What Really Matters: Everyday Spirituality

In this episode I'm taking you along on my journey to the Sonoma Coast where I practiced "grief travel" as I always do when I'm away from home. Grief travel means that I keep my heart and mind open for evidence of grief wherever I go - and I always find it. Every little trek and journey becomes richer and more significant because I am connecting with real life and real grief within each community or location. Here are the highlights I talk about:

• Doran Beach in Bodega Bay
• Duncan's Landing and Death Rock
• Sea Ranch Chapel
• Mendocino Time and the Maiden sculpture
• Evergreen cemetery
• Artist Emmy Lou Packard

Get my book Wild and Holy for more grief travel!

View the Photo Gallery from Sonoma Coast

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In order to grow spiritually forgiveness is one of the most important tasks we need to accomplish. And forgiving ourselves is a necessary step before we can fully forgive others. In a companion Soulcode Post I've written about why self-forgiveness is so hard to do. In this episode I share some practical steps to actually move through letting go of self-blame and guilt. This episode includes:

• Why self-compassion is needed before we start this work
• Taking an honest look at our past actions that may have done harm
• How to separate guilt from shame
• The need to repair what can be repaired
• Allowing our past mistakes to become our teachers
• Creating a ritual for self-forgiveness

Download the Handout on Patreon.com/eolu

Read my latest ⁠Substack⁠ post on Letting Go of Guilt

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This special Father's Day episode is a companion to my latest post on Soulcode: We Need Another Word for Grief. I'm sharing some thoughts about how grief grows and changes over time by telling the story of my niece who died too soon of cancer, and a synchronicity involving roses after she died. This episode includes:

• How Father's Day is a complicated day for many of us and has arrived with the solstice this year
• How the anniversary of Tracey's death has converged on this day as well
• Encountering roses during times of grief
• My ritual with flowers for Tracey
• How life goes on and we carry our grief, eventually recognizing that everything is connected.

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This episode is a companion to two previous EOLU Podcast episodes and a Substack post on Medical Aid in Dying. Here I share the story of a colleague with ALS who wanted to use MAID and my thoughts about grief after a chosen death. This episode includes:

• Obstacles faced by many who want to use MAID
• Ambiguous grief after death by MAID
• Grief when the ending feels unfinished
• Remembering not to postpone saying goodbye

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This episode is a companion to the previous 3 episodes on Levels of Consciousness (173), Kindness (174) and Presence (175.) I share how what we pay attention to in our environment shapes our experience of reality and why we need tools to help us expand our awareness. This episode includes:

• How the brain is wired to focus on negative events in order to protect us from danger
• How to shift our attention to more positive occurrences around us
• Why this is not the same as Toxic Positivity
• How presence helps us stabilize our nervous system so we can notice more possibilities
• How flexible attention allows to see more kindness in the world
• How kindness reinforces our regulated nervous system
• Micro-practices for training our attention to hold both the negative and positive events of life

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In this episode I talk about the foundational skill of Presence: being able to focus on the present moment and also remaining calm in the midst of difficulties. This episode includes:

• Why calm presence is contagious
• How having greater presence helps you practice kindness
• How humans are hard-wired to co-regulate their nervous systems
• Practices for developing greater Presence
• How to return to calmness after being triggered emotionally
• Book recommendation: Present Through the End by Kirsten DeLeo

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In this episode I'm sharing research by Dr. Jonathan Haidt that demonstrates the ripple effects transmitted from each and every act of kindness. When other people see us being kind it changes them. And this moment in time--when people are feeling overwhelmed, polarized, frightened, and uncertain--is exactly when kindness is needed.

"Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing."

from the poem Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye

This episode includes:

• How we collectively know deep sorrow at this time in history
• Apples: a simple story of kindness becoming contagious
• Dr. Jonathan Haidt's research findings about kindness
• Noticing the effects of kindness on others
• The Kindness Walk as a practice
• Invitation to share your kindness stories with me at [email protected]

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In this episode I share a useful and simple metaphor for levels of consciousness that can help us understand why there are so many opposing views of the world in our society right now - and how to navigate them. This episode includes:

• The "building" metaphor for levels of consciousness
• How the view differs from the ground floor to the penthouse
• Why we need to have compassion for people who have only seen life from the ground floor
• Practices to move up the staircase of consciousness
• Wisdom is knowing which floor the conversation is happening on

Watch full video here

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In this episde I share two interlocking stories about the burden we carry when we hold onto resentment, anger, self-blame, and self-loathing. Find out how I learned to begin to let it go. This episode includes:

• My forgiveness garden
• How I finally recognized the cost of carrying negative emotions
• The healing of long-ago relationship disruptions
• Finally releasing myself from blame
• How creativity flows more freely when we're no longer carrying the heavy weight of self-blame

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War is unfolding in many parts of the world right now, yet for many of us life continues largely unchanged.

In this episode I reflect on the difference between how earlier generations experienced war—especially during World War II—and the distance many of us feel from today’s conflicts.

Drawing on a story from my father’s experience in the war, I explore how we might remain present to the suffering of others without becoming overwhelmed or turning away.

I also invite listeners to consider creating a simple Sunday evening vigil—a moment to pause, light a candle, and hold the people of the world in compassion.

Download the Sunday Evening Vigil

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Check out End-of-Life University Podcast

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