We parents are a proud bunch. It’s natural to shower our children with compliments when they achieve something. But when babies become toddlers, “Good job” often evolves to “You’re so smart” or “What an amazing artist you are”. Too much of this kind of feedback as our child get older, may not help them persist in the face of challenges.   Psychotherapist Susan Bordon of Kinspace joins host Jessica Rolph on today’s episode to discuss ways to encourage intrinsic motivation. With a little bit of grit, kids are more motivated to try new things even when it’s hard, and make efforts to pitch in without bribes or rewards.   Key Takeaways: [1:41] What’s wrong with telling your toddler: “You're so smart”? [3:35] Susan talks about a recent research done by Carol Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford, who studied the effects of praise on grade-schoolers. [5:25] How does this research apply to babies and toddlers? [7:35] Why do parents praise children? [9:20] What does it look like to be a parent who encourages intrinsic motivation? [11:36] Praising the effort, rather than the outcome, takes practice. [13:40] Susan talks about how and why not to interfere when a baby or a toddler is trying to achieve a challenging task. [16:03] How the Montessori approach to demonstrating fits into the equation. [17:54] Words that can help build self confidence in our children. [19:35] How to introduce the concept of sharing to children. [21:10] How early should parents adopt these practices to encourage intrinsic motivation in their children? [23:40] Jessica reviews the highlights of her conversation with Susan.   Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com Kinspace

What Is Intrinsic Motivation? How To Praise Your Kids While Teaching Grit

The early years of a child’s life are the most important for their long-term development. Sometimes, the abundance of information out there can feel overwhelming and difficult to navigate. My New Life is here to support parents and help make sense of the science behind early learning.

I’m Jessica Rolph, mother of three and CEO of Lovevery. With the help of experts from around the world, we break down all the child development science into usable nuggets of knowledge that you can put to the test in your own home.

Kids & Family

Parenting

Math is all around us. When it comes to teaching it, the challenge lies not in creating the opportunities, but in recognizing them. Counting grapes while they disappear is a fun one! Around the age of 4, a child’s mathematical knowledge takes a big leap forward. They go from counting and recognizing numbers, to understanding 1:1 correspondence and being able to complete simple addition. As parents, we can support them in this leap by providing things to count, line up, and compare. Lovevery’s Montessori Math Bars & Number Tiles for months 43-45 are a great place to start. On this episode, My New Life Host Jessica Rolph is joined by the principal investigator for Boston College’s Thinking and Learning Lab, which studies cognitive development with a primary focus on mathematical knowledge: Dr. Elida Laski. Dr. Laski is also on the editorial board of the Journal of Montessori Research.   Takeaways:   By supporting early math, we’re activating the same pathways in the brain that will support literacy. For example, knowing that the symbol 3 refers to three objects is the same thing a child has to do in early reading when they look at an arbitrary combination of lines that represent a B and know that it makes the sound buh.        Beyond learning the numbers, exposing children to early visual repeating patterns like red, blue, red, blue, also builds a foundation for later math learning.        There’s research that shows that labeling the count set after you’ve counted with your child can make a big difference. So don’t just count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and assume your child knows that represents five. Go the extra step, and say: “So we have five pegs.” This concept is demonstrated in the Lovevery wooden counting box.       The Lovevery Montessori math bars not only show that numbers represent a larger quantity as you move up the count sequence, but also visually show how much more. You can reinforce this in the day-to-day, by asking your child: How many more floors do we have to go to get to number 6?       Rather than leaning on tools like flashcards, Elida recommends more authentic math activities, where you’re: counting real things; comparing who has more crackers, who has fewer; and placing things in order so that you can see their relation to the count sequence.      Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com Receive weekly emails about your child’s development, and stay in the know about new play essentials, promos, and more by signing up at Lovevery.com Follow Lovevery and Jessica Rolph on Instagram  

Montessori math

The Montessori method is rooted in the idea that children can—and should—be empowered to do things on their own. On this episode of My New Life, we consider handwriting through a Montessori lens. But how much independence can we truly expect from a child who is forming words on paper for the first time? You may be surprised to learn that a toddler can start practicing handwriting as early as age 3. It all comes down to building the foundations through play! Host Jessica Rolph is joined by Julia Volkman, who wrote her thesis at Harvard on the moveable alphabet. Julia, founder of Maitri Learning, says writing comes online for developing brains before reading.    Takeaways:   Julia points out that a child’s capacity to understand letter sounds is there before their capacity to write them or read them. The Montessori moveable alphabet is extremely helpful in familiarizing children with how these sounds fit together. They move into place the tiles that make the sounds mmm — ooo — pp and, voila, they have a word! MOP.       The more a child succeeds at building these words, the more readily they will start to read, and then write… and over time, their spelling will refine. This is the gradual, organic process that happens when they have the right conditions and the materials to support their learning.       When it comes to handwriting, the physical aspects are often what we think about: for example, the muscular ability to hold the pencil. But there are also intellectual aspects like the desire to write — and knowing enough about the world around them to find inspiration.        Vocabulary and sequencing also play important roles. Vocabulary development comes naturally with your child’s exposure to lots of songs, rhymes and books. Give them the words for everything — and remember to keep it playful!       Montessori uses lots of indirect preparation, like scrubbing and preparing food to strengthen hand muscles and coordination. You can also practice sequencing in the kitchen by laying out ingredients from left to right, in the order you will use them.     Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com Receive weekly emails about your child’s development, and stay in the know about new play essentials, promos, and more by signing up at Lovevery.com Follow Lovevery and Jessica Rolph on Instagram  

Montessori handwriting

Even if your 3-year-old can recite their ABCs like a pro, they’ll need to learn that spoken words are made up of individual sounds to succeed at reading. Hands-on activities that build this kind of phonemic awareness — and reinforce the connection between letter sounds and letter shapes — are the best way to teach them what they need to know.  As with all kinds of hands-on learning, Montessori is a great place to start! Did you know that in Montessori classrooms, children learn to spell before they learn to read? Word building with the moveable alphabet is at the heart of this process. In this first episode in the Montessori series, My New Life Host Jessica Rolph is joined by Laura Saylor, co-author of  Powerful Literacy in the Montessori Classroom.   Takeaways:   The reading journey starts with building your child’s phonemic awareness. In other words, playing with sounds. Begin recognizing initial sounds, and then move to the sounds at the end and middle of words. “I spy with my little eye something that ends with the sound dd.”       Rather than memorizing the ABCs, Montessori teachers will often start with letter sounds. Once the sounds are mastered, they will move to the names of the letters.       In the Montessori world, children learn to spell before they learn to read. Word building with the moveable alphabet is at the heart of this process. Try focusing on one sound at a time, creating a variety of 3-letter words with the short U, for example: sun, gum, bun. Lovevery has a moveable alphabet game that capitalizes on a 4 year old’s enthusiasm for little objects by rewarding them with a tiny object representing the word they spell.     Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com   Powerful Literacy in the Montessori ClassroomReceive weekly emails about your child’s development, and stay in the know about new play essentials, promos, and more by signing up at Lovevery.com Follow Lovevery and Jessica Rolph on Instagram  

Montessori literacy

Empathy can be a puzzling concept for a young child. They often need adults to model it for them. When reading stories or playing with the wooden peg people together, ask your child: “How do you think that person is feeling right now? How can you tell? How would you feel in his place?” Encourage your child to notice the clues in their environment and use them to draw conclusions.  In this final episode in the executive function series, Senior Director of Programs at Zero to Three Rebecca Parlakian joins Host Jessica Rolph to look at how empathy fits into the critical thinking skills coming online for your 4 year old.   Takeaways:   Empathy is caught not taught. We are teaching our child what empathy is when we model it, but also when we empathize with them.    Empathizing with our child doesn’t mean that we’re agreeing with them or doing exactly what they want us to do. Rather, it involves acknowledging that what we’re asking them to do is hard for them.    In order for a child to recognize that what they did was wrong, they have to accept some degree of shame. That’s asking a lot of a 4 year old. Rebecca recommends shifting 100% of the attention to the child who has been hurt, and only later (in private), asking your child questions like: How did you know she didn’t like it?    Rebecca has 3 suggestions for building empathy in the day-to-day with your child:   Try to imagine how your baby is interpreting a situation and put that into words. For example: “It’s so frustrating when you can’t reach your pacifier!”    Suggest ways that your child can show empathy. Something like: “Your cousin fell and hurt his knee. Would you like to help me get the ice pack for him?”    Explore empathy in pretend play. So if we’re playing veterinarian, we can say: “The doggy has to have a shot, but look, he’s feeling a little scared…”     Finally, Rebecca suggests using the Imagine-if cards in the Examiner Play Kit as a way to build empathy. For example: “Let’s imagine you’re at preschool. What if a friend is feeling sad about saying goodbye to their mom or dad? What could you do to help them?”     Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com  Zero to Three Receive weekly emails about your child’s development, and stay in the know about new play essentials, promos, and more by signing up at Lovevery.com Follow Lovevery and Jessica Rolph on Instagram  

Executive function: Empathy

Have you ever played “hot/cold” with your child? It’s good for a laugh, particularly when a child can’t find something in plain sight. But it’s also great at teaching young children flexible thinking, or the ability to adapt to change. As they are searching for the lost item, they are listening to directions and staying flexible when they have to change course. In this series on executive function, we’ve been looking at ways to help our children build these skills, which include working memory, impulse control and cognitive flexibility. These mental tasks take practice and must be learned and relearned. All the while, you’re laying the foundation for school-age success. Joining Host Jessica Rolph to explain the neuroscience behind flexible thinking is Dr. Stuart Marcovitch, a professor in the Department of Psychology at UNC Greensboro.   Takeaways:   While routines help children know what to expect, you can start mixing up the routine a bit at age 4. It gives your child an opportunity to practice flexible thinking. Maybe you brush teeth and then take a bath, instead of the other way around.    Games like the Lovevery Reach for the Stars Matching Cards — where you sort by shape, and then code switch to sort the same cards by color — are great for building flexible thinking.    Offering children choices is another cognitive flexibility technique, because it allows them to consider various alternatives simultaneously. Stuart recommends offering choices while cooking with your child: Do you want to cut the carrots into rounds or slice them into sticks?     Mentioned in this episode: Brought to you by Lovevery.com  Receive weekly emails about your child’s development, and stay in the know about new play essentials, promos, and more by signing up at Lovevery.com Follow Lovevery and Jessica Rolph on Instagram  

What Is Intrinsic Motivation? How To Praise Your Kids While Teaching Grit

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