Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 108 - Why am I so depleted series: What drains your needs is now LIVE!Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuideIn our second episode of our Why am I so depleted series, we cover one of the single most important topics yet...what drains your needs. You can't meet your needs effectively if you don't know what is impacting them and why. By discovering and managing what is draining our needs, we can begin to meet them in effective and fulfilling ways. In this episode, we cover…

• Why Claire thinks the content of this episode is as, if not  more, important than learning to meet your needs
• How not knowing what is draining your needs is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole on the bottom
• How staying at her previous job to meet her needs, Serena was actually compromising her needs far more
• What it means when you find yourself prepping to go into situations
• The role trauma plays in meeting your needs
• How we often find those close to us can see the holes in our needs bucket before we can
• Finding the balance we need to ensure our needs are being met far more than they are being cost
• How getting your needs met outside your primary relationship is not a threat to the relationship it can actually make it stronger
• How do we plug the gaps in our needs bucket
• The importance of setting boundaries
• What happens when we "make it work"
• The role being selfless plays in draining your needs
• Plugging into the source to fill your tank and then give to others
• How Joe's newest job has him living his best work life
• How judgement can drain our needs
• The fear of confronting what is draining us

• The episode where Claire tells how The Universal Needs came about- Episode 9 - Trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom
• The trauma episodes- Episode 51 - How to increase your resilience- Episode 65 - People Pleasing Series: The root of most people pleasing
• The trauma series- Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?- Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?- Episode 88 - Trauma Series: How to heal trauma and triggers
• The Needs Formula episode- Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series: The Needs Formula
• The selfless episode- Episode 2 - The wisdom of Joey Tribbiani (An introduction to being Selfirst)
• The Selfirst series- Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…- Episode 21 - Selfirst Series: The difference between doing harm and not meeting needs that were never your responsibility- Episode 22 - Selfirst Series: A safe space vs a comfortable space, how a comfortable space can actually cost your needs
• The Boundaries Series
• Episode 101 - Boundaries Series: What exactly ARE boundaries?
• Episode 102 - Boundaries Series: How to know what your boundaries are
• Episode 103 - Boundaries Series: How to communicate your boundaries

Episode references:

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 107 - Why am I so depleted series: Capacity - How to Avoid Burning Out is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Do you ever find yourself saying I'm just so tired / exhausted / drained and I don't know why? Well, you are not alone. In this episode we talk about capacity and its importance in meeting your needs.

In this episode, we cover…

• Meet the newest member of the Universal Needs Team 
• The simple answer to why are you depleted and why that answer isn't so simple
• What is capacity?
• What is chunking up and chunking down, and why it is helpful in managing our capacity
• How not honoring your capacity can actually compromise the needs your trying to meet
• How capacity is like health bars in a video game
• How do you know when you are nearing or over capacity
• What are puddling and the snow globe effect?
• Crying over spilled milk, why its important and what it means
• The difference between what someone is dealing with and where they are at themselves
• How to figure out what is causing the compromise in your capacity and the needs connected those things
• Why ignoring your needs doesn't work
• How to increase your capacity
• The Universal Needs Tree and focusing on the root
• How to set yourself up for when you don't have capacity
• How the language of capacity can help your relationships and you honoring where you are at
• How negative self talk can affect our capacity

Episode references:

• The episode we refer to the glass and plastic balls- Episode 20 - Selfirst Series: What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…
• The episode we refer to processing- Episode 68 - That’s not rambling, it’s meeting your needs
• Episode 89 - What to do when you’re REALLY struggling…
• The episode we refer to the inner critic- Episode 92 - How to deal with the inner critic and inner saboteur

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 106 - Podcastaversary 2! How do you know when your needs are unmet?is now LIVE!Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuideToday we celebrate TWO YEARS of podcasting, and we couldn't believe we haven't covered this topic yet! So today we dive into how to know when your needs are unmet and give you some ideas for how to start to shift things in a direction that will feel much better.In this episode, we cover…

