Show Notes: Understanding why your teen is disrespectful will help you stay more detached and supportive. The many ways we disrespect teenagers: School: early start times, expecting every teen to be a perfect generalist, parents and teachers focusing on achievement over character We label and medicate strongminded, independent, powerful kids vs. understand their growing edges and providing outlets for their power. Having an autocratic parenting style: parents are disrespectful when they yell, criticize, spank, micromanage, not give kids choices and decision-making, dissuade teens from their interests and passions, try to mold them into our vision of who they are and their future path Listening: it’s disrespectful when listening to our kids to interrupt, go too quickly to fix-it mode, and not respect the context for sharing that is most safe for them. Listen to my podcast from 5-4-23 on 8 mistakes parents make with listening. Tell child’s personal stories to parent’s friends or relatives Compare them to siblings and blame the oldest child too often Bombard them with 20 questions as she walks in the door after school, not allowing her  time to decompress and make sense of her day. Excessively high expectations, not let your child create their own expectations or create their own path. Not understand teenager’s separation-individuation stage with its need to build their own identity distinct from ours. Not allow them more privacy and alone time in room   Parents can be disrespectful by taking their own anger out on their children Teenager’s emotional brain matures faster than their prefrontal cortex, causing them to get angry and overwhelmed and moody; parents become disrespectful when they take their teen’s moods personally and react with the same. Not allow them to have their own opinions, not let go of the teacher role as they grow up, and not turn over knowing what’s best for them Ask permission before you give advice!    

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