Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

Unlike the short episode with the same title, this episode examines differences and similarities in how moms and dads describe their experiences and strategies for navigating estrangement.

I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender and family role. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness.

So, for this episode, please consider your role in the family over your at-birth sex. If you have the role of nurturer, then consider listening as the traditional 'gatherer' or mom role. If you are more of the provider or 'hunter' than listen with an ear for the hunter role.

We are each shaped by societal expectations, assigned familial roles, and the people in our lives. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of societal and family (the people who raise us) values - beliefs - traditions.

We grow up in different circumstances and bring our unique selves to our relationships. So, it makes sense that we each have individual relationships with our children. Still, some elements (generally speaking) can be considered familial-role specific.

These differences and similarities can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, respond to feelings of rejection, and prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves. The same is true for our adult children—they see us and experience us as their parents through their unique lenses.

Please listen and let me know what you think. You can share your questions and comments at Janet@jesteinkamp or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I read and respond to all emails that reach my inbox.  
Remember - be brave!

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, we dig into some of the differences and similarities of how moms and dads tell us they experience and navigate estrangement.

Yes, dads and moms often experience estrangement differently. And, in ways, similarly. Only... we know it isn't really that simple, right?

I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness.

We are each shaped by societal expectations, gender roles, and the people around us. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of our families values. We each are raised in different circumstances and bring our unique selves as a whole to our relationships. So, it only makes sense that we each also have individual relationships with our children. And... still there are some elements (generally speaking) that can be considered gender specific.

These differences can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, how we respond to feelings of rejection, and how we prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves.

Take a listen and let me know what you think. Share your questions and comments at [email protected]. Or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I do read and respond to all email that finds it's way to my inbox. Thank you. And be brave!

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift  - A Deep Dive Into Reasons 1-10 (Extended)

Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”. 

In this episode, I take a deep dive into 1 - 10 of the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child’s boundaries. By embracing your eggshells (and theirs), you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust-based and mutually gratifying relationship.

Look for the 2nd extended episode. In it I dig into 11-20 of the 20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

The "Let Them Go" movement grew out of the emerging phenomenon of parental and family estrangement. Originally the movement was based on positive acceptance, open minded awareness, and love. This movement emphasizes personal well-being and the right to distance oneself from harmful dynamics.

More recently, the movement has spun off a 2nd movement. We now hear from a “Let Them Go – Good Riddance” faction. 

In this episode I provide an overview of originally intended “Let Them Go” philosophy. 

In an extended episode, I will dig deep into the original spirit, how and why the movement morphed to include the “Good Riddance” offshoot. And we compare and contrast the potential outcomes of both. 

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”. This episode introduces the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child’s boundaries. By embracing your eggshells, you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust based and mutually gratifying relationship

In two future extended episodes, I will dig into 1-10 and 11-20 of the Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, I discuss six tips that will proactively ensure you give space to your adult child and avoid misrepresentation by others. This topic is a continuation of discussions about communication, how to maintain it, how to ensure direct access if and when either the parent or adult child is compelled to reach out, and how to ensure others represent you accurately to others who may also be in contact with your adult child. These tips will help ensure your communication is authentic, accurate, timely, and respectful. Using these tips, you can engage in proactive communication, demonstrate consistent behavior, and address any potential sources of misrepresentation directly.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, we consider avoiding or getting out of the habit of catastrophizing. You might be saying, “Hasn’t the worst already happened?” I suggest that it hasn’t. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that anticipating a catastrophe does not help move you toward preparing to repair and establish a new connection. Catastrophizing holds you in disbelief, anger and despair.

Catastrophizing is a common behavior that affects many people during times of stress. Well… when is life more stressful than when our adult child starts pulling away, stops communicating constructively or goes no contact?

The good news is that catastrophizing does not necessarily signal a mental health condition. In fact, preparing for the worst-case scenario can be a coping mechanism and defense mechanism. 

However, it is also true that if it becomes a chronic habit or interferes with daily life and functioning, it may be a sign of depression or anxiety. If you find yourself unable to stop the worst-case cycling in your head, please consider finding a licensed mental health provider who can assist in quieting the cycle.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, we crack the Busy Body Code. I share several easy strategies to manage a busy body by controlling your message. You can protect your privacy, ensuring that more energy can focus on maintaining emotional well-being. I share several responses you can use when approached by even the most well-meaning "share-er." I provide ways to sort through publicly neutral messaging to ensure the difficulties you're experiencing with your adult child are not enflamed by misinformation or the appearance that you aren't protecting your family's privacy.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm frequently asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf. 
I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to  approach an adult child without the parent's involvement—to defend us, advocate for us, or encourage our adult children to "stop the madness." 
The third scenario related to this topic involves parents recruiting, encouraging or requesting that a friend or family member approach their estranged child to advocate on their behalf. 
Regardless of who, how or why people advocate for us, after a time, these efforts often end in more sadness and disappointment for the parent. 
So, how can we make sense of it when advocacy for the parents does not bring the intended outcomes?
In this episode, I explore these three scenarios from the adult child's perspective. You'll hear some strategies for navigating all three, and I'll explain why ensuring a clear and direct path for communication between the adult child and estranged parent becomes essential.
This episode explores this topic in more depth. For a quick overview, check out the (Short) episode with the same title.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

Adult children involved in estrangement often use specific terms and phrases to articulate their feelings and experiences. Newly estranged parents must understand and adopt these terms in today's context to fully grasp what their adult child tells them. 

It is not unusual for parents to become frustrated and feel imposed upon when they learn the new definitions and meanings of words and phrases. It may be helpful to know that the overuse of words and the evolution of their meaning is not a new phenomenon. Think back to when you were a young adult and you'll find plenty of terms we used in ways our parents no longer recognized.

When terms become pedestrian or overused, they become overly familiar and perhaps even clichéd. The original meaning of a term or phrase becomes diluted and generalized. 

Several terms or phrases used by estranged adult children have been used so frequently over time that they have lost their emotional impact and fail to capture the nuanced experiences and feelings in the same way as in the past. Conversations can quickly become twisted and tangled if there are significant differences in past definitions and what terms mean today. The adult child and parent can leave a conversation with hurt feelings from unintended messages. I call this a communication disconnect.

This episode's purpose is to assist parents in understanding key terms and phrases commonly used in our adult child's world. Importantly, learn them in today's context. 

I recommend that if you listen to this episode and get frustrated and want to debate, let it go. Don't scoff, don't dismiss and don't be offended. Instead, dedicate your energy to adopting the new meanings and get comfortable using them accordingly. Your adult child may take note of your determination to 'get on board' with them.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this episode. Feel free to message me through the Contact Janet feature of the whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com website. Make sure to leave contact information so I can respond.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.