Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: 

In this Sacred Scar Story, I chat with Carole Leathem, a mental health caregiver who founded a caregiving ministry after becoming the primary caregiver for her pastor husband who struggled with mental health issues, and later, her mother. Carole shares how she coped with the emotional impact of her caregiving journey, including the pain of being disqualified from ministry due to her husband's struggles. She opens up about the deep wounds she experienced and how God turned things around for good, transforming her scars into a powerful source of healing and service to others.

Quotables from the episode:

• So often our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of pain and woundedness.
• I experienced physical, emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual wounds and it completely changed the trajectory of my life and ministry. My husband of many years was a pastor and woke up one morning experiencing anxiety that continued to worsen. By the end of 2016, the anxiety led to full blown depression. It kind of blindsided me because I had never been around anyone with such devastating anxiety or depression.
• Eventuallly, he became suicidal and had to go into a psychiatric hospital for seven days which created chaos and messiness in our lives. When the dust settled, he could no longer pastor or do his job resulting in his early retirement.
• I had a fulltime speaking ministry, but all of a sudden my speaking engagements began to cancel because somehow, his mental instability disqualified me in their eyes.
• Scars remind us that there was a pain, that there was an injury.
• I went from having an incredible life, to standing in a parking lot one night asking God, “God, what has happened to my life?”
• But I found God walking through it with me one step at a time. I found that he had put things into place for this season 20-25 years ago that I was going to need that day.
• The wound was so deep, and we didn’t know who was safe to talk about our pain. I’ve been through a lot, but this was probably the most pivotal turning point in my life.
• In my book, Sacred Scars, I (Dr. B) shared that I was raised by a mother who was depressed my entire childhood and then I experienced severe clinical depression. I feared that that would disqualify me from my work in mental health. But what I found was that experience made me much more compassionate and empathic toward others, and my patients and readers could tell that I truly understand them because I had experienced it myself.
• I had already found freedom from having been raised by an alcoholic father and a narcissistic, abusive mother, but when you go through something so catastrophic, like I did with my husband, it triggered all the thoughts about not being good enough, who do you think you are, and now what do I do?
• Immediately I got into Scripture because I knew that if I didn’t stay grounded in God’s Word, those lies were going to destroy me. I needed to be strong not only for myself but for my husband, and I needed to go where the absolute truth was.
• I said to God, “Even if I never stand on a platform or teach the Bible again, I know it’ll be okay because you are in this with me.”
• When a crisis hits, we have to already know what we believe because that is what we will fall back on. We can’t wait until a crisis hits to determine what we believe because in a crisis we are more likely to react than to respond, if we don’t have a firm foundation based on truth.

Scripture References:

• James 1:2-4 MSG “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

Recommended Resources: 

•  Self-Care for Caregivers – Your Hope Filled Perspective episode 168
• 10 Scriptures of Encouragement for Caregivers
• Hope and Help for How to Avoid Caregiver Burnout – Your Hope Filled Perspective episode 12
• Caring for the Caregiver
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Carole Leathem:

Website / Podcast / Book / Instagram / Facebook

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Carole Leathem is a speaker, teacher, author, storyteller, podcaster, and encourager, and she has been speaking at women’s retreats and teaching Bible studies for over thirty years. She is a certified mental health coach, professional life coach, and a spiritual formation coach.

Carole is passionate about sharing her story with those God puts in her life and loves spending time with her 7 grandchildren.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

This week’s guest on the Sacred Scar Story Series, Barb Roose, faced prejudice from early childhood. This led to her believing she was never enough and compensating by trying to “outperform her race.” She shares her story, and how she found healing, and God’s peace. 

Quotables from the episode:

• I love the message that God can use all things because when we’re in deep pain, that’s the opposite of what we’re thinking: that the pain becomes a limiting factor in our lives.
• In my particular story, this idea of wounding actually happened even before I recognized it. In kindergarten, there was just something about me that my kindergarten teacher didn’t like. I came to find out later on that it was because of my skin color.
• When I was five years old, I received a very strong, palpable message: before that it was my parents and family and I was surrounded by love, belonging, and acceptance, but when I went out into the world, my kindergarten teacher sent me the message that I was not enough; there was something intrinsically wrong with me.
• When I was in high school, I found my kindergarten report card and my teacher had written that “Barbara will struggle in life and won’t amount to much.”
• At an early age, even before I knew that there was a wound, something opened up inside of me and I spent a lot of my spiritual journey working to out-perform my race.
• As life would go on, I lived in a community that was more than 99% Caucasian, which was not me, so there were many points when that wound would reopen.
• I recognized the blessing that God gave me parents and family who would show me unconditional love and I recognize that not everyone gets that. But in my case, that helped the wound not grow exponentially. I’ve seen many people from diverse communities where that wound keeps opening and deepening.
• Throughout my entire life I tried to heal that wound with performance. Couple that with a faith-based community that was a little more legalistic and add that to competition in a very competitive school environment and that set me up later in life to have other family difficulties like addiction issues and my divorce, where some of the themes of my past wounds would be repeated and meant that God needed to do a lot of healing.
• Often, some of the wounds that are the most painful start in childhood before we know who we are in Christ, before we can recognize that there is another voice that whispers to us. Because it happens when we are so young, it becomes entrenched, and we continue to carry those lies into other situations. That’s the enemy’s M.O. in that he will always go back to where he was effective in our lives before.
• Fast-forward 40 years later from that 5-year-old girl to 45-year-old me when I was in the midst of a divorce after 26 years of marriage. This was not a place I ever thought I would be. I had been on staff at a church for many years, was an author and a speaker for many years, and I loved Jesus when a significant portion of my life was ending. I went 8 years trying to hold on to a marriage where addiction was running rampant in a spouse who was struggling and who eventually left.
• All of those performance issues and trying to do the very best that I could in my capacity, on March 11, 2019, I literally crawled up the steps to my third floor apartment after my divorce hearing, and I laid in bed for 3 days. I was so overwhelmed with the trauma of it all that I lost the ability to speak. I could text but not speak.
• Just because we love Jesus and are walking with Jesus does not mean that life does not get overwhelming.
• In that season of life, I had to reform a part of my identity in Christ. I knew that I was deeply loved by God. I knew that he was with me and for me. But I had lost a significant part of myself in the brokenness of my family and who I thought I was and who I would be from that moment on.
• A friend encouraged me to pray and ask God for a new name. I had been Mrs. Roose for 26 years. As I prayed over the next month, God gave me a phrase that constituted my new name: “You are God’s beautiful, loveable, capable daughter. You are confident in Christ, and you are worthy of God’s best.”
• If you follow after Christ, you are going to participate in suffering. You are going to go through stuff, but God can and will redeem it.
• Healing began years before in a healing journey. The evidence of healing took a while, but I had the opportunity to work with great Christian counselors on things in me that I knew weren’t where God wanted me to be. So that healing journey began about 7-8 years before the divorce.
• During the pandemic, I was divorced and an empty nester all within six months. I had lost my father, my father-in-law and my husband all within one year.
• But one spring day, I sensed God whisper “I have restored what the locusts have eaten.” And in that, I realized I had the perfect peace of God.
• As a Christian woman, the “scarlet D” for divorce is something that is like a 1,000-pound heavy weight. That weight of shame was so deep and as I began talking with other friends who had been through similar experiences, there was a compassion that I began to develop.
• For me to let go of the shame meant clinging to the promises of God’s truth because Satan was using that “scarlet D” as a sword.
• I began doing something called “God Morning; God Night.” I began doing this during my alcoholism years. Alcohol walked in my door at 7am every morning so when I first woke up, I had to deal with the effects of alcoholism first thing in the morning. So, I began repeating 5 promises of God to myself before I put my feet on the floor. Later on, I would tape that note card on my bathroom mirror so I would steal myself to God’s promises. That was a slow march, every day believing the promises of God and repeating them until the whisper of shame faded away.
• The ABC’s of the wilderness season:
  • A: Always believe God loves you
  • B: Believe God’s promises for you
  • C: Challenge yourself to surrender and let go of what you can’t control
• Surrender really is the path of peace. God’s got it, and it may not look like it, but the reality is that he is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. When we let go and release our circumstances to God, we need and receive his peace and his power to get through it.

Scripture References:

• Joel 2:25 NIV “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm—my great army that I sent among you.”

Recommended Resources: 

• Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm by Barb Roose 
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Barb Roose:

Website / Book / Facebook / X / Instagram

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous in spite of their fears so that they can experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives. Since 2005, Barb has been speaking to audiences in the US and abroad, including national platforms such as the Aspire Women’s Events, She Speaks Conference, and the UMC Leadership Institute. She’s a Bible teacher who loves following God more than anything else in life. Barb makes God’s Word come alive through powerful teaching, personal stories and practical next steps. Audiences love her authenticity and humor. Barb is a real woman who has experienced depression and anxiety, parenting challenges, family addiction trauma and long seasons of walking by faith in unanswered prayer. Rather than teaching audiences to follow God to get what they want, Barb inspires audiences to discover that God is all they need!

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

Many of us unknowingly invest our time and energy seeking validation and acceptance from others, often at the cost of our own well-being. On this episode, I sat down with Aliene Thompson, founder of Treasured Ministries International, to discuss her journey through painful emotional wounds that led to co-dependency. She shares how God revealed these patterns to her and brought healing, turning her pain into sacred scars. Aliene shares how this transformation allows her to help others find freedom and healing in God’s love.

Quotables from the episode:

• We will all go through painful experiences, but when we will give those painful wounds to our heavenly father, he will redeem and restore what was lost and bring beautiful sacred scars for them.
• I learned at an early age to perform to be perfect in order to receive love.
• Emotional wounds exist but are harder to see than physical wounds.
• Ugly words are equated with murder in Scripture, so Jesus validates emotional wounds from the words of others.
• When I came to the Lord, I learned I don’t have to perform in order to receive His love.
• I consistently found myself in a place of overwhelm, trying to please others.
• I used to be ashamed to share my weaknesses with others, but I learned it actually helped others.
• All of my works came tumbling down, and I struggled to understand how these works could be wrong.
• Codependency is really idolatry of man.
• Any time we have a lack of God dependency in our lives, God will not allow the idol to succeed.
• The enemy convinced me to soothe my emotional wounds through performance, people pleasing, and perfectionism, which is me looking to people to gain my worth and value, which led to a co-dependency crash.
• The enemy is not very creative. He always goes back to where he was successful before. So, if you have struggled with people pleasing, he will try to get you to please more people.
• An idol is putting something or someone ahead of God, but those idols will never satisfy.
• God fought for my heart. In his love for me, he would not let my idols win. I felt like I was being punished by God, but now I know it was Him fighting for my heart. He was freeing me. It was a pruning season out of love.
• What you bow down to, you will be bound to!
• God ushered me into my wilderness season. In the wilderness is where I learned God-dependency. That is where the healing came, and I learned to put God first. He is now all the validation I need.
• God was teaching the Israelites God-dependency before entering the Promised Land so that they would always remain dependent on Him.
• My promised land season was when called me back into ministry and had me teach more and brought healthy great friendships and relationships.
• I never want to spend one more day without God-dependency.
• Before Moses died, he looked into the Promised Land. God didn’t take him into the Promised Land, but Psalm 90 tells us that God was his home.
• Home with intimacy with God brought great healing.
• The deeper we go in our healing, the more quickly we recognize the efforts of the enemy and the more quickly we can run back to God and use the tools He has taught us.
• The wilderness season gave me the opportunity to return to my family as my top priority ministry. That was a beautiful piece of redemption. Our family is our greatest ministry.
• God also gave me the opportunity to see my pain wasn’t in vain. God gave me lessons that I could then share with other women, so I could comfort them.
• The enemy will use a half-truth and mix it with lies to us. But God gives us complete truth.
• God always has a greater plan, that we are often not even aware of. But if you will trust God, he can turn your situation all around and use it for good, as a beautiful sacred scar.
• Loss is not the end of your story. For every child of God, endings are beginnings. Loss is often the beginning of life.

