When you think of people pleasing, what comes to mind? Many of my therapy clients are discovering that their long history of trying to make others happy and comfortable is causing them distress. The good news is that as we age, we seem less and less interested in putting everyone’s needs first. What’s happening here and why might you want to consider paying attention to your need to please others? This week’s guest is Amy Wilson, the co-host of the popular podcast “WHAT FRESH HELL”. Amy has appeared on Broadway in a one person show, and Saturday Night Live. And she’s just written a funny and poignant book called “Happy to Help, Adventures of a People Pleaser”. Find out more here: https://www.amywilson.com/

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As a psychotherapist, I’m always open to ways we can feel less anxious and alone. Some of us have a destressing toolbox which might include yoga, meditation, crafting, pets and the like. I’d like to add one that is a bit less conventional.

Thrift stores provide a kind of mini community and sense of shared purpose (the thrill of the hunt) that’s important in times like these. We’re in the middle of an epidemic of loneliness, and I find that frequenting my local thrift is a way of feeling less isolated. There’s no pressure to have long involved conversations with fellow thrifters. Instead, one might ask, “what is the color of the day?”, “can I slide my cart by you?” and engage in small talk that helps us feel a bit more connected. I’ve had sweet conversations that have left me feeling a little more energized and uplifted.

There’s also something about rescuing abandoned quality clothing that is satisfying to me, but may be an acquired taste. Some have expressed concerns that buying from the thrift stores takes away resources from people with less means. I’ve had concerns about this myself. That’s why I was happy to be able to put this question directly to Adam Minter, an expert in the global second hand trade (his episode link is below). From my experience, the racks are so stuffed at the thrift stores there’s more than enough for everyone. I was also surprised to see U.S. used clothes at a recent trip to a chain thrift store in the Caribbean. There’s simply too much stuff. 

Thrifters agree that the thrill of the hunt is addicting. It’s fun to find that needle in the haystack of discarded items. I’m partial to cashmere–especially vintage–and I’ve been lucky to find many beautiful pieces that I’ve taken home and restored. They are a pleasure to wear. Thrifting isn’t for everyone. But it might be worth trying if you like hunting for hidden gems and being around people who like that too. You never know what you will find.

https://sites.libsyn.com/456789/adam-minter-where-does-your-discarded-stuff-go

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I was invited to interview my friend and colleague, Dr. Rich O’Neil, who hosts the podcast Check Up From the Neck Up on WCNY. We’ve co-hosted his show a couple of times before and it is so fun. We tape at the public radio station WCNY and you feel like a real radio star in the sound booth. So many buttons! He wanted to talk about holiday stress. I quipped, “Politics, alcohol and family…what could go wrong?” We have a spirited discussion about how to navigate prickly family get togethers. My personal  favorite tip is using the statement, “I don’t talk politics or diets.” Find out more about Dr. Rich O’Neil here: https://www.wcny.org/cycleofhealth/

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If you’ve listened to Zestful Aging, you know that I love nature and am fascinated by its healing properties. In this episode we’re going to talk about a profoundly healing practice you may not have heard of. I do ask that you keep an open mind, because it sounds unconventional until you understand the science behind it. Dr. Laura Koniver is a holistic physician, and internationally recognized grounding advocate. Her work has been featured in many news and media outlets. She’s going to explain why grounding is essential to our good health. Find out more about Laura and grounding here: https://intuition-physician.com/ .

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Modern society has conditioned us to see aging as a depressing deteriorating experience with a growing list of pain symptoms and an even longer list of prescription drugs.  Some of our conversations can devolve into a comparison of newly discovered ailments. Dr. Avanti Kumar-Singh was an emergency room doctor and experienced her own health crisis. In her search for answers, she was led back to Ayurveda, the ancient healing tradition of her South Asian roots. She’s written a new book called “The Longevity Formula” with the mission of honoring the passage of years and ushering in the second stage of life as a time full of vitality and wisdom. This book combines Ayurvedic principles and modern medicine to reduce inflammation, enhance cellular repair, and boost vitality.  Find out more at https://www.avantikumarsingh.com/

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You may remember my conversation years ago with documentary filmmaker Sky Bergman. Inspired by her close relationship with her grandmother, she created the film “LIVES WELL LIVED”, where she interviewed 40 people aged 75 and older to find out their thoughts on what was  a life lived well. Based on the success of this film, she’s written a new book, "Lives Well Lived — GENERATIONS," which distills the wisdom gained from the film and celebrates the essence of life shaped across generations. It explores finding purpose, supporting one another, and mastering the art of thriving through life's ups and downs. Find out more about Sky and her projects here: https://www.skybergmanproductions.com/

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Are you as confused as I am about what to do to prevent Dementia? Are you considering buying the supplements made from jellyfish advertised on TV? Well we get the straight story from a researcher and clinician who is an expert in Dementia. Dr. Mitchell Clionsky is the co-author of “Dementia Prevention: Using Your Head to Save Your Brain” and he’s going to help us make sense of all of the science. Find out more here: https://braindoc.com/

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Are you one of those women who would rather talk about sex than money? Midlife women can put their heads in the sand about their financial future, and it’s to our detriment. I know for myself money brings up a lot of anxiety. Will I have enough to retire? What about long term health needs?

Ruzanna Queenan helps women who live life to the fullest grow their financial confidence and financial wealth. Growing up in Soviet Armenia with a single mom, she experienced the stress of financial vulnerability. She learned that financial planning has the power to help us feel more in control of our lives. Ruzanna helps women break through the mental and emotional barriers that stand in the way of their financial security through education, community, one on one support, and a long-term investment strategy that is aligned with their needs, values, and purpose. Find out more about Ruzanna’s unique approach: https://www.queenvestllc.com/about

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Many of us are aware that hunger exists in our communities. Some of us may even donate our non-perishables to food banks. Guest Kate Artessa and I talk about the initiative that she directs that brings attention to hunger in our community. Empty Bowls is a grassroots, innovative and creative approach to addressing hunger. It’s a brilliant collaboration of ceramics makers, community restaurants and organizers. The local Empty Bowls is a collaboration with Syracuse University and its Ceramic Arts Department, Clayscapes Pottery, in support of the Interreligious Food Consortium and its mission. For more information, please visit https://www.ifccny.org/

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When our child has mental illness or a substance abuse problem, we often focus on the adult child and getting them help– if they are willing. But how do the adult child’s difficulties impact the mother and how long is she responsible for parenting her troubled child? If he or she is violent, does she call the police on her own child? 

Professor and advocate Dr. Judith Smith has written a groundbreaking book that has sparked a long overdue conversation about the hidden and prolonged struggles of older mothers with adult children facing serious mental health and substance use challenges. The author of “Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children Through Conflict and Change”, Dr. Smith Draws from her extensive research and the heartfelt stories of fifty women, Dr. Smith coined the term "difficult adult child" to describe the strain of dealing with issues such as serious mental health, chronic unemployment, and substance abuse disorder in one’s adult children. Find out more at : https://www.difficultmothering.com

Find out more about the Zestful Aging Podcast at ZestfulAging.com