• Happy 2nd Podcastiversary...ish
• Our highlights from the last year
• How to know when your needs aren't being met
• Recognizing that these indicators may relate to other things, for example medical conditions
• The importance of assessing these indicators in the context of whatever your "normal" is
• Using anxiety as an example to differentiate between the indicator being about unmet needs, being about a medical condition or being about both
• Some of the indicators of unmet needs
• Anxiety
• What is needs based anxiety?
• Irritability
• Resistance
• Lack of motivation or apathy
• Stress
• Feeling like you should be happy but your not
• Feeling tension (physical, emotional, mental, relationships)
• Feeling there's something missing
• Life seeming to be full of problems
• Mood swings
• Addictive tendencies / bad habits / destructive behaviors we're trying to change (We may be doing these things to either to meet our needs or mask our unmet needs as a form of coping)
• Relationship issues
• Craving of approval / acknowledgement
• Perfectionism
• Wanting to have control
• Feeling powerless (in respect to anything)
• Not feeling enough / worthy / deserving
• Imposter syndrom
• Feeling of no choice (I have to do this because I don't have any other choice)
• Feeling numb or disconnected
• Feeling emotional
• Moods, emotions, physical and psychological states that indicate unmet needs
• How things that happen in day to day life will affect you more when your needs are unmet
• How unmet needs are often unconsciously pulling the stings of our behaviors without us being  aware of it
• How it's likely you'll be experiencing multiple of these indicators at the same time
• How we can spin our unmet needs to sound like something positive
• Examples of things to do if you notice these indicators showing up so you can begin to meet your needs better
• How knowing that you have unmet needs allows you to start doing something to better meet them
• What your highest priority is when you're experiencing 1 or more of these indicators
• How just 2 minutes a day can start to make a difference in shifting this
• What to do when you start to notice these indicators
• How you can help support the people around you in keeping their needs met without it being to your detriment
• Looking for the options for the ways you can meet your needs in easy and effective ways

• Antidote to anxiety- Episode 28
• Why am I not doing the thing I want to do- Episode 98
• How to shift bad habits or change behaviors- Episode 91
• How to get over perfectionism- Episode 23
• What to do when you're really struggling- Episode 89

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 105 - Don’t negatively impact the needs of the people you want around is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Certain people try to manipulate others to get them to do what they want or cause a sense of obligation by attempting to create a power dynamic. This may have the opposite effect, as people might pull away from this behavior. In this episode we talk about how the Personal Power Need and Value Needs come into this scenario, why this behavior is never acceptable and how people can move further away or closer to us depending on how they affect our needs.

In this episode, we cover…

• How some people treat others in a certain way to try and meet their needs by creating a power dynamic 
• How this is related to our Personal Power Need
• How some people have a habit of guilting or shaming people to get them to do what they want them to do
• How this is not acceptable behavior
• How our Value Need is chronically unmet in our culture causing us not to feel worthy of people showing up for us unless they feel obligated to
• How the pressure from the obligation that is created makes people less inclined to show up
• “Never let an authority figure cause you to either submit or rebel” - Marshall Rosenberg - which means doing what’s right for us no matter what the authority figure is saying
• How some people expect others to meet their needs irrespective of whether it meets the other person’s needs or not
• How if we give in to a power dynamic, it will cause that person to use it again
• How we can communicate what we need and/or set a boundary if it is safe to do so
• The benefit of going into creator mode to try and find something that works for us both
• How we can choose to spend less time with someone if that person is not willing to understand what we are trying to communicate
• How it is ok not to want to spend time with someone who regularly negatively impacts your needs
• How people can move closer or further away in our orbits depending on how they impact our needs 
• An invitation to show up for and support people that you want as part of your life and not negatively impact them

Episode references:

Guilt and shame series: Episode 43 - The Guilt & Shame Series: The difference between guilt and shame; Episode 44 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's shame in disguise; Episode 45 - The Guilt & Shame Series: That's not guilt, it's an attempt at manipulating your humanity

Episode 103 - Boundaries Series: How to communicate your boundaries 

The episode we refer to where we speak about the relationship orbits is Episode 17 - What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 104 - You don’t need to be in crisis to ask for help or meet your needs is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

A lot of us wait till we are neck-deep in a situation to ask for help or take care of ourselves. Today we are here to tell you that you don’t need to wait that long, or at all to ask for support. In this episode, we talk about why we tend to ask for help only when we’re in crisis, why it’s important to accept or ask for support before that and how meeting our needs before a crisis happens is a form of preventative wellness.

