You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast

In this episode of the You Can Mentor podcast, Zachary Garza sits down with Dr. John Trent to explore the life-changing impact of mentorship and the power of words. Dr. Trent opens up about his own journey, overcoming a difficult childhood, and the crucial role mentorship played in his healing. He highlights the importance of having someone who truly believes in you and introduces the concept of "the blessing"—a biblical idea centered around affirming and adding value to others’ lives.

Together, Zachary and Dr. Trent dive into the five key elements of blessing, including the healing power of meaningful touch, and how these elements can transform relationships. They discuss how mentorship can guide individuals through their struggles, help them recognize their worth, and inspire hope for the future. Through a powerful conversation about encouragement, faith, and the deep connections that mentors can foster, they reveal how words, touch, and genuine commitment are essential in guiding others toward growth and healing.

Download the Shareable Resource at https://www.youcanmentor.com/downloads.

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Dr. John Trent is an award-winning, best-selling author and the president of StrongFamilies.com and the Center for StrongFamilies, both organizations dedicated to strengthening marriage and family relationships worldwide. He is known for books such as The Blessing, Breaking the Cycle of Divorce, Heartshift, and Leading from Your Strengths. Dr. Trent is also the creator of the Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, and Beaver personality framework. He holds a Master of Theology degree from Dallas Theological Seminary and a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Counseling from North Central Texas Federation of Colleges and Universities. For over 40 years, Dr. Trent and his wife, Cindy, have been married and have two daughters, Kari and Laura. 

00:00 Introduction to Mentorship and the Power of Words
02:01 John Trent's Personal Journey and the Importance of Relationships
06:42 The Role of Mentorship in Healing and Growth
11:42 Understanding the Concept of the Blessing
16:52 The Five Elements of Blessing and Meaningful Touch
23:24 The Power of Touch and Connection
24:26 The Importance of Spoken Words
28:10 Overcoming Lies and Seeking Encouragement
32:26 Attaching High Value Through Words
34:42 Envisioning a Special Future
36:19 Genuine Commitment in Mentorship
42:49 Pointing to Jesus in Mentorship

The Gate Youth Association is a 501(c)(3), non-profit corporation whose mission is to demonstrate Christ’s love to the youth of our community through academic, social, recreational, and spiritual activities. Currently, The Gate is open 5 days a week and serves 400 teens each week through various programs. 

Their vision is a community where future generations experience, follow, and serve Christ. Considering that Tuesday Church Lunch has been in existence for 30 years and our afterschool programming has been in place for 19 years, The Gate is currently seeing their vision come alive. They see past Gate students already reaching various stages of adulthood from high school graduate to midlife and many are living proof of our mission statement. The Gate sees our past students serving as influential men and women of faith and goodwill in our community, our nation and our world. They are now helping others around them be known, encouraged and encounter Christ’s unconditional love.

Learn more at https://www.thegateyouth.org/ or @thegateyouthassoc

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You Can Mentor. We help Christian Mentoring Leaders thrive.

 • Come to our National Christian Mentoring Gathering.
 • Join our monthly Learning Lab Leadership Cohorts
 • Check out our books and shareable resources. 
 • Be a part of our Christian mentoring network.
 • Find ways to get better through our coaching and consulting.

Find all at youcanmentor.com or follow us @youcanmentor on Instagram. 

If you'd like to help, please give us a 5 star rating wherever you listen to our podcast.

All mentoring organizations always need more of two things:

Mentors and Money.

November 15th officially starts the End of Year Giving season, so tune into our podcast to learn how to maximize your fundraising during the final days of 2024. Maintaining consistent communication with donors during this season is vital to ensuring their continued support with such critical funding at stake. Effective donor engagement can mean the difference between meeting or falling short of fundraising goals, which in turn can influence an organization’s ability to execute their mission. 

We talk about this, and so much more, on this episode of You Can Mentor.

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Find all fundraising wisdom at www.nextafter.com.

A curious mind, a competitive drive, and an empathetic fundraiser, Courtney Krus leads client success at NextAfter. In this role, Courtney drives the strategy, testing, and optimization within organization’s fundraising programs; ultimately helping nonprofits grow more names, donors, and dollars for their cause.

Prior to serving as Executive Vice President with NextAfter, she led the digital marketing and fundraising for a broadcast, publishing, and education nonprofit. She has developed and directed multiple innovative, multi-channel fundraising and content marketing campaigns and led enterprise content strategies within the for-profit and nonprofit space.

Her extensive experience fuels her desire to help organizations embrace a culture of optimization and testing, and champion a donor-centric, data-driven philosophy. Courtney is also a board member for a local nonprofit and a momma to two boys.

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You Can Mentor. We help Christian Mentoring Leaders thrive.

• Come to our National Christian Mentoring Gathering.
• Join our monthly Learning Lab Leadership Cohorts
• Check out our books and shareable resources. 
• Be a part of our Christian mentoring network.
• Find ways to get better through our coaching and consulting.

Find all at youcanmentor.com or follow us @youcanmentor on Instagram

If you or someone you know grew up without a father, I’d like for you to check out my new book, Tell Me About Your Father. It is an auto-biographical journey that describes how I dealt with my fatherlessness. I pray it is a tool for mentors who have fatherless mentees, for mentors who may have grown up without a positive relationship with their father, or for anyone who has a loved one who has a fatherless past.

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What goes through your mind when I ask you about your father? Perhaps a smile pops up on your face because you had the best dad in the world. But what if you have the opposite reaction and are met with anger, sadness, or even apathy because your relationship with your father has hurt you in some way?

If that’s you, I know how you feel.

So, tell me about your father. Let’s figure out how you got to where you are today by tackling topics such as generational sin and how your wounds are impacting you as an adult. Together, let’s go on a journey to identify the hurts from your father and how to process and heal those pains so you, and everyone who comes after you, can be set free. Free to choose faith over fear, security over insecurity, and help you experience the unconditional love of God instead of the performance-based love of people.

Using personal testimonies from his own life, Zach Garza will use his story to encourage you to start the journey, give you tips to keep you on the path of healing, and share stories that will let you know that you are not on this journey alone. Your relationship with your father may not be perfect. Your father is definitely not perfect. But the Lord can use those hurts and the power of forgiveness to help you become your best self and to give you the greatest gift he can give you; more of Himself.

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Find Zach's new book here and holler at him [email protected]
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If you like the pod, share it with a friend and give us a five star rating. Check us on instagram @youcanmentor, follow us on youtube @christianmentoring, and find us at www.youcanmentor.com

Hey mentoring friends, would you please give us that 5 star rating to help us reach more people? It'll take 19 seconds and it really means a lot to us. Thank you!

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If you are a mentoring leader, check out the You Can Mentor learning labs. We are a monthly leadership cohort that surrounds you with equipping and encouragement from other mentoring leaders. For an hour each month, we discuss a topic that will help you be a more equipped and encouraged leader. We have two cohorts: one for executives and one for program directors. Check out our website for more info. www.youcanmentor.com 
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On today's show, we have Al Nodarse from Faithful Friends Portland. Al comes to Faithful Friends as Executive Director after a career spent in business growth and revenue. Raised in Texas to a Spanish-speaking household, he and his wife and son lived in California before moving to the Portland area in 2007.  Al has served on over 10 non-profit boards/committees focused on helping youth and is excited to shift careers from the for-profit to non-profit worlds. He began his mentoring journey as a college student in Texas and hasn't stopped, believing firmly that most of the problems in society could be solved through mentoring. On weekends Al and his family love to check out car meets.

Here's some info on Faithful Friends: 

We cultivate mentor relationships that inspire growth, resilience, and hope.

In 1991, Duncan Campbell set out to determine the best way to transform the most vulnerable children’s lives. 

He was determined to find a way to help children that was grounded in solid research, was focused on quantifiable results and considered the return on investment. A two-year research project identified that the best way to create real change is to start working with children early and provide each of them with a long-term, consistent relationships with caring adults. Based on these findings, Duncan founded Friends of the Children in 1993. Duncan wasn’t finished! 

For over 30 years, he has hoped to see the Christian faith community serve vulnerable children through mentoring. In January 2013, Duncan Campbell was introduced to Josh White, the lead pastor of Door of Hope Church in Portland. Duncan shared his vision for the church to be an active participant in serving the needs of vulnerable children in the city. Together with Josh, they formed a vision to birth a faith-based mentoring program out of Door of Hope. This program would become Faithful Friends Mentoring Program.

Faithful Friends began in March 2013 and now has 20 church partnerships and over 70 active mentor/mentee matches.

https://faithfulfriendspdx.org/

Ok. We got 5 asks. Our heart in all of this is to see you thrive. So here we go...

Would you please:
- Follow us on social media @youcanmentor to spread the word about Christian mentoring.
- Check our books on Amazon.
- Share the podcast with your mentoring friends
- Give us that 5 star rating to help us out
- Come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering and Join the monthly Learning Labs.

Ok. That's a lot. I'm done. :)

Back to the show notes.

YCM Podcast / Matching Energy

Matching energy is what it sounds like. You match the energy of your mentee. If he is excited, you get excited. If your mentee is down, act accordingly. 

This is about losing yourself for the sake of your mentee. It is about creating a safe space for them to celebrate, process, or grieve. 

Here are some tips on matching energy: 

Notice your mentee. Non verbals. Facial expressions. Read the situation as soon as you come into contact with them. 

• Ask questions, but use discernment on when to stop asking questions. If they don’t want to talk, honor that. Sometimes words are not necessary. 
• If they are excited, match that. Celebrate with them. This can be hard as adult, because we have seemed to forget how to celebrate. 
• If down, check in on them. If they are excited, remind them of the good thing they are celebrating often. 
• Pray with them. Can we thank God for this celebration? Can we ask God for comfort? 

What not to do:

It’s ok to encourage, but don’t make them feel bad for feeling bad. 

• Don’t be a wet blanket. We get it. You’re tired. You’re stressed. Get your eyes off self and on to them. There is so much power in joy, laughter, and celebration. 
• Don’t one up. Just don’t. 

Think of the person of Jesus. How did he act when he was at a party? Do you think he laughed? Was full of joy? How did he act towards the sick or down and out?

Jesus was full of compassion. He was observant. He was 100% focused on others. Whatever the other person needed, he figured out what they needed and gave it to them. 

We must see our mentee. Truly see them. 

We must know them and know when there is more than some underneath the surface going on. 

We must enter into the meeting with them thinking “How are they? What do they need? How can I serve them?”

Son of man came to serve. 

Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us! Contact us at [email protected] or at www.youcanmentor.com

Ok. We got 5 asks. Our heart in all of this is to see you thrive. So here we go...

Would you please:
- Follow us on social media @youcanmentor to spread the word about Christian mentoring.
- Check our books on Amazon.
- Share the podcast with your mentoring friends
- Give us that 5 star rating to help us out
- Come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering and Join the monthly Learning Labs.

Ok. That's a lot. I'm done. :)

Back to the show notes.

Invitation to Invite

We get it. Sometimes it’s hard to hang out with your mentee and feel good about it. Maybe you don’t have a ton in common. Even if you do have a ton in common, it can be hard to strike up a conversation with a kid. 

So what do you do to build the relationship?

There is a temptation to always do the “cool” thing. Take them to the movies, putt-putt, a professional sports game… We get that. But that’s hard to pull off and doing it more than a few times a year will leave you broke. 

So what do we do?

Here’s a trick. Invite them into your life. Whatever you are doing, just invite them along. Because our kids want our attention more than they want the “cool thing”.

When you:

Go to the grocery store

• Mow the yard
• Wash the car
• Run errands

The best mentors invite their mentee into their everyday life. They just do life adn invite their mentee to do it alongside them. That’s life on life. No extra effort needed. Just invite

That’s Jesus. Jesus invites. He says “Come…”

Invite your mentee to join your life. What’s the worst that happens? You get rejected by a kid. You can handle that. 

Besides, You never know if they will say yes. And you never know what connection will happen if they say yes. Just keep inviting. 

Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us! Contact us at [email protected] or at www.youcanmentor.com

Creating a Foundation of Trust by Building a Safe Environment

Trust is the foundation of your mentoring relationship. Above all else, your mentee has to believe that you are good and that you want them to succeed. 

The author Stephen Covey says “Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

But what if your mentee has experienced hard times? What if there is trauma in their past or they have been betrayed by those who should have been taking care of them? 

Because of their histories, it is often difficult for these children to trust the loving adults in their lives, which often results in perplexing behaviors.

While a variety of mentoring strategies may be successful with some children, children with histories of harm need caregiving that meets their unique needs and addresses the whole child.

That is why even some of the most successful parents are confused when what worked with their child does not work with their mentee. 

Trust must be established between the mentor and the mentee before you can take any steps of progress in your mentoring relationship. And it can take some time. The reality is that some mentees trust their mentor in three weeks while it takes others over a year. But we can’t give up. We must continue to show up to build trust. 

The best way to build trust is to create a safe environment. 

Get down on their level. 

Make eye contact with them. 

Give them space and go at their pace. 

Smile often. 

Give appropriate touch.

Use words of affirmation often. 

Undivided attention.

Be patient. 

When your mentee raises their emotions, you stay calm. Listen to them. 

This works with eight year olds and eighteen year olds. Even if they look like grown adults, we must always remember that they are still children on the inside.

This safe environment will create a nurturing relationship built on a foundation of trust. 

For some of our kids, they are used to adults telling them all that they are doing wrong. Some rarely see an adult smile and take time out of their day to notice them. You get to be the exception. 

Keep showing up with a smile on their face. Create a safe environment. Be a stable, consistent adult that they can count on. If your mentee lives in a world where chaos and instability is their normal, meet them with peace and stability. 

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Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us!
Contact us at [email protected] or at www.youcanmentor.com

All Frustration Comes From Unmet Expectations

There is a temptation in mentoring to try to get your mentee to emulate all that worked for you. You want your mentee to go to college, get a job, wear a suit, and get married because you went to college, got a job, wore a suit, and got married. But what if your mentee doesn’t want to go to college? What if instead of a suit and high-and-tight haircut, he prefers baggy jeans and dreadlocks? Will you be disappointed? 

A saying that rings true especially when mentoring kids from hard places is, “All frustration comes from unmet expectations.” I know for me, I had unspoken expectations that I placed on my mentee without even knowing it. 

I expected them to make good grades, to be polite, and to have athletic success. I wanted them to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, and go to church. 

Don’t get me wrong, these are all good things. There is nothing wrong with giving your mentee the option to do as you have done. But your way is one way, it is not the way. We must be careful not to get caught up trying to get them to emulate us instead of Christ. 

I know for me, when my mentees desires didn’t line up with my desires for them, it caused frustration in our relationship. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t want the things that I wanted for them. It would cause me to judge them unfairly, and it caused a rift in our relationship. 

Your mentee is different than you. He or she has a different story, different skills, and a different personality than you. Work with your mentee to figure out what God’s unique, individual call and plan is for him or her. 

Focus instead on making disciples of Christ. The first step is letting go of the expectations you have for your mentee. As hard as it may be, don’t focus on the end results. Instead, focus on the process of showing up and loving them right where they are. Love them right where they are and accept them just as they are, instead of getting on to them because they are not where you think they should be. 

When our expectations aren’t met, frustration sets in. When negativity enters your relationship, the enemy uses it to wreak havoc on the trust you’ve built together. It’s okay to hope your mentee goes to college or has athletic success, but don’t expect it. Expectation is rigid, but hope is flexible. Expectation is assuming something will happen. Hope is wishing or desiring good to happen. Don’t bury your mentee with the weight of having to live up to your expectations. 

We all have dreams for our mentees, and there is nothing wrong with that. But a question to ask your mentee is “What are your dreams?” Once you know what they want, you can focus on making their dreams come true, instead of the dreams that you want for them. 

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Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us!
Contact us at [email protected] or at www.youcanmentor.com

Earn the Right to Be Heard

You may have heard the saying “a kid doesn’t care what you know until they know that you care.” It is one of my favorite sayings because I think it is 100% accurate. 

I have seen many mentors get rejected when they try to start the mentoring relationship with giving the mentee advice. Simply put, your mentee really doesn’t care what you know. Most are not impressed by your job title or college degree. They don’t want to hear about your financial planning strategy or how you became successful, at least not right off the bat. 

We must earn the right to be heard. 

Early on in my mentoring journey, one of my mentees named Jason wanted nothing to do with me. All I got from him were icy glares, one word answers, and sarcastic put downs. I would come home rejected and thinking that Jason hated me. 

But it was just a test. You see, while I thought Jason didn’t like me, he was really sizing me up to see if he would allow me to be a part of his life. He wasn’t being mean; he was protecting himself. Jason didn’t open up until he knew that I was the real deal, and that took a lot of work. 

Here are three ways that you can earn the right to be heard with your mentee.

1. Keep showing up: Perseverance is required in your mentoring journey. Some mentees will warm up to you the second they meet you, but others, especially older mentees, may take some time in opening up. You can win there hearts by continuing to show up time after time with a smile on your face. Know that the fight for their heart is worth it, and the waiting will pay dividends as your relationship progresses. Sarcasm, impatience, or a failure to understand why they won’t open up will delay progress. Smiles, asking questions, and putting yourself in their shoes will help open up the door. 
2. Seek first to understand: Realize that you are asking your mentee to open up to a total stranger is a tall order. Entering into the relationship with humility is a great way to earn you the right to be heard. You don’t know what your mentee has been through. You don’t know their past or their story. You probably don’t even know their personality or their temperament. Spend the first season of your mentoring relationship seeking to understand who they are and where they come from. Open them up to your life as well as the opportunities arise. Make it your mission to learn as much as you possibly can about your mentee and how they are wired. We must focus on them, instead of on ourselves. 
3. Make their life better: Serving your mentee in whatever way necessary is a great way to earn the right to be heard. How can you make their life better? Be on the lookout for creative ways to bless them. Maybe they need a ride somewhere or a connection to get a job? Perhaps its giving them access to a new experience or a place to hang out with their friends? It also could just be as simple as encouraging them and making sure they leave your presence with a laugh and a smile. Serving them in practical and encouraging ways is a great way to earn favor with your mentee. 

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Please follow @youcanmentor on social media and give us a 5 star rating! If you are a part of a mentoring organization, we'd love to get to know you! Please reach out to us!
Contact us at [email protected] or at www.youcanmentor.com