In this week’s episode, I discuss the importance of becoming comfortable in love and dating with uncertainty. We will all at some point in time or another in our dating and relationships be in a place where we don’t know what we don’t know. It can be downright scary to be in that “gap” but it’s important to learn to self soothe and manage our emotions when we find ourselves there. As I always tell all of my clients, “Life and love is risk! I believe that it is worth the risk to have BIG love”!

Many of us tell ourselves “stories” or “scripts” that are oftentimes untrue just to give ourselves that certainty we crave. Then once we do this, we go on an emotional roller coaster ride and later when we find out that it wasn’t real, it can be hard to come back from those strong feelings. Do yourself a favor, and learn how to sit in that “gap” of uncertainty and find healthy ways to manage your anxiety around not knowing. One healthy script you can run is “this is not about me”! Or how about this one, “I am lovable and worthy of BIG love”! Fill your head with self-affirming stories about how amazing you are or just divert your attention all together on to some other topic of interest in your life.

Becoming comfortable with uncertainty is a skill that you can master with patience and practice. Remember to always assume good intent towards your partner until proven otherwise. This will keep your heart OPEN TO LOVE. Use the skill of appropriate vulnerability to connect with your partner and to get your need for certainty met in a healthy way.

Check out this article on Tony Robbin’s website all about “The Beauty of Uncertainty”. Click here to read more.

In this episode, I am answering a question from a listener about sexual compatibility and the importance of sex within a marital relationship. So many couples are misaligned when it comes to sex. Whether it be surrounding the topic of frequency (the most popular one!) or what’s taboo in the bedroom; many couples underestimate the importance of being on the same page about their sex lives! I often tell couples, “Sex isn’t everything. And love isn’t enough to sustain a happy marriage”. But I do believe that these two things are definitely necessary to have a happy, healthy, long-standing marriage. I encourage the couples that I see to have sex as long as they are physically capable of doing so. It’s the lubricant (no pun intended!) that is needed to help when things get “stuck” emotionally. It can provide the grace needed so that you can overlook those little offenses.

I do not advocate for having sex outside of marriage but there are ways in which to find out if you and your partner are sexually compatible. There are several conversations that must be had with each other that are honest and open. It’s important to ask questions that will reveal a person’s VALUES surrounding sex. Asking them if they like this or that isn’t enough. You want to ask questions like “If something happened, physically or emotionally to me and I wasn’t able to have sex for a period of time (let’s say 6 months) what would you think about that?” The answer to this question will reveal to you how important sex really is to that person and it’s crucial that you listen. I’m including my “50 Questions to Ask Before You Have Sex” worksheet so that you can begin to dive deeper with your potential mate to see if you are compatible sexually BEFORE you are married. Click here.

This is a conversation that you will have more than once. You will have this conversation at least four times to get through these questions and to feel comfortable knowing that even if you are both not completely aligned, that you can at least grow and compromise with each other. It’s rare that I have met couples who were perfectly aligned sexually so compromise is key! Check out these books on sexual intimacy!

Lovestruck: Discovering God’s Design for Romance, Marriage, and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon

Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: How to Connect or Reconnect With Your Spouse, Grow Together, and Strengthen Your Marriage

And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment

In this weeks episode, I’m teaching my ladies all about the lost art of FLIRTING! It’s really sad to me that so many women don’t even know HOW to flirt. In this microwave society that we have, people expect to meet and move in and marry before the month is out and good, healthy relationships just don’t happen that way! The art of flirting is all about what you DON’T say or do. It’s allowing for the slow burn. Don’t rush in just yet! Call the man to you with your eyes and use your body language to signal to him that you’re interested.

Some of the tips I give women are straight out of the twenties, but they WORK! A healthy masculine man doesn’t want a woman chasing him. He is a hunter by nature and knows what he wants. And trust me when I tell you this; he will get it! I have heard it all! My clients will say “Oh, he’s really shy. I have to make the first move or he won’t.” Or they say “Well, I have worked with him for MONTHS and he hasn’t approached me yet. Maybe he hasn’t noticed me. I’ll just break the ice.” Ladies, STOP IT! Now if you have been following me for a while you already know there are a million and one reasons why he hasn’t approached you yet! And NONE of them have anything to do with YOU!

Your value and worth are not tied up in whether this ONE guy wants you or approaches you. If he hasn’t approached and months have gone by, then MOVE ON! There are many, many other men out there who do want what you’re selling. Give them your time and attention.

In this week’s podcast episode, I want to teach you the best skill you can have to finally have the relationship that you want and stop dealing with jerks. I’m teaching you to focus on the RELATIONSHIP that you want to have, and not just focusing on attracting the “perfect” man. So man women I have worked with have a “list” of what their perfect man will be like and what he will have and be and do. What many of us don’t realize is, it’s the RELATIONSHIP that generates the FEELINGS that we are all looking for.

Many women are so cut off from their feelings that they don’t really know what they want anymore. A healthy Feminine Energy woman is in touch with how she feels and uses this as her guide to being in a healthy, happy, joy-filled relationship with a great guy. I’m including a PDF download for you to start today on focusing on what your ideal relationship is like. Click here.

Here is another resource for you to start to determine what you want and need in a satisfying relationship. It’s the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Determine what your primary and secondary love languages are and center your feelings around them. If you have never read the book, you can get a copy of it by clicking this link: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

After you have determined what you want and need in your ideal relationship, you then have my permission to jot down some things you want in a man. You may not get all of them, so don’t become so rigid with your list! Your more focused on him giving you the relationship that you want and need and having some attraction to him. We are all flawed in some way. You definitely deserve to be treated well and to feel cherished and respected.

Check out the new course “30 Days to Mastering Your Feminine Power” on Udemy.com Use code BETTERLOVE5 to get $5 off of the price!

https://www.udemy.com/30-days-to-mastering-your-feminine-power/

 

In this episode, I talk “slut-shaming” after having several friends tell me about this season of the Bachelorette. On the Bachelorette this season, Hannah, has called herself a “woman of faith” and yet she felt she was “slut-shamed” by one of the contestants on the show, Luke P. He admitted to her that while he wasn’t a virgin, he has been abstinent for the past 4 years and that he wanted to make sure that she was also on that path. Hannah has always accused Luke P of “trying to control her”, especially after she went naked bungee jumping with one of her dates.

Luke P has been vilified by the show for being a born-again Christian who has chosen to abstain from sex until he is married and for expecting Hannah, a self-proclaimed woman of faith, to do the same. Perhaps the way he went about it turned her off. He attempted to win her back after being booted off the show and then showing up unannounced at the rose ceremony anyway. At that point, she declared that he had “weaponized their Christian faith” against her. I’m giving my perspective into the whole concept of “slut-shaming” and where I believe Hannah went wrong on the show.

Check out her interview on The Bachelorette here.

Also, I would love to give you a great book to read on the subject discussed and I found this one to be especially helpful. It’s written for teenage girls but I know some adult women who could benefit from this information!

A Girls’ Guide to Abstinence by Kimberly Griffith Anderson.

In this episode, I’m giving you some tips on how to handle being “ghosted” by a guy. I’m also talking about what to do when a man is “breadcrumbing” you and turning the tables on this behavior for good! Believe it or not, a man “ghosting” you could actually be a good thing. It will tell you where you are with your self-love and self-esteem. If you take this behavior by men you barely know hard, then it lets you know you need to boost your self-esteem and confidence.

If this behavior is happening AFTER you have slept with a man, then, of course, you are going to feel some kind of way about it! Remember, if you’re following my tips as a Feminine Energy woman, you’re NOT sleeping with men you don’t have an exclusive and committed relationship with! The Feminine in you will feel hurt, used and regretful.

If you are dating a man and he is doing the BARE minimum to maintain the communication and connection, then it’s time to open yourself up to other suitors. You are NOT going to try harder; quite the opposite! You will lean way back and allow other men to pursue you. Or you can just put all of your time and attention into your fabulous life, your work, your friends, your children, your hobbies and interests, etc. The more you do, the less he will. When a few days of no contact pass, he may be curious to know what you are up to and then you will let him know that this type of dating behavior doesn’t FEEL good to you. Then ask him what he thinks about it. He will either step up or step aside for another man to take his place.

Remember my lovely Goddesses, YOU are the prize! YOU are the crown jewel, the priceless diamond, the Rolls Royce of ladies. A high-value woman would NEVER try to convince a man to be with her. She knows her worth and doesn’t have to “prove” anything to him.

In this week’s episode, I have the pleasure of interviewing a fellow podcaster, David Trotter with Inspiration Rising Podcast. Inspiration Rising is a podcast dedicated to inspiring women (and the men who support them) to rise up in life, love, and leadership. We had a great discussion on the three questions you must ask when you’re looking for love. I know all of your ladies will benefit from this conversation and will be able to use this moving forward.

David Trotter is the podcast host of the show “Inspiration Rising”, a podcast dedicated to inspiring women (and the men who support them) to rise up in life, love, and leadership. For over 25 years, David has helped people get “unstuck”, clarify their goals, and take their lives to the next level through his leadership, speaking, books and filmmaking. After a decade I non-profit leadership, David has spent the last 11 years running a successful marketing business, producing/directing four award-winning feature films, and creating resources to make a positive impact on important social issues. David and his wife Laura have been married for 25 years and live with their two almost grown children in southern California.

Follow David Trotter:

Instagram: www.instagram.com/insporising

Facebook: www.facebook.com/insporising

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/insporising

Website: www.insporising.com

Launch Your Life Worksheet: www.insporising.com/newlife

In this week’s episode, I discuss a coaching client of mine who struggles with self-reflection and becoming more self-aware. Yes, I had to say the words “Sis, it’s YOU!” to her more than a few times in our session. And I am seeing this more and more with other clients that I coach for dating. Many of these women want to take the approach “love me or leave me” when it comes to love and dating. They honestly believe (or perhaps have been sold) the mindset that they will not have to CHANGE in order to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

It’s important to be able to recognize those “love blocks” that we all have. Whether it’s your defeatist words that are repelling love and men, or your patterns that you seem to repeat over and over again. Taking some time to self analyze what is happening and why is going to help you on your journey to lasting love and self-acceptance.

I want to encourage you to consider working with a dating coach to truly understand what’s keeping you from creating that amazing relationship in your life. You can talk with me on Zoom or Skype or by telephone for a FREE 15 minute coaching consultation. Schedule your consult by clicking here. I also want to give you a free gift! My Relationship Autopsy worksheet to complete. Fill it out for the last 3 to 4 people that you have dated or been in a relationship to determine if there are any patterns in your dating life that could be hindering you. Download your copy here.

In this week’s episode, I’m talking about loneliness! I received an email from a listener who is single and has been for a long time. She is determined to keep her standards and states she wants a quality, masculine man to court her and eventually ask her to marry him. I absolutely LOVE it!!! She also asked me what should she do in the meantime. The “lonely season” as I call it, can be brutal. I went through this season myself for 5 years after my divorce. It can turn the most feminine, high-quality woman into a woman who will accept just about anything to end this feeling. I want to use this episode today to ENCOURAGE any woman who is currently in this season. I want you to enjoy this season because believe it or not, it WILL end and you will look back on this time with a little envy at all of the “me” time you had. I want you to use this time to become the absolute BEST version of yourself and to deepen the relationships you have now. When that amazing, masculine man comes along, you will have the rich, full life that he admires in a partner. And you will gently fold him into your life and he will fold you into his. Remember, the hierarchy is to first be a good “I”, then a good “We”, then a good “Us”!

In this week’s episode, I discuss if my “Feminine Energy” ladies can meet their “Masculine Energy” man online! For those of you who know me and follow my work, you already know how I feel about online dating. I believe the percentage of “good masculine men” is pretty low (something like 5-7%) online and I encourage my female clients to use dating apps to “practice” their feminine energy skills. Every woman needs LOTS of practice on several different men to get really comfortable with the Feminine Power skills.

Online dating is a quick, easy way to get this and there is a small chance that you may meet a terrific guy! I talk about some of the online websites and dating apps that I would recommend and the ones to stay away from. Just like meeting a man in real life and in person; your mindset is everything. Dating is what you make it. If your telling yourself that it’s hard to meet men online or all the men online want is sex, then that will be your experience. Check out this great book on mastering your online dating by Gregg Michaelsen called “Love Is in the Mouse! Online Dating for Women: Crush Your Rivals and Start Dating Extraordinary Men”.

Love Is in the Mouse! Online Dating for Women: Crush Your Rivals and Start Dating Extraordinary Men (Relationship and Dating Advice for Women, Book 5)