Your Stupid Minds

Kristin Kreuk and Chris Klein star in this kind of sequel to 1994's Street Fighter. When Chun-Li is given a mysterious scroll, she engages in her own hero's journey to find out if her father is still alive. Or is it defeat Bison? Or clean up the slums of Bangkok? Meanwhile Chris Klein squints his way through his role as an Interpol agent hot on her heels. Or Bison's. Also everyone knows magic.

Molly Ringwald and Ernie Hudson (a.k.a. the black Ghostbuster) star in 1983's 3D Star Wars ripoff bonanza, about a Han Solo type (Peter Strauss) who travels to a desert planet to save some hot earth women from the lecherous Overdog (Michael Ironside). What is absent is a significant amount of hunting in space, and we're not entirely sure how forbidden this zone is. Produced by Ivan Reitman and part of the resurgence of crappy 3D movies in the early 80s with incredibly long names.

The movie that made Elizabeth Berkley into a household name and paid Joe Eszterhas three million dollars, Showgirls is a "camp classic," according to its own DVD box cover blurb. What can we say about Showgirls that hasn't already been said? A positive Slant article almost ten years after release called it "essential" and "an honest satire" while Ebert said it was "not quite unredeemably bad," and "less perverse than Basic Instinct" (which featured the same writer and director).

Charles Bronson plays Batman with a gun in Michael Winner's third installment of the five-part movie series about elderly architect turned vigilante Paul Kersey, who returns to New York to wage war on a 1980s gang of reverse mohawked punks who use overwhelming numbers and unlimited resources to hassle poor old people in an inner-city neighborhood.

Larry Clark (Kids, Bully) breaks from his standard "teens do drugs and get in trouble" plot to present a post-apocalyptic wasteland... for teens to do drugs and get in trouble. It's kind of like Battlefield Earth, but cheaper, with worse acting, and 10,000% more recreational drug use.

Palestinian terrorists kidnap the president's daughter and demand that their comrades be set free by the Israeli government. The one man who can stop these maniacs? You guessed it: Frank Stallone!

In our special Christmas Eve episode, Chris, Nick, and special guest Emily Phillips dive in to the garbage pile and pull up this bizarre cut up of a low budget Santa slaying fiasco. After the first film was banned in a number of theaters, the producers wanted to slice up the first movie--about a damaged boy who goes on a revenge killing spree dressed as Santa Claus--into an all new less gory version. Instead, the writer and director insisted on shooting new footage, adding a psychotic and much buffer younger brother with more expressive eyebrows. Where the infamous "GARBAGE DAY" clip originated.

It's Michael Keaton in perhaps his greatest role: Snow Dad! I mean, Jack Frost, the title character of the 1998 Warner Bros. family film (not to be confused with the 1997 horror film of the same name) that features CGI snow men, white guy blues music, and an adolescent dealing with his father's tragic death. Fun for the whole family!

Ayn Rand's epic 1,168 page fetishization of capitalism finally comes to the big screen. It's 2016 in OBAMA'S AMERICA and Dagny Taggart (Taylor Shilling) tries to competently run her railroad while drooling liberal strawmen attempt to stop her at every turn. Meanwhile a mysterious John Galt (Paul Johannson) kidnaps (and possibly murders) middle managers around the country.

Faye Dunaway and Peter O'Toole star in this 80s box office bomb. Kara Zor-El (Helen Slater) escapes the lost Kryptonian Argo City to retrieve the precious power source which she carelessly sucked out of the airlock. She emerges on earth as Supergirl, where she is pursued by hunks, an evil witch, and Lois Lane's teenage sister who kind of resembles Rachel Dratch.