Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?!

How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc?

In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choose whether to attend high-risk social events.

What happens when a social invitation coincides with a high-risk day during estrangement? What should a parent do? 

Think through this challenging decision: why we might feel pressure to attend, how adult children are also navigating similar questions, and when choosing to attend—or decline—might be the healthiest path.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Short)

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. 

In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren. 

Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation. 

By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitude, all parties concerned can feel they've done their part to support us, to show concern, and we feel like we're keeping the light on. 

When a busybody comes with questions, we handle them differently. To learn more about managing busy bodies without causing conflict or increasing their curiousity check out the episode titiled Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message

Episodes referenced in this episode:

Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message 

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize red flags and get the most beneficial and effective therapeutic services to assist you in navigating your estranged relationship. Grab your notebook and your favorite chair, and let’s dig into this important topic together.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child.

Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you.

Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care of your heart while staying open to healing.

Highlights

• Father’s Day can stir deep emotional pain: feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame—and society often compounds that by painting a picture of what fatherhood “should” look like.
• Estranged dads often wrestle with tough questions: Will my child reach out? Should I say something first? What if I just make things worse?
• Develop a strategy for open communication:  recognize and respond to your estranged adult child's boundaries. Plan your response to and recognition of their needs and expectations.
• If you’re considering reaching out this Father’s Day, lead with reflection, not reaction: Keep messages simple and pressure-free, and know that trust is built through steady, respectful steps over time—not just one day.

#EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth #RebuildTrust

https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/about

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Are you a dad of an estranged adult child wondering, "How did things get this far?"—you’re not alone. 

In this short but eye-opening episode, we unpack the real reasons many adult children choose to step away from their fathers. From unresolved childhood pain to emotional disconnect, this conversation sheds light on the deeper issues that often go unspoken.

We’ll also talk about how traditional views of fatherhood and masculinity can unintentionally block healing - and why some common fatherly reactions, like defensiveness or blame, often backfire.

Whether you’re trying to make sense of the silence or hoping to build a path toward reconnection, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and concrete steps forward.

Highlights:

• The most common (and often hidden) reasons adult children cut ties with their fathers
• Why saying “I did my best” may be heard as deflection, not care
• What real accountability looks like—and how it can open the door to healing
• How to respect your child’s boundaries while still showing up with hope and integrity

If this episode resonates, consider sharing it with another parent who might need it. And don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss future episodes on healing estrangement, rebuilding trust, and growing through the hard stuff.

#EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalIncest #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

What’s the difference between an apology, accountability, and making amends? Why does it matter so much to your adult child when you're estranged from them? I can't seem to get it right!

 In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp unpacks the emotional and practical power of these three crucial tools.

You'll learn:
✔️ Why simple apologies often fall short
✔️ How to take meaningful accountability without excuses
✔️ What makes amends letters work—or fail
✔️ Why consistent behavior change is the foundation of trust

Whether you still have contact or are navigating deep silence, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and guidance for building a path toward possible reconciliation—or simply becoming a healthier version of yourself.

💬 “Estrangement is a trauma. But it’s also an invitation to grow.”

#FamilyEstrangement #EmotionalHealing #SelfCareWhenEstranged #EstrangementGriefSupport #EstrangedParents

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you.

We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how to respond with humility, strength, and real change.

We’ll talk about:
 ✔️ How to recognize, stop overstepping and start respecting boundaries
 ✔️ When to apologize—and how to do it without making things worse
 ✔️ Why listening (really listening) is more powerful than defending
 ✔️ What to say—and what not to say—when trust is broken

You’re not alone. You don’t have to be perfect. If you’re willing to do the work, there’s hope for reestablishing a respectful and healthy connection. 💛

#EstrangedParents #MomsRebuildingTrust #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Premier Content - Subscriber-only Episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This one’s tough—there’s no getting around it. And! It is a new and growing element of conversations related to estrangement.

There was a time when incest was all-inclusive - physical, mental, emotional, etc. The times have changed. Around 2002, the mental health world began to recognize emotional incest as its own and different trauma. The core difference between physical and emotional incest is that physical abuse is often not involved in emotional incest.

Emotional incest is a term that can feel offensive, confusing, or just plain shocking, especially if it's thrown at you as an accusation. Learning about the concept of emotional incest also gives you a chance to look at your upbringing and how your parents raised you.

More and more adult children use it to describe parts of their childhood that felt overwhelming or emotionally out of balance.

You’ll hear about:

• What emotional incest shows up in everyday family life
• How emotional boundaries can get blurred, even with good intentions
• Why some adult children are using this term to express pain
• How to reflect without getting stuck in shame or blame

Remember, my podcast content isn’t about agreeing with everything you hear—it’s about understanding where some of the hurt may have come. For both you and for your hurting adult child. If you’ve been accused of emotional incest, or just want to know what it means, take a listen.

This episode gives you a chance to take a peek at emotional incest with honesty and courage. Knowledge is power and can open our eyes to blind spots. Knowledge can lead to compassion for everyone involved.

#EstrangedParents #EmotionalIncest #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Some days are more difficult than others. Some days shine a spotlight on our estrangement grief - the silence and loneliness. These are high-risk days. On high-risk days, the silence can be deafening. High-risk days trigger more intense feelings. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important days can be reminders of your estranged adult child. These are what we refer to as high-risk days. 

High-risk days often reopen emotional wounds and bring the pain and dejection of parental estrangement rushing back because the emotional distance or absence of an estranged adult child becomes more obvious to us - and to others.

In this special overview episode, you'll be introduced to the concept of high-risk days and why they can be especially overwhelming for people navigating estrangement. You'll learn what to expect emotionally and why recognizing, planning for, and implementing survival strategies is essential in healing. 

Strategies are the key to maintaining emotional balance and protecting mental health. Pre-planned strategies empower, fortify and build confidence. First, we plan the plan, and then we follow the plan.

This episode is the first in a five-part podcast series dedicated to helping estranged parents prepare for and survive our estrangement's most emotionally vulnerable times.

In this episode, you'll discover:

·         What qualifies as a high-risk day

·         Why high-risk days often trigger more intense grief and anxiety

·         How to begin preparing emotionally, mentally and physically

If you're a parent estranged from your adult child, this series is designed to give you the language, tools, and support you need to get through these days and gently care for yourself within them.

#EstrangedParents #FamilyEstrangement #HighRishDays #SelfCareforParents  #CopingWithGrief

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of emotional turmoil, can trigger our grief, and can shine a light on the empty chair at the dinner table - especially when your relationship with your adult child feels broken or distant. 

In this episode, we’ll examine 10 reasons adult children who are or have been estranged say they step back or walk away from their moms. We'll also consider how you might respond to open the door instead of pushing them further away.

We’ll talk through:

✔️ What estranged adult children mean when they bring up things like “control” or “favoritism”.

✔️ How to respond without getting defensive—even when it hurts

✔️ Ways to show empathy, take responsibility, and rebuild trust

✔️ What accountability actually sounds like in real-life conversations

This isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding. It’s about getting honest, staying humble, and taking steps toward a healthier relationship, even if that road is long.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.