Your Stupid Minds

It's summer, and that means it's time for big budget blockbusters! Blockbusters like Godzilla vs. Hedorah, the overtly environmentalist smash hit kaiju film of 1971! Complete with jaunty gunslinger Godzilla, psychedelic hallucinations and dancing skeletons, and a drug-addled monster that feeds on pollution. Join us as we discuss the acting ability of a six year old, and wonder whether exposure to the smog monster has altered Godzilla's consciousness.

We return to our vague association with Kurt Wimmer and his 1996 revenge action film One Tough Bastard. Sort of like The Crow meets Hard to Kill, OTB (also called One Man’s Justice) stars action star and washed out first round draft pick Brian Bosworth as his ex-wife and daughter are needlessly murdered by Marcus (Jeff Kober, resembling a C-Team Josh Brolin), the worst drug dealer in the world. He shoots The Boz and puts him in the hospital. Once awake from his brief but refreshing coma, The Boz plots his revenge against Marcus and the skeeziest long-haired nose-pierced FBI agent in the world, Agent Karl Savak (played by Dungeons and Dragons’s Bruce Payne). Also MC Hammer is barely in this movie. Will The Boz fulfill his revenge, and exploit an inner city toddler in the process? Only one way to find out!

Journey with us, listener, back into the days before Jesus banned magic, back when crossbows and saddles were common. Journey with us to the land of the 1987 Conan rip-off, The Barbarians! Because what's better than one enormously buff dude with poor enunciation? TWO identical buff dudes with poor enunciation! Peter and David Paul, aka the Barbarian Brothers, make their debut!

Pull on your cowboy boots and strap on your six-shooter, we’re going western this time around with Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Joan Severance, and Rip Torn in the nonsensically titled Another Pair of Aces: Three of a Kind. When Texas Ranger Rip Metcalf’s (played by Kristofferson, not Rip Torn) colleague and friend Captain Jack Parsons (who is played by Rip Torn) is accused of murder, it’s up to Rip 1 to clear his name. Noted gambler and character from the first movie Billy Roy “Ace” Rodriguez (Willie Nelson) joins him, along with the FBI agent Susan Davis (Joan Severance, who does not play a Rip, though she was in No Holds Barred which does have a character named Rip) as the token woman/love interest.

Shot around Central Texas, APoA: TofK provides a great glimpse of early 90s Austin, a view covered in a cowboy hats, drab state government buildings, and not condos.

Your Stupid Minds celebrates its FIFTIETH episode. In keeping with our status as a cutting edge resource for all things camp, cult, genre, b, and otherwise considered bad movies, we went on a special podcast field trip to the Alamo Drafthouse for a special midnight screening of the newest entry into the bad movie canon: Fateful Findings! Las Vegas filmmaker Neil Breen brings us his supernatural hacker romance thriller. The protagonist (played by, who else, Neil Breen) gets into a car accident and unlocks supernatural hacking powers, which he uses to hack the most secret government and corporate secrets. This doesn’t sit well with his pill popping wife Emily, who slurs her displeasure in a heavy polish accent. Fateful Findings definitely resides on the Bad Movie Mount Rushmore, with Neil Breen’s face alongside Ed Wood, Tommy Wiseau, and James Nguyen. Also follow us on our new Twitter account, @YourStupidMinds!

Music video director Joseph Kahn directs Torque, a high octane action extravaganza starring Ice Cube, Adam Scott, Jaime Pressly, and Brad Pitt (lookalike Martin Henderson). Just in case you didn’t know this wasn’t from the early 2000s, Kahn is sure to add some Dane Cook, Kid Rock, crappy CGI, and Nickelback to top everything off.

Taking place in a presumably post-apocalyptic California run by biker gangs, our hero Ford returns after a mysterious trip to Thailand to retrieve some drugs he stole from an evil lip-smacking biker gang leader. The evil gang leader kills the brother of another gang leader (Ice Cube) and frames Ford for the murder. Everyone’s out to get him, and his only plan of action is to ride away really fast on a brightly-colored crotch rocket. Also two chicks duke it out in a motorcycle fight in front of some overt cola-related product placement.

Alan Quatermain and Golan-Globus return to the podcast with 1985's King Solomon's Mines! Richard Chamberlin, Sharon Stone, and John Rhys-Davies star in this low-budget ripoff of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Alan Quatermain and Jesse Huston must traipse across the African continent to rescue her repeatedly beaten elderly father, who's been kidnapped by World War I era Germans (NOT Nazis) so he can divulge the whereabouts of King Solomon's mines. Using planes, trains, and automobiles, they get to the mines through cannibal tribe, voyeuristic lions, monkey people, and crocodile pit. Where does this fit into the Indiana Jones canon? Is it better or worse than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Only one way to find out!

It's your favorite secret lesbian romcom spy movie, 2004's D.E.B.S.! About a foursome of teenage superspies recruited through the SAT and whose personalities are dictated by skirt length. D.E.B.S. looks like your run-of-the-mill pre-teen romp, but it may actually belong in the LGBT section of your local movie rental store which may or may not exist in your town.

Lucy Diamond (Fast & Furious's Jordana Brewser) is an infamous thief specializing in jewels and large sacks with dollar signs on them. After a disastrous blind date she meets Amy (Sara Foster), the winderkind of the D.E.B.S. and her mortal enemy. The two fall in love and Amy must weigh the expectations of her peers with the expectations of her heart. Also Michael Clarke Duncan is a hologram and Devon Aoki has an atrocious french accent.

Featuring special gusts Valeah Beckwith and Danielle Nasr!

Your Stupid Minds makes its triumphant return to the "family" genre with another talking dog movie in the spirit of our Cool Dog episode: it's Bailey's Billion$! Jon Lovitz plays Bailey, a talking dog that only Theo Maxwell (Dean Cain, Lois and Clark:The New Adventures of Superman) can understand. Can Bailey help Theo set up a triple love connection between Bailey and another dog, Theo and beautiful animal rights advocate Marge Maggs (Laurie Holden, The Walking Dead), and creepy weird kid Max and Marge's daughter Sam? Or will the dastardly Caspar Pennington (Tim Curry, Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas) and his wife Dolores (Jennifer Tilly, American Strays) ruin everything by kidnapping and/or murdering everyone to get their hands on Bailey's fortune? Tune in to find out!

Travel back with us as we appreciate 25 things that only 90s kids will get: all of which take place in the movie Generation X! A mere four short years before Fox's breakout hit X-Men (nearly 300 million worldwide), came Generation X (0 dollars worldwide), the final Marvel film made by New World Pictures, the former owners of Marvel Comics and the studio that gave us The Punisher, Captain America, and The Fantastic Four (New World was bought out by 20th Century Fox in 1997). Unlike Fantastic Four, this film was released on television, where it was apparently pitched as a TV pilot. It was not picked up. Join us as we discuss mutant power levels, dream dimensions, and Jim Carrey's performance in Batman Forever.