My New Life

Math is all around us. When it comes to teaching it, the challenge lies not in creating the opportunities, but in recognizing them. Counting grapes while they disappear is a fun one! Around the age of 4, a child’s mathematical knowledge takes a big leap forward. They go from counting and recognizing numbers, to understanding 1:1 correspondence and being able to complete simple addition.

As parents, we can support them in this leap by providing things to count, line up, and compare. Lovevery’s Montessori Math Bars & Number Tiles for months 43-45 are a great place to start. On this episode, My New Life Host Jessica Rolph is joined by the principal investigator for Boston College’s Thinking and Learning Lab, which studies cognitive development with a primary focus on mathematical knowledge: Dr. Elida Laski. Dr. Laski is also on the editorial board of the Journal of Montessori Research.

Takeaways:

1. By supporting early math, we’re activating the same pathways in the brain that will support literacy. For example, knowing that the symbol 3 refers to three objects is the same thing a child has to do in early reading when they look at an arbitrary combination of lines that represent a B and know that it makes the sound buh. 

1. Beyond learning the numbers, exposing children to early visual repeating patterns like red, blue, red, blue, also builds a foundation for later math learning. 

1. There’s research that shows that labeling the count set after you’ve counted with your child can make a big difference. So don’t just count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and assume your child knows that represents five. Go the extra step, and say: “So we have five pegs.” This concept is demonstrated in the Lovevery wooden counting box.

1. The Lovevery Montessori math bars not only show that numbers represent a larger quantity as you move up the count sequence, but also visually show how much more. You can reinforce this in the day-to-day, by asking your child: How many more floors do we have to go to get to number 6?

1. Rather than leaning on tools like flashcards, Elida recommends more authentic math activities, where you’re: counting real things; comparing who has more crackers, who has fewer; and placing things in order so that you can see their relation to the count sequence. 

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The Montessori method is rooted in the idea that children can—and should—be empowered to do things on their own. On this episode of My New Life, we consider handwriting through a Montessori lens. But how much independence can we truly expect from a child who is forming words on paper for the first time?

You may be surprised to learn that a toddler can start practicing handwriting as early as age 3. It all comes down to building the foundations through play! Host Jessica Rolph is joined by Julia Volkman, who wrote her thesis at Harvard on the moveable alphabet. Julia, founder of Maitri Learning, says writing comes online for developing brains before reading. 

Takeaways:

1. Julia points out that a child’s capacity to understand letter sounds is there before their capacity to write them or read them. The Montessori moveable alphabet is extremely helpful in familiarizing children with how these sounds fit together. They move into place the tiles that make the sounds mmm — ooo — pp and, voila, they have a word! MOP.

1. The more a child succeeds at building these words, the more readily they will start to read, and then write… and over time, their spelling will refine. This is the gradual, organic process that happens when they have the right conditions and the materials to support their learning.

1. When it comes to handwriting, the physical aspects are often what we think about: for example, the muscular ability to hold the pencil. But there are also intellectual aspects like the desire to write — and knowing enough about the world around them to find inspiration. 

1. Vocabulary and sequencing also play important roles. Vocabulary development comes naturally with your child’s exposure to lots of songs, rhymes and books. Give them the words for everything — and remember to keep it playful!

1. Montessori uses lots of indirect preparation, like scrubbing and preparing food to strengthen hand muscles and coordination. You can also practice sequencing in the kitchen by laying out ingredients from left to right, in the order you will use them.

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Even if your 3-year-old can recite their ABCs like a pro, they’ll need to learn that spoken words are made up of individual sounds to succeed at reading. Hands-on activities that build this kind of phonemic awareness — and reinforce the connection between letter sounds and letter shapes — are the best way to teach them what they need to know. 

As with all kinds of hands-on learning, Montessori is a great place to start! Did you know that in Montessori classrooms, children learn to spell before they learn to read? Word building with the moveable alphabet is at the heart of this process. In this first episode in the Montessori series, My New Life Host Jessica Rolph is joined by Laura Saylor, co-author of Powerful Literacy in the Montessori Classroom.

Takeaways:

1. The reading journey starts with building your child’s phonemic awareness. In other words, playing with sounds. Begin recognizing initial sounds, and then move to the sounds at the end and middle of words. “I spy with my little eye something that ends with the sound dd.”

1. Rather than memorizing the ABCs, Montessori teachers will often start with letter sounds. Once the sounds are mastered, they will move to the names of the letters.

1. In the Montessori world, children learn to spell before they learn to read. Word building with the moveable alphabet is at the heart of this process. Try focusing on one sound at a time, creating a variety of 3-letter words with the short U, for example: sun, gum, bun. Lovevery has a moveable alphabet game that capitalizes on a 4 year old’s enthusiasm for little objects by rewarding them with a tiny object representing the word they spell.

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Empathy can be a puzzling concept for a young child. They often need adults to model it for them. When reading stories or playing with the wooden peg people together, ask your child: “How do you think that person is feeling right now? How can you tell? How would you feel in his place?” Encourage your child to notice the clues in their environment and use them to draw conclusions. 

In this final episode in the executive function series, Senior Director of Programs at Zero to Three Rebecca Parlakian joins Host Jessica Rolph to look at how empathy fits into the critical thinking skills coming online for your 4 year old.

Takeaways:

1. Empathy is caught not taught. We are teaching our child what empathy is when we model it, but also when we empathize with them.

2. Empathizing with our child doesn’t mean that we’re agreeing with them or doing exactly what they want us to do. Rather, it involves acknowledging that what we’re asking them to do is hard for them.

3. In order for a child to recognize that what they did was wrong, they have to accept some degree of shame. That’s asking a lot of a 4 year old. Rebecca recommends shifting 100% of the attention to the child who has been hurt, and only later (in private), asking your child questions like: How did you know she didn’t like it?

4. Rebecca has 3 suggestions for building empathy in the day-to-day with your child:

   1. Try to imagine how your baby is interpreting a situation and put that into words. For example: “It’s so frustrating when you can’t reach your pacifier!”

   2. Suggest ways that your child can show empathy. Something like: “Your cousin fell and hurt his knee. Would you like to help me get the ice pack for him?”

   3. Explore empathy in pretend play. So if we’re playing veterinarian, we can say: “The doggy has to have a shot, but look, he’s feeling a little scared…”

5. Finally, Rebecca suggests using the Imagine-if cards in the Examiner Play Kit as a way to build empathy. For example: “Let’s imagine you’re at preschool. What if a friend is feeling sad about saying goodbye to their mom or dad? What could you do to help them?”

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Zero to Three

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Have you ever played “hot/cold” with your child? It’s good for a laugh, particularly when a child can’t find something in plain sight. But it’s also great at teaching young children flexible thinking, or the ability to adapt to change. As they are searching for the lost item, they are listening to directions and staying flexible when they have to change course.

In this series on executive function, we’ve been looking at ways to help our children build these skills, which include working memory, impulse control and cognitive flexibility. These mental tasks take practice and must be learned and relearned. All the while, you’re laying the foundation for school-age success. Joining Host Jessica Rolph to explain the neuroscience behind flexible thinking is Dr. Stuart Marcovitch, a professor in the Department of Psychology at UNC Greensboro.

Takeaways:

1. While routines help children know what to expect, you can start mixing up the routine a bit at age 4. It gives your child an opportunity to practice flexible thinking. Maybe you brush teeth and then take a bath, instead of the other way around.

2. Games like the Lovevery Reach for the Stars Matching Cards — where you sort by shape, and then code switch to sort the same cards by color — are great for building flexible thinking.

3. Offering children choices is another cognitive flexibility technique, because it allows them to consider various alternatives simultaneously. Stuart recommends offering choices while cooking with your child: Do you want to cut the carrots into rounds or slice them into sticks?

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Success in life — that looks different for everyone. But skills like persistence, managing frustration and emotional regulation tend to scaffold that success, no matter what the end result looks like.

These skills are all part of what scientists call executive function, something we’re focusing on this season. We like to talk about executive function, because young children have lots of chances to practice these skills!

In this episode, we look at how to build frustration tolerance. One of the best ways to do that is to play games — games where your child occasionally loses! Joining My New Life Host Jessica Rolph is Licensed Clinical Social Worker and founder of Starr Therapy, Talia Filippelli. She is a Genius of Play ambassador and has contributed to the Emotional Wellness Playbook.

Takeaways:

1. Our brains develop back to front over our lifespan, and the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive function, isn’t fully developed until age 30. So adjust your expectations accordingly! Play is a great place to start building these skills.

2. Coach your child through losing a game, rather than avoiding your child’s unhappiness at all costs. Explaining that every game has a loser, can help develop appropriate expectations. Talia starts games with her child by explaining: “I can’t tell you who’s going to win. I can’t predict the future. We don’t know how this is going to go.”

3. If your child’s frustration is mounting (particularly if siblings are involved) encourage them to take a pause and to recognize the signals in their body: “I can see you’re getting frustrated. And I can tell because I see you’re moving all your pieces around...” Then validate their feelings and encourage them to put their feelings to words: “Tell me about what’s making you feel frustrated about this game.” If children don’t have the language to express what they’re feeling, they will often resort to behaviors, some of them unwelcome.

4. The Lovevery wooden emotion dolls can help with emotional coaching. Ask your child where they feel the frustration in their body and point it out on the figure.

5. With children who prefer tasks and games that are easy for them, Talia likes to introduce the word “challenge”. “You’re so good at this game, why not go for something that’s going to be a little harder and see how you do? Challenges can be fun!” 

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Executive functioning skills are important, because they help us achieve our goals. Children with strong executive functioning skills have the focus, patience, flexibility and resilience to succeed in—and out—of school. 

While children continue to develop these skills into adolescence, research shows they surge at 4 years old. And they can be really fun to practice! In this episode, My New Life Host Jessica Rolph welcomes Whitman Professor of Psychology Dr. Melissa Clearfield a second time.

She first appeared on the show 3 years ago to discuss her research demonstrating differences in executive function in infants. This time, the focus is on executive function in older children, specifically a child’s ability to think ahead, a component of working memory.

Takeaways:

1. The three pillars of executive function are: impulse control, working memory, and cognitive flexibility. The Lovevery Reach for the Stars Matching Cards — where you sort by shape, and then code switch to sort the same cards by color — are a great way to practice cognitive flexibility.

2. Executive function stems from attention, being able to focus on the right things and block out distractors. This is challenging at ages 3, 4 and 5 because of a child’s still-developing impulse control. Working on that selective, sustained focus is primary at this stage, and is best achieved through play with an adult.

3. The concept of time is still very vague before the age of 5. “We’re leaving in 15 minutes” has little meaning. Sequencing, however, is something they can do! “We have three things to do. Can we get them all done before your sister gets home?” The Lovevery countdown timer helps reinforce this skill visually.

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Our guest today is a mother of four children, ages 5 to 17. She knows well how the demands of parenting can run you into the ground. She made the choice to step off the “struggle bus of overwhelm” — as she calls it — but it was a move that took time, and conscious effort.

The secret? Establishing clear boundaries. And choosing not to identify with the “mother as martyr” role. So many of us look for our partners to validate how hard we are working, before we give ourselves permission to delegate and take a break. Or hold onto resentment because we feel we are shouldering more than our fair share of the parenting burden. 

In this episode, Julie Tenner gives us permission to ask: What do I need to show up as the best version of myself in this family? She is an Australian-based relationship expert who shares her wisdom as co-host of the podcast Nourishing the Mother. You can also find her at julietenner.love.

Takeaways:

1. If you find yourself resenting the people you love, it’s a sign you need to re-enforce your boundaries. Score-keeping is something we slip into when we’re feeling under-valued. Time to have a conversation with your partner about what you need out of each of your roles.

2. This conversation around roles is constantly shifting. Revisit the agreements you make regularly because our needs as adults shift with the changing children around us. Julie likes to think about it as tending to the you, to the me, to the us and to the family inc.

3. Julie talked about setting limits around breastfeeding and the inevitable resistance that a mother will come up against. Responding to your baby’s cries from a loving place, firm in your boundaries, can sound like: “Yeah, it’s really hard for you. I know you really want to have a feed, but I can’t give that to you right now, but I love you and I’m here.”

4. Julie is a big fan of delegating. She reminds us that when delegating, we need to let go of how the task is executed. It’s not going to look exactly like it would have, if you had done it. But we can’t do this work on our own, so time to lean into the team!

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Why can change be so unsettling for our toddlers? I mean, change up the snack crackers and you may have a major crisis on your hands. On this episode of My New Life, Jessical Rolph hosts Lael Stone, author of “Raising Resilient and Compassionate Children”. Never is our resilience put to the test more so than in the face of change.

If you and your family are changing things up — be it a new home, new caregiver, or a new school, Lael will help you navigate what can be tricky terrain with your child. In addition to her work as a parent educator, she is a mother of three. You can find Lael @laelstone.

Takeaways:

1. A great way to ease children into a big change (or even a smaller transition) is to create pictures and talk through what’s going to happen, who’s going to be there, and how it’s going to look. For those children that thrive on information, this dispels some of the anxiety around uncertainty.

2. Make an effort to view change through the lens of your child. Even something like a visit to a new playground can feel scary. Meet their concerns with empathy and compassion rather than attempting to fix the situation, or justify why it’s no big deal.

3. Children process what’s going on around them through play. Help your child to explore changes by creating a similar scenario with their favorite toys. It’s a great time to ask questions like: How do you think Teddy is feeling about moving to a new home?

4. Change often makes children feel powerless. Try a power reversal game to restore some sense of power. This is a game where your child gets to be faster or stronger or know more than you do!

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For the most part, limits provide a framework that helps everyone move through the day more fluidly, and with less friction. But on this episode of My New Life, we discuss limiting beliefs — beliefs that interfere with our own wellbeing and that of our family. 

A big one is the notion that we can “have it all”. For parents who work outside the home, this can compound the pressure we already feel to be in more than one place at a time. And for parents who work inside the home, the line between family and professional needs gets easily blurred. Leaving everyone wondering: Am I a good enough fill-in-the-blank… parent? employee? boss?

Psychologist and motherhood coach Yara Heary knows this dance all too well, and she’s here to help us explore how these limiting beliefs show up for us, because being aware of these thoughts is the first step toward changing them. You can find Yara @lifeafterbirthpsychology. 

Takeaways:

1. Host Jessica Rolph shared one of her own limiting beliefs: I’m not a present enough parent. Yara encouraged her to look at the standard to which she’s measuring her worth as a mother. Where did that standard come from? What is enough? This goes for any of the limiting beliefs we have.

2. Yara ascribes to the notion that you can have it all, but not all at the same time. There are seasons when one or another role is going to take priority. Give yourself permission to settle into the current role, knowing that there will come a time when you can switch hats.

3. When caring for young children, it can often feel like you haven’t “achieved” much. But that comes down to what we perceive as meaningful. If you write down all that you’ve ticked off in a day, it may be easier to re-evaluate those tasks as meaningful, valuable care-taking.

4. If you’re working outside the home and finding the separation painful, focus on 10 minutes of special time with your child each day. This is a time where the phone is out of reach and you’re following your child’s lead. If your child has trouble saying goodbye when you leave for work, talk about this special ritual you will have, when it will happen and what it will look like. 

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Find Yara Heary @lifeafterbirthpsychology

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