Welcome to Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab, where high achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs explore relationship fitness, healing from relationship trauma, and creating secure, trusting, and loving partnerships. Designed for those navigating high-stakes careers and relationships, we dive into trauma-informed coaching, relationship wellbeing, and practical strategies to recover from trauma bonding and build meaningful connections. Save your marriage, start building secure relationships and optimizing your relationship wellbeing.

 

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Why you can't love yourself after a trauma bond?

Don't get me wrong, I think self-love is crucial.

But I get irritated with social media quick quotes or whatever saying "just love yourself". Here's my issue - it's not as easy if you've been trauma bonded. If anything it feels near impossible and it is super deflating for people hearing this message, trying to self love, but not having it in them.

There are 4 main issues that are intertwined as to why it's hard to self-love following a trauma bond:

1. Deep rooted attachment issues. People who are attracted into trauma bonds tend to have anxious or avoidant attachment styles which involve: I can only be loved if I please the other person. Therefore my ability to be loveable is reliant on external validation, and "being good enough"

2. Identity. Through a trauma bond you lose your identity due to being gaslit and you resign having control. You were love bombed at the start when there were the "good" parts of you on show, and so you work hard to "create the perfect / good enough identity" to be loved. But this also means you move further away from your true self.

3. Subconscious template. Subconsciously we create a level of worth - what I am worthy of and what you are worthy of - and in a trauma bond, you view your partner's worth as being higher than yours.

4. Brain wiring. You become hypersensitive to any signs that could be interpreted as you being inadequate.

What to do?

Speak to your younger and innocent se

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.