In this fourth part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne reviews how screens can disrupt not only a child’s emotional balance but also a parent’s ability to stay centered. He explains how modern screen content is designed to deliver high levels of dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol, making it both addictive and delivering big hits of easily gained reward and pleasure. When a screen is taken away, a child may feel as if their source of safety has been removed, leading to intense reactions. In these moments, parents can quickly shift from being seen as protectors to being perceived as threats. This reversal can be emotionally difficult and is one of the most common situations where parents find themselves losing their cool. Kim urges listeners to recognize that this is not the child’s fault, but rather a consequence of how screens are designed. He suggests that the best way to reduce daily flare-ups and refusals is to significantly reduce screen exposure. This is not about blame but about understanding the biological and emotional setup that screens create. When we reduce that setup, we give ourselves a much better chance to remain calm, connected, and clear in our family rhythms.

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In the third episode of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne offers a practical, compassionate invitation to slow down. He introduces the metaphor of a tap overflowing, a symbol for the mounting pressures and over-commitments many families face. Instead of constantly mopping up emotional “spillage,” Kim encourages parents to reflect on what’s truly essential and gently let go of what isn’t. By thoughtfully simplifying the weekly schedule, families can reduce overwhelm and create the emotional space needed to respond with steadiness rather than stress. This episode is a gentle reminder that doing less can often mean connecting more.

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In the second of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne explores one of the deepest challenges for parents: the feeling of being unseen, undervalued, or taken for granted. These emotional triggers can quietly build up, leading to reactive moments that feel disproportionate but are actually the result of accumulated strain. Kim gently encourages parents to take stock of what pushes their buttons - not to judge themselves, but to notice and name the patterns. When combined with small, regular acts of self-care, this awareness becomes the trailhead toward healthier family dynamics and more grounded parenting.

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In the first of a five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne reflects on the quiet power of micro self-care - small, intentional moments that help parents replenish their emotional reserves. He shares how the early demands of parenting often push self-care to the margins, yet carving out even brief pauses to do something nourishing can build a foundation for greater resilience. Whether it’s a mindful walk, a short moment with a book, or simply sitting with a cup of tea, these gentle rituals can grow over time and help us stay emotionally steady amidst the ups and downs of family life. Kim reminds us that caring for ourselves is not selfish, but essential to being present and attuned with our children.

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In this episode, Kim John Payne explores the importance of helping children learn to delay their requests and respect the timing of others. Rather than always responding immediately or brushing kids off with a vague “in a minute,” Kim encourages parents to offer clear, specific guidance on when they can give their full attention. He offers practical phrases and techniques for children of different ages, emphasizing that this approach builds impulse control and sets children up for success in relationships and group settings. By modeling respectful timing and consistently circling back, parents teach their children patience, empathy, and how to be part of a larger family rhythm.

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In this episode, Kim John Payne explores a dynamic he calls “aggression entrapment,” where a child’s meltdown becomes a way to secure a parent’s full attention. He explains that frequent meltdowns can signal a child’s need for stronger, more consistent parental presence—not just during crises, but in everyday connection. Rather than becoming entangled in the emotional intensity, Kim suggests offering presence without engagement. He encourages parents to stay nearby and calm, perhaps folding laundry or tidying, to activate the child’s mirror neurons and model emotional regulation. This steady, non-reactive presence helps soothe the child while preserving the parent’s sense of self. Kim gently reminds us that presence is not the same as attention, and that calm consistency is often the most compassionate response to a child in distress.

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In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can navigate escalating situations without making a child feel abandoned. He draws a clear distinction between “walking away” in frustration and “stepping back” with intention. The latter offers a child the reassurance that their parent is still emotionally present, even while taking space to calm down. Kim encourages parents to model the ability to pause and reset—something we often ask children to do. He suggests preparing for these moments by discussing them during calm times, so children understand that stepping back is an act of love and not rejection. This gentle practice helps preserve connection, reduce conflict, and build emotional safety within the family.

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In this episode, Kim shares thoughtful ways to support an older child when a newborn joins the family. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining closeness through physical touch and preserving familiar family rhythms. Parents are encouraged to be intentional about cuddling, storytelling, and small rituals, so that the older sibling continues to feel secure and included. One particularly touching suggestion is to tell stories about the older child’s babyhood, helping them feel seen and valued. Kim also discusses using sensory connections like touch and smell to create emotional anchors. He recommends simple practices such as stroking a child’s hair or placing a parent-scented pillowcase on their bed. Establishing a family scrapbook with photos and mementos can reinforce the older child’s place in the family story. These gestures convey that the family’s love and attention still include them fully.

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Kim John Payne offers a view of adolescence by comparing teenage emotions to an artesian water flow. While younger children often express their feelings outwardly, teenagers tend to turn inward. Their emotional lives may seem hidden, but underneath the surface there is a deep, steady movement as they process and explore. Kim encourages parents not to force immediate responses but instead to place low key questions and allow space for a teen’s thoughts and feelings to emerge when they are ready. He describes the importance of patience, of knowing that even in silence there is growth. When the artesian waters do rise, perhaps through a sudden burst of conversation about friends or school, parents can be present to receive what is shared. Trusting in this deeper flow helps maintain connection through quieter phases.

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Kim reflects on the beauty and importance of slow learning. He invites parents to protect and nurture a child’s natural tendency to wonder, observe, and inquire. Instead of immediately reaching for quick answers through digital means, he suggests creating space for questions to unfold over time. One idea he shares is keeping a “wondering notebook,” where children can write or draw the things they are curious about. These questions can later be explored together, perhaps through library visits or talking with knowledgeable people in the community. This kind of slow, relational learning helps children develop strong attention, self-regulation, and a lasting love of inquiry. It stands in contrast to the fast facts of the internet, which Kim likens to the fast food of learning. True understanding, he explains, is more like drawing water from a deep well.

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