When Our Adult Children Walk Away

When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. 

In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren. 

Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation. 

By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitude, all parties concerned can feel they've done their part to support us, to show concern, and we feel like we're keeping the light on. 

When a busybody comes with questions, we handle them differently. To learn more about managing busy bodies without causing conflict or increasing their curiousity check out the episode titiled Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message

Episodes referenced in this episode:

Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message 

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Hi and welcome to the WOACWA podcast.

I want to invite you to rethink the dynamics of parenting adult children through the lens of yin and yang—balancing empathy with wisdom, flexibility with boundaries. 

In this episode, we explore how excessive permissiveness or parenting grounded in control can harm our relationships, in particular, our relationships with our adult children. 

We explore strategies for communicating and setting healthy boundaries with your adult children without alienating them.

For parents seeking a stronger, trust-based relationship with their grown children, this episode offers honest insights and encouragement.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• The Hardest Days: What is a High Risk Day and How to Prepare (Overview) Episode 1 of 5
• Houston, We Have a Problem! Are Parents Scubbing the Launch?

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, never to wonder about us again.

In this episode, I offer insight into how emotionally charged, high-risk days —such as holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, differ for estranged parents and adult children. Together, we explore how this understanding can foster empathy, reduce blame, and support us as we find ways to strengthen or reopen communication.

We look at five key differences in our experiences as estranged parents and their experiences as the adult child who walked away.

• Anticipation vs Avoidance
• Identity and Role Confusion
• Public Pressure vs Private Pain
• Longing vs Relief
• Rituals of Grief

And in the end, why does it even matter if we consider what it may be like to be in their shoes? 

Empathy isn’t about agreeing or changing how we feel about our experiences; it’s about recognizing that our experience is not the only one that needs understanding.

When we soften judgment, open our hearts and set aside our grief, even for just a little while, we create space for new understanding and new perspective.

We begin to prepare for future dialogues and reduce the potential for increased distance.

Acknowledging emotional differences is a step toward relational safety and potential healing.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize red flags and get the most beneficial and effective therapeutic services to assist you in navigating your estranged relationship. Grab your notebook and your favorite chair, and let’s dig into this important topic together.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child.

Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you.

Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care of your heart while staying open to healing.

Highlights

• Father’s Day can stir deep emotional pain: feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame—and society often compounds that by painting a picture of what fatherhood “should” look like.
• Estranged dads often wrestle with tough questions: Will my child reach out? Should I say something first? What if I just make things worse?
• Develop a strategy for open communication:  recognize and respond to your estranged adult child's boundaries. Plan your response to and recognition of their needs and expectations.
• If you’re considering reaching out this Father’s Day, lead with reflection, not reaction: Keep messages simple and pressure-free, and know that trust is built through steady, respectful steps over time—not just one day.

#EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth #RebuildTrust

https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/about

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Are you a dad of an estranged adult child wondering, "How did things get this far?"—you’re not alone. 

In this short but eye-opening episode, we unpack the real reasons many adult children choose to step away from their fathers. From unresolved childhood pain to emotional disconnect, this conversation sheds light on the deeper issues that often go unspoken.

We’ll also talk about how traditional views of fatherhood and masculinity can unintentionally block healing - and why some common fatherly reactions, like defensiveness or blame, often backfire.

Whether you’re trying to make sense of the silence or hoping to build a path toward reconnection, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and concrete steps forward.

Highlights:

• The most common (and often hidden) reasons adult children cut ties with their fathers
• Why saying “I did my best” may be heard as deflection, not care
• What real accountability looks like—and how it can open the door to healing
• How to respect your child’s boundaries while still showing up with hope and integrity

If this episode resonates, consider sharing it with another parent who might need it. And don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss future episodes on healing estrangement, rebuilding trust, and growing through the hard stuff.

#EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalIncest #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

What’s the difference between an apology, accountability, and making amends? Why does it matter so much to your adult child when you're estranged from them? I can't seem to get it right!

 In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp unpacks the emotional and practical power of these three crucial tools.

You'll learn:
✔️ Why simple apologies often fall short
✔️ How to take meaningful accountability without excuses
✔️ What makes amends letters work—or fail
✔️ Why consistent behavior change is the foundation of trust

Whether you still have contact or are navigating deep silence, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and guidance for building a path toward possible reconciliation—or simply becoming a healthier version of yourself.

💬 “Estrangement is a trauma. But it’s also an invitation to grow.”

#FamilyEstrangement #EmotionalHealing #SelfCareWhenEstranged #EstrangementGriefSupport #EstrangedParents

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you.

We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how to respond with humility, strength, and real change.

We’ll talk about:
 ✔️ How to recognize, stop overstepping and start respecting boundaries
 ✔️ When to apologize—and how to do it without making things worse
 ✔️ Why listening (really listening) is more powerful than defending
 ✔️ What to say—and what not to say—when trust is broken

You’re not alone. You don’t have to be perfect. If you’re willing to do the work, there’s hope for reestablishing a respectful and healthy connection. 💛

#EstrangedParents #MomsRebuildingTrust #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Premier Content - Subscriber-only Episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This one’s tough—there’s no getting around it. And! It is a new and growing element of conversations related to estrangement.

There was a time when incest was all-inclusive - physical, mental, emotional, etc. The times have changed. Around 2002, the mental health world began to recognize emotional incest as its own and different trauma. The core difference between physical and emotional incest is that physical abuse is often not involved in emotional incest.

Emotional incest is a term that can feel offensive, confusing, or just plain shocking, especially if it's thrown at you as an accusation. Learning about the concept of emotional incest also gives you a chance to look at your upbringing and how your parents raised you.

More and more adult children use it to describe parts of their childhood that felt overwhelming or emotionally out of balance.

You’ll hear about:

• What emotional incest shows up in everyday family life
• How emotional boundaries can get blurred, even with good intentions
• Why some adult children are using this term to express pain
• How to reflect without getting stuck in shame or blame

Remember, my podcast content isn’t about agreeing with everything you hear—it’s about understanding where some of the hurt may have come. For both you and for your hurting adult child. If you’ve been accused of emotional incest, or just want to know what it means, take a listen.

This episode gives you a chance to take a peek at emotional incest with honesty and courage. Knowledge is power and can open our eyes to blind spots. Knowledge can lead to compassion for everyone involved.

#EstrangedParents #EmotionalIncest #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Some days are more difficult than others. Some days shine a spotlight on our estrangement grief - the silence and loneliness. These are high-risk days. On high-risk days, the silence can be deafening. High-risk days trigger more intense feelings. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important days can be reminders of your estranged adult child. These are what we refer to as high-risk days. 

High-risk days often reopen emotional wounds and bring the pain and dejection of parental estrangement rushing back because the emotional distance or absence of an estranged adult child becomes more obvious to us - and to others.

In this special overview episode, you'll be introduced to the concept of high-risk days and why they can be especially overwhelming for people navigating estrangement. You'll learn what to expect emotionally and why recognizing, planning for, and implementing survival strategies is essential in healing. 

Strategies are the key to maintaining emotional balance and protecting mental health. Pre-planned strategies empower, fortify and build confidence. First, we plan the plan, and then we follow the plan.

This episode is the first in a five-part podcast series dedicated to helping estranged parents prepare for and survive our estrangement's most emotionally vulnerable times.

In this episode, you'll discover:

·         What qualifies as a high-risk day

·         Why high-risk days often trigger more intense grief and anxiety

·         How to begin preparing emotionally, mentally and physically

If you're a parent estranged from your adult child, this series is designed to give you the language, tools, and support you need to get through these days and gently care for yourself within them.

#EstrangedParents #FamilyEstrangement #HighRishDays #SelfCareforParents  #CopingWithGrief

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.