In this episode, we cover…

• How you do not need to wait until you’re in crisis to ask for support and/or meet your needs
• How many of us wait to be in some sort of crisis to ask for help/support, even from friends or family members
• How when we ask for help when we are in crisis, the help and support we get is just to deal with the crisis and recover from it 
• How the length of time it takes us to recover from a crisis and the impact it has on our needs is huge
• How if we get the help and support you need before a crisis happens, we might be able to avoid the crisis altogether
• How meeting our needs helps us to deal better with a crisis by having more resilience and more capacity and the ability to recover from these situations quicker
• How feeling that we don’t need support/help/meeting our needs before a crisis comes up means that we think we are not important enough to prioritize our needs until it becomes critical. This is an indication that our value need is compromised
• How waiting for a crisis to happen before asking for help makes it harder for the other person to support us 
• How we do not need to be struggling at all to ask for help
• How it’s ok to ask for support when we don’t need support because that’s what community is for
• We invite you to create a community that you can lean into without having to be in crisis
• How a lot of people think that we have to try to do whatever we can on our own and exhaust all the options before we ask for support
• How asking for help when we are not in crisis might make the experience more enjoyable for everyone involved, and how leaving it until we are neck deep in the situation means that the situation is stressful for others too
• This also holds true for meeting our needs. We do not need to be in crisis to meet our needs 
• How meeting our needs only when we are in crisis means that we only meet our needs to recover from the crisis
• The importance of meeting our needs in a Selfirst way to stay resourced
• How meeting our needs is preventative wellness
• How living in a society that tells us that we are not a priority prevents us from proactively meeting our needs
• How being exhausted and burnt out is considered a badge of honor in today’s culture
• How this is a subconscious way of meeting our needs
• How we need to acknowledge people when they take care of their needs and the importance of creating an environment that does so

Episode references:The episode in which we share about the glass and plastic balls is Episode 20 - What is Selfirst? Let's get specific…

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 103 - Boundaries Series: How to communicate your boundaries is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Communicating boundaries is an important part of the whole process. However, there may be a lot of hesitation regarding how to go about it that may prevent us from setting the boundary in the first place. Today we go through how to communicate a boundary, how to ask about other people’s boundaries and how setting boundaries can create more possibilities for our relationships.

In this episode, we cover…

• How our boundaries get crossed frequently throughout our life, especially when we are children
• How boundaries are crossed more in BBIMP (black, brown, indigenous and myelinated people coined by @AccordingToWeeze), transgender and other people in the LGBTQIA+ community or people who have a disability
• How we are taught that our boundaries will be crossed and society doesn’t care
• How we internalize our boundaries being consistently crossed as not being worthy of having our boundaries respected
• How this may prevent us from communicating our boundaries
• How enforcing our boundaries means that we are respecting our Value Need
• How we do not have to communicate our boundaries if we do not feel that it is safe for us to do so
• How a person with an unmet Personal Power Need might try to exert control over someone else by crossing their boundaries
• A reminder that boundaries are not fixed, but change a lot of the time
• How we need to be good at communicating what our boundaries are in the moment
• How communicating boundaries may help us distance ourselves from situations or people we are not comfortable with but how they can also help to bring us closer to the people we wish to be more intimate with
• How the way we communicate our boundaries makes a difference in the way they are received
• The importance of making the boundary about us, our feelings and our needs when communicating it to the other person 
• The importance of explaining how the boundary we set will benefit the other person and letting them know if it is only relevant to where you’re at in that moment
• How we don’t owe anyone any explanation and how it is our choice to offer one
• How we might want to explain a boundary to the people closest to us as soon as we are aware of them
• How communicating hard boundaries is best done ahead of time, in a neutral emotional space and why this is beneficial
• Why we need to say “thank you” when when someone is setting a boundary with us 
• How boundaries are one of the tools a creator uses to shape their relationships
• How having a relationship with someone who wants to know what our boundaries are and co-create boundaries that work for us can strengthen the relationship
• How we don’t have to wait for someone to communicate a boundary with us. We can ask
• How when we are good at setting boundaries, people will come to us more 
• How expectations and boundaries are closely related
• How boundaries can create possibilities
• How the more we set boundaries, the easier it gets and how we may want to introduce boundaries around small things first
• How stating boundaries in a matter-of-fact way makes it less personal
• How setting boundaries is a constant learning process
• How having small boundaries honored can build trust
• The importance of taking care of ourselves and the needs that have been impacted when one of our boundaries is crossed before you communicate about it if we can
• The importance of having actions in mind if one of our boundaries is crossed and how there can be steps to those actions
• How the action you take when a boundary is crossed doesn't necessarily need to be communicated and how that action might change depending on the situation

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 102 - Boundaries Series: How to know what your boundaries are is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Now that we have identified what a boundary is, how can we begin to identify what OUR boundaries are? In today’s episode we go through how to identify what a boundary is, how boundaries are not set in stone and the importance of respecting your own boundaries to be able to communicate them and enforce them with others.

