You AF

So how do we break cycles? like truly. 

When we have experienced trauma and we live in survival  mode it's often really hard to change. Because Change = Danger

So the key to lasting change is slow steady creation of emotional safety that doesn't set off our alarm system. 

In today's episode I nerded the eff out about how trauma affects the brain and nervous system and how understanding this can help us take the necessary steps to changing patterns that are no longer serving us. 

If you love a scientific explaination for why we are the way we are, this episode is for you. 

It will arm you with the knowlege and first steps to making lasting change for yourself, your children and extend to the greater community. 

Enjoy. 

This is the article a cited a bit in this episode. https://www.wholewellnesstherapy.com/post/trauma-and-the-brain

Here is the link to waitlist for the Repair Focused Approach to Parenting Workshop so you will be the first to know when I set a date. 

And here is the link to the How to NOT F*ck Up Your Kids Workbook.

Something you hear a lot in the parenting coach circles is "meet the need behind the behavior." This means that no behavior is bad, rather simply a communication that there is a need.

I take this to the next level and require we "believe" the need behind the behavior is  valid and worthy of being met no matter the way it's communicated.

When we question the needs and insert our thoughts and decide whether our children really need what they are asking for that's where it gets messy. 

Understanding that we all have needs and our needs are valid and inherently worthy of being met is a crucial piece of healing our own wounds and teaching our kids to honor themselves and others. 

In this episode I share the importants of understanding the different layers of human needs from basics like food, water & safety to love & belonging. 

The understanding of these layers, not only helps us learn how to move from surviving to thriving but also leads to viewing the world in a more equitable way. 

This conversation not only feels necessary, but timely in shifting the communal conciously. 

The conversation of the inherent worthiness of needs being met that we have in our homes, helps instill a family value of equity as our children start to relate to the greater community. 

Want to learn more about how I tie equity into my parenting framework? Join me May 29th for the "How to NOT F*ck Up Your Kids" Workshop. 

Join the Waitlist to snag your spot early. (limited space available)

Enjoying this series? Share Share Share! Take a screen shot an share to your stories on instagram and tag me @katerinakarrys (my handle has changed since I got divorced) so I can send you a personal thank you! 

The secret to emotional security is not having your emotional needs met all the time. It's creating predictability for the nervous system that even when your needs aren't met in the moment or you don't feel connected to another human in the moment, that eventually it will happen. 

Kids don't need you to be a perfect parent they just need to know that no matter what that you will be there for them and love them and meet their emotional needs ENOUGH of the time. Not ALL of the time. 

When I started to understand this, my parenting approach shifted because I was able to release shame of feeling like a failure. 

Listen to hear more about this concept and personal stories and reflections about how I apply this to my own life. 

Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss any episodes.

Get on the Waitlist for the Trauma informed Parenting workshop "How to NOT F*ck Up Your Kids: A Repair Focused Approach to Parenting" to grab your seat early. Limited spots available. 

Join Waitlist.

Have you ever been going about your day just minding your own business, then you get triggered and all of a sudden you become your mother? Or your father? 

This episode of the Cycle Breaker series we are talking about Generational Trauma Patterns. How they are passed down and why and the first step to start breaking them.

A deep dive into the science of cycle breaking will happen later in the series, but this week we are setting the foundation.

Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss any episodes.

And if you ever have questions my DMs on instagram are open!

Article about survival styles is right here.

And if you haven’t yet downloaded the FREE “How to NOT F*ck Up Your Kids” Workbook snag that here to get started releasing your parenting triggers and learning what are the big difference makers in raising amazing, authentic, kind kids.

You are not a bad parent. 

You just need more resources and support. 

Let’s talk about the fucking overwhelm of parenting and where it actually comes from. Shall we? 

Subscribe to the You AF podcast so you don't miss The 6 week Cycle Breaker Series. 

We will be exploring How to Break Generational and Societal Trauma Cycles so our kids won’t have to. 

First Step: Naming that parenting under these circumstances is hard and it’s not only ok, but necessary to say these things out loud. 

Download the FREE "How to NOT F*ck Up Your Kids." Workbook to get started releasing shame & parenting triggers. 

If you want to see what it's like to work together 1-1 on becoming a more trauma-informed parent, book a FREE 30 Minute Clarity Call

I invited my friend Jessica to share her Evolution of Healing Journey. 

Jessica is an astrologer, coach, hypnotherapist and the cutest human ever. 

This conversation was so rich. 

We talked about loss as the catalyst for change, giving yourself permission to have boundaries, leaning on nature as a resource for healing and how Jessica calls on the support of her ancestors. I also loved the way Jessica described caring for herself in hard moments as a wise adult caring for a child and meeting their specific needs.  

Disclaimer: We talked about loss of a family member during the pandemic. We also talk displacement due to war. I also want to acknowledge the nuance and layers of this conversation and being a white bodied person experiencing trauma then ending up in a colonized space. That there is a privilege in finding safety after trauma. And this to me as a trauma informed coach and human is necessary to mention. And I also believe these conversations are necessary to have on our path to healing. Grappling with all the layers that exist within in. Including privilege when you hold it. 

You can find Jessica @northernatlas & northernatlas.co

If you are on a healing journey and are curious to know what it would look like to work with me on your own Evolution of Healing, take advantage of my free 30 minute clarity call. 

Book here: https://calendly.com/katerinabarron/getclearaf

My Friend Kate Van Doren is an artist and art therapist. The Healing Words Project Began in the Spring of 2020 and has empowered over 100 women to share their voice through the project. Katie invites volunteer participants to choose an empowering phrase to write on their bodies and then she photographs them. 

Messages of basic human rights, bodily autonomy, and survivor uprising are portrayed through this incredible body of work. 

Listen to hear more about the project how it got started how it's changed and evolved, how Kate creates safety within her space working with people who often feel vulnerable and my own experience of participating in the project. 

Happy Listening. 

you can see The Healing Words Project on it's website https://www.healingwordsproject.com/ 

and also on instagram @healingwordsproject

You can also find Kates Fine Arts Work at her websit https://www.katevandoren.com/

and on instagram @catvandoren

There is so much parenting advice out there it can be overwhelming. 

My intention in the trauma informed approach I provide is to give a framwork that allows our full humanity. 

In this episode I talk about the piece I belive are necessary to be trauma informed in your parenting approach. 

The most important in my opinion a focus on Repair. I share the shifts I have seen in my own family with this approach. A repair approach allows us to understand that mistakes are a part of life and that we can maintain connection even when we mess up. 

If you grew up in a home where there wasn't alot repair you may have grown up leaning on perfectionism or have a lot of negative self talk because your nervous system never learned to feel safe and that repair was possible after you made a mistake or even perceived mistake. 

Let's break this patter and help our kids feel safe making mistakes and make circling back for healing and connection a consistent part of life. 

Download the Free "How to NOT Fuck Up Your Kids" Workbook to get started 

or

Book a Free 30 Minute Clarity Call to see if trauma informed parenting coaching is the next step in your healing and parenting journey. 

This episode holds a special place in my heart. 

In her work Amanda is an antiracism educator and you should definitely follow her account @arborandwood. I learn from her every day in that space, but the biggest impact she had on me was how she shared herself on her personal account. 

Amanda is someone who has been a part of my own healing. Technically she is a stranger on the internet but watching her so vulnerably share her grief and joy in the way she does in her online space showed me what was possible for me too. 

Trigger warning: In this episode we talk about abuse. We talked about the empowering and also the really hard parts of healing from abuse and leaving an abusive relationship. 

I think this episode is extremely powerful because when women stand in their truth and say the things out loud and start making decisions from that place, it can inspire other women and femmes to do the same. 

Realizing you are living a life you don't actually want can be hard. Amanda shares so tenderly the struggles of marrying and having kids young and having to figure out who you are when you have never really been on your own while simultaneously healing from abuse. I know many with similar circumstances can relate to this. 

I want you to take note how she set boundaries and put protections in place to provide herself with the support she needs as she is stepping into learning to exist for herself. Your life doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. 

This episode is going to help you give yourself permission to finally release shame and start living a life that works for you. 

I am still in awe of getting to experience this conversation. 

Find Amanda Here:

@arborandwood

@__localhoney

you can also find her @arborandwood on tiktok

If you are looking for trauma informed healing + parenting support book a Free 30 Minute Clarity Call 

Piggy Backing on my conversation with Joy last week because I'm basically obsessed with her. If you haven't listened yet please do. 

This whole concept of asking ourselves who's voice is this really? when we aren't speaking to ourself with kindness has led me down a spiral of how to work on not only having more compassionate self talk for ourselves but how to make it so our children don't have to do this work in their future. 

Or atleast less of this work. 

Trauma happens when we internalize the failures of our environment as personal failures. This is why we form negative self talk. We think things are our fault. 

So how do we prevent our kids from taking on the failures of their environment? 

1. We do our own internal work to release our own shame by finally placing the blame where it belongs and healing our nervous system.
2. We help our children understand their feelings and needs are valid and necessary and that sometimes life is really shitty but you are there for them to hole space for their whole humanity. 

Easy peasy right? Yeah i know, which is why I designed the "How to NOT F*ck Up Your Kids" Workbook. 

Click the link above to dowload for free. 

If you want to explore working together on release your own shame so you can be a more intentional parent, book a free Clarity Call to see if working together is the next right step. 

https://calendly.com/katerinabarron/getclearaf