Recommended Resources: 

• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Aliene Thompson:

Website / Facebook / Instagram / YouTube

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Aliene Thompson, is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the creator of the Nourish Bible Study Method and the author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. Aliene describes herself as a biblical soul strategist, which means that she helps women transform their lives by changing their approach to Bible study and by educating them on how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. She is passionate about helping women uncover how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. Aliene is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with a Bachelor of Arts degree in communication studies.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

As a parent, we try to do the best job we can raising our children. While children don’t come with a “how-to” manual, God gives us wisdom in His word. Proverbs 22:6 tells us “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” So, what do we do, when our children choose their own path? On this episode, I chatted with Laine Lawson Craft and we discussed her story, her pain, her wounds, and now her sacred scars that came after walking a long journey with three prodigal children.

Quotables from the episode:

In simple terms, a prodigal child is challenged and gets off track despite being raised under the wisdom of God.

I thought I was doing everything God destined me to do. Yet all three of my children succumbed to the enemy and encountered battles with depression, drugs, alcohol, and pornography, and I didn’t even know how big the battle was.

As a mother who tried to raise my children in the Lord, when they turned from Him, I experienced shame, guilt, and fear. We have a very dark world we’re raising our kids in.

The phone is the #1 tool our enemy uses against our kids.

When we step out for the kingdom of God, we become a target for our children.

Our son was high and drunk and in an Uber car when he encountered Jesus. He didn’t have to clean up before God began working in his life.

Every prayer we pray is captured in heaven. Prayer is your most powerful, essential weapon.

God is creating a story that brings Him glory.

The only way we have a story is with a Savior who redeems us.

God redeems me every day. I know without a doubt it was the Lord who came in, rescued my children, and set them free.

God underscored the message of hope that at no-one is too far gone, too messed up, for the hand of God to touch their heart and change their life. And that forever changed me.

God loves you right where you are. God loves you and your prodigal. You don’t have to clean up for God to come in, and rescue and deliver you.

Don’t give up “in the meantime” when your prodigal child may be mean while you are waiting for God to change their heart and their ways. You may be disappointed, discouraged, and at times hopeless, but don’t give up.

God has a great plan for your child, and He is the true parent of your child. He formed them into your womb and has plans for them and we can partner with God and trust Him that He will bring them home!

Realize today that you are NOT in war with your defiant child you are in war with the darkness and evil of the world! 

Scripture References:

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

2 chronicles 20:15 ESV ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's.

Isaiah 62

Recommended Resources: 

• The Parent’s Battle Plan: Warfare Strategies to Win Back Your Prodigal by Laine Lawson Craft
• 5 Warfare Prayers for Prodigal Children
• How to Win Back a Prodigal Child, Teen, or Young Adult—Your Hope Filled Perspective Episode 205 
• Hope for Parents of Prodigal Children –Your Hope Filled Perspective Episode 126
• 10 Hope Filled Responses When You Love a Prodigal 
• 4 Ways to Pray for Our Prodigal Children
• How to Treat a Prodigal Child: Rediscover the Jewel
• Prodigal Child: Hope and Healing When Your Loved One Has Gone Astray
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Laine Lawson Craft:

Website / Facebook / X / Instagram / YouTube

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Laine Lawson Craft (www.lainelawsoncraft.com) is an award-winning author, popular media host, and in-demand speaker. The founder and publisher of WHOAwomen magazine (2010-2018), she regularly hosts online challenges and masterclasses as well as Facebook Live events that reach thousands. Her Warfare Parenting podcast encourages parents of adult children. Laine and her husband, Steve, have three children and live in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

It’s human to have a picture, an expectation, in our mind of how life is going to go. But what do we do when our experience doesn’t match our expectations? My guest today, Julie Sunne, shares from her painful wounds of when life and parenthood didn’t go as she expected, having gone through five miscarriages and two children born with significant disabilities. But Julie also shares about the faithfulness of God and how she has seen Him redeem her pain and bring beautiful sacred scars from it.

Quotables from the episode:

• As a young wife, I experienced four miscarriages, and gave birth to four children, two of whom had disabilities: my oldest son was born with a disabled arm, our daughter was born with significant intellectual disabilities, and another son was born with learning disabilities.
• I expected my pregnancies and parenthood being textbook, and my view of God, since I viewed myself as a “good person,” I expected to have a “good life” so to speak.
• We often have this naïve expectation that if we do good, God will bless us. It’s not that he doesn’t bless us, but too often, we are expecting him to bless us in a certain way and it doesn’t always look like that.
• My wounds caused me to turn away from the source of all freedom. I was very angry and had a lot of bitterness which captured me and took me to a very dark place. I didn’t have peace, I didn’t have joy, and I didn’t know the freedom that Christ would give.
• My anger was largely toward God, although also toward my husband because we were grieving differently. We both needed to grow in our faith but were growing at different rates.
• I also had some guilt that I couldn’t save my baby, and that I had perhaps done something wrong.
• In my deepest depression, after a miscarriage, I didn’t want anything to do with God, and I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want people talking to me, and I didn’t want to hear from God.
• God exercises His sovereignty not based on what makes us comfortable but on what will edify and refine us.
• Looking back, I so clearly see how he used the most devastating things in my life to bring about such beauty and hope. I couldn’t be the parent I am now, I couldn’t be the caregiver I am now, without the trials I went through.
• One of the things I had to learn with my daughter was to accept the whole of who she is and not to separate her out from her disabilities.
• Looking to the future is a scary thing for us with our daughter, but I would be in a panic all the time if I didn’t know and had seen his faithfulness through all these years in the struggles and the valleys.
• God has allowed me to share my story to help others feel less alone in what they are experiencing. Since he has healed me, I’ve been able to draw strength from what I’ve gone through.
• I’ve been able to accept my daughter, draw strength from my daughter, and love her for who she is, and even learn from her. She has taught me so much like how to love and have compassion and empathy. Those are not that were inherent in me.
• The Lord used those wounds to make me a more beautiful person on the inside. I wouldn’t want to walk through what I walked through again but I can see so much beauty in what he’s done through it. He allows me to comfort others and reach out to others to make a difference and point them toward Him.
• Because He has created beauty on the inside, that is what spills over onto others when we get bumped and pressed.
• Whatever difficult situation we face, the God of the universe is in charge of it. Whether large issues or seemingly small ones, He knows what’s going on, and He has a plan.
• As the Sovereign, He is allowing the hardship in this season for a reason. We may not understand, but when we accept the mystery of the Divine Supreme Being, believing He has control over all and is never caught off guard, we can choose trust over worry.
• When something difficult happens in my life, God has to keep reminding me that it took me by surprise, but it didn’t take Him by surprise, and He already knows how He’s going to get me through it.
• What flipped the switch for me was taking my attention off my anger and putting it on the needs of my daughter; it gave me purpose and realizing apart from Him, I didn’t have the strength for that either.
• God showed me that I couldn’t fix my daughter the way I wanted to, and it made me put my eyes on Him. He created her, He knows her. When that realization came, that I had to surrender my strength to Him, surrender her, and surrender all my expectations to Him, I could begin to see that He was there all along.
• God is trustworthy. We can trust Him even when we can’t understand Him. He’s going to be there for you; He loves you. Just take it one minute at a time. He’ll meet you in that minute. You’ll look back and see that He was faithful and He’s not going to leave you.
• We all have wounds. But in the hands of a sovereign God, we can trust that He really will use it all for good.

Recommended Resources: 

• Sometimes I Forget: 60 Reminders of Hope for Your Hard Days by Julie Sunne
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Julie Sunne:

Website / Facebook / Instagram / X / Pinterest / LinkedIn

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Julie Sunne writes about finding real hope amid life’s real struggles. Her own struggles include enduring multiple miscarriages and caregiving for her adult daughter who has significant intellectual disabilities. Julie’s writing has been featured in print devotionals for several online sites. Julie and her husband, David, are parents to three grown sons and a daughter and reside with their daughter in rural northeast Iowa.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

In this episode, I talked with former runway model, Jennifer Strickland. Jennifer shared how she suffered emotional and spiritual wounds when she allowed others’ opinions of her to determine her worth and value. Through her journey, she discovered the importance of finding the true source of her worth -- in Christ. Now, she ministers to other women who need to know this life-changing truth as well.

Quotables from the episode:

• We all have pain and hurt, and if we aren’t careful and don’t get healing, that is what the enemy uses to hold us back, to think that we are not worthy to be used by God, that we are not worthy of love and acceptance.
• Sometimes, those things are things that have happened to us. Other times, they are things that we have made a conscious decision to participate in.
• But I’m here to tell you that your past is not wasted. And that thing that you think is so shameful, embarrassing, or disgraceful is often exactly what God wants to use to encourage others and to help you grow.
• I was 22 years old when I lived in Milan and was modeling on the runway. A particular man came into my life as a father figure and he saw that I could be a top model. That began a long journey in my life of believing that I was what man said about me.
• The lens that agents and photographers saw me became the lens through which I saw myself. If they said I was beautiful, I believed it, but if they said that I was ugly or anorexic then I believed that.
• This particular relationship became toxic for me spiritually. I really believe that the enemy worked through this man to plant some really poisonous lies in my heart.
• When I didn’t make the choices that he wanted me to make, he told me I was disposable, so I allowed man to determine my value.
• On the spiritual side of things, when I discovered Jesus, it drove me into a deep study of who was man? The word of God says, “do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save…but if you put your trust in God it will be like a well-watered garden.”
• It was the destructive lies that I heard from my interaction with this man that led me to write many of the messages I write now which helps women understand what’s going on with them when they allow a good man or a bad man to give them their identity, value, or worth.
• I carried the lies I believed about man determining my identity even into my marriage even after I became a Christian. So, if my husband said anything, even if he was trying to help me, I became very defensive and fearful based on what he said. I had to heal from those lies.
• I had to wallpaper my mind with truth. I had to forgive. It was very difficult for me to forgive a couple of particular people in the modeling industry for how they impacted my life, but when I did, I could then filter what other people were saying to me through a lens of wholeness.
• I had to do that healing work first before I could receive from Godly men, like my husband or father figures in a healthy way. I could receive constructive criticism or correction without believing it had anything to do with my identity.
• The enemy often plants lies in our childhood before we are mature enough to identify them as lies. The longer and more frequently we hear them, the more they become imbedded. It takes a lot of time and willingness to go deep and ask, “what lies have I believed?”
• Healing is a process and if we will take those wounds to God, he can take them, heal them, and turn them into beautiful sacred scars.
• The key to healing is always honesty.
• For me, healing began with writing my story, speaking my story, and identifying the patterns that were going on.
• I also believed that I was only as valuable as what I saw in the mirror or what I saw in other girls. That continued into my ministry as social media was throwing other people in my face, whereas when ministry was one on one with me and another girl, I never thought about that or played the comparison game.
• I had to learn to celebrate other women and continue running in my own lane and do it well.
• It’s a matter of dealing with the memories, assessing the lies and replacing them with the truth of what God says about us.
• I am his ambassador, I am his daughter, I am the apple of his eye. He never takes his eye off of me. I am loved by him every single day. His grace is sufficient for me.
• We have to stand on his truth and then walk in it. Confession and repentance is so important. The power of being honest about our sin is unmatched.
• Once we get honest about our struggle, is the first step, and then replacing it with truth of who we are.
• Culture today talks about “my truth” but that is just more deception from the enemy because there is only one truth and it is God’s truth based on what he has already spelled out and told us in his Word.
• You are already loved, accepted, and adored by the God of the universe!
• Scripture says that the heart is deceitful above all else, and we rely on “our truth” that is deception.
• What I admire about your ministry is that you are taking a very painful wound from your teen and young adult years, and using it to minister to other women, as a beautiful sacred scar because you can say, “I’ve been through this. I know the lies you’re believing. But let me share with you what I’ve learned on my journey.”
• God showed me my scars served a redemptive purpose by allowing me to get to the bottom of the well where things were so dark and so destructive for me. I was suicidal, I was using drugs and alcohol. I was starving myself. I hated myself. God allowed me to get to a place of total darkness.
• At that point, when I began reading God’s Word for the first time, and Christians invited me to church, I began to see that the lies the world tells us about beauty, worth, purpose, “my truth” means nothing. It’s such a shallow wide ocean that you drown in real quick.
• But his love is endlessly deep. You can dip your toe into the word of God the rest of your life and stay endlessly refreshed.
• It’s a lifelong walk of saying society is not going to define me, media is not going to define me, but God is going to be the one to define me and fill me up.
• We need to turn every day to the Lord and say, “I need you to fill me up. I need your wisdom today. I’m not going to find it in me.
• If something devastating has happened to you, or if you’ve made poor choices, you are not too far gone for the God of the universe to reach down into that pit and say, “Let me show you a different way and let me not only bring you out of it but redeem it for good and for my glory.”
• When it seems impossible, remember God is the God of the impossible so let him do the seemingly impossible in your life.
• The hope filled perspective is that God will shine his light into the depths of your dark sea, but you have to choose to swim after it. God sold everything he had for you, and that was his son, Jesus. Jesus is the light of the world. So, when he wants to shine that light on the beautiful person you are, but you have to be honest and let him wash you with his spirit to be able to reveal who you are really intended to be.
• When you’re in that very painful place, that sand of adversity, let it shape you more into his likeness.

Scripture References:

• Psalms 25:20 NIV “Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.”
• Psalms 146:3 NIV “Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.”
• Jeremiah 17:9 NIV “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”

Recommended Resources: 

• I Am a Woman: Taking Back Our Name by Jennifer Strickland
• Girl Perfect by Jennifer Strickland
• More Beautiful Than You Know by Jennifer Strickland
• Beautiful Lies by Jennifer Strickland
• 21 Myths (Even Good) Girls Believe About Sex by Jennifer Strickland
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Jennifer Strickland: 

Website URMore / Facebook / Instagram / YouTube / X

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Jennifer Strickland is a former international model, TEDx speaker, author, wife, mother of three, and the founder of a non-profit called U R More, that helps women and girls discover their value, identity, and purpose. 

Jen has written several books and studies teaching women and girls their true worth, including Girl Perfect, More Beautiful Than You Know, Beautiful Lies, and 21 Myths (Even Good) Girls Believe About Sex. She holds a bachelor’s degree in broadcast journalism and a master’s degree in writing with an emphasis in biblical studies.

In her earlier days, Jen worked for 15 years as a professional model, appearing in Vogue, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan. She was featured in ads for Converse Tennis Shoes, Oil of O’lay, Mercedes Benz, Eddie Bauer, and Jordache; and at the height of her career, she walked the runways of Europe for Giorgio Armani and represented Barbie for the 35th anniversary of the doll. But Jen learned beauty is more than what meets the eye when she discovered what she looked like in God’s eyes.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

My guest today suffered a hemorrhagic stroke at the age of 29, and then subsequently developed epilepsy. I speak with Lori Vober about how God has taken her painful wounds and fashioned them into beautiful sacred scars, teaching her that every trial we face provides us with unique opportunities we might not have otherwise encountered.