In this episode, we cover…

• How a lot of people don’t know what their boundaries are because we were never taught about them
• How if boundaries are crossed, one or more of our needs are negatively impacted. This is a good indicator when we want to identify our boundaries
• How when someone crosses our boundaries, it results in trauma. 
• The importance of checking in with ourselves when our needs have been impacted to identify whether a boundary has been crossed
• How boundaries are not set in stone
• We give examples of how boundaries can change depending on the situation (like mood, capacity, stress levels, how well our needs are met and more)
• How honoring someone’s boundaries proactively builds more trust in a relationship
• How boundaries can bring people closer together
• The importance of understanding how our boundaries change
• How when a person steps up to a boundary, there is generally some kind of mental or physical response/tension. This can help us to identify our boundaries
• We encourage you to be gentle with yourselves around boundaries, especially because they change all the time
• How having boundaries crossed can be learning moments to set boundaries in the future
• How different people experience the discomfort of having their boundaries crossed in different ways
• How when a boundary is crossed it is possible for us to react with a trauma response
• The importance of asking ourselves why we feel uncomfortable in certain situations
• How an impartial trusted friend can help ask questions objectively to help us figure out where the discomfort came from 
• The importance of checking in with someone before a potential boundary is crossed
• How we can cross our own boundaries too, how this compromises our Value Need and how this opens the door to other needs being impacted
• The importance of honoring our boundaries in order to communicate them and enforce them with others
• How crossing our own boundaries can make it seem permissible for other people to cross them too
• How setting our own boundaries often helps others set their own boundaries too
• How upholding your own boundaries is uncomfortable and also sometimes goes against societal norms

Episode references:

Trauma series: Episode 86 - Trauma Series: What is trauma?; Episode 87 - Trauma Series: How do you identify trauma?; Episode 88 - Trauma Series: How to heal trauma and triggers

Episode 101 - What exactly ARE boundaries? 

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 101 - Boundaries Series: What exactly ARE boundaries? is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Boundaries can be an emotionally charged topic for some people. But what exactly is a boundary? Today we talk about what boundaries are, why they are important, the difference between setting a boundary and attempting to control someone else’s behavior and actions we can take to enforce our boundaries in a Selfirst way.

In this episode, we cover…

• How not setting a boundary when it is needed will most likely lead to it being crossed causing us to be impacted, probably multiple times
• How setting a boundary can make the difference between our needs being met and our needs being compromised
• How boundaries also meet our Personal Power Need by creating what we want 
• How boundaries prevent our needs from being impacted and drained
• How boundaries include actions that need to be taken in order to keep your needs from being impacted
• How some people can use the language of boundaries as a form of control
• How the definition of a boundary within a Needs context is “a boundary is something that you put in place to make sure that your needs don’t get negatively impacted”
• How part of this is the choices and actions we take to ensure this
• How boundaries are a Selfirst way of meeting your needs
• A reminder that there is a difference between not meeting someone else’s need for them and doing them harm
• How the focus of boundaries is on our behavior in a given situation
• We give examples of the difference between controlling someone through boundary language and setting boundaries
• How there are 2 kinds of boundaries - a soft boundary and a hard boundary
• How a soft boundary is a “should” and a hard boundary is a “must”
• How respecting someone’s boundaries by proactively honoring them builds trust in relationships
• The important distinction between boundaries and preferences
• How boundaries can be an emotionally charged topic and how some people confuse the feelings of the boundary being crossed with how we choose to behave when the boundary is crossed
• How if we have strong feelings about someone setting a boundary with us (as long as it is not an attempt at control) that means that there was an expectation of that person meeting our needs for us
• We use an example to discuss how boundaries can be used as a form of control to try to use someone else to meet unmet needs
• We use an example of setting a boundary that honors ourselves without attempting to control
• We give an example of a time boundary example in a work situation, a personal situation and a situation where there is an attempt at control 
• How there can be a conversation around a boundary to see what works for the people involved, without compromising the boundary
• How if we have feelings come up about someone setting a boundary, we need to process them and ask ourselves why 

Episode references:

Episode 7 - Boundaries: If you don't respect the door, you get the gate

Apology series: Episode 15 - Apology Series: When an apology actually damages needs; Episode 16 - Apology Series: How to apologize (and why sorry isn't enough); Episode 17 - Apology Series: What to do when you're waiting for an apology that will never come

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - 100th Episode - Why it’s so important to celebrate your wins is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

It’s our hundredth episode! We thank you for being here with us and supporting us! In line with our celebrations, today we would like to discuss the importance of celebrating the little wins, how it meets our needs, why we don’t do it enough as a society and suggestions to do so in a Selfirst way.

In this episode, we cover…

• It’s our hundredth episode! Cue in the confetti! - digital ones this time, as it would not have met our needs to spend a significant amount of time cleaning up after ourselves
• How celebrating our wins is not something we are good at as a society. Social conditioning teaches us to be modest and not to “brag” about our achievements
• How this negatively affects our Acknowledgement Need
• We go through some things that meet our Acknowledgement Need, including celebration
• How celebration tends to be overlooked and held back due to the belief that we should not be celebrating ourselves
• How societal conditioning does not  encourage or support celebrating to honor ourselves
• How societal conditioning celebrates productivity even though it may be detrimental for our needs
• How a celebration doesn’t have to be a big gesture; little acknowledgements are a way of celebrating too
• We give examples of ways to celebrate ourselves and how there is no right way to do it
• How we don’t need to be witnessed in our celebration for it to be valid or for it to be meeting our Acknowledgement Need
• How we can celebrate anything that feels important to us
• Why it’s important to look for the people that will celebrate us and with us
• The importance of celebrating in a way that works for the person involved
• How we can celebrate in different ways, depending on what energy we’re in
• The importance of celebrating ourselves at a base level in order to meet our needs

Episode references:

The needs formula episode is Episode 70 - Burning the candle at both ends series: The Needs Formula

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well Sh*t. It really is that simple - Episode 99 - It’s OK to be human is now LIVE!

Full Show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Most of us try to reject the parts of ourselves that make us human to fit a societal mold. Today we’re here to tell you: It’s OK to be human! In this episode we explain the desire we sometimes feel to fit into societal expectations, why that negatively impacts our needs and how we can better meet our needs by acknowledging and embracing our humanity.

In this episode, we cover…

• How a lot of us have this internal belief that if we are perfect then our needs will be met and that if we are perfect enough, we will feel that we are good enough and feel good internally
• How embracing our humanity is a journey
• How trying to be superhuman actually prevents us from getting our needs met
• How this podcast is a great example of how we embrace our humanity 
• How when we think about our needs, we think of perfectionism and societal expectations of success
• How we can meet our needs better by acknowledging and embracing our humanity
• How perfectionism can get in the way of progress
• The importance of focusing on what outcome we want
• How the strive towards perfectionism and meeting societal expectations cost our needs 
• The difference in getting a dopamine hit from reaching a societal expectation and feeling truly fulfilled 
• How progress and growth is not linear 
• How success as humans is to have our needs fulfilled and how we live in a society that works against that
• How we need to unlearn the conditioning around what we are “meant” to be doing and learning that part of our humanity is being imperfect
• How we need to stay connected to our needs as human beings and take care of our needs in order to feel fulfilled
• How it’s ok to take care of our needs despite the societal conditioning not to be human
• How not only is it ok to be human, it’s ok to be fallible, it’s ok to be imperfect
• How there are no two humans that are alike and how we shouldn’t strive to fit a mold 
• How by connecting to our humanity, we are able to connect to other people’s humanity and how this interconnectedness gets our needs better met
• How being human means that we are worthy of having our needs met simply because we exist
• How by connecting to this, we can connect to how essential it is to get our needs met 
• How taking care of our needs might mean unlearning or rejecting certain concepts that we have been conditioned into 
• How when we have moments where we are judging and/or berating ourselves for being human and having human moments, we are negatively impacting our needs 
• How these human moments are an invitation to lean into our humanity and allow ourselves to be human
• A reminder to embrace our humanity and meet our needs in a Selfirst way
• How an area of fighting our humanity is parenting. Parents often try to be perfect for their children but by showing our humanity and learning from our mistakes, we are also giving permission to our children to be human
• How leaning into our humanity does not happen overnight but through small daily steps
• How we fear being human because we don’t think that our needs are going to be met

Podcast Episode guide and full show notes: https://bit.ly/WellShitEpisodeGuide

Find our website and connect with us on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/theuniversalneeds

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.