When Our Adult Children Walk Away

The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday. 

We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast. In this episode, you’ll learn why the winter holiday season feels so intense in the face of estrangement. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of  Holidays 

By the end of this episode, you'll know why holidays matter and how important it is to embrace the aspects of holidays that bring you joy.

We’ll walk through practical, permission-based strategies to protect the happiness of the season, ways to keep the meaning of connection without replicating the past and how to prepare for small, cautious moments of reconnection when they arise. 

It is my intention that by the end of this episode, you'll feel some relief from the pressure and anxiety many face during this holiday season. With flexible planning, you can find a path to moments of joy and a sense of gratitude for all that is good in your life. 

Happiest of holidays to you and yours.

Previous and Related Episodes

• Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries
• How Do You vs Your Adult Child - Decide Whether to Attend Social Events on High Risk Days?
• 5 Ways High Risk Days Feel Different for Parents and Adult Children

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

When the phone stops ringing and your texts go unanswered, the quiet can feel unbearable. In “Surviving the Silence,” Dr. Janet Steinkamp walks you through how to use this season with purpose so you don’t ruminate and drive yourself to distraction through catastrophizing. 

You’ll learn eight practical strategies: anchoring in reality (from a 360° view), managing the spiral of rumination, practicing radical acceptance, rebuilding an identity beyond parenting, regulating emotions when you’re triggered, choosing a safe support network, reframing your narrative, and using silence as a mirror for growth.

You’ll hear why respecting your adult child’s boundary can build trust, how to stop re-traumatizing yourself by 'looping' through your story, and ways to find peace even if reconciliation isn’t here yet. 

If you’re ready to move from panic to purpose—and wait with your child rather than merely waiting for them—this episode gives you calm, concrete strategies to maintain your mental balance and find purpose.

Previous and Related Episodes

• “Catastrophizing” (managing rumination, fear and worry)
• “Flying Monkeys & Well-Intended People” (why third-party ‘help’ backfires)
• “Coercive Control” series (3 episodes focused on a cult of one)
• “Grief” series (7 episodes on the estrangement grief process)
• “Explaining vs. Apologizing vs. Making Amends” (owning your part)
• “Let It vs. Let Them Go” (healthy release vs. resentment)

#FamilyEstrangement #EstrangementExpert #ParentReconnection #EstrangedAdultChild #ParentChildReunification #ReconnectionStrategist #ParentalAlienation #FamilyCommunication #Boundaries #EmotionalRegulation #RadicalAcceptance #Rumination #NoContact #RepairingRelationships #FaithAndHealing #MothersOfEstrangedDaughters #ParentsOfEstrangedAdults #EstrangementSupport #ReframingYourNarrative #SelfCompassion #Accoutabililty

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Hi Listeners, 

Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance. 

If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially when estrangement or tension is involved—this episode is for you.

I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and in this episode I will help you understand and explore the powerful differences between your role as a mom to your adult child and your role as grandma. 

I'll provide reassurance that each role matters and how clear boundaries can actually strengthen family bonds. You’ll learn how to move (flex) back and forth between supporter and emotional anchor to a safe haven for grandchildren. We explore ways to rebuild trust after distance seeps in or silence becomes a fact.

Finally, we learn how to nurture relationships with your grandchildren without undermining your adult child’s confidence and trust. And! Not feel exploited or taken for granted.

Grab your notebook, get comfortable, and let’s unpack what it means to love well in both roles—so you can grow stronger and find comfort knowing you're not alone.

Related Episodes:

• When Our Adult Children Ask for Space: What It Really Means
• Understanding Emotional Boundaries with Estranged Adult Children
• Healing the Hurt: How to Rebuild Trust After Estrangement
• How to Communicate Without Pushing Your Child Away

Support the show

For more information, please visit:  https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies, and tips to prepare for repair! I'd love to hear from you directly. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. 

***It is not possible for me to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

#FamilyEstrangementPodcast #ParentReconnection #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentChildReunification #ReconnectingWithMyChild #EstrangementExpert

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Learn about navigating “Gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.

In this deeper dive on coercive control, you’ll learn how to keep the light on for your adult child when a partner is acting as a gatekeeper. Dr. Janet shows you how to stay calm under pressure, send short and safe messages that won’t be weaponized, choose lower-risk communication channels, and avoid feeding the power dynamic. 

You’ll get word-for-word response ideas (“respond, don’t react”), ways to validate without inserting yourself, and a realistic plan for the long game—staying warm, neutral, and available over months, not days. You’ll also hear when therapy (not coaching) is the right next step, how to use allies wisely (without creating “flying monkeys”), and how to care for your own mental health while you support your child.

If gatekeeping has you feeling shut out, this episode gives you grounded, compassionate steps you can take today.

Related Episodes:

• Wait! What? You're leaving?! Does this mean we're estranged?
• 5 Signs Your Relationship with Your Adult Child is Unraveling: The yin and yang of estrangement.
• What is the Difference: Independence or Estrangement

#FamilyEstrangementConsulting, #FamilyEstrangementExpert, #EstrangementExpert, #EstrangementSpecialist, #ParentReconnection, #ReconnectionStrategist, #ParentEstrangement, #EstrangedAdultChild, #AdultEstrangement, #ParentalAlienation, #ParentalAlienationExpert, #FamilyEstrangementSupport, #FamilyEstrangementPodcast, #ParentChildReunification, #ParentAdultChildRelationship, #EstrangementGrief, #EstrangementCoach, #ConflictWithMyAdultChild, #BeingEstrangedFromParents, #EstrangedFromYourAdultChild

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estrangement. 

Most importantly, you’ll get calm, practical guidance on what you can do right now—how to keep communication gentle and consistent, how to avoid confronting the partner (and why that matters), and how to signal a safe haven without adding pressure. If you suspect coercion in your adult child’s relationship, this episode gives you language, lenses, and next steps—at a pace that protects connection.

**All stories are an amalgamation of stories shared by clients and podcast listeners.

• Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1) - Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement — the foundation for this series; defines the dynamics and why they escalate.
• Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3) Gatekeepers & Coercive Control  Navigating “gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.

#FamilyEstrangement #CoerciveControl #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentReconnection #Gaslighting #ParentalAlienation #ParentChildReunification #FamilyCommunication #EstrangementGrief #ReconnectionStrategist #EstrangementExpert #DomesticAbuseAwareness #AdultChildRelationships #FaithFamilyHope

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work.

You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why it is so pervasive in parental estrangement, why it’s so hard to detect, and the seven key warning signs to watch for—like social isolation, gaslighting, and control over daily life. More importantly, you’ll gain encouragement and practical strategies for keeping the light on in your relationship without fueling the coercive partner’s power.

This is about giving you clarity and hope as you navigate the painful reality of estrangement while still holding space for love, trust, and reconnection with your child.

Mentioned Episodes

• When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting & Coercive Control
• Future mini-series: Seven Aspects of Coercive Control

Suggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-is-all-coercive-control/202508/when-estrangement-masks-abuse 

#familyestrangement, #estrangedadultchild, #coercivecontrol, #parentreconnection, #estrangementexpert, #parentalalienation, #adultestrangement, #repairingrelationships

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement.

In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships.

Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is different. 

What does jealousy have to do with estrangement? And pointedly, how can jealousy hinder our ability to establish healthy and respectful communication?

Listen in to hear compassionate insights and consider practical examples. 

This episode offers tools to recognize, manage, and move through jealousy in healthy ways.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• The Continuum of Estrangement
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey (Short)
• What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Estrangement is often painful, disorienting and frustrating. Even the most well-intended parents can unknowingly make things worse. 

In this episode, I explore the six common mistakes I see parents make when struggling to reconnect.

The ways we communicate, such as blaming, shaming, guilt-tripping, and insulting, push our adult children further away. It's easy to fall into rounds of tit-for-tat communication or send a heartfelt apology letter that lands flat or is ignored.

This episode offers insights that can help you consider and reflect on whether you might be, with or without intention, contributing to your estrangement circumstances.

Join me to learn, adjust and prepare yourself to respond with empathy, patience, and wisdom, paving the way for authentic and lasting connections.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• Grief Series Overview - 6 Stages of Estrangement Grief Episode 1 of 7
• 3 Lies and a Truth - The Amends Letter
• The Three A’s: Apology, Accountability & Amends - What's the Difference and Why It Matters

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate. 

Sometimes emotionally charged dynamics are fueled by our communication style, sometimes by our adult child's, and sometimes by someone else entirely. 

Enter the concept of coercive control and the cult-of-one dynamic.

In this episode, we begin to explore these dynamics, uncover the difference between power and influence, and learn how to avoid slipping into coercive control or gaslighting, no matter who’s setting the trap. 

Queue up the episode and let's get started.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• The Continuum of Estrangement
• What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing
• Note to Self: 10 Daily Tips to Keep You in the Parent-Partner Lane
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Extended)
• Rebuilding Trust: How Estranged Moms Can Reconnect

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity. 

Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?!

How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc?

In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choose whether to attend high-risk social events.

What happens when a social invitation coincides with a high-risk day during estrangement? What should a parent do? 

Think through this challenging decision: why we might feel pressure to attend, how adult children are also navigating similar questions, and when choosing to attend—or decline—might be the healthiest path.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Short)

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!

DISCLAIMER

The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. 

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp

When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries. 

The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.

Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems. 

Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.