Quotables from the episode:

• With the right perspective, attitude, and perseverance, we can stay unstuck and keep moving forward even with our difficulties.
• Some of our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of pain and woundedness.
• My journey took me through pain physically, mentally, and emotionally but God had me in the palm of his hand because he not only saved my life but he started me on my faith journey long before the stroke so I had a firm foundation to stand on and I learned more and more about how to depend on him.
• He gives us a choice regarding how we are going to look at our painful wounds, and I’m so grateful that allowed me to go through the fire but also to become closer to him.
• When we go through trials, we can either lean into God or we can run the other way. But he’s not going to chase us. He wants us to willingly come to him.
• When things are going well, I have a tendency to think, “I’ve got this, God. I’ll let you know when I need help!” But when I go through the trials that seem so dark, that’s when I hold onto every nugget that the Lord has given me over my life.
• Trials offer opportunities. Too often, we begrudge the trials and don’t dig in to look for opportunities and don’t consider things outside our box.
• Perseverance ends up yielding the blessing of God’s mercy and compassion.
•  Perseverance has definitely been required. No one clued me in that 21 years down the road I would still have a disability.
• Grief and loss have also been part of the equation but didn’t hit me right away, but rather, has been a journey that I’ve had to go through over time. But it has helped me to recognize the importance of processing grief and loss in order to move forward.
• Sometimes we associate grief and loss with the death of a loved one, but grief and loss also occur when we lose our functioning or lose our dreams.
• God gives us so many mini-miracles, and when God doesn’t give you the dream of your heart, we have to be okay with that and thank him for all the other mini-miracles He has provided. If He had granted me the full desires of my heart, I would not have had the blessing of the journey that has led me to where I am today.
• We need to let God be God and still trust him.
• I woke up paralyzed on one side. I can walk, but I do so with a limp. I have physical pain. I’m still actively engaged in therapy. But He keeps giving me amazing opportunities.
• God can handle our anger…He knows about it anyway.
• When I finally expressed my frustration and anger to God, it was as if He was saying, “now we can deal with it and get somewhere.”
• Vulnerability is so important, but we can do so honestly in a positive way.
• I’ve learned so much through my own need for emotional support, that was never really met, how to support others.
• When we are vulnerable in our suffering, it gives other people permission to be honest and vulnerable about their situation too.
• We’re all going to go through something painful, embarrassing, shameful, but in the hands of a redemptive God, he can bring about a beautiful sacred scar.
• We have to give grace to ourselves as well as to our friends and family members who aren’t sure how to help because they haven’t gone through it themselves and truly don’t understand.
• Every challenge, every trial that we go through is part of His master plan and purpose for us, it’s just a matter of us getting out of the way of our plans and saying, “Yes, God, I understand that this doesn’t fit into my plan, but it does fit into yours.” We have to be willing to look at how our situation fits into God’s master plan.
• I have a tendency to make my plans and want God to fit in it, but we need to surrender to His perfect plan.
• God is the only thing that is going to get you through painful situations. Our true hope is in God. The One who created us and the One who is waiting for us at the end of this earthly life is the only One who truly matters.

Scripture References:

• James 5:11 “As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”

Recommended Resources: 

• Choices: When You Are Faced With a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make? By Lori Vober
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Lori Vober:

Website / Facebook / LinkedIn / X

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Lori Vober suffered a hemorrhagic stroke at age twenty-nine, and then developed epilepsy from the stroke. She is a survivor, overcomer, connector, and passionate about sharing hope with others. With the right perspective, attitude, and perseverance, we can stay unstuck and keep moving forward. Even with her difficulties, Lori and her husband, Dainis, were able to become adoptive parents to a sibling group of three. Lori’s journey and books can be found at www.lorivober.com.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

As part of our Sacred Scar Story Series, my guest, Julie McLaughlin, opens up about her deeply personal journey through teenage pregnancy and the heart-wrenching decision to give her baby up for adoption. For over 40 years, Julie and her husband kept this secret hidden, carrying the heavy burden of shame that often follows birth moms in similar situations. Julie shares how God transformed her painful wounds into sacred scars, bringing healing and redemption when her son found them decades later. Tune in to hear Julie's powerful story of overcoming the stigma of unplanned pregnancy and discovering the freedom that comes from sharing her story.

Quotables from the episode:

• Areas that God puts us in to minister to others often comes out of our areas of our painful wounds.
• I was shamed, embarrassed, and shocked when I became pregnant by my then-boyfriend (now-husband). I wasn’t ready to be a mom, and I wasn’t ready to get married, and with a lot of help by my parish-priest and others, I made the difficult decision to put my baby up for adoption.
• The stigma of that unplanned pregnancy has been with me my entire life. I kept that secret from everyone for over 40 years.
• I experienced so much shame attached to my actions. Shame makes you feel like you have fallen off the pedestal of life. I disappointed my parents (I was the oldest of five, and my younger brothers didn’t even know about it), and I disappointed myself.  There was so much shame. I didn’t feel like I was the good Catholic girl I thought I was supposed to be.
• I married my baby’s father, and we kept the secret for forty years from most of the people in our lives, including our two daughters we had. We didn’t tell that I had had a son and had put him up for adoption. At the time that happened, only a few people knew. I fabricated a story and that’s what people believed.
• Although I lived a very full and fulfilling life, there were many things I shied away from (like running for public office) because I didn’t want my story to be found out.
• Even when other people talked about teenage pregnancy or adoption, I never talked about it.
• Our painful wounds often tempt us to keep our secrets hidden. Shame prompts fear (fear that we are going to be found out, fear of ridicule, fear that we are going to be rejected or abandoned, fear that people will share our story and it won’t be within our control…).
• Out of fear, we often then isolate because we don’t want anyone to find out.
• I probably experienced undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I suffered with medical problems through the years, I tried counseling but found out that the counselor’s husband worked with my husband so I feared my story wouldn’t be kept confidential, so I quit going.
• When you keep your secrets quiet, I believe it will come out manifesting in different ways emotionally, physically, etc.
• About six years ago, after I placed my son in an entirely private adoption, through Facebook and an ancestry service, my son found us (we had not been looking for him).
• He found us and told us that he had had a great life, and that he appreciated the decision we had made, and ironically, he and his wife adopted a child (from the same agency I had used) when they were initially unable to have a baby, but then went on to have two more biological children.
• When my son validated the painful decision we made decades before, not only healed the wound, but filled a hole in my heart all those years.
• Because the story was out after my son found us, we started sharing our story, and we were received in such a loving way that was nothing like I had feared all those years ago. What we received instead was love and joy and peace.
• So I was able to write a book about our story, shared my story with countless people and I’ve had the incredible opportunity to meet other birth moms with the same story, adoptive parents, adoptive kids, which has helped to heal me and my husband, and now there’s no longer a secret we can talk about it openly.
• So often, when we are vulnerable enough to share our story with others, the outcome is rarely as bad as the enemy convinces us it will be. God wants to redeem and restore us, but He is waiting for us to come out of the darkness to share our pain with Him in the light of His love.
• The most important redemption came through our daughters, who for over 30 years had no knowledge of having an older brother, loved us and accepted us and told us they were proud of us when we told them the news. They lovingly and unselfishly opened their hearts to him and his family.
• God’s hand has been in this since our son was conceived. A friend told me that we had given a gift to another family years ago, and God has given it back to us to see his redemptive work and to see the joy. I’m not ashamed anymore!
• Healing came with validation. We all need some sort of validation.
• You may be in a situation where no one is validating you. But Jesus has already validated you. He died to pay the price, so He has already validated you.
• Guilt, shame and regret do not come from your heavenly father. Scripture says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So accept his validation of you.
• There is enough love to go around if we will open our hearts.
• Keeping a secret all those years was VERY very hard. Being able to talk about it openly has been freeing physically, emotionally, and mentally.
• Find someone to trust with whom you can talk it out.
• There are resources out there for women with an unplanned pregnancy.
• For me, that adoption decision was nothing short of a true blessing. I had given it over to God, but it does feel good to openly and honestly talk about it from a real human perspective.
• We all have a story, and someone out there needs to hear our story.
• After sharing our story with our daughters, one of them said, “Mom, you actually seem like a new you!” That shocked me. I think she was picking up on freedom.

Scripture References:

• Romans 3:10 NIV “There is no one righteous, not even one.”
• Romans 8:1 NIV “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Recommended Resources: 

• The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir by Julie McLaughlin
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Julie McLaughlin:

Facebook

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Julie McLaughlin is a retired paralegal and legal secretary.  She won numerous awards during her career in the legal field, and she is very active in her church. “The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir” is Julie’s first book about her adoption journey.  She and her husband, Mike, have been married for 43 years.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

In this episode, I chatted with Shonda Whitworth, who shared about her wounds, her pain, and now her sacred scars after walking through a most devastating experience when her son was incarcerated. What the enemy tried to use to quiet and shut Shonda down, God has now used to bring her into a greater aspect of her calling. 

Quotables from the episode:

• When they said “Your son has been arrested for aggravated assault,” I went numb and didn’t know how to respond because the person they were describing on my phone was not the son I knew.
• I grabbed hold of Romans 8:28. At the time, that verse just felt overused to me, like a Bible verse Band-Aid. But I held my Bible and declared that this was God’s Word, and asked Him to make it real for me.
• This was one of the last things I ever expected to happen. I raised him in the way he should go, taught him the word, took him to Sunday School, and taught him about God. I didn’t expect him to depart from his upbringing and it just devastated me.
• I was hopeful things would turn around, but that’s not what happened. I was looking for a miracle ending.
• We take either the fight or flight response, and I took the flight response. I just wanted to hide in my cave. I didn’t want to be seen in social situations and wanted to hide from conversation about our children.
• The depression and anxiety were overwhelming. It knocked me down. I went dark for a while and retreated for a season.
• The enemy brings shame, guilt, regret, and fear.
• I felt like I was wearing a big “F” for mother of a felon. The depression and anxiety came from listening to all the lies about myself. I was operating with a double-mind.
• In prison, my son began experiencing freedom that doesn’t depend on a location. Scripture says, “where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” He began operating in freedom as he started growing in his relationship with the Lord.
• I thought, “Isn’t this ironic? Here I am living in the free world, but all these bars of fear, guilt, shame, condemnation were keeping me captive in my own home. But my son who is in prison is experiencing freedom!”
• The amazing thing is that when I did share about what I was experiencing, I got nothing but compassion, the opposite of what the enemy convinced me I would experience.
• It gets better as healing comes in layers.
• One thing that was so helpful in my journey was having a reason to get up every day.
• The more I share my story, the more I put myself out there, the more healing comes; the more I have courage, and the more my confidence builds.
• When we experience shame, we want to stay in the dark where no one can see us because with shame comes embarrassment. We fear “if others find out, what will they say? Will they reject me? Will they abandon me? Will they gossip about me?”
• But when we take what’s in the dark and bring it out into God’s healing light, rarely is it as bad as we think it’s going to be and it brings healing.
• My husband and I started a ministry to other families with family members incarcerated. By me opening up and sharing our story, it’s helping other people find hope, to find healing, and to encourage them not to give up on this side of eternity. 
• Every life is valuable, and we can see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Even those who are in prison, their life is invaluable. Everyone has a purpose whether it’s inside prison walls or outside prison walls.
• The more I tell my story, the more it silences that accusing voice that comes against us from the enemy. When we open our mouths and testify what Jesus has done for us, the more it silences the enemy who accuses us.
• Jesus came to set the captives free and that includes you.
• Never give up. Always pray and never give up!
• Speaking out the Word of God gives us courage and hope and reminds us that everyone has a purpose and not to quit on your purpose.
• John 15:16 reminds us that Jesus has chosen us. You are chosen. You are not forsaken. You have a purpose. Don’t quit!
• We are all imperfect and in need of a Savior.  The cross levels the playing field.

Scripture References:

• Romans 8:28 NKJV “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
• 2 Corinthians 3:17 “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
• Luke 18:1 “One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.” NLT
• Psalm 27:13 NIV “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”
• Revelations 12:11 NIV “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.”
• John 15:16 NIV “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

Recommended Resources: 

• A free downloadable PDF of 8 Prayers to Pray for Your Incarcerated Loved One is available at FortressofHopeMinistries.com
• Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families by Shonda Whitworth
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Shonda Whitworth:

Shonda Website / Fortress Website / Shonda Facebook / Fortress Facebook / Shonda Twitter / Fortress Twitter / Shonda LinkedIn / Fortress LinkedIn

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Shonda Whitworth’s expertise as an author span two decades, from articles to her most heart-wrenching book, Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families. She is a writing and self-publishing coach who nurtures authors visions from manuscript to the marketplace. Discover more at ShondaWhitworth.me.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Episode Summary: 

Sometimes life seems to bring one heartache after another until we can feel beaten down by all we’ve been through. My guest today, Cherie Denna, shares from her wounds and pain, and the sacred scars she has gained through infertility, divorce, and ultimately a child custody case for the care of her miracle child.

Quotables from the episode:

• None of our past experiences is wasted.
• I have a collection of trauma upon trauma, with lots of PTSD triggers.
• Years of childhood sexual abuse negatively impacted my dream of becoming a mother. There was a lot of damage to my reproductive organs, which led to anger toward my perpetrator and toward God.
• God met me in the middle of all this. What the enemy stole, God began redeeming.
• My hopes and dreams were not fulfilled in the way that I had hoped.
• It was ironic, or God’s perfect plan, where God had me in a job with four other women who understood the pain of infertility, while there were many others who were having babies and baby showers.
• I had a perfect picture painted in my mind of what motherhood would look like. Ultimately, after years of treatment, God gave me my miracle daughter.
• It was devastating to me to have women in my family who chose abortions.
• I learned a lot about taking my focus off of myself during that painful time.
• God kept showing up with His promises.
• My ex-husband couldn’t handle my PTSD triggers, and divorced me, then spent five years in court trying to take my daughter away from me, leaving me to represent myself in court to fight for my daughter.
• I had to keep remembering God’s promises, and the promise that he would not let the enemy win.
• When I was fighting for my daughter, I recommitted my life to the Lord. He gave me Matthew 10:26 to hold onto.
• The previous judge had been removed from the bench, and in his place a righteous judge was put in his place, and he granted me custody of my daughter.
• There was a lot of healing that had to take place between my daughter and myself because there was a lot of parental alienation during this time period. When I recommitted myself to the Lord, he healed the pain between my daughter and I.
• After I had my one miracle daughter, it didn’t bother me anymore that I couldn’t have any more children because of the physical scarring in my body.
• I thank God that He calls me His Beloved.
• It’s painful to be betrayed, especially by someone who’s supposed to love you forever. I just clung to the hem of his garment. I committed everything to God, and learned to wait on Him to act.
• Commit your ways to God’s ways, and you will experience the miraculous.
• We don’t always have a choice about things that happen to us, but we do have a choice in how we will respond!
• Pain often prompts us to isolate from others and from God, but we have a choice in our pain to either walk away from God or to lean in and reach for the hem of his garment.
• God loves you. He is for you. He always purposes good for you even your circumstances are not good. When you go through pain and suffering, He hurts for you. Scripture tells us that he is close to the broken hearted.
• He says draw unto me, and I will draw unto you. That is a promise He makes to you, but He wants you to make the first move.
• Call out to God and He promises He will meet us there. It won’t always look the way we want it to look, and it won’t always happen in the timing we want it to happen, but God promises you a future and a hope. My challenge to you today is to reach out to Him and watch Him bring a beautiful sacred scar to replace your painful wounds.

Scripture References:

• Matthew 10:26 NLT “But don’t be afraid of those who threaten you. For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all.”
• Psalm 37:5-7 NLT “Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.”
• Psalm 34:17-19 NIV “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.”

Recommended Resources: 

• Beloved Outcast – A True Story: The Quest for True Belonging by Cherie Denna
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson 
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms  
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day
• YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award
• Trusting God Through Cancer 1
• Trusting God Through Cancer 2
• Revive & Thrive Women's Conference
• Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.)
• Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Cherie Denna:

Website / Facebook / Instagram / X

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

An award-winning writer, author, and speaker, Cherie Denna’s messages guide audiences toward belovedness in Jesus Christ in their everyday lives. You can find her writing on the Northern California coast with frothed coffee in hand or on an RV adventure with her purposed-mate husband. Join the Everyday Belonging Movement at www.cheriedenna.com.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson