Why there's no such thing as negative emotions

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 67 - People Pleasing Series - The problem with putting others first is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Society applauds people-pleasers and praises their “selfless” acts. In reality, when we put ourselves last on our agenda, our needs - especially our value need - get severely compromised. Today's episode explains how there is a far better way than to get our needs met... meeting them in a selfirst way!

In this episode we cover...

• Why we often operate from a place of putting others first
• How past experiences and traumas perpetuates people pleasing behavior
• How this affects all of your relationships
• How your value need is affecting and being affected by this behavior
• We explain how it is possible to set an example in a more supportive and constructive way for everyone’s needs
• The consequences of not knowing how to meet your needs
• How you can start to change this dynamic right now
• Why identifying as a people pleaser can be so problematic
• Why being "nice" can be detrimental to your needs and other's needs
• What the difference is between being nice and being kind
• The importance of focusing on the needs that are driving the people pleasing behavior
• How to start shifting from identity to behavior
• Why it is important to start meeting your own needs, especially your value need... in a selfirst way
• How some relationships transition when you stop people pleasing
• How to engage your personal power need to create a different dynamic
• Why we are able show up better for other people when our needs are met
• Why need trumps choice
• The steps you can take to move away from people pleasing behavior
• How people pleasing behavior can influence your peers, children or people who might be watching you and how it can cause a ripple effect

Episode references:

Episode 2 - The wisdom of Joey Tribbiani

Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility

The episode we refer to where we speak about the relationship orbits is Episode 17 - What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come.

Other references:

"That's the problem with putting others first, you yourself taught them that you come second" - Ranjini Banerjee

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 66 - People Pleasing Series - Sorry Not Sorry is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Do you apologize for every little thing, even when you've done nothing wrong? Unwarranted apologies compromise your needs, especially your value need. Although most of this behavior is unconscious and stems from past traumas and conditioning, there are simple steps you can take to process, heal and start acknowledging to shift this pattern of behavior.

In this episode we cover...

• How people (especially women and people from marginalized communities) are conditioned to apologize constantly
• The ways that unwarranted apologies affects your needs
• Why the phrase "sorry not sorry" is so problematic and harmful to you and your needs
• Some of the issues with apologizing for owning your value
• How society influences the perception of your value
• How you can go against the social grain by owning your value
• The impact of unwarranted apologies in relation to social justice and privilege
• Why "sorry" is sometimes necessary to feel safe in certain situations
• Why it is OK to prioritize your safety over your other needs
• How to start to change this behavior and start better meeting your value need
• How your value need shows up in the workplace
• How your value need is connected to your personal power need
• Why it's important acknowledge feelings around this topic in order to start healing from past conditioning

Episode references:

The episode in which we mention the forest is Episode 36 - Self worth Series: Why it's so hard to feel 'enough'

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 65 - People Pleasing Series - The root of most people pleasing is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Most people have found themselves engaging in people-pleasing behavior at some point in their lives, but not many of us realize that the reasons for this lie in our The Universal Needs. In this first episode of the series, we delve into the roots of people-pleasing and how we can start to heal those behaviors starting with small changes.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of domestic abuse

• In this episode we cover...Where patterns around your needs emerge from
• We define the six different types of trauma in terms of needs
• How past traumas, especially in childhood, shaped your relationship to our needs and how this can affect people pleasing behavior
• How people pleasing can compromise many of your needs
• The importance of processing traumas and how doing so can benefit your needs
• We explain how the value need could be compromised in seemingly opposite ways, but are actually two sides of the same coin
• How children internalize trauma
• How and why people pleasing can be an unconscious drive to get your needs met
• Why is it a problem to get your needs met from others and how this is relevant to codependency
• Reminder: "You are enough and you are worthy simply because you exist"
• How marginalized communities experience different levels and layers of trauma and how people pleasing can emerge from these traumas
• One of the best ways to meet your value need
• How your personal power need is affected through people pleasing
• The ways in which your survival need and choices can be determined by privilege
• How you can shift out of people pleasing behavior
• How setting boundaries relate to this behavior and how it leads to that DING, DING, DING!!
• How to start setting realistic boundaries, even with yourself

Episode references:

Episode 4 - Well that wasn't his 'ducking' responsibility, was it?

Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series (1) - The difference between guilt and shame

Other references:

Clark doll social experiment -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZryE2bqwdk

Ted Talk by David R. Williams - How racism makes us sick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzyjDR_AWzE

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 64 - When rising above can bite you in the ass is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Most of us feel proud when we "rise above" a situation or look up to people who do. What we don't realize is how much it compromises our needs. Today we share how to approach challenging situations in a selfirst way that honors your emotions and heals the root to minimize the risk of situations triggering you again in the future.

In this episode we cover...

• How "rising above it" really means that we’re bypassing a situation (and your needs!) in some way
• How this can be a way of getting other needs met... not in a good way!
• How this can be a way to avoid accountability
• What the toxic positivity aspect of this phrase is
• Why it is never a good idea to "rise above it"
• How this can get in the way of your healing
• Which needs are compromised through this behavior
• How this can have a knock-on effect on several needs
• Why acknowledging, expressing and processing emotions is so important
• How addressing the issue will prevent it from triggering you again (or minimize the risk)
• How "rising above" a situation is not the virtuous approach we think it is
• How this behavior impacts our mind-body connection, and can cause physical challenges in your body
• How it can be a part of people-pleasing behavior - stay tuned for our People Pleasing series, starting next week!
• Why we need to go through it rather rise above it
• Why we take things personally
• How to approach these situations in a selfirst way

Episode references:

The Feather brick truck episode is Episode 48 - When pretending everything is OK compromises your needs further

Selfirst series - Episodes 20, 21 & 22: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…; The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility; A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs

Episode 33 - Why there's no such thing as negative emotions

Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series (1) - The difference between guilt and shame

Episode 51 - How to increase your resilience

Other references:

'The Great Pain Deception' by Steven Ray Ozanich

Work by Dr. John Sarno for more information about the mind-body connection

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 63- If you loved me... is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Whether you've said this phrase in the past or have been at the receiving end of it, a request that includes "if you loved me..." does not benefit anyone's needs. So how can we move from manipulation and feelings of obligation to mutual love and respect for each other's needs?

In this episode we cover...

• Why the phrase "if you loved me..." is an attempt at emotional manipulation
• Which needs are being compromised through saying this phrase
• The difference between getting these needs met in a red spectrum way and a green spectrum way
• We explain the disempowerment dynamic behind this behaviour
• Understanding why saying this phrase to children is damaging
• How this behaviour is relevant to boundaries
• How agreed-upon principles can aid conversations about behaviour
• How making people feel like they don't have a choice can build resentment and compromise several needs
• How shifting demands to approaching things in a selfirst way can be an antidote to that
• How we can use the desire to manipulate as a tool to examine our needs
• How to understand and examine your own patterns around this behaviour
• How to navigate the situation if you're at the receiving end of manipulation
• How boundaries are important in these instances
• How "if you loved me..." doesn't have a place in a loving relationship
• Understanding the role of meeting our own needs can have in healing this dynamic

The Episodes we reference in this episode are:

Episode 41 - Why your intention REALLY doesn't matter

Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series - That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity

Episode 61 - Friendship series - Clearing niggles

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 62 - Treat every customer like a regular is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

There are occasions where customer experiences leave a person with a bitter taste in their mouth. Whether you're a customer or a business owner, the type of interactions with staff can have a great impact on business flow, reputation, customer retention and customer experience. Today we share how you can create an exceptional customer experience, as well as how this approach can change your experience in EVERY area of life.

In today’s episode we cover…

• Why this MIGHT seem like it's only pertinent to business, but how it's REALLY relevant to everyone, no matter if you work in customer service or not
• How treating everyone like a regular irrespective of whether they are or not can transform your business
• The importance of tipping for service, not for the item you're getting...and how this can transform your customer experience
• How different the customer experience can be when you treat staff like friends
• How to create an upward spiral in customer service experience where it just gets better and better for everyone involved by meeting everyone's needs well
• How you can meet your customers value needs by showing care for the experience they are having with you
• How to create a customer service HUG
• What needs are you going to meet by creating a good customer service experience
• Why you want to create customer service sprinkles for your customers
• How treating customers like regulars means you will meet their needs better
• How this applies outside of the business context
• How doing this can help you make more friends and create deeper connections
• When it's OK to step out of this approach
• Shout out to Moondog Cafe and Bakery, Bobby's Monkey Bar and Koffie House, here in Key West, for their customer experience!
• How when you treat customers like regulars, they become your marketing, telling everyone about you and sending more customers your way
• How to discover "Gems" of people by approaching life this way
• How both good and bad customer service can create a "180" in terms of customers wanting to return, as Serena found out
• How remembering can be one of the keys to this, as it shows care and that people are important and valued

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 61 - Friendship Series - Clearing Niggles is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Most people have never heard of a niggle. But it could be the thing that makes or breaks your closest relationships, especially your friendships. So what is a niggle? How do you clear them? And how do you avoid feeding the niggle monster? Today we share all...

• What is a niggle?
• Why it is so important to clear them
• What is a niggle monster...and why is it like a gremlin?
• The path to clearing niggles and how to navigate it
• Why you don't want to start with clearing niggles, without the hard conversations
• What is the process of clearing niggles, what steps do you take to clear a niggle?
• The chain reaction of niggles and how it can amplify
• How niggle monsters can end up feeding each other
• How when you clear them you can end up playing niggles together in a way that really feels good
• How the ripple of niggle clearing can spread
• If clearing the niggle could amplify it based on how the other person reacts, how to then deal with it
• The difference between clearing niggles and processing them with others
• Why there is no point trying to hide niggles
• How clearing niggles with others can actually make you more aware of your own actions
• How clearing niggles can help you learn about and get closer to the people you care about

The apology series is Episodes 15-17 - When an apology actually damages needs, How to apologise (and why sorry isn't enough) and What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come

And for those of you who want to know...Gizmo is a Mogwai! :)

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.