Sex With Emily

We’re Giving Up Performative Sex


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We all experience performance anxiety in bed from time to time. We get in our heads, we worry we’re not hot / good / skilled enough, and sometimes we try to be people we’re not during sex. That’s why today’s episode is about identifying different types of performance anxiety, so that we can show up more confident and relaxed for sex.

First I talk through O-blockers: common reasons your orgasm and overall pleasure hit a limit. Next I bring up popular “personas” people adopt in bed, like the cool girl/guy who’s down for whatever (even when you’re actually not) and the super dominant, in-charge lover (even when you’re actually more submissive). Finally, I give you strategies to increase your sexual confidence and take all of your sexual anxiety questions.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why performative sex is killing your pleasure—and how to stop.
  • How to ditch “porn mode” and tap into real turn-ons.
  •  The secret to being fully present (and having better orgasms).

  • Show Notes:

    • For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code SWE.
    • Buy The Smart Sex New Paperback Cover Now!
    • Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse.
    • Yes! No! Maybe? List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. 
    • SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99)
    • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure
    • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website 
    • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube
    • Let’s text: Sign up here
    • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

    • See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com

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      Sex With EmilyBy Dr. Emily Morse

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