In this week’s episode, we are learning all about the most effective way to talk with a man to actually get him to HEAR you! It’s called FEMININE communication skills. Ladies, remember that the masculine energy man wants to be respected and he wants to be appreciated. So when you’re talking to him and expressing yourself, focus on these two things. You are ALWAYS allowed to state how you FEEL (I actually encourage women to talk about their feelings with a man, not what they think)! Then you will ask him what he THINKS about it.

So if he looks at another woman when you are both out together, you will say “I noticed you looking at that other woman when we were at dinner and I felt disrespected and hurt.” You can keep going and state “It makes me feel as if I’m not enough for you or I am not as attractive as other women which makes me feel rejected.” Then follow up with “What do you think about that?”

It’s important that you stay on YOUR side of the street! When starting your sentences, they should begin with “I” and not “You”; that shifts blame on to the man and he will immediately get defensive and begin to shut down. You won’t feel heard and may even feel angry and nothing will get better that way. Focus on how his behavior makes you FEEL, and express that to him. And when you ask him what he thinks, then just listen. Stay open and listen to understand, not just to respond.

The feminine energy woman gets what she wants by knowing what she DOESN’T want. Feel free to express this to the man in your life, and again ask him what he thinks about it. Feminine communication is respectful AND assertive. You may also express what you want or need from your man by stating how you feel about a certain situation or circumstance, and then tell him what you need and then ask him what he thinks.

If your man asks you directly what your thoughts are about where you want to eat, what you like, and what you prefer, by all means, tell him. It’s giving unsolicited advice that will come off as disrespectful. So when you are riding in the car with him and he seems lost, sit back and relax, look at your phone and allow him to figure out how to get you there. This is a great exercise in trust, and leaning back!

Check out this book by Rachael Jayne Groover called Powerful and Feminine: How to Increase Your Magnetic Presence and Attract the Attention you Want.

Also, here is a very useful download of the “Words Men Want To Hear From a Women” worksheet. Click here.

In this week’s episode, I’m giving you some “game” on one of the five types of men you don’t want to find yourself dating or getting into a relationship with! This one is all about the “newly single” man. What qualifies as “newly single” you ask? Well, for a man, that is anyone that was in a relationship for a year or more and got out of that relationship within the last year. Yes, men process through break-ups TOTALLY different than we do. Many of them never even see the break-up coming (which I think is ridiculous, but it’s true!) and even after they are left standing there, they still believe deep, deep down that the ex will come back or allow them to come back!

I feel truly sorry for the woman that he meets straight out of the break-up. She runs the risk of being nothing more than a distraction for him! He needs to feel validated and desired and he is looking to soothe his fragile ego from the hurt. He will sing her a sad song about everything the ex did to him and because so many women call themselves nurturers, they will eat it up! But my TRUE Feminine Energy women know better than this! You know better than to EVER nurture a full-grown man! Nurturing is for small children, animals and the elderly. And a feminine energy woman is completely turned off by a man talking about another woman, much less his EX!

Ladies, please listen to this: do not allow a man to use you as a “human teddy bear”! Too many men will get what they need from you without giving you what you need. Relationships are mutually beneficial and reciprocal. And a truly feminine woman never outgives a man! You can support him on his journey to HEALING after his break-up from the standpoint of being a FRIEND. That means NOT sleeping with him or doing anything else that people in relationships do. You deserve a WHOLE man, not a broken one. I often tell my girlfriends that dealing with a newly single man is like putting together a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle! And honestly, I always HATED puzzles as a kid, so I’ll pass on that one!

Here is a great new book by Stephan Labossiere on healing and moving on from heartbreak.

Finding Love After Heartbreak: Volume I by Stephan Labossiere

In this week’s episode, I am answering a very long email I received from a listener on whether she should take her ex-boyfriend back. So, normally I have these very hard rules for exes and usually, the short answer is “Heck NO!” I’ve come to change my stance and realize that with time and space, it is possible for anyone to grow and change, if they desire to.

The biggest thing you need to consider when thinking about getting back with an ex is who is this person NOW? Has this person done some work to grow and change? The cause of the breakup will also determine if you can go back. If you are a healthy, high self-esteem feminine energy woman then there are certain things that can put the nail in the coffin of your relationship. Years ago, I made a very short list of the four things that if a man did this to me, I could no longer be with him, EVER! The list has grown by a few more, but the shortlist is 1) I find you cheating on me (with a man or a woman!) in our bed, 2) You get another woman pregnant as a result of your cheating, 3) You bring home a sexually transmitted disease from your cheating, and 4) You put your hands on me in anger!

Because I love myself so much, I could never come back from any of these situations. There are so many reasons why relationships end, but here is what I know for sure: when our partner is meeting our emotional needs, we stay forever. No one ever said “This is the man of my dreams. He’s absolutely perfect for me! I don’t want to be with him anymore!” This is why it’s so important to communicate assertively and directly what our emotional needs are and at least give the other person a chance to meet them. I use a book by Willard F. Harley, Jr. called “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage” in my counseling practice to teach couples the importance of knowing your partner’s Ten Core Emotional Needs and how to meet them. I recommend everyone pick up a copy of the book so you can learn more about what they are and the importance of them in your romantic relationships.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

 

In this week’s episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing Charmayne Carter, Founder of Wife Up, Inc. a community organization for women.  Wife Up is a 501(c)3 women’s marriage empowerment nonprofit organization that seeks to prepare single women, equip engaged women, and support married women in their pursuit of success in marriage.  She is also going to tell us more about Coupled UP as well.

Charmayne Carter is an author, speaker, and coach who recently got married in 2015 and was under major attack in many aspects of her life, especially in her marriage. She felt alone but looked beyond her circumstances to form Wife UP to bridge the gap between new and experienced wives, happy and hurting wives, and woman who desire marriage.

She launched the 31-day Wife UP Challenge to enhance love in marriage and started a Wife UP Facebook support group. The Wife UP Challenge has had over 5,000 participants and has been featured on Great Day Washington and Princeton TV. The women’s support group is now over 20,000 members strong, reaching over 40,000 men and women, and growing rapidly every day.

Charmayne also hosts summits for women and couples, and signature events such as Coupled UP Marriage Getaway. In efforts to prevent burnout in marriage and the Wife UP Sleepover Conference to encourage women’s wellness and self-care.

Please reach out and connect with her on social media:

Instagram: www.instagram.com/wifeupinc

Facebook: www.facebook.com/WifeUPInc/

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/wifeup

Website: www.wifeupinc.com

Promotional product or service/ freebie for listeners:

* 15 Lessons Learned: A Guide to Building a Successful Marriage

* #KeepGoing – A Visionary’s Playbook to Prevent Burnout

* Proverbs & Prayer Challenge

 

In this week’s episode, I’m talking about recreational sex. In my mind, that is sex with anyone who you are not in an exclusive, longterm, committed relationship with. Sex with anyone you aren’t in love with and who isn’t in love with you. Sex with someone you are not married to. This type of sexual activity is risky and for many reasons. People think that if they are protecting themselves from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, then they have all of their bases covered.

What so many people, especially women don’t understand is that emotionally, we are not built for this type of “sex play”. As a healthy feminine energy woman, you should want to receive a man’s heart and mind as well as his body (and that is AFTER he has agreed to be exclusive and committed to you!). Your body will release a hormone called Oxytocin which will cause you to bond to each other. This hormone lasts about three days longer for a woman than a man and it often explains why we feel “strange” when our man leaves for a period of time. It also explains why many women “bond” to a guy who isn’t good for them!

What I want for all of my beautiful, intoxicating, feminine energy women out there is to have high standards and stick to them! I want you to REQUIRE exclusivity and commitment before having sexual intercourse with a man. You can hold hands, you can snuggle and kiss him. Just don’t let him get “in”! I want to issue a #nofreesex challenge to all of my ladies. For the next 30 days, make a commitment to yourself that you will not have sex with a man you are not in an exclusive and committed relationship with. Heck, you can go as far as me and not have sex with anyone who isn’t your HUSBAND! The “cost” of sex for you is a man’s heart; his love and his consistent time, his exclusivity and fidelity, and his ring and last name!

Remember this; when a woman has sex with a man, she is “married” to him in her mind. A man sees himself as “married” when he is standing in front of a justice of the peace or a minister! Those are two very different views and the finish line for a woman is marriage. For men, it is having sex, which explains why he may seem to change or act differently afterward. I want every woman out there to have this knowledge and to start acting from it. Trust your instinct on this. It’s not just words from a man, but his consistent actions that will tell you if he can be trusted. Yes, your body may also respond to pleasure, but that is short term gratification. I want you to aim for long term satisfaction! You, my sweet feminine energy goddess, are the gatekeeper of everything in the relationship. Use your power wisely!

Here is a great book on the down side of this new “hook-up” by Donna Freitas called

The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy

And check out this article in Evie Magazine on “Hook-up Culture is Making Us Miserable”.

In this week’s episode, I’m discussing the difference between “waiting” for love and preparing for it! It’s so important in this season of singleness that you are going inside of you and really processing through your “stuff”. We all have our blind spots and quirks, and I think some of them are what make us interesting and unique. But some of these qualities need to be worked on and improved. We all need time to heal and grow so that we can begin to attract something better the next time around.

The word “wait” can be so heavy for most of us, especially if you are impatient. Let’s take this and reframe it so that you can understand that this time is more productive than you think. When you are “preparing” for something, you are an active participant. You are doing something to create a change. And for most of us, that just feels so much better.

Here is a great tool to use while you prepare! It’s a worksheet called “My Ideal Relationship” and it can help you to get really clear on what that looks like for you. You can download it HERE.

In this weeks episode, I wanted to talk with you about the importance of growth and change. We will all physically grow and change from year to year. There’s no avoiding that. Many of us don’t look like we did when we were 3 years old, or 9 years old, or 15 years old, or even 21 years old. We have grown and changed since then and that’s a good thing.

We are able to do many things now that we were not able to do when we were 3 years old. It’s expected that we will learn new things and actually apply those things to our daily lives. But what happens once we reach adulthood and we stop growing and changing? Then it seems like growth and change become dirty words to us. It’s as if now that we have to some extent stopped physically growing that we are expected to stop emotionally and spiritually and mentally growing.

There is a very logical and scientific reason why it is so hard for us to grow and change in adulthood. I also want to offer up a very good reason why we should press past that reason to stay STUCK in the same patterns over and over again. I’m really passionate about this subject, so please forgive me if I go into a rant about this!

Check out this video by Mel Robbins on Motivation and Change! It will change your life!

In this weeks episode, I discuss “The Halo Effect” and how it can affect us in dating and relationships. So many women (and a few men I know!) fall prey to this and then later, after the end of their relationships, they ask “How did I miss all of those bad qualities”? Well, it could be explained by “The Halo Effect”; a cognitive bias that states that we take one or two good qualities in a person and we assume that this is an indicator of good character. Or we assume that because a person is well dressed or attractive, they must be a person of great integrity. More than likely, NOT!

We want to aim for being more objective and to utilize our trusted friends and family to help us to see what we can’t when we are first meeting a love interest. So many factors come into play when we are dating or in a relationship. We may have been out of the dating world for so long that when we do finally meet someone we connect with, we put on rose-colored glasses. Or we see one of the qualities that we really admire in our date and we take that to mean that they must be “the one” for us! Good relationships take time, and for good reason! Over time, we have a greater chance of seeing what that person is truly made of and what their character is. For men, a beautiful woman may mean that she is wonderful in lots of other ways. Then when they find out that they are not a good mother, or they are angry or unfaithful, they are thrown for a loop. When you take time to determine all of a persons qualities and character, you can then weigh each one separately to see if this person is the best fit for you.

For my feminine energy women, this also looks like focusing on your “don’t want” list more than looking to find what you do want! It may take some time to see qualities that you admire in a man and by then, many of us have developed “feelings” for him. A handsome man or a man who is a good father can also have some very disturbing negative traits too. Keep your eyes and ears open for any inconsistencies.

In this week’s episode, we are talking about the five qualities that most women DON’T want in a man! When I talk to my healthy “feminine energy” women about this, they all agreed that these qualities are a huge turn-off to them. When I’m working with a woman for the first time in dating or relationship coaching, I make her write down all of the things she DOES NOT want in a relationship and in a romantic partner. This is her “list” moving forward so that when she sees these qualities early on, she knows to run away! Time is one of the biggest things we waste when dating.

We were taught as young girls to create this list of things we want our man to have and what our perfect relationship would be like; so we spend a lot of TIME looking for these qualities in the men we are dating. After a few days, weeks or months of doing this, we fall into our “feelings” about him and by then it’s too late! We have engaged this man over and over again (and possibly slept with him!) and THEN the “don’t wants” show up! Ladies, be wise and look for what you don’t want first. It will save you a lot of time in the beginning!

I recommend the book “Four Things Women Want From A Man” by A.R. Bernard. This is an excellent read for any man out there who wants to develop the qualities and attributes that will make you magnetic to women. For my ladies, it will dive deep into each one of these qualities and tell you why they are so important to look for in a good, healthy masculine man.

Four Things Women Want from a Man by A.R. Bernard

In this week’s episode, I am discussing what The Modern Day Feminine Woman is REALLY like. In this day and time, women are able to work outside of the home and create a wonderful life for themselves and their children if they have them. I also believe in relationship polarity and that there must be one “feminine energy” and one “masculine energy” for romantic relationships to remain full of romance and intimacy. Remember ladies, equality ruins intimacy between men and women! This is for the workplace; in the boardroom, NOT at home and in the bedroom!

Ladies, maintaining your “feminine energy” when you are at home with your guy can actually get you MORE of everything you really want. And you can have it all while doing less than you are doing now. It’s my life’s mission to get us back to that time when a man cherished and respected his woman and would do ANYTHING for her. I believe that we can reignite in any man a desire to want to give and do for his woman. And I also believe that we ladies can return to our more sensual, sexy side and get that glow back.

How, you might be asking? Well, I have created a mini-course just for you to learn how to master your feminine power again. It’s called “30 Days to Mastering Your Feminine Power” and it is on the Udemy.com platform. It’s some of the skills I teach my ladies who are in my coaching program, only now YOU can learn in the comfort of your own home whenever you want. You can take your time and put each skill into practice as you go through the course and see for yourself the amazing results you will get.

If you use the coupon code BETTERLOVE5, you can get $5 off of the already low price! Click HERE to register today!