When Our Adult Children Walk Away

By Dr. Janet Steinkamp, EdDSociety & Culture Education Self-Improvement Relationships Parenting Kids & Family

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When Our Adult Children Walk Away episodes

October 05Unconditional Love Doesn’t Mean Unconditional Participation (Audio Only)
Unconditional love and a reciprocal relationship are not the same thing. Importantly, participation in a relationship is each individual's choice.
In this conversation, Dr. Janet and Brianna sit with why that difference matters so much in estrangement. We can love someone unconditionally as an individual. We are not able to build a healthy relationship with them on our own. Both people must choose to participate because a reciprocal relationship asks both people to show up, to define boundaries together, and to keep choosing each other as adults.
Janet and Brianna trace the clunky shift from parent and child into an adult to adult relationship, the space that first led to their estrangement, and then made their own repair possible. Learn the simple set of questions that can bring a strained or estranged relationship back into balance.
IN THIS EPISODE
Why unconditional love and a reciprocal relationship are two separate things, and why blending them keeps us stuck
The clunky, awkward shift from parent as decider into a relationship between two adults, and why naming it helps
How constant contact and social media reshape the way our children grow into their own lives
Why space, and sometimes no contact, can be the most powerful move toward repair
The four questions that help both people find their way back to balance
How boundaries, demands, and expectations differ, and how they are meant to change over time
Why disagreement is not rejection, for parents or for adult children
CORE MESSAGE
"I can love you unconditionally by myself. I cannot create a healthy relationship with you by myself." Dr. Janet Steinkamp
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
"Unconditional love and reciprocal relationships do not go hand in hand. They are two different things." Brianna
"I had to step away from being the unilateral decision maker, and I cannot tell you how much better life feels not carrying that anymore." Dr. Janet
"Respecting the space we ask for is the most powerful thing a parent can do for the relationship." Brianna
"Our kids do not stop loving us, even when they are setting boundaries. It is the relationship that needs the focus." Brianna
CONNECT WITH US
Subscribe to receive the When Our Adult Children Walk Away Newsletter
You can access and register for all of our services and events here: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Coaching
Seasonal workshops
Writer's Lab
Virtual Office Hours
Podcast and YouTube Channel @DrJanetSteinkamp
ONE NEXT STEP AWAY
If this conversation gave you something to sit with or left you with unanswered questions, please attend Virtual Office Hours. Janet and Brianna host these sessions together, so they can hear from you directly. Register at https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
#FamilyEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChildren #Boundaries #WOACWAOTHER SERVICES
60-Minute Consultation: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/service-page/60-minute-consultation
(NEW) Discounted Coaching Bundles https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/pricing-plans/list
Fall 2026 Workshops: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/copy-of-classes
Writer's Lab: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/writers-lab
Produced by Balancing Life's Issues.
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
51 min
October 04Three Myths of Parental Estrangement
EPISODE SUMMARY
A lot is being said about estrangement right now, online, in articles, and in support groups, and not all of it is accurate. Three topics are especially troublesome. In this episode, Dr. Janet walks through three myths that cause deeper grief and escalated emotions: that estrangement is permanent, that it is inherently bad, and that reconnection means walking on eggshells forever. What we find underneath each of these myths is more hopeful, and more useful, than the myth itself. The silence can be a time to reset. The eggshells can become a tool. And the story is still ours to write.
IN THIS EPISODE
Why estrangement is fluid, not fixed, and why it is usually a marathon, rarely a sprint
What the research suggests about how many estranged relationships find their way back to healthier communication
How space and silence can break toxic communication patterns and give us room to recalibrate
Why accepting any kind of treatment or demand is not the same thing as unconditional love
The four questions that help us decide how we want to show up in the relationship
How the eggshells shift from a constant alarm into a tool that signals when we are broaching a boundary
Why the quiet times do not define us as parents, or as failures
CORE MESSAGE
"No contact, the periods of silence may be necessary for both parties, though initiated by one. They can be brave tools for self-preservation, reflection and recalibration." Dr. Janet
#FamilyEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChildren #NoContact
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
"Estrangement is not necessarily permanent, it is very fluid. It can, however, be a marathon, rarely a sprint." Dr. Janet
"It is not unconditional love to allow yourself to be treated unconditionally." Dr. Janet
"Taking that space can give us an opportunity to reset, to push the back to factory settings." Dr. Janet
CONNECT WITH US
All Services can be found on our website: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Virtual Office Hours: whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
Coaching, seasonal workshops, and the Writer's Lab are all on our website.
PODCAST
Watch on YouTube: @DrJanetSteinkamp
ONE NEXT STEP
If one of these myths has been shaping your story, bring it to Virtual Office Hours. Office hours offer a low-pressure way to continue the conversation with Dr. Janet and Bri and talk through what the silence has been like for us. Register to participate in Virtual Office Hours at: whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
60-Minute Consultation and Discounted Bundles: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/service-page/60-minute-consultation
Fall 2026 Workshops: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/copy-of-classes
Writer's Lab: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/writers-lab
LEARN MORE: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Produced by Balancing Life's Issues.
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
13 min
September 06 The Power and Influence of Significant Others: Influence, Ultimatums, and Estranged Adult Children
A partner. A friend. A therapist. A faith community. Sometimes a voice online we will never meet. When our adult child begins to pull away, we often find ourselves searching for the person who changed them. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp looks honestly at the influence other people hold in our adult children’s lives, including the ultimatums that can feel impossible, and gently offers a different question to ask.
In This Episode
• Why who turned your adult child against us may not be the right question after all
• The difference between healthy influence and unhealthy influence, and how to tell them apart
• What to do when you are facing an ultimatum, the is it them or me moment
• Why trying to fight an influencer head-on so often backfires
• Where your actual power lies and how to respond (in unfamiliar conversations) without escalating (or alienating)
Voices From This Episode
• "One of the most common questions asked by estranged parents is, what happened to my son or daughter? Many describe watching their once independent, thoughtful, compassionate, loving adult child adopt beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors that seem unfamiliar or dramatically different from the person they knew. Often I hear this as fear, impatience, anger, resentment, accusations."
• "Healthy influence strengthens an individual's ability to think critically, to maintain multiple meaningful relationships, and make voluntary choices. Unhealthy influence, by contrast, narrows perspective, discourages independent thinking, and may reinforce fear, loyalty conflicts, and emotional dependency. Unhealthy influence oftentimes reduces the number of relationships and focuses on one or two primary relationships."
• "There's great wisdom in Michael Corleone's line from The Godfather: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. That applies in estrangement. That's not to say unhealthy influences or influencers in your child's life are enemies. It's only to recognize that alienating them will only make your situation worse."
• "If you are sitting with something that feels impossible right now, an ultimatum, a person you don't trust, a relationship you're afraid of losing, that is exactly the kind of situation I help parents work through one at a time."
• "Here's what I hope you carry away from this episode. Maybe the question, who influenced our adult child, is not the right question. Maybe it is how influence works and whether you can see it clearly enough and respond without escalating. That is where your power as a parent actually is."
Connect
Find the show on YouTube at @DrJanetSteinkamp. If you know a parent who is quietly carrying this, share this episode with them.
One Next Step
If you are sitting with something that feels impossible right now, an ultimatum, a person you do not trust, a relationship you are afraid of losing, that is exactly the kind of situation Dr. Janet helps parents work through one on one. You can find out how through the website.
●Virtual Office Hours:
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
●60-Minute Consultation:
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/service-page/60-minute-consultation
●Fall 2026 Workshops:
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/copy-of-classes
●Writer's Lab:
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/writers-lab
#FamilyEstrangement #AdultChildren #EstrangedParents #ParentingAdultChildren #Reconciliation #FamilyHealing #Ultimatums #EstrangementRecovery #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #DrJanetSteinkamp #FamilyRelationships #HealingFromEstrangement #ParentChildRelationship #Boundaries #Empathy

LEARN MORE: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Produced by Balancing Life’s Issues.
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
17 min
August 23The Science and Art of Communication: Humility vs Humiliation
Episode summary
Humility and humiliation sit so close together that we often feel them in the same breath. In this conversation, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna gently pull the two apart. One is a choice we make, openness, curiosity, a willingness to keep learning. The other is something we feel, shamed, diminished, our dignity on the line. Together they walk through what it actually takes to set humiliation down, and why humility turns out to be the stronger place to stand when we are trying to find our way back to each other.
In This Episode
Why humility is a choice we make, and humiliation is something we feel, imposed or perceived
How the need to be right, and the need to be validated, can keep us locked in a fight that no one wins
The quiet power of naming our own part before anyone else can, and setting the weight of shame down
What our reactions, the sighs, the big feelings, the volume, keep saying to an adult child long after the words are gone
Why stepping back can be an act of humility, not surrender
How reconnection is built on mutual humility, not mutual humiliation
“Reconciliation is built through mutual humility, not mutual humiliation.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
Voices from this episode
“When I switched to a more humble mindset, I felt like a thousand pounds got lifted off of me. It was one end of the spectrum to the other. A huge swing.” Brianna
“For me, the humiliating part was never really the mistake. It was being caught and called out for it. So if you can call yourself out before anyone else does, you take the power out of humiliation.” Brianna
“Parents always ask me, I wonder if they even remember me saying this. And I tell them, your voice is in their head. I promise you.” Dr. Janet
“One of the most impactful moments for me was when you stopped reaching out. To me, that was you humbling yourself. It was the opposite of what a parent usually does, and humility played a part in that.” Brianna
Connect
Find us on YouTube at @DrJanetSteinkamp for these conversations in video.
If this one meant something, please share it with someone who might be walking through estrangement too. None of us should have to walk through this alone.
One Next Step
There is a place to bring these questions in real time. Dr. Janet and Brianna host Virtual Office Hours, a low-pressure, come-as-we-are space for the very things this episode stirs up. Register on the website.
Virtual Office Hours: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
60-Minute Consultation: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/service-page/60-minute-consultation
Fall 2026 Workshops: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/copy-of-classes
Writer's Lab: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/writers-lab
#FamilyEstrangement #AdultChildren #EstrangedParents #ParentingAdultChildren #Reconciliation #FamilyHealing #HumilityVsHumiliation #EstrangementRecovery #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #DrJanetSteinkamp #FamilyRelationships #HealingFromEstrangement #ParentChildRelationship #ShameAndHealing #Reconnection
LEARN MORE: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Produced by Balancing Life's Issues
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
58 min
August 09 We Raised Them For A World We Couldn't See
The world our adult children grew up in is not the world we grew up in. The economy shifted. The technology shifted. The pace, the pressure, the rules for building a stable life, all of it moved while we weren’t looking. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp steps back from the arguments and the hurt feelings to ask a bigger question. Not what our adult children believe, but what world shaped them, and why understanding that changes everything.
In This Episode
• Why the ground genuinely shifted for this generation, and how easy it is to mistake a different reality for a personal rejection
• What the numbers actually say about how often young adults change jobs today, drawing on US Department of Labor data
• How constant social comparison reshapes the way our adult children measure their own lives
• The difference between agreeing with our adult children and simply understanding them
• The one internal shift, from certainty to curiosity, that changes almost every conversation that follows
Voices From This Episode
• "Not what our adult children believe, but what world they came of age in. Because the ground shifted under them. The economy, the technology, the pressure, the pace, all of it looks different from the world that many of us stepped into as young adults. And when we forget that, we can mistake a different reality for a personal rejection."
• "When I started out as a guidance counselor in the 80s, we told students as they graduated that they should anticipate changing jobs about five times in their career. What we say now, based on the US Department of Labor and Statistics, is that people will change jobs on average 17 times in their career, and that they may actually change into completely different industries."
• "As adults, when we hear them say that we didn't prepare them, they're not altogether wrong. And we are not at fault. It isn't an issue of blame or shame. It's an issue of not knowing."
• "There have been unprecedented changes in the level of social comparison. Where we used to talk about keeping up with the Joneses, and that was based on our neighbors, the people at work, maybe the people we knew from the schools. Today it is a constant inundation of messaging about what success looks like, how quickly success should come, who gets to decide what success is. And this isn't just local, this is global."
• "Curiosity is not agreement. It never was. It's simply the willingness to ask what your adult child is up against before deciding what their choices mean, before deciding whether you agree with them or not. That one shift from certainty to curiosity changes almost everything in the conversations that follow."
Connect
Find the show on YouTube at @DrJanetSteinkamp. If this episode spoke to something you have been carrying, share it with a parent who needs to hear it.
One Next Step
If you would like a low-pressure place to bring your questions, Dr. Janet holds Virtual Office Hours. No commitment, just a chance to be heard and to hear from others walking the same road. You can find the details and register through the website.
REGISTER FOR OFFICE HOURS: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
LEARN MORE: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Produced by Balancing Life’s Issues.
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
22 min
July 20The Message Behind the Message (Audio Only) | After Hours Series
When a message arrives from an estranged adult child, the first read is rarely the real one. The words on the page are filtered through pain, through other voices, through timing, and through emotions that have been building for a long time. In this After Hours episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna take one of the most discussed topics from Virtual Office Hours and open it up: how to decode what is actually being communicated, and why the message on the surface is almost never the whole story.
Bri and Janet walk through three things that shape every message received during estrangement: whose voice might be coming through alongside the adult child’s, the gap between the words being used and the intention behind them, and the context of what is going on in an adult child’s life when they sit down to write or speak. Along the way, they get into trigger words, the read-aloud feature that strips emotion from text, the seventy-two-hour re-read, and the hard truth about why adult children sometimes push hardest at the people who love them most.
This is a quiet, clarifying episode. Not easy, but clarifying.
IN THIS EPISODE
Whose voice is really coming through — attorneys, therapists, gatekeepers, social media, and why messages are rarely written in isolation
Why adult children are communicating from peak emotional bandwidth — and what that means for how the words land
The gap between word choice and intention: what they’re trying to say versus what is being perceived
Trigger words — how terms like trauma and abuse carry very different weight today than they once did, and why that matters
The seventy-two-hour re-read: why the same message sounds different after time and distance
The read-aloud feature: using text-to-speech to strip emotion and hear a message more neutrally
The possibility of AI in communications — and why it’s worth considering
The hidden message: when an adult child’s real communication is simply “I need space” and everything else is noise
Why adult children sometimes push hardest at parents — and what that actually means about the relationship
Leaving the light on: what it looks like to stay accessible without chasing
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
“Your adult child is likely not prioritizing your comfort in reading the letter. They are saying things that they’ve wanted to say for a long time probably. So their word choice may not be great — intention might be different than how it’s coming off.” — Bri
“If you can read between all of the lines or catch little nuggets of your child coming through in the letter, just consider what they might actually be trying to say. And if you take the emotion out of it, it doesn’t have to be offensive.” — Bri
“You don’t get to the point of pushing your parents out unless everything else in life is absolutely unmanageable or too much — and your parent is one of the safest things to let go. And that’s really backwards and probably not nice to hear, but it’s the truth.” — Bri
“Leave the light on. Leave the path open. No barriers between you and your adult child so they can get to you directly, easily, when they need and want to, when they’re ready to.” — Dr. Janet Steinkamp
“When you read the message the first time, and if you wait seventy-two hours and you read it again, you hear it differently, you read it differently.” — Dr. Janet Steinkamp
“It wasn’t really about them. The part that was about the parent was that they couldn’t get enough space to work out whatever was going on. And parents are often very surprised to hear that.” — Dr. Janet Steinkamp
WHAT IS AFTER HOURS?
After Hours episodes follow Virtual Office Hours — live sessions where listeners join Dr. Janet Steinkamp and Bri in real time to ask questions and share what’s on their minds. After each session, Janet and Bri take the most important topics from those conversations and go deeper.
These episodes are intentionally light touch. The topics are complex and nuanced — they deserve more than a quick answer. Think of After Hours as the conversation that continues after the room goes quiet.
Join the next Virtual Office Hours session at:
www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
16 min
July 05Are We Really Listening? The Difference Between Hearing and Being Present (Audio Only)
Are we really listening — or just waiting for your turn to speak?
There’s a difference between hearing and listening that most of us never stop to examine, and in estrangement, that difference can be the distance between repair and permanent disconnection.
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp breaks down what active listening truly requires, why passive listening causes more damage than we realize, and what it looks like to listen in a way that makes people feel genuinely seen and valued.
WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:
The key difference between hearing and active listening, and why it matters for estrangement
What an active listener looks, sounds, and feels like to the person speaking
The specific behaviors that signal you’re not fully present, even when you think you are
Why kinesthetic learners may seem distracted but are actually deeply engaged
How to reflect back what you hear so the other person feels truly understood
What passive listening is, when we do it, and the relational cost
Why “listening to react” vs. “listening to learn” changes every conversation
A simple, practical challenge you can try this week
If you’ve ever felt like conversations with your adult child go sideways before you understand why, or like what you say never quite lands the way you intend, this episode gives you a foundational skill that changes everything.
"Listening to learn creates connection. Listening to react creates distance.” - Dr. Janet Steinkamp
Active listening is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice, in conversations that matter, and in conversations that don’t, so you’re ready when it counts.
SUBSCRIBE for new episodes on family estrangement, parent-adult child relationships, reconciliation, emotional healing, and communication repair.
JOIN VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS:
https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
LEARN MORE:
https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Produced by Balancing Life’s Issues
#FamilyEstrangement #AdultChildren #EstrangementRecovery #ParentingAdultChildren #FamilyHealing #NoContact #EstrangedParents #ActiveListening #CommunicationSkills #ListeningToLearn #DrJanetSteinkamp #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #FamilyReconciliation #EstrangementSupport #EmotionalHealing
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
17 min
June 23After Hours from Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 - Why aren't' they responding? (Audio Only)
Are you an estranged parent who finds themselves asking the same question over and over... "Why isn’t my message landing the way I intend?" Or, "Why isn't (adult child) responding?"
In this first After Hours Series episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna take the most urgent issue from their inaugural Virtual Office Hours on May 24th, 2026 and share it here: what we say, how we say it, and why it matters more than most parents realize.
This isn’t a conversation about finding the perfect words. It’s about understanding that a message often reaches your adult child through others' filters. There is often a partner, a therapist, an attorney, or a deeply held influence standing between what is written and how it’s received, and every word has to make it through that gauntlet first.
Bri and Janet break down three things that came up most in their Office Hours conversation on May 24th, 2026: knowing who is really being written to, understanding when and whether to say anything at all, and staying emotionally neutral when everything inside wants to defend, explain, or beg for contact. You’ll also hear Bri reveal how she decided whether to read a message and why.
This is the episode for every parent who has sent a letter, a text, or an email and heard nothing back. And for every parent who is afraid of saying the wrong thing.
IN THIS EPISODE
Who is really interpreting your message? Attorneys, therapists, partners, gatekeepers, and why a stranger’s interpretation can end the conversation before it starts
The shorthand trap: why inside references and half-sentences can be misinterpreted and even weaponized by a third party
Knowing your goal before communicating and why writing to be explain, to defend, or to get a response almost always backfires
The 24-hour rule and why Bri thinks 72 hours is the real minimum
Why responding quickly, even with love and good intentions, can feel offensive to an adult child who spent weeks on a single letter
“I didn’t read most of your messages,” Bri’s honest account of what made her stop reading, and what finally made her read a complete message
Why is silence after sending something not rejection
The letter that took Janet six months to write, and why every iteration taught her something new
What “staying in your lane” really means when desperate for any contact (listen to the episode Note to Self: 10 Daily Tips to Keep You in the Parent-Partner Lane)
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
“Somebody else is gonna read this letter. Everything put out there is just available for the taking, and the actual message is lost.” Bri
“Statements need to say what you mean, and you have to mean what you say. There’s no shorthand.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
“If the goal is about you, if you’re wanting something, needing something, feeling something, then just don’t. It’s most likely not going to land well.” Bri
“Even if you wait a month to respond, if the response is genuine and reflective and thought out, the month isn’t going to even register. They want change or movement, not validation.” Bri
“I didn’t read some of your communications. I’d read the first sentence, and I’d be like nope. I don’t think this is going to be any different.” Bri
“Silence does not mean rejection. It does not mean they’re not thinking about it.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
“That letter took me six months to write. And every iteration, you learn more. You see more. You understand more.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
WHAT is the AFTER HOURS Series?
The After Hours Series episodes follow Virtual Office Hours live sessions where listeners join Dr. Janet Steinkamp and Brianna in real time to ask questions and share what’s on their minds. After each session, Janet and Bri take the most important topics from those conversations and go deeper.
The issues discussed in Office Hours are complex and nuanced, they deserve more than a quick response. Similarly, the topics we bring back to the After Hours Series listeners are equally as complex. Think of the After Hours Series as the conversation that continues after the room goes quiet.
Register to join the next Virtual Office Hours session at:
www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
Connect directly with Janet: [email protected]
For more information: https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
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#FamilyEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentsOfEstrangedChildren #Estrangement #WordsMatter #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #EstrangementHealing #CommunicatingWithEstrangedChild #AfterHours #FamilyReconciliation
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
21 min
June 08Is Social Media Making Estrangement Worse? What the Research Actually Says
Welcome back to When Our Adult Children Walk Away, a podcast dedicated to one of the most painful, and one of the least talked-about, experiences a family can go through: estrangement. I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp. No guilt. No shame. No blame.
Social media did not cause your estrangement. But it may be making it feel more permanent, more absolute, and harder to resolve. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp breaks down what current research says about the role social media platforms play in estrangement dynamics, and why understanding the algorithm may be one of the most important steps toward finding your way forward.
IN THIS EPISODE:
Why research does not support the claim that social media causes estrangement, but does raise concern about amplification
How algorithm-driven content shapes what both parents and adult children see, believe, and feel
What echo chambers are and how they reduce openness to alternative perspectives over time
Why platforms reward outrage and certainty over nuance and reconciliation
How these dynamics affect both sides of an estrangement equally
The key insight: algorithms are designed to keep us engaged online, not to bring families closer together
What it looks like to be more intentional about the content you consume
"The algorithms are designed to increase engagement in the internet, not with our adult children." - Dr. Janet Steinkamp
CONNECT:
Subscribe to the YouTube channel at @DrJanetSteinkamp and follow the podcast wherever you listen so you never miss an episode. If today's episode was helpful, share it with someone who needs to hear it. You never know who in your life is quietly carrying this same experience.
For one-on-one coaching, reach out to Dr. Janet directly through the website. https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/service-page/60-minute-consultation
JOIN US FOR VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS: https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
Produced by Balancing Life's Issues
#FamilyEstrangement #AdultChildren #EstrangementRecovery #ParentingAdultChildren #FamilyHealing #NoContact #EstrangedParents #FamilyCommunication #SocialMediaAndMentalHealth #EchoChambersExplained #DrJanetSteinkamp #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #FamilyReconciliation #EstrangementSupport #EmotionalHealing
⏱ CHAPTERS
00:00 Welcome
01:15 Does Social Media Cause Estrangement?
03:30 How Algorithms Amplify What We Already Believe
06:00 Echo Chambers and Confirmation Bias
08:30 Emotional Amplification Online
11:00 Why Simplified Narratives Are Dangerous for Families
13:30 Both Parents and Adult Children Are Affected
15:30 The Key Takeaway
17:00 Being Intentional About What You Consume

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
11 min
May 24When It Was Us Part 3; The Way Back (audio only)
In Part 3 of the three-part series, When It Was Us, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna step into the sacred, complicated territory so many families long to understand: what actually happens when an estranged adult child comes back. Not the Hollywood version. Not the social-media version. The real one.
The email that didn't mention their relationship at all. The first face-to-face meeting where ground rules were set, voices were raised, and a single sentence about money decided whether reconciliation would happen.
Brianna and Janet walk listeners through the two years Bri was silent, what finally cracked the silence, and the slow, specific, deeply imperfect work of rebuilding a relationship that neither of them thought would exist again.
Bri starts by answering the question Janet hears most from estranged parents: " Why didn't you respond to all of our messages in the beginning?” From there, she and Janet trace exactly what worked, the handwritten amends letter, the "dishwasher repair person" email about grandpa, the cookie no one was supposed to be looking for, and what didn't. They talk openly about the role of a partner who functioned as a gatekeeper, the moment Janet realized she wasn't just writing a letter to her daughter, and the boundary about money that Janet and her husband flew to Minneapolis to deliver out loud.
This is the episode parents in the silence right now have been waiting for. It is also the episode that adult children, choosing distance and silence, need to hear. For many, reconciliation is possible. It is harder, slower, and stranger than people expect. And as Bri puts it: Sometimes reconnection begins when there is finally nothing left to protect and nothing left to lose.
IN THIS EPISODE
Why Bri didn't answer the early-on texts, emails, and videos
The handwritten amends letter that took Janet months to write, and the one realization that changed how she wrote it
The partner as gatekeeper: why does it matter
The "dishwasher repair person" email that made it safe to finally respond
"Money is a good, simple way to motivate certain people in my life at the time", the line that opens a wider conversation about coercive financial dynamics
What Bri did during the two and a half years of silence — therapy, internal work, and the moment she realized she no longer needed her mother’ approval to come back
The cookie no one was supposed to be looking for and why Janet doing the work for herself mattered more than doing it for Bri
CONNECT
Connect directly to schedule coaching with Dr. Steinkamp by emailing [email protected]
OFFICE HOURS
Please join Dr. Steinkamp and Bri during Office Hours for a live interactive web session. Bring your questions about this episode and other burning topics. Register here.
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
"I had just gotten to a point where my needs and my emotions needed to be a priority for me." — Bri
"It took me months to write that letter, literally months. And by the time I was ready to send it, I could send it and kind of let go. I really didn't have any thought you were going to respond to it." — Dr. Janet Steinkamp
"Once I understood you had a gatekeeper in your life - and a lot of people do - it was much easier for me to understand how to approach that letter and our relationship. I knew I was not just writing to you." — Dr. Janet Steinkamp
"I wanted you to change for you. I didn't want you to do it for me. I didn't want the weight of you doing this for me because I don't want to feel like I owe you." — Bri
"There's no way we would have gotten to this kind of relationship without completely breaking. In that sense, I'm very thankful for the process." — Bri
"I don't have to be the parent anymore. I'm not the etiquette police." — Dr. Janet Steinkamp
"Give your child some grace. It's really scary to even consider reconnecting. Take a risk and let your kid have their moment. Put your ego away for a second." — Bri
"Just go full send. Get it all out there. Don't hold back. You have nothing left to lose. Rip the bandaid off and see if it works out. And if it does, then it's going to be a stronger relationship than probably any other in your life." — Bri
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
53 min