This episode is connected to:

* Hot Seat Coaching #1

* Hot Seat Coaching #2

When you find yourself spiraling over a structural choice—looping between two different plot points or debating a table of contents—it’s easy to treat it as a technical puzzle to be solved with logic. But as book coach Jennie Nash explores in this episode, the hardest writing decisions usually aren’t about craft; they are about courage.

Inspired by a profound "hot seat" moment with writer Andrew Parella, Jennie discusses how the simple question "Why is this so hard for me?" can reveal where you are "playing small." Whether you're deciding the scope of a nonfiction argument or the emotional vulnerability of a memoir, being stuck often means you are hovering between a safe version of your book and the big, ambitious version that actually wants to be written.

This session is a call to align your head with your heart and step into the bigger power your project is asking of you.

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Transcript

Jennie: [00:00:00] This is a right big episode where I bring you short conversations about the mindset shifts that shape the work. Today I am talking about something that Andrew said in our hot seat coaching session the other day. That’s just really captured my attention. If you listen to that episode, which I’ll link to in the show notes, you’ll be able to hear him say this, but I wanted to take some time to talk about it on a right big session because the question was just so profound.

What he asked himself was just simply, why is this so hard? So what was happening was we were talking through a writing decision he was struggling with. It’s one of those decisions where as a coach you can feel the writer circling around it, going back and forth, trying one thing, then another just sort of spiraling and not sure about how to move forward.

And I. Was prepared to say the thing that I always say as a book coach, which [00:01:00] is, okay, let’s go through all the options. Let’s make a pro con list of how to proceed with this, of what your different choices are, and we can step back and look at the possible directions. That’s the analytic way that I was thinking to approach this decision.

But Andrew had actually already solved the problem, and he had solved it not by going through all the options or using his mind. He had solved it by asking, why is this so hard for me? Which is a question of the heart. So what he did was he took it out of the intellectual sphere and he took it into this sphere.

Of feeling I was there ready to start diagramming possibilities and using our head to figure this out. And he was the one who was like, well, wait a minute. Let me look at why this is hard. And what he realized was that the reason it was hard was because the decision was poking up against why this book so much to [00:02:00] him.

What he actually said was he realized he was playing small. He was circling around a decision ‘cause he wanted to do the thing that would make the book big, but he felt like he should do the thing that would keep the book small. He was pinging back and forth. Between his desire and it was showing up as a structural decision in the book about how he would approach.

In this case, it was the reality of vampires in his story. And one way would be, I can handle this. I’m capable of this. I can wrap up my hands around this. And the other way was, oh no, that’s gonna be a big scary book that I’d be having to. Handle and tackle, and I’m not sure that I could do that. So by not making this decision, he was holding himself back.

He was hedging his bets. He was not fully committing to the version of the book that he really wanted to write. And as long as he was stuck in that place, every single decision was going to feel wrong. He was never gonna [00:03:00] land on one that was like, yes, this is it. And this moment stayed with me. So hard because I think a lot of writing decisions that feel technical or structural are actually something else.

They’re about whether we’re willing to write the book that wants to be written. So imagine for example, that you’re writing a nonfiction book and it’s about burnout at work, and you keep getting stuck on how to frame it. Is the book a step by step guide on managing stress? Or is it about something bigger about, say how the culture of work itself is totally unsustainable.

The first version is contained, it’s small, and the other version is making a much bigger claim, and it’s asking that writer to step up into a much bigger kind of power. So if you’re circling that structural decision endlessly, you might think that it’s different choices about. What the chapters are gonna look like are the table of [00:04:00] contents.

But the real question is, am I willing to say the bigger thing, am I willing to go out there and say this bigger thing? Or imagine this for memoir. Maybe you’re writing a book about moving to a new city and the first year of showing up in a new place and building community, but there’s something you keep avoiding, which is that there was a breakup that happened before you made this move and that precipitated your.

Coming here and you keep asking yourself, does this even belong in the book? Will it derail the narrative? Is it taking it in a different direction? Should I have a prologue? Should I start it at chapter one with that breakup? Should I just assume that people are gonna know, should I not put in it at all?

But the real reason that decision probably feels hard is that that decision changes what the book is about. Uh, it stops being a story about a new city and a new adventure, and it becomes a story about rebuilding [00:05:00] a life. So it becomes a bigger story. And in order to write big, you have to embrace that bigness of it.

So what Andrew’s question does, why is this so hard is shift. The focus inward to what you’re hesitating about, to what version of the book you might be avoiding to what version of your own self as a writer you might be avoiding because every writer has a story about who they are and how they’re showing up.

There’s the safer version of that story, and there’s the bigger version. There’s one that might be more honest or more ambitious or more emotionally exposed, and when we try to write the smaller version of that story, whatever it is, the whole project will start to wobble because we’re not in alignment with our goal.

So maybe your scenes don’t quite land, or the structure of the book feels wrong, or every decision feels impossible. And it’s not [00:06:00] because you don’t know enough about your story or your material or craft, or your skills need sharpening. It’s because you and what you’re doing aren’t aligned yet. So the next time you find yourself circling some decision about your work.

Whether it’s rewriting the same paragraph over and over, or asking everyone you know what they think, or debating some decision. It’s definitely worth pausing and asking this question, which is not what is the right choice here, but why is this decision so hard for me? Odds are good that your project is asking you to step into a bigger power than you’re comfortable with, and you’re still debating whether you’re actually willing to do that.

You’re debating the commitment of the whole thing. It’s a really brilliant move to make. And I would urge you to listen to Andrew talk about asking that question on our coaching call because it was so profound to hear him talk about it, and it was such a good [00:07:00] reminder for me that I have to remember to help the writer get out of their head and into their heart.

Thanks for listening. Now let’s get back to work and finish what matters most.

Outro: The hashtag am Writing podcast is produced by Andrew Parella. Our intro music Aply titled Unemployed Monday, was written and played by Max Cohen. Andrew and Max were paid for their time and their creative output because everyone deserves to be paid for their [00:08:00] work.

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