Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 22 - Selfirst Series- "A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs" is now live!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Would it surprise you to know that most of the spaces that we create are comfortable, but aren't actually safe? It's the uncomfortable truth. Today we'll discuss how to get comfortable with discomfort to create a safe space.

In today's episode we'll cover:

- The confusion between a safe and comfortable space

- What is a safe space

- What happens when we create a safe space

- The need linked to your sense of safety

- How comfort can cost your own needs

- The importance of interconnectedness in safe spaces

- What happens when you learn to meet this need in selfirst ways

- The symbiotic relationship between safety and openness

- How creating an uncomfortable but safe space is the only thing that has enabled us to have both a friendship and business partnership

- How this helped make the hardest conversation we've had really easy

- Why it doesn't work to 'leave the friendship outside' in business and vice versa

- How a 'comfortable' space often doesn't even feel comfortable!

- How to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 21 - Selfirst Series- "The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility" is now live!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

So often, the conditioning of having our needs met by others has led us to believe we are being harmed when they are not being met. Today we're going to get into how to differentiate harm from an unmet need and how knowing the difference can change everything.

In today's episode we'll cover:

- The difference between doing harm and not meeting others needs

- The expectations and sense of entitlement many people have

- What is a Claire-bite?

- What isn't our responsibility

- What is our responsibility

- How this can apply to life areas such as friendship and work

- How saying no to people can actually allow you to get closer to them

- Examples of where this has shown up in our own lives

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 20 - Selfirst Series- "What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…" is now live!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've talked a lot about being Selfirst in the episodes we have shared up to now, but we often get questions asking for clarity about it. What IS Selfirst and what ISN'T? One of our community members asked us to do a podcast explaining more, so today that's exactly what we're doing.

In today's episode we cover:

- They say that Diamonds are a girl's best friend - Why a very specific diamond is Everyone's best friend

- A reminder of the difference between Selfish, Selfless and Selfirst and how they are connected to unmet needs

- Why being 'selfless' often isn't selfless at all

- Why the sequence matters so much

- How Selfirst is a conscious choice in how to respond to a situation and/or meet your needs

- When Selfirst is NOT applicable

- The situations in which you can almost always be selfirst

- Why Selfirst might not be what you would choose to do if you were fully resourced, and how that's OK and actually best for everyone

- What Selfirst means if you are responsible for dependents (genuine dependents)

- How glass and plastic balls can help you navigate being Selfirst when you DO have genuine dependents

- Some examples of being Selfirst (and not being Selfirst) from our own lives

- Why Selfirst isn't a one and done thing

- How not being Selfirst actually compromises your needs

- How a nostalgic Christmas movie inspired a deeper understanding of Selfirst for one of us (we are aware of how harmful and problematic this movie is, we do not recommend watching it, we just wanted to give context to the realisation that came from it)

This is a resource on the glass and plastic balls analogy we mention in the episode: https://www.upworthy.com/to-the-parents-struggling-to-juggle-it-all-during-the-pandemic

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Today we are looking at the importance of language in the meeting of our needs, and especially how the way our language affects others can affect OUR needs. 

Trigger warning: We discuss language in this episode including mental health and other slurs, we only use any terminology once and only for clarity of the word we are referring to if we believe there may be any confusion. 

In this episode we cover: 

- A correction to something we say at the beginning of this episode: We mention in the trigger warning that we will be discussing terms that 'would be considered oppressive'. We want to be clear; These terms ARE oppressive. 

- Why it's so important to be aware of interconnectedness when meeting our needs 

- Some of the multiple words that are used that are not OK because they are slurs 

- What is the 'C word'? - Why using it is an issue for others' needs and our own 

- How our societal inequity means it's harder for those without privilege to get their needs met 

- How we often don't mean the c-word at all - Why being lazy with our language use is such an issue 

- Our own experiences with the c-word 

- Some replacement words to consider and resources for alternatives 

- How our language use has changed over time and how this demonstrates it is possible to change 

Here are the list of alternative words we went through in the episode: - Confusing - Amazing - Awesome - Incredible - Wild - Intense - Overwhelming - Strange - Ridiculous - Weird - Spinning out - Unpredictable - Impulsive - Reckless - Fearless - Out of control - Silly - Foolish - Lacks understanding - Ignorant - Dense - Uninformed - Thrill-seeker - Risk-taker - Scary 

This is the quote we reference in the episode: "Ableism is not a list of bad words. Language is *one* tool of an oppressive system. Being aware of language -- for those of us who have the privilege of being able to change our language -- can help us understand how pervasive ableism is. Ableism is systematic, institutional devaluing of bodies and minds deemed deviant, abnormal, defective, subhuman, less than. Ableism is *violence.* 

This is the list of resources for ableist words and alternatives that we mention: https://www.autistichoya.com/p/ableist-words-and-terms-to-avoid.html 

This is the link to the video about the 'voo breathing' technique that we mention in the episode: https://www.facebook.com/TheUniversalNeeds/videos/559597731582310 

This is the post we referred to about the ADHD Tax: https://www.facebook.com/allisondavies.com.au/posts/6890800347661651 

Some additional resources, experts and educators on systemic inequity in different areas (these lists are not exhaustive, just a starting place - there are many other areas of systemic inequity and many other resources and experts to follow): 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/121uE187yIWuw1QA_sORr7RS0lTe6-f3YHYAYu_uhuog/

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nw8OjUhKPWlOBiV_E5cTJILo2FCti1iCk7hbM0S2PJ0/

https://linktr.ee/AudaciousAutistics 

https://crutchesandspice.com/ 

For transparency, we made the donation to the Black Trans Art and Joy fund shortly after this episode was recorded. If you would like to donate to them too, you can find their information and their current fundraisers here: https://linktr.ee/BLACKTRANSAJF

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

Or the Full Vodcast here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 18 - How to stop yourself from burning out and how to relight the fire if you do

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

So many people experience burnout and after the last couple of years there have been more and more people who have been suffering with it. So what is burnout, how can you recover from it, and how can you prevent it from happening again?

In today's episode we cover:

- The answer to "Burnout - how to recover and try to stop it from happening again"

- What Burnout really is and what your needs have to do with it

- Six things that can help you when you experience burnout to help you recover and avoid it happening again

- Why it can be harder for Type-A people to recover from burnout, and what to do about it

- Which Universal Needs are most important to focus on in burnout recovery

- How coping can help us in the short term, but needs to be addressed in the long term

- How to process an experience fully in alignment with your needs

- Which ways of meeting needs will work best for you when you're burnt out

- What is the 80:20 rule when it comes to needs?

- What self-care really is

- How to help your system to get out of the extreme vigilance which comes from being burnt out

- How to heal from burnout in a way that supports yourself best

- How important reaching out for help is when you're burnt out

- Our own personal experience of burnout and recovering from it

This is the video we mention about the round the world trip with a stranger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utYwOcpKSr8

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 17 - Apology Series - "What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come" is now live!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

So many people find themselves waiting for an apology that will never come, maybe from a colleague, or from a family member, or from a partner. But what can we do to take care of ourselves and our needs when this happens?  Today we break it down for you.

In this episode we cover:

- How a lot of people find themselves in a situation where they never receive an apology to something that has been done to them

- We had a community request "Why is it so hard for people to admit their wrong doing and simply apologize and secondly, how can I meet that need for myself?"

- Why is it so hard for people to admit their wrongdoing and simply apologise?

- How not admitting wrongdoing and not apologising is a poor attempt to try to protect needs

- How can you meet that need (for an apology you're never going to get) for yourself?

- Examples of how to meet the needs that have been impacted in order to recover from an impact

- How it is not your responsibility to repair the relationship that has been damaged by someone else

- The relationship orbits and how they can help you navigate these situations

- Some examples from our own lives where this has been helpful

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We all know what it feels like to get an apology that doesn't feel good, but what is needed in order to make a really effective apology? One that not only addresses what happens, but makes amends and creates meaningful change in the future?

Today, we break it down, step by step

- This episode was requested from a member of our community

- Why sorry isn't the end of an apology, it's just the beginning

- How what happens after an apology either gives it meaning or strips it of meaning

- What is an apology not?

- Why 'taking it back' is not part of an apology

- What is an apology?

- The six key steps to an effective apology

- Why all of the steps are necessary for an apology to be effective

- The seventh bonus step to take relationships from just good to extraordinary

- The two key things that you must NOT speak about in order for an apology to be effective

- How to get our FREE Apology Blueprint PDF download

The 'How screw ups can make a relationship closer' was episode 13 (not 14 as we mentioned in this episode)

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've all had an experience of an apology that has felt empty, lacking or just doesn't feel good, but were you aware that this could be because your needs were not only not met by the apology, but actually damaged?

In today's episode we cover:

- Why an apology is necessary from a needs point of view

- What is an apology?

-  What is an apology not?

- Further harming the person you are trying to apologise to

- Why there are a number of situations which someone who is attempting to apologize actually further impacts someones needs

- The most common examples of 'apologies' that actually make a situation worse, not better

- Why apologising for how someone is feeling is not the same thing as acknowledging how they are feeling and empathising with them

- The difference between the perceived 'cancel culture' and reality of 'consequence culture'

- The importance of intention vs impact when it comes to making an effective apology

- The Britney, Justin and Janet situations and whether the apologies were effective or harmful

- Some examples from our own experience of apologies that have done harm

The 'how screw ups make a relationship closer' was episode 13 (not 14 as we mentioned in this episode)

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

We've all experienced manipulation to one extent or another, today we share with you how you can protect yourself from ever being manipulated again.

In today's episode we cover:

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

In this week's episode we explore how screw ups can make our relationships closer, and how screw ups have made OUR relationship closer...

In this episode we cover:

To see the Vodcast (Video podcast) preview, check it out on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyLFobMUaJiJuNzy_nsT7Q

To watch the full Vodcast (Video podcast) now, join us here: https://www.patreon.com/TheUniversalNeeds