Hi. I'm Jennifer Woosley Saylor. I'm a licensed professional clinical counselor and the kid of a cop, and this is the podcast when the call hits home.
Hey, everyone. It's Ashlee Gethner. I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and I'm also a child of a police officer.
Hi. Welcome back to the podcast When the Call Hits Home. I'm Jennifer.
And I'm Ashlee. And today, I have my little sister on. Well, she's not, like, biologically my little sister, but she's definitely my little sister. Like, there's no there's no difference in life here. So I'm super excited. We grew up together. We grew up in a little small town together called Belvedere, Illinois. And if you don't know what that is, that's exactly why.
Cows and corn. So if you can imagine, we had to come up with a lot of different things to keep ourselves busy. We got into a lot of trouble together. I don't know. My best memories are with Bree. So I'm gonna hand it over to her now to introduce herself and, I guess, teach you all a little bit about her. So go ahead, Bree.
Hi. I'm Bree. Thank you so much, Ashlee and Jennifer, for having me on. I really appreciate it. You guys do awesome work, and we enjoy listening to your podcast, so I appreciate it. I grew up with Ashlee for a long time. She's like my big sister that I never had. We do have a lot of fun memories together.
I am married to a firefighter paramedic. We've been together a little over ten years now, and I'm also a nurse. I worked in the neonatal intensive care unit, and we just had our first baby, like, seven months ago. So I'm currently staying home with him, which I enjoy very much.
It's a hard job. It's a hard job, though.
It is a very hard job. It's never ending job.
Yeah. Right? For sure. Absolutely.
Well, congratulations on a new baby. And I was saying before we hit record, like, you're one of the people that know Ashlee the longest, so I want all the stories on her. But we'll talk a little bit more about being a new mom, a nurse, a married to a first responder today. So you guys have been together for ten years. How'd you guys meet?
So we met when I was in high school. We actually went to the same high school, but we never saw each other. He is a little older than me, and he did, like, a dual program thing. So he was only at the high school for, like, a couple hours, and then he went to the college and did classes.
And we met through mutual friends. And, actually, it's kinda funny because, like, my friend group was trying to set him up with one of our friends, and my husband was trying to, like, set me up with one of his friends. So, like, we really weren't interested in each other, and we were, like, trying to set each other up. That did not work, obviously. And now we've been together for, yeah, a little over ten years.
That sounds like a really cute movie script that you actually write. That's pretty adorable.
it's really It's super adorable. Like, I feel like this could really, really pan out. This will be our next project. No. It's gonna be
like, like, filming a movie.
But I cannot you were, like, ten years, and I'm like, holy moly. Like, time goes so fast. I can't really believe that, and that is so fair. Do you feel like I know that there's no way to absolutely always prepare yourself for things in life, but, I mean, I guess growing up, were you ever interested in first responders? Like, I don't know. Some people are always, like, yes. I like those firemen. Or how did you prepare? Were you prepared to be married to a
a firefighter? So I grew up I did not have any first responders in our family. Like, I didn't really know anything about it or anything about them or the field or career. I was I didn't wanna be a nurse either when I was, like, in high school. My mom actually went to nursing school probably when I was, like, in middle school or so. I'm not a % sure. But and she kind of, like, inspired me to become a nurse and kinda, like, went down that career path. And I like, we were we're, like, really the only two nurses, and now I have a bunch of people in the family of, you know, primary paramedic, nurses, all kinds of things. I was not prepared at all for being in a relationship with a first responder.
I didn't know what that was like or what that I didn't know anything about it. When we first got together, we kinda lived a little ways away from each other, so, like, I would only see him on the weekends. And he he's always been he's been doing it since we met, so it was like a whole new life, a whole new world for me. I would typically only see him, like, on the weekends. And at that time, he was on the fire department where he could, like, during the day, he had to be at the firehouse, but, like, at night, he could respond from home, which was nice and it wasn't because I would drive to come see him, and it never fails. Like, I would get there and he would have to leave. And, like, it took a couple hours for him to, like, come back home. And, you know, then it was like, well, I have to go home now or whatever.
It was really hard for me at first and it really it was a learning curve. Like, I had to learn Yeah. Adjustment for sure. Yeah. Definitely. You know, like, I got upset a lot or not really mad at him because, like, I you know, I knew, obviously, he had to go. But it was like, oh, I really wanna spend time with you and now we can't. And, you know, now I won't see you for another couple weeks or whatever.
So that was hard. But then we we moved in together a couple years later, and I I think that was, like, the hardest transit transition because I grew up in a family. I have two younger siblings too. Like, there was always people at home, always things going on. And then I, you know, we move in together and live together, and he's gone all the time. Like, he you know, like and if we do have time together, like, he can leave any second. So, you know, I was, like, I was very lonely and, like, didn't really I didn't know anybody really in this town that we lived in. I was, you know, I wasn't close lived close to my family.
So it was just like a big it was a very big adjustment for me to go from, you know, everybody around all the time to, like, just me.
I appreciate you being so honest about that. And you kinda went ahead and answered my next follow-up question. So thank you for, like, sharing all that stuff. But I appreciate what you said there so beautifully in terms of, like, I was frustrated. I wasn't frustrated with him. But to travel all this way, to make plans, and as usual, the plans change, you know, that is a frustrating thing. And I think sometimes it can be a hard dynamic in first responder relationships to say, I'm not mad at my first responder, but I am frustrated. And I think sometimes there's not always space for both of those.
That if you're frustrated, well, you're frustrated with your first responder, and and that's not fair. Or the opposite, you know, well, I just can't be frustrated. And so then, you know, a person can just kinda push those feelings away. And so I think you said that beautifully of, like, hey. This was my feeling, but, you know, I recognize obviously that he didn't have any control over that and and understood it. And I appreciate you also too just acknowledging, like, hey. It was really lonely that time when we first moved in and, you know, him not being there. I think that's an experience I often hear in that first years of marriage or first year of living together with first responders.
Yeah. And I think too so I'm a nurse, and, like, I we kinda he went through paramedic school at the same time I was kinda going through nursing school. Okay. So it was also kind of nice at the same time because we were both busy. We were both, like, studying. And, I mean, we could, like, help each other in a way too because, you know, like, it's kinda both in the it's in the medical field. Yeah.
for sure. Yeah. Yeah. We could, like, study and stuff together. Like, after I got my nursing license and stuff, I worked night shift. So it was kinda nice because I worked the same shifts that he did. Mhmm. So we would both come home.
And, I mean, I worked nights, so I was tired and, you know, he was up all night or whatever, and he would be tired too. So, like, it was nice because we'd both come home and go to sleep or, you know, take a nap or whatever. So that was kinda nice. And I also kind of learned, like, when he's gone for twenty four hours, like, those are my days to, like, do stuff for me. Like, I would try and, like, you know, I could sit on the couch and watch TV in my pajamas all day, nobody would know. Or I could go shopping or hang out with friends or, you know, do whatever. So I tried to, like, do things so I wasn't, you know, so lonely and, you know, like, it was just a big adjustment, so I had to learn how to do things myself.
I actually really love this because I don't know that we've ever stopped to talk about, like, what does it look like for self care for that spouse?
what I mean? Talked about that.
Right. And I think that you just described that perfectly. Like, I do think that people either let that consume them or your resiliency right now is like, no. Okay. I'm gonna how do I work with this? Right? If this is our life now and neither of us can can control it to a degree. Right? Like, how do I take care of myself then within these twenty four hours so that when he does come home or we are a family again, hopefully, it's a good, you know, like, a good time. Like and if we're not pouring into ourselves, that can be really, really hard to do. So I feel like I hear you saying, I took the time to recognize, like, you know what? He's working.
I miss him, and I gotta do me a little bit too. I gotta
go home. Still fill this time. I can still fill instead of sitting in those feelings, I can do things to adjust that. Yeah.
Right. Right. Yeah. Like you guys said, I mean, it's my life now. So, like, I have to, you know, adjust to it and learn. And, yeah, that helped me. And then I also, like, became good friends with one of the other wives of Okay. Somebody on the department.
And that was very nice because people don't know what it's like until you're living in it. Absolutely. I can tell somebody a hundred times, like, you know, it's try and explain it and nobody truly gets it until you're in it. And so it was just nice to have somebody that I could talk to. Like, our husbands were both on the same shift, so they were working the same day. So, like, we would also, like, get together and do stuff because, you know, they were gone. So we would hang out. And it was just nice because it was somebody to talk to also who, like, got the situation that you were in as well.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's nice when you're not having to explain things. Right? Like, you know Right. Husband wanted to be here at this party, but he got called away. And, you know, that you don't have to explain your situation to somebody. That's always
Yes. I get all the time, like, oh, like, where's he at? Like, you know, we haven't seen him in a while. You know? And I'm like I mean, he feels just as bad. Like, you know, of course, nobody wants to, like, miss anything, but, like, that's just you know, it's life. Like, that's what we have to do. It's just we we work around things. Like, you know, our son was born and my husband worked, like, Christmas and Thanksgiving, like, all the major holidays. Mhmm.
First first holidays. And, you know, like, it sucks, but, like, we try and celebrate other days. You know? Like, it doesn't have to be that specific day that we need to celebrate. This year, we, like, had a huge family gathering the week before Christmas, and, like, we all got to get together and stuff. So, like, you know, we still celebrate. You know? We just kinda gotta, like, learn how to adjust and do different things.
Well, I think that's a beautiful way to say, like, we're prioritizing this family time, but we get to make it on our terms too. Instead of it just like, well, we missed Christmas, so we didn't have Christmas. Well, no. We still celebrated. We just did it for our family in that way. That's beautiful. Right.
So you already brought him up, but there is a precious little baby that has entered this world. He's the cutest little guy. And
Thing that we have kinda talked about, right, is, like, Jennifer and I were talking about it. I'm like, we haven't really had anyone on here yet who really has, like, really literally firsthand experience. What it is like navigating a newborn, like, becoming parents for the first time and then having a spouse as a firefighter. Right? And so, obviously, to which you're comfortable here, but just kind of wondering how to becoming a mom kinda change, like, your dynamic a little bit, or what what is that experience been like for you?
Yeah. So I think before we had our son, it was like, you know, like I said, like, I could take me ti
