Redemptive Living Radio

#102: Her Request to Never Notice Others


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Welcome back to RL Radio! In this episode, we talk about a wife's request that he never notice another woman. While this request might seem impossible for him to carry out, keep in mind that it's a deeper need beneath the one she is expressing. Jason also comments that oftentimes a rhetorical question (from her) points to a statement of grief. The question is giving expression to something deeper, usually a deeper need. Here are the myths we discuss:
  • Myth #1 - Noticing someone in public is the gateway to acting out.
  • Myth #2 - Her expectations are unrealistic and completely out of line.
  • Myth #3 - If he's doing good recovery work, he will NEVER notice another woman.
And here are the truths that offset the myths:
  • Truth #1 - His noticing is NOT the starting point. Instead, the internal 'going-on's' are the starting points.
  • Truth #2 - A broader sense of security is lacking, and there is an underlying need that IS valid.
  • Truth #3 - It's impossible for him to never 'notice others'. What we need to focus on is her deeper needs, and whether character change is happening in him. In good recovery, it shifts (for him) from noticing with objectifying to simply seeing.
We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8.
  • Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year! We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here.
  • The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is right around the corner in January 2026. Click here for all the details.
  • We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.
  • Shelley mentioned adding the legitimate needs list to the Podcast Freebies. You can do that here.
  • For more information on RL Academy, click here.
  • Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus.
  • We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop!
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