In this second part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne continues exploring how parents can guide children through difficult social experiences. Drawing from Chapter Four of the book, he focuses on helping children understand their emotional reactivity when they are teased or excluded. Through the story of a boy named Tony, Kim illustrates how teasing often continues not because of a child’s shortcomings, but because strong reactions feed the behavior of the child teasing them. He explains that when children learn to stay centered, they reclaim their power and reduce the payoff for those who provoke them.

Kim offers practical ways for parents to teach this skill, such as practicing calm reactions at home, planning responses together, and sometimes even using humor to defuse tension. He also acknowledges how painful it can be for children to face these truths and encourages parents to provide reassurance and hope while keeping conversations short, natural, and consistent. Even when children push back or claim they already know what to do, Kim reminds parents to stay close and emotionally steady. The heart of this episode is a message of perseverance. Children to find confidence and strength within themselves, one small step at a time.

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This episode is the first in a five-part series drawn from Kim John Payne’s book Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. As part of the lead-up to his upcoming Emotionally Resilient Tweens & Teens Care Professionals Seminar, Kim begins by exploring how parents can respond when their child is socially struggling, feeling excluded, teased, or left out. He reminds us that every child experiences this at some point and that how we respond can make a lasting difference.

He then reads Anika’s Story, from the Ten Story Tool Box in the book. Anika recounts a situation in her middle school years where she gave up too much of herself to fit in the the popular kids, how she came to understand that her morally guided, “inside voice” was not matching the “outside actions” of what her peers were doing. She navigates this tricky path and finds her way to finding true friendship.

This series will continue in the weeks ahead, guiding parents through conversations about reactivity, empathy, and emotional steadiness. Together, the five parts form a practical and compassionate roadmap for helping children build confidence and resilience in their social worlds.

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In the final part of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed shift from exposing the harms of persuasive technology to offering practical solutions. Kim introduces the idea of “four connections” as a foundation for a healthy childhood: connection to nature, to friends through real play, to family, and to one’s inner self. Dr. Freed emphasizes the importance of building community among parents and resisting screen culture together. They highlight resources like Kids, Brains, and Screens by Melanie Hempe and Reset Your Child’s Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley, as tools to help families go low or no screen. The episode includes inspiring examples of families replacing screen time with rituals like Friday family nights and creative play. Dr. Freed shares personal stories about parenting without screens and the long-term benefits he has seen in his daughters. The conversation ends with hope and encouragement: that raising children in a humanized, connected environment not only helps them thrive but also fosters qualities that others naturally seek out—empathy, presence, and resilience.

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In the second installment of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed take a deeper look at how powerful interests influence public understanding of screens, particularly through organizations that claim to promote children's health. Dr. Freed describes what he calls the “Silicon Valley exception,” where major health bodies are either aligned with or funded by the tech industry, much like tobacco-funded health research decades ago. They examine the contradiction between what parents instinctively know—that screen immersion harms connection, learning, and wellbeing—and what schools and media often promote. Kim shares a revealing story about comparing the pace and editing of Mr. Rogers’ programming to modern children's shows, illustrating the intense sensory stimulation that now defines children's media. They also identify common myths, such as the belief that teenagers need peers more than parents, and expose how these narratives are used to weaken parental influence. The episode ends with a preview of the next conversation, which will focus on what families can actually do in response.

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In this first part of a three-part fire side style chat, Kim John Payne speaks with leading psychologist Dr. Richard Freed about the growing influence of persuasive design in modern digital technology. Dr. Freed shares how screen-based platforms, especially social media and video games, are intentionally engineered to hijack attention and foster dependency, using principles drawn directly from behavioral psychology. He warns that these technologies are designed not just to entertain, but to profit from manipulating children’s behavior. The conversation compares today’s screen culture to the tobacco industry of the past, noting how psychological techniques are used to override parental authority and reshape childhood itself. Kim and Dr. Freed discuss the deep concern that many parents feel, even when they can’t fully articulate it, and they affirm that this intuition is valid. They explore how tech companies use parents’ fears and children’s vulnerabilities as tools for marketing and control, and they call for greater awareness and resistance to these manipulations.

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In this episode, Kim highlights the importance of previewing and “getting out ahead” of difficult moments before they escalate. Whether it’s a grumpy morning with a young child or a teenager returning home with restraint collapse, acknowledging the emotional state early can shift the tone of the day. Rather than ignoring frustration or trying to immediately fix it, Kim encourages parents to calmly name what they see and reassure their child that they are present and supportive. This approach signals safety and understanding, and it helps children feel less alone in their struggles. For teens, he suggests offering flexibility and emotional space, even letting them opt out of dinner or homework when they clearly need to decompress. Asking, “Let me know what you need,” empowers older children and shows trust. These small, anticipatory gestures build connection and trust over time and prevent many conflicts from growing larger.

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Kim addresses the common parenting dilemma of whether to correct a child’s behavior or let it go. He gently challenges the popular idea of “choosing your battles,” suggesting that framing these moments as battles may not serve the relationship. Instead, he invites parents to see each behavior—no matter how small—as a moment to define family values and build connection. The key, he says, is not whether to correct, but when and how. Small corrections delivered calmly in the moment can prevent larger issues from forming. Kim emphasizes that if we ignore repeated missteps, they may accumulate into bigger breakdowns later. He suggests that a brief, gentle acknowledgment such as, “That’s not okay, we’ll talk about it later,” can hold a boundary while maintaining connection. These micro-moments, when handled thoughtfully, help children understand what is acceptable and create an atmosphere of mutual respect.

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In the final part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne explores the idea that when children are angry, they are also deeply vulnerable. He reminds us that difficult behaviors often surface when children are overwhelmed, and in those moments, they are not only reactive but also scanning closely for how we respond. Kim uses the image of a “direct conduit” opening up between parent and child—a brief window of pure connection, even if it is born from challenge rather than joy. He encourages parents to recognize that beneath the testing behavior is a child who is emotionally bare and in need of orientation and support. If parents can remain centered and responsive rather than reactive, these moments can become micro-definitions of the parent-child relationship. Kim compares emotional vulnerability during conflict to a child with a physical fever: both states reveal a need for care and co-regulation. Being present, steady, and attuned during emotional “soul fevers” helps children feel held, no matter their age.

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In this fourth part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne reviews how screens can disrupt not only a child’s emotional balance but also a parent’s ability to stay centered. He explains how modern screen content is designed to deliver high levels of dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol, making it both addictive and delivering big hits of easily gained reward and pleasure. When a screen is taken away, a child may feel as if their source of safety has been removed, leading to intense reactions. In these moments, parents can quickly shift from being seen as protectors to being perceived as threats. This reversal can be emotionally difficult and is one of the most common situations where parents find themselves losing their cool. Kim urges listeners to recognize that this is not the child’s fault, but rather a consequence of how screens are designed. He suggests that the best way to reduce daily flare-ups and refusals is to significantly reduce screen exposure. This is not about blame but about understanding the biological and emotional setup that screens create. When we reduce that setup, we give ourselves a much better chance to remain calm, connected, and clear in our family rhythms.

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In the third episode of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne offers a practical, compassionate invitation to slow down. He introduces the metaphor of a tap overflowing, a symbol for the mounting pressures and over-commitments many families face. Instead of constantly mopping up emotional “spillage,” Kim encourages parents to reflect on what’s truly essential and gently let go of what isn’t. By thoughtfully simplifying the weekly schedule, families can reduce overwhelm and create the emotional space needed to respond with steadiness rather than stress. This episode is a gentle reminder that doing less can often mean connecting more.

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