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Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, Dr. Steinkamp presents the sixth stage of  Estrangement Grief. During the stage of maintenance - Maintenance.
 
In this stage, we have embraced some of the changes we chose to make in our lives after moving through the first five stages of estrangement grief. We have embraced our imperfections, grown to forgive ourselves and our adult child and come to recognize that we can find purpose and joy without needing the parent-child relationship. This is not to say we have stopped hoping to reconnect, or that we take all responsibility for the fracturing of our relationship. 

In the Maintenance stage, we understand and accept our new emerging selves - find our new sense of purpose, and establish satisfaction with our changed life.  We embrace our new parent-partner role and are ready for potential opportunities to reconnect with our adult child.  The possibility of reconnecting may feel scary and fragile like will be walking on eggshells - but we're ready! This is the stage where all of our work in the previous stages comes becomes our new normal. 
In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

The transformation stage of grief in the context of estrangement typically refers to the process of adapting and finding meaning after experiencing the loss of a relationship with a close family member, friend, or significant other. Estrangement involves a significant emotional distance or fracturing of a once-close relationship. The stages of grief in my model are: Disbelief, Anger, Dispair, Acceptance, Transformation, and Maintenance.

In the transformation stage of estrangement grief, individuals may undergo a series of psychological and emotional changes as they work towards an open and authentic new understanding of themselves and the circumstances of their estranging adult child. A key element of the work people do in this stage is to better understand their own communication style and relational behaviors.  As they gain new self-awareness they can then begin expanding their communication tools and strengthen their communicaion skills. They can then ready themselves for the potential opportunities to establish  communication that better aligns with their adult child's needs (expectations). Effective communication is the bedrock of relationships - our communicaton skills and style can lead to trust, authenticity and strong boundaries.  In this episode we take a deep dive into what the transformation stage might involve in your circumstances.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

The acceptance stage of estrangement grief is one of the phases individuals may go through when experiencing the pain and emotional turmoil associated with being estranged from a family member or significant other. It is important to note that the grieving process is subjective and varies from person to person.

During the acceptance stage, individuals may begin to acknowledge and come to terms with the reality of the estrangement. This phase involves accepting that the relationship has changed, and there may be no immediate resolution or reconciliation. In this episode we take a deeper dive into some key aspects of the acceptance stage.

It's important to note that the grieving process is not linear, and individuals may move back and forth between stages. Additionally, not everyone experiences all stages, and the intensity and duration of each stage can vary widely.

Seeking professional help, such as counseling or therapy, can be beneficial for individuals navigating the complexities of estrangement grief. It provides a supportive space to explore emotions, gain insights, and develop coping strategies.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this – the 3rd stage in my estrangement grief model, we sit in Despair. 

In the Despair stage, our primary experience and emotions include agony, hopelessness, depression, rejection, lack of joy and happiness, woefulness, blame and shame. We ask questions like – why me, why our family? Where did I go wrong? Embarrassment and isolation set in and can sometimes take hold. 

In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

[This episode was recorded and produced in November of 2023. It was published and distributed in January of 2024. The content is applicable to all holiday celebrations and gatherings. Our apologies for the delayed availability.]

Dealing with the holidays as estranged parents can be challenging, but it's possible to navigate this time with self-care, communication, and thoughtful planning. In this episode, we explore the unique pressures and triggers of family celebrations to help estranged parents survive the holidays.

Remember, the key is to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your adult children. I encourage you to seek support and make decisions that will contribute to a more positive and manageable holiday experience.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Remember the 2006 comedy Failure to Launch, starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew McConaughey? I found it pretty easy to identify with Kathy Bates, who plays the mom (Terry Bradshaw plays the dad) – of a son who would not stand on his own two feet. They had to creatively coerce their adult son to move out. 

Well, news flash. The tide has turned, and we – the parents –- are more and more often attempting to scrub the launch. Or at least that's what our adult children claim. We want to hold tight and keep our place at the center of their lives. 

Unfortunately, our adult children often experience this as overinvolvement, being directive and too instructional. The outcome can be devastating when we fail to respect their request. They are asking us – need us to - get out of their way and step back. We are being asked to support, encourage and cheer them on from the sidelines – and as parents, we often resist.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, we take a deep dive into the 2nd stage of my model of estrangement grief - Anger.  This and the other five stages are uniquely related to crumbling relationships between family members.

The primary experiences in the Anger stage are overwhelming indignation, exasperation, animosity, antagonism, bitterness, spite, fury and rage. We find ourselves saying things like – how dare they…. after all I’ve done for them, and don’t they realize how much I’ve done for them and how much they depend on me? 

In the stage of Anger we as parents might communicate our raging feelings to our adult children by lashing out, making accusations, and even making threats (i.e., references to inheritance). These actions are seldom if ever effective in healing the relationship, and any momentary relief we might feel after lashing out, is commonly followed quickly by despair and hopelessness.

In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com where you will find resources, events, book clubs, communication training, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Unlike other models and theories, I refer to the first stage of grief in estrangement as Disbelief.

In the stage of Disbelief, our primary experiences include shock, panic, overwhelming doubt, denial, minimizing or skepticism and rationalizing.

During this stage, we tend to send many texts, email messages, and voice messages - imploring our adult children to listen to our explanations or answer our questions. So often, the adult child remains silent or pulls further away.

Though not all parents enter into the estrangement grief cycle in this stage, those who are in the stage of Disbelief often work tirelessly to 'fix things' and explain our side of the story. When really, this is a time to listen openly and without judgment. Our desperation too quickly leads us to do the opposite. 

In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Please take a listen to this episode to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Are you cycling through your emotions at warp speed? Are you angry in one moment and crippled by sadness in the next? Are you feeling helpless and hopeless? Wondering if life will ever be good again? Are you embarrassed to tell your friends, or perhaps your friends begin to pull away when you tell them about your broken relationship? In this episode, I provide an overview of the six stages of estrangement grief. Disbelief, Anger, Despair, Acceptance, Transformation and Maintenance. 

This episode is the 1st segment of a 7-part series.

Footnote: Since this recording, the first stage of the Estrangement Grief Cycle has been renamed from Denial to Disbelief. This is due to the differing aspects of grief related to death vs aspects of grief related to estrangement. Please listen to Episode 4 to hear a more extensive explanation of the differences. Thank you.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Is your relationship with your adult child falling apart? Are things between you changing, but you can't quite understand why? Are you looking for ways you can stop the unraveling without making things worse?  How bad are you willing to let things get before you take action? In this episode, we dig into the first two levels of estrangement on the estrangement continuum - Cordial Contact and Low Contact. And I provide 5 tips you can use to slow down the unraveling.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.