Gay Men Going Deeper

Why So Many “Confident” Guys Are Secretly Insecure


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Gay culture rewards visibility, desirability, and dominance, so a lot of what looks like confidence is actually performance under pressure. In this episode, we unpack the myths of self-confidence gay men inherit and what real confidence looks like when no one’s watching.

In this conversation, we explore:

  • What traits often get mistaken for confidence in gay culture
  • How social media amplifies performative confidence and quietly fuels insecurity
  • Why confidence built on validation, desirability, or status is inherently fragile
  • How childhood experiences and early coping strategies shape what confidence feels safe to express
  • The difference between looking confident and being confident
  • Why real confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity and why it naturally shifts over time
  • This episode isn’t about fixing yourself or learning how to project confidence. It’s about understanding why the version you were taught to chase often feels exhausting, and what a quieter, more grounded confidence actually looks like in real life.

    Today's Hosts:

    • Michael DiIorio
    • Matt Landsiedel
    • Reno Johnston
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      • Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
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      • Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com
      • - LEARN WITH US -

        • Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
        • Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
        • Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.
        • Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
        • ...more
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          Gay Men Going DeeperBy Gay Men's Brotherhood

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