What happens in the years right before an adult child walks away — and what does the silence that follows actually feel like, from both sides? 

In Part Two of When It Was Us, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna go into the hardest part of their story: the years after Bri graduated from college, the slow accumulation of stress and shame that pushed her to her breaking point, the conversation that finally cracked everything open, and the three years they didn't speak. 

This is the chapter most families never talk about. Bri describes what it felt like to be drowning while pretending everything was fine — building what she calls "a mountain of fake" just to survive. Janet describes loving her daughter while completely missing what was happening underneath the surface. And together they unpack a moment that changed everything: the first holiday Janet didn't reach out — and why Bri says that silence was the most selfless thing her parents ever did for her. 

If you are a parent experiencing estrangement from your adult child, this episode could be hard to hear. You will also hear something almost no one says out loud: your adult child is still thinking about you. The silence is not the absence of love. Sometimes silence is the only path to reconnection. 

The video recording of this episode is also available on YouTube at:

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.Steinkamp

**If you have questions or would like to talk about this episode, please join us during Office Hours for a live discussion May 24th. Register at:

https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours 

IN THIS EPISODE 

• Why "everything you thought would never happen" hits at once in early adulthood, and what happens when a young adult feels like she can't lean on her parents to navigate it.
• How small lies turn into a "mountain of fake", and why the cover-up is often more damaging than what's being covered up. 
• The pregnancy conversation that solidified every feeling of failure, shame, and conditional love Bri had carried since childhood. 

COMING UP IN THIS SERIES 

In Part Three, The Long Way Back, Janet and Bri share what came next: who reached out first, how the conversation got started, what each of them had to forgive, and what they had to say out loud before a new start was possible. They'll also talk about what their relationship actually looks like today. Not the version for the camera, the real one. It is not the relationship they used to have. And as Janet says, thank God, because that one wasn't real. 

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

CONNECT 

Connect directly to schedule coaching with Dr. Steinkamp by emailing [email protected] 

For more information about services and resources, please visit: https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com 

If this episode resonated with you, please follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps more families find their way to these conversations. 

DISCLAIMER